I love my H. We've both grown a lot through the years, and I truly value the deeper connection we have now. I was actually just journaling about it last week. He's a good man who's willing to acknowledge issues and make changes. I don't regret marrying him even the tiniest bit. I'm happy we're still together, and I love the idea of growing old with him.
That said, I've also learned a lot about myself. And I would absolutely be okay with never having sex again. Or dealing with the countless other intricacies and intimacies of a relationship. I work hard in my marriage. If it ends for whatever reason, I'm just going to want to rest.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Whoa that’s fucked up. Where do you live? So you can’t pass stuff on to kids or other family members? Has anyone ever tried to change that law?
I would be the WORST at dating. I met H when I was 18, so I’ve barely ever done it, but I am not sexy or flirty or very adventurous, so while I’d WANT to date theoretically, I don’t think it would go well. If I randomly met the right person because I was friends with him and it turned into more, that would be great. Marriage would not be a priority.
As a young 20 something, I wanted nothing more than to be married and have kids. I lucked into marrying a good guy and I love my H, but I could have easily settled on a dud just to be married to someone.
I don’t have that desire anymore. I’d be open to marriage or a committed relationship, but I don’t think I’d especially yearn for it. I’d also be open to dating women, which I never considered before. I think I could be happy in a number of different scenarios.
I’ve been married twice, first husband died so not a breakup.
My first husband and my second husband are very different people, but marriage feels all too similar with both of them. You can’t beat marriage for raising kids, and I’m happily married, but I was single long term before kids and I was very happy.
I’d date, a lot, and maybe get a boyfriend. No marriage and I can’t picture cohabitation again either. I’d be perfectly content doing my own thing and keeping men for fun. My BFF calls marriage a pyramid scheme, men just benefit so much compared to women.
Also as a stepmother I’d truly never move in with someone while my kid was still in the home. It’s not wrong for others to do that but it’s a serious hassle and a strain on the marriage and I’d just sooner fucking not, lol. It’s just a buzzkill. Keep my relationship for sex and fun and companionship and keep parenting separate.
I don't know. Marriage has been harder than I ever imagined it would be, and I'm not sure I'd want to have to figure all this out again with someone else.
I do feel kind of sad at the thought of not having a close, committed relationship with someone as I get older, though. I think I'd be lonely.
Post by DotAndBuzz on Feb 10, 2024 19:30:13 GMT -5
I think so, but (and this sounds like I regret my choices, but I truly do love my H and am happily married) I'd have much different expectations/requirements than when I got married nearly 20 years ago. H and I have both grown a lot, but my tolerance for bullshit is exponentially decreasing as I get older...and thankfully H can keep up, lol. It would have to be someone who has lived on their own and can take care of themselves (cook, keep house, etc). I presume if I'd be in the position to potentially remarry, I wouldn't be looking for someone to co-raise kids with, it would be someone who would be part of my household, and I have NO interest in "keeping house" for someone.
this sounds so bad, H really is great, and he does take care of a lot of things for which I'm fully hands off, so we each have our "jobs." We just have very traditional gender roles, intentionally/because of our career paths, and he's never kept house for himself. Ever. He lived with roommates (one of whom loved cooking and cleaning, so H didn't do much of those jobs), then we got married 3 years after college. While I don't dislike where we've landed, I wouldn't set it up like this at this point in my life/later when I would presumably remarry. Dude would have to have his house fully and functionally together, and even then, I may still require a separate bedroom, lol.
Post by verycontrary247 on Feb 10, 2024 19:36:43 GMT -5
Depends on the circumstances?
I have been divorced and remarried. Not that I think that my current marriage is going in that direction, but I think if it did I would be open to remarrying.
I don't know how I'd feel if my spouse died though.
Post by sandandsea on Feb 10, 2024 22:33:24 GMT -5
I can’t imagine remarrying. Dh and I met in college and married right after so it’s like we’ve only known adult life together. If some ring happened to him, I think I might eventually get lonely and want the companionship of marriage but I think it would just have to happen as I have zero interest in dating or looking for it.
I like the idea of a long term companion that lives next door. I love my husband, but I have zero desire to live with someone ever again. I also wouldn't want to mix finances at this point in my life.
I would absolutely want to marry again, for the companionship and I have had an amazing experience with my husband, who I've basically grown up with because we got together young.
I would not want to date, though. Every report makes it sound awful.
Can't I have one without the other?! Like a match maker! I follow an Orthodox Jewish woman on Instagram whose community does this and it sounds perfection. The match maker does the hard work, both parties are seeking the same outcome, and either can veto the other person if they're not into them. Genius!
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Are you sure about that? It’s a common misconception and much of the time an estate planner can work with you to create a will that avoids that. Prenups don’t always have the force of law, but wills generally do.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Are you sure about that? It’s a common misconception and much of the time an estate planner can work with you to create a will that avoids that. Prenups don’t always have the force of law, but wills generally do.
I know my state has the “elective share” that protects spouses from being disinherited. It’s interesting and can override the will unless it was waived in a prenup or postnup. You basically can chose to accept the will or say you want your legally defined share which is a third of the deceased’s assets if there are children/grandchildren or half if you don’t.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Couldn't this be resolved with a trust? I thought that was the whole point of a trust - to make sure money goes where you want it.
If you're ever in this situation, I think you should contact an estate planning attorney!
Post by sillygoosegirl on Feb 11, 2024 14:25:18 GMT -5
I used to think I'd definitely remarry, but at the moment I'm so busy with my kids, I'm not sure if I'd have time. If the right person came along, probably yes, I'd remarry, but I can't imagine having time to actively go out and LOOK for such a relationship like I would have if I'd become single again before children. Maybe when the children are older it's something I'd again have time and interest to think about actively pursuing.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Are you sure about that? It’s a common misconception and much of the time an estate planner can work with you to create a will that avoids that. Prenups don’t always have the force of law, but wills generally do.
I’m in New York. Spouses cannot be disinherited. I’m a lawyer and this is probably the only thing I remember from my property law class. Of course your spouse can elect not to challenge the will, but I wouldn’t ever take that chance.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Couldn't this be resolved with a trust? I thought that was the whole point of a trust - to make sure money goes where you want it.
If you're ever in this situation, I think you should contact an estate planning attorney!
I guess it could be resolved with a trust but I don’t need to remarry. Makes it simple.
I do love being married and I am happily married. But should something happen to my husband I would never marry again. In my state, spouse is entitled to half of your estate even if your will says otherwise. Everything my husband I have built is for our kids and I wouldn’t jeopardize that.
Whoa that’s fucked up. Where do you live? So you can’t pass stuff on to kids or other family members? Has anyone ever tried to change that law?
I’m in New York. I was wrong about the percentage but a spouse is entitled to a third of your estate if you have kids and half if you don’t so you can leave stuff to other people. But I would want everything to go to my kids. A spouse can choose not to elect their share but there isn’t any guarantee.
I would marry again if I met the right person. I liked being married a lot. Even with the crap with my ex, I am not down on love or being married. I do think it is more about me knowing my worth, not overlooking red flags, and being true to what I want with someone.
Are you sure about that? It’s a common misconception and much of the time an estate planner can work with you to create a will that avoids that. Prenups don’t always have the force of law, but wills generally do.
I’m in New York. Spouses cannot be disinherited. I’m a lawyer and this is probably the only thing I remember from my property law class. Of course your spouse can elect not to challenge the will, but I wouldn’t ever take that chance.
Ah, gotcha! I’m in NJ and currently taking estate law, and here a spouse can be disinherited.
SS: I entered into my current relationship quickly after my H died. I had been ready to divorce and move on, and it happened organically. I would marry him if it didn’t mean losing my VA benefits. He, on the other hand, is divorced and does not want to remarry. His dad has been married 5 times and that deeply affects his opinion on it. We have compromised and said that if we’re still together when I’m 55 and allowed to remarry without losing benefits that we’ll get hitched. I’m 37, we have a long way to go. 😆
I guess it would depend when? I love DH deeply and I truly hope we have the next 30/40 yrs together. But if something did happen to him, especially in the next 5 - 15 years, I would want a partner. Maybe not a marriage but def someone to go out with, have sex, and enjoy company.
Unless this marriage ended because I woke up one day and realized I’m gay or trans or something that caused me to rethink who I am and how I want to engage in relationships, I don’t think so. I married at 29 but only lived alone for less than a month before that. I wouldn’t be alone for at least a decade anyway because of the kids , perhaps longer. So loneliness wouldn’t be an issue at first, and after that it sounds more like a new adventure than a new relationship would.
I love my husband and all, but I fantasize on the regular about living alone and eating, doing (etc.) what I want, when I want. I am extremely introverted, and living completely alone one day is my version of heaven.
This!!
I am on my second marriage (3rd for him) and I have told him that should something ever happen to him, I would not remarry. I married him 4 years after my late husband passed. Dating at 43/44 was hard for me, so I cant imagine wanting to date if I am in my 70's. (I told him it was "Until Death Us Do Part" and I meant ever single word)
I’d like to, I think, provided I could find another great partner. I have low confidence in my dating abilities or desirability at this point though. Being alone for the rest of my life doesn’t appeal to me now, though that could change. (I’m currently happily married.)
I kind of think that I wouldn't and that's because I love being married to my husband so much that it feels like any other marriage would be a major letdown. I hope to never have to face it, I called dying first.