I don’t know. I got divorced in 2015 and I met my now FI almost immediately after. We’ve been together since 2015, and engaged since the fall of 2019, but we have no plans to actually get married. We’ve talked about maybe just going to the courthouse some day and making it official for “emergency” reasons, like being able to get health insurance through the other’s employer if one of us were to lose our jobs or something, but we’re really happy how things are, so…who knows. Neither of us is pushing for it.
Yes. I like being married and while it’s hard work it’s worth it. I also have a wonderful partner and a mostly positive association with marriage so there is that.
However I would wait until DD is older. I would not introduce a stepparent to a teenager’s already crazy life.
If something were to happen to me (likely with my medical conditions) I would also want DH to remarry. He’d be super lonely.
I'm really surprised by how few votes there are for dating - I expected a lot of us would say "no" to remarriage or other committed relationship, but I thought more would be open to keeping things casual. But maybe I have an unrealistic idea of what dating would look like.
I got divorced at 30 in 2020 and I do plan to marry my current partner. I would be okay with not getting remarried, I just happen to really want to marry this particular person.
If I had kids and/or was older, I might feel differently.
I have no idea, maybe. My mom never dated or remarried. I think it's been OK, but maybe she could have had more of a social life and maybe it would have encouraged her to move closer to my sister. My sister is her social life, and she lives an hour away, so I feel like now at this point she is too isolated.
If a relationship came about organically, sure. I don’t think I would actively pursue a partner with dating apps or the like. I love being married, h and I have a great relationship. I would be picky as hell about any other partner.
Post by BlondeSpiders on Feb 9, 2024 12:39:55 GMT -5
I'm on my 2nd husband, so there's that. But even if something happened and we split up or he passed, I'd date again. Maybe get married or at least live together. I'm not really built to be alone for a long time. I can do it, but I'm much happier with a partner. If I had a super rich and fulfilling life outside of my partner I could see it, but I do not have that.
I've already done it once! Lol. When I split with my XH I thought I wouldn't want to get married again, but I'm glad I didn't stick to that. My H has enriched my life in so many ways, the biggest one in that I just really enjoy his company and the companionship that I receive. I can enjoy doing things on my own, but sharing them with him makes them even more fun. I love having shared habits and memories and knowing he's always here.
I guess I could also get that from a long term partner, but I like being able to call him my husband and to me there is comfort in knowing that I'm automatically recognized (legally and socially) as being linked to him. I can see if I had had a horrible divorce before that I might be less willing to tie myself legally and financially to someone, but thankfully that wasn't my experience and I wouldn't anticipate that with my current H either.
I would, however, need to find someone who I was as compatible with as my current H. I have zero desire to go back to a marriage that constantly required compromises, arguments, and drama. My marriage so far has been pretty easy overall, largely due to our compatible personalities, values, and lifestyles. So I guess really my answer is yes, but only to a really specific type of person. But I do overall like being married and have a hard time seeing my life another way after knowing what this is like.
ETA: Is this a rose colored glasses answer since today is my 7th wedding anniversary? Maybe? Ha. But I'm happy it is!
I am admittedly also lazy and spoiled. I have become accustomed to someone taking care of a ton of the mental load of life. I am unsure how I would meet someone as I am introverted and terrible at putting myself out there. But if someone somehow found a way to make it into my sphere I would very much welcome them in so I could return to an existence that doesn't require me to understand any electronic in my household.
Post by EvieEthelGarland on Feb 9, 2024 13:16:18 GMT -5
Divorce? possible.
Widowed? After what we saw regarding MIL's prenup after her passing (the lawyer (who prepared it!) said her husband could still get everything because the court favors spouses)-Never. Everything is working out ok, but my H had a very hard time with the thought of everything his parents and both sets of grandparents worked for passing on to a man with 7 children of his own.
But still likely no in either case. I love my husband and son, but sometimes I miss living alone.
When I first divorced, I thought I’d never remarry again just because it is a pain in the ass. I was always ok with another relationship (I was only 29 when I divorced).
DH and I dated and lived together for a long time, but when his uncle suddenly passed, he had a lot of feelings about making it official and wanting his family and his children to understand how serious we are. So we married. And I even changed my name again! I will never do that again 🤣
I've already done it once! Lol. When I split with my XH I thought I wouldn't want to get married again, but I'm glad I didn't stick to that. My H has enriched my life in so many ways, the biggest one in that I just really enjoy his company and the companionship that I receive. I can enjoy doing things on my own, but sharing them with him makes them even more fun. I love having shared habits and memories and knowing he's always here.
I guess I could also get that from a long term partner, but I like being able to call him my husband and to me there is comfort in knowing that I'm automatically recognized (legally and socially) as being linked to him. I can see if I had had a horrible divorce before that I might be less willing to tie myself legally and financially to someone, but thankfully that wasn't my experience and I wouldn't anticipate that with my current H either.
I would, however, need to find someone who I was as compatible with as my current H. I have zero desire to go back to a marriage that constantly required compromises, arguments, and drama. My marriage so far has been pretty easy overall, largely due to our compatible personalities, goals, and lifestyles. So I guess really my answer is yes, but only to a really specific type of person. But I do overall like being married and have a hard time seeing my life another way after knowing what this is like.
ETA: Is this a rose colored glasses answer since today is my 7th wedding anniversary? Maybe? Ha. But I'm happy it is!
This is right on par with how DH and I feel too. There's a quote from the show Shoresy that we say all the time: "It's not success unless you have someone to share it with." It's super cheesy, but it's how we feel. I also just like being able to call him my husband and he likes calling me his wife. It just feels more official and meaningful than it did when we were in a long term relationship. Totally a personal choice, but there's something special to it.
I really love my H and being married to him. The thought of doing the work to find someone else as great as he is and as good as we are together sounds completely exhausting and I have no interest. Plus as a step child myself (my parents divorced and remarried when I was already an adult) I would be extremely hesitant to put my kids through that and would be very slow to trust anyone else around them.
Post by mysteriouswife on Feb 9, 2024 13:35:15 GMT -5
I too far invested in this marriage I can’t look past the dedication I have put in to make it work. I have no idea what I would do. I want to say I would want companionship later in life. I also know the older I get the less I like putting up with bullshit. I would likely be a horrible partner after H. I am less inclined to compromise or give grace to someone new.
I'm really surprised by how few votes there are for dating - I expected a lot of us would say "no" to remarriage or other committed relationship, but I thought more would be open to keeping things casual. But maybe I have an unrealistic idea of what dating would look like.
Probably! Dating is really kind of awful. If I could use a matchmaker to find a new husband I'd prefer to go that route, but I'd rather be single forever than date around. It sounds like it's only gotten worse since apps like Tinder came around.
I am not sure I'd marry again. I'm not ruling it out, but also don't think I'd go searching for it.
My mom never really dated after my father passed away. I appreciated that when I was a teenager. As an adult though, I definitely wished she had someone for companionship.
If it were someone that I felt the way I feel about my H, sure, I'm just super doubtful I'll find someone that compliments me the way he does twice in my life. I feel so lucky that we still have this much fun after over 20 years together and wouldn't settle for anything less than that if something were to happen to him. So, Idk. I'm definitley not afraid of living alone and I really like the idea of living alone but having a warm bed like the other posters mentioned, lol.
Where I stand right now, I don't think so. I do really like being married, but that's largely because my DH is awesome and perfect for me. I can't imagine settling for someone who was a less perfect match. But if I were lonely down the road and felt I wanted a partner, then *maybe* a lesser second DH would be preferable to being alone. I don't think I can say for sure without being in the situation.
Never say never, but I don’t think I’d date or get married again. H is my person and I can’t imagine another husband after him. I’d be perfectly happy alone lol
Post by followyourarrow on Feb 9, 2024 14:19:01 GMT -5
I'm getting ready to get married for the second time. I was divorced for over 10 years and really didn't think I'd ever do the marriage thing again. I absolutely, 100%, refused to settle for someone, which I'd really advise! I had fun occasionally dating, mostly sleeping around, after getting divorced. Honestly, that's what I expected when I met FI, he looked like a big blue collar type guy that loved dogs, so exactly my type. Then we both caught feelings.
I selected that I'd date, but by date I really mean FWB.
My partner and I aren't married, but we've been together almost 9 years and have a kid together and another on the way, so in it for the long haul!
When my last long term relationship ended, I knew that I was interested in finding a new partner.
So yes, I could see doing it again if this one ended. I like being in a committed relationship and living with another adult. I'm very meh on marriage specifically for various reasons, but not long term relationships.
I'm surprised at how many "be alone" votes there are!
Post by amandakisser on Feb 9, 2024 14:36:25 GMT -5
I voted SS because I legitimately don't know if I want to be married again. My marriage was not a happy one for me and it made my life more difficult in ways it should have, theoretically, been easier. I live with my daughters now and the nights they're at XH's apartment are actually really enjoyable. And I filed once I knew I'd be ok living alone forever, because it was better than staying married.
Then I got together with my boyfriend and we caught strong feelings FAST. He enhances my life in so many ways, already shares in the mental load, and it's just...easy. It was never easy with XH. Neither of us are ready to blend families - hell, no one in our real lives even know we're dating. I could potentially see a long term relationship with him, and maybe live with him. I honestly don't know, because I'm just taking things as they come and I'm enjoying living in the moment.
However, if we break up I am making zero effort into finding someone else because I know that no one else would come close to him.
Post by dancingnancy on Feb 9, 2024 14:40:38 GMT -5
My marriage ended 4 years ago and it wasn’t terrible but there is no way I would do that again. I like watching what I want to watch on TV, doing stuff with my friends and not having to worry if the person I brought with me is entertained, having my own space, doing what I want with my money, etc. I’ve had a couple casual relationships and they have been fun so that’s what I’ll continue to do.
If I was asked this when I was going through my divorce or in the first few years following my divorce I would have voted that I would not remarry. Once I was 5 years or so out from my divorce and open to dating again I also found myself open to marriage again, but I would approach it with more caution and more thought than when I was in my 20s.