If you fake your own death don't you have to, like, disappear?
I'm not an expert in these matters but something tells me that faking your death then continuing to live in your house, run your business, take your children to the same school, etc., will not be so effective.
All he knows at this moment (I THINK), is the city where I live. That city is huge. Well over 4M people. And everything's listed under my DH's last name (which wasn't available on Timeline). So it's not like he can just look me up in the phone book.
But it's a matter of time, maybe. What I was thinking is the possibility of an online obituary. And then having that sent out to all the contacts in my Hotmail account (obviously, just to him) by the "executor" of my estate. So then he'd think I'd died and leave me alone.
In your OP you said he now knows your married last name, here you say he doesn't. Which is it?
1. Why would you trust your real last name (even if it's your married name) and current city on the world wide web if this guy has been consistently contacting you? I mean who the fuck cares if you have a life established somewhere. NONE OF IT MATTERS IF YOUR SAFETY IS AT RISK!
2. say you do get a news article saying youre dead. How do you suppose you'd get that info to him?
Answers:
1 - I didn't put my married name out there. I don't think he has that. Again, I didn't think ANY of this was public. Timeline changed things. SERIOUSLY PEOPLE, CHECK YOUR FREAKING TIMELINES AS VIEWED BY THE "PUBLIC."
2 - I'd have the "executor" of my estate (me) send it out to all (just him) my Hotmail contacts.
If you fake your own death don't you have to, like, disappear?
I'm not an expert in these matters but something tells me that faking your death then continuing to live in your house, run your business, take your children to the same school, etc., will not be so effective.
All he knows at this moment (I THINK), is the city where I live. That city is huge. Well over 4M people. And everything's listed under my DH's last name (which wasn't available on Timeline). So it's not like he can just look me up in the phone book.
But it's a matter of time, maybe. What I was thinking is the possibility of an online obituary. And then having that sent out to all the contacts in my Hotmail account (obviously, just to him) by the "executor" of my estate. So then he'd think I'd died and leave me alone.
You don't think he'd try to find out a funeral date or something? I tend to agree that faking your death is inviting him to get serious about finding out where you live and go to your house/funeral.
All he knows at this moment (I THINK), is the city where I live. That city is huge. Well over 4M people. And everything's listed under my DH's last name (which wasn't available on Timeline). So it's not like he can just look me up in the phone book.
But it's a matter of time, maybe. What I was thinking is the possibility of an online obituary. And then having that sent out to all the contacts in my Hotmail account (obviously, just to him) by the "executor" of my estate. So then he'd think I'd died and leave me alone.
In your OP you said he now knows your married last name, here you say he doesn't. Which is it?
Sorry, DH has two last names: mother's last name and father's last name. The one I go by socially that was on Facebook isn't the one that our address, bills, etc. is listed under.
"Why'd you have him killed, ma'am?" "Well, he's been sending me politely worded emails for 12 years. I just got tired of it."
right?
Yes, EXACTLY. I have no legal leg to stand on UNTIL HE SHOWS UP AND DOES SOMETHING. So as you can imagine, the police won't take me very seriously. And he hasn't broken any laws in this country.
yes, but has he ever done anything more than this??
Things he did while we were "together":
- Chased me with his car - Burned all pictures with exes - Was insanely jealous - Followed me places - May have tried to burn down my house (can't prove this) - Hacked into my email to spy on me
Things he did after I left the US (where he was) and moved to a DIFFERENT country:
- Went to my grandparents' house asking for my address in third country - Ditto at my dad's house - Wrote emails - Continued to hack my email until I figured it out - Had "friends" call me and fish for info - Supposedly showed up at new apartment once I'd moved back to US. I swiftly moved to new apartment.
So maybe he does just want to have a coffee and chill. Or maybe he wants to kill me. It's hard to tell. But not fun to live it.
He supposedly showed up to your new apartment? What dies that mean? Did he or didn't he?
Neighbors said a man fitting his description was knocking on doors and asking for me during the time that he'd mentioned he'd be in town. I left town because he'd emailed me this info. Of course I cannot prove that it was him, but who else was it?
Yes, EXACTLY. I have no legal leg to stand on UNTIL HE SHOWS UP AND DOES SOMETHING. So as you can imagine, the police won't take me very seriously. And he hasn't broken any laws in this country.
So buy a gun, learn to use it, and get on with your life instead of agonizing over how to fake your own death when this guy probably doesn't know anything more than that you got married and are now living in a city of four million people.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Again, have you in the last 10 years asked him to stop?
I told him 12 years ago that I was done and wanted NOTHING to do with him. Since then, no I have not emailed him back. I will not give him the pleasure. He has tried every manipulative trick to get me to respond (he's dying, his sister needs help and ONLY I CAN PROVIDE IT, he has a business opportunity for me, etc.). Responding will only encourage him. A response from me would be his dream come true.
You honestly sound like one of those women who strings along the guy for years but you get tired of it one day and all of a sudden "omg he's crazy and wants me!" Instead, you probably never said "look dillhole, leave me alone, I do not want you". ETA: So say it AGAIN. Or get a restraining order.
Yes, EXACTLY. I have no legal leg to stand on UNTIL HE SHOWS UP AND DOES SOMETHING. So as you can imagine, the police won't take me very seriously. And he hasn't broken any laws in this country.
So buy a gun, learn to use it, and get on with your life instead of agonizing over how to fake your own death when this guy probably doesn't know anything more than that you got married and are now living in a city of four million people.
Thanks, you're probably right. I guess I'm just so shook up because I'd gone so long without him having a clue to my whereabouts... I felt safe. His email last night rocked me to the core.
You honestly sound like one of those women who strings along the guy for years but you get tired of it one day and all of a sudden "omg he's crazy and wants me!" Instead, you probably never said "look dillhole, leave me alone, I do not want you". ETA: So say it AGAIN. Or get a restraining order.
Yes, exactly. Nothing says "stringing a guy along for years" than completely ignoring his emails for 12 years. I'm obviously encouraging him.
So buy a gun, learn to use it, and get on with your life instead of agonizing over how to fake your own death when this guy probably doesn't know anything more than that you got married and are now living in a city of four million people.
Thanks, you're probably right. I guess I'm just so shook up because I'd gone so long without him having a clue to my whereabouts... I felt safe. His email last night rocked me to the core.
You know, you should have lurked the other day when "HEY" was giving an irritatingly moronic lesson on not posting your life on the interwebs. That includes FB. FB is NEVER safe. Never has been. If someone wanted to find you, they would. And they did. And you find this stalkerish? It was put out there for the world to see.
Listen, faking your death won't work. What happens when someone you love deeply dies? YOU OBSESS OVER IT! Thinking you died wouldn't make him shrug and go "oh well! on to the next one!" He will work aggressively to find you in order to go to the funeral, see what your kids look like, check out the man you chose over him, etc. And ruminate further on what could have been. The agony will fan the flames and he will figure out that you're not dead.
Obviously this guy has been creepy but other than the chasing you with his car incident while you were together, he seems never to have been violent or to have threatened violence. And I think you know that. I have a really hard time believing you'd move to his country under any circumstances, or that you'd seriously consider endangering your children by staying now that he knows where you are, if you honestly thought he was coming to kill you.
My honest opinion is that if he wanted you dead, he'd have killed you by now. Asking your grandfather for your address? Facebook searches? Child's play.
If you want to stay where you are but feel safer, change your names to something generic. If you don't feel that's necessary, then there's your answer.
You honestly sound like one of those women who strings along the guy for years but you get tired of it one day and all of a sudden "omg he's crazy and wants me!" Instead, you probably never said "look dillhole, leave me alone, I do not want you". ETA: So say it AGAIN. Or get a restraining order.
Yes, exactly. Nothing says "stringing a guy along for years" than completely ignoring his emails for 12 years. I'm obviously encouraging him.
Well you sure have flip flopped on him this whole thread. First he's pretty much nuts, then he only writes sweet e-mails.
You're not very consistent. And you don't want help.
I think you just get off on the idea of faking your own death. And that's weird.
I told him 12 years ago that I was done and wanted NOTHING to do with him. Since then, no I have not emailed him back. I will not give him the pleasure. He has tried every manipulative trick to get me to respond (he's dying, his sister needs help and ONLY I CAN PROVIDE IT, he has a business opportunity for me, etc.). Responding will only encourage him. A response from me would be his dream come true.
Whelp. We're all pretty sure faking your death won't work, and you're convinced our suggestions won't work, so good luck.
I'm convinced that faking my death won't hurt and COULD work. What do I have to lose?
Let's say the obituary says I died overseas (on a trip to the US) and my ashes were scattered there... He would have: no funeral to attend, no grave to visit, and (most importantly) no reason to look for me.
Anyone else starting to feel sorry for the "stalker"? Like this guy asked her out once, took no for am answer and moved on with his life... and she's a fucking nutbag and has convinced herself over the years that he's stalking her?
Ok a serious thought. Maybe he's continuing to email you because he has a 'Read Receipt' on the emails he sends you and sees that you're actually opening the emails he's sending you. It's not advice, and I dno't know what you'd do with this info, but it's something to think about
Yes, exactly. Nothing says "stringing a guy along for years" than completely ignoring his emails for 12 years. I'm obviously encouraging him.
Well you sure have flip flopped on him this whole thread. First he's pretty much nuts, then he only writes sweet e-mails.
You're not very consistent. And you don't want help.
I think you just get off on the idea of faking your own death. And that's weird.
You're weird.
I haven't flip-flopped at all. He is nuts. And his emails are sweet. Most likely in an effort to entice my response, doncha think? The other evidence is what it is. Who writes someone for 12 YEARS when they've told you to leave them alone?
Ok a serious thought. Maybe he's continuing to email you because he has a 'Read Receipt' on the emails he sends you and sees that you're actually opening the emails he's sending you. It's not advice, and I dno't know what you'd do with this info, but it's something to think about
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I have no idea what a read receipt is... Does Hotmail do this? Will it tell him if I've read his emails?
Anyone else starting to feel sorry for the "stalker"? Like this guy asked her out once, took no for am answer and moved on with his life... and she's a fucking nutbag and has convinced herself over the years that he's stalking her?
No, but only because I feel stalking is a very serious issue where the victim is often made to feel like they are being insane/paranoid for feeling like they do. I do, however, think the OP is probably blowing this particular incident way out of proportion and she probably knows it.