Anyone else starting to feel sorry for the "stalker"? Like this guy asked her out once, took no for am answer and moved on with his life... and she's a fucking nutbag and has convinced herself over the years that he's stalking her?
Thanks, that's lovely insight. We actually dated for 2 years. He went nutso after about a year and I eventually left the country (the US, where we both lived at the time) to get away from him. The emails are all coming from one direction - his.
Ok a serious thought. Maybe he's continuing to email you because he has a 'Read Receipt' on the emails he sends you and sees that you're actually opening the emails he's sending you. It's not advice, and I dno't know what you'd do with this info, but it's something to think about
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I have no idea what a read receipt is... Does Hotmail do this? Will it tell him if I've read his emails?
I honestly don't know if Hotmail does it. But I know Microsoft Outlook does and I *think* it works for any outgoing emails. Like I said, I don't know what you can do with that thought. But it feels like it might be something worth sharing.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Anyone else starting to feel sorry for the "stalker"? Like this guy asked her out once, took no for am answer and moved on with his life... and she's a fucking nutbag and has convinced herself over the years that he's stalking her?
No, but only because I feel stalking is a very serious issue where the victim is often made to feel like they are being insane/paranoid for feeling like they do. I do, however, think the OP is probably blowing the whole thing way out of proportion and she knows it.
Yeah, but when the "stalkee" refuses to do something as simple as get a new email address... All her credibility goes out the window. Most stalking victims would be open to doing the very basic things to getting their stalker away from them.
I am still having a hard time fathoming moving to the same country as a person you are so scared of. Are these emails he sends threatening? I agree with whoever suggested going the the us embassy and asking what your options are.
I moved to this VERY BIG country about 10 years after severing ties with him. Except for Facebook's freaking Timeline change, he would have NO IDEA where I'm living. He'd probably still assume I'm in Europe.
Anyway, the US embassy would be no help as they don't have authority to intervene in civilian matters abroad. Plus, he's not actually breaking any laws - his emails are not threatening. He's very sweet and tries to entice me into responding to him.
Couldn't you file a report with Interpol since you have been threatened while living in multiple countries? Just a thought that there are ways around this. Also, I would talk to your H and let him know your concern and learn to use and get a permit to carry a handgun. Always have your phone with you and charged. You can never be too safe.
No, but only because I feel stalking is a very serious issue where the victim is often made to feel like they are being insane/paranoid for feeling like they do. I do, however, think the OP is probably blowing the whole thing way out of proportion and she knows it.
Yeah, but when the "stalkee" refuses to do something as simple as get a new email address... All her credibility goes out the window. Most stalking victims would be open to doing the very basic things to getting their stalker away from them.
I don't know, maybe if she honestly feels he'll email her when he's coming around to stake out her house and gives her a chance to get away then that's better then not knowing. Although I do tend to agree with you otherwise.
Post by textbookcase on Nov 29, 2012 21:12:59 GMT -5
You came for suggestions, we've given many suggestions, you're not going to take any of them. You know what you want to do already, so do it. Maybe Google "how to fake your own death"
Yeah, but when the "stalkee" refuses to do something as simple as get a new email address... All her credibility goes out the window. Most stalking victims would be open to doing the very basic things to getting their stalker away from them.
I don't know, maybe if she honestly feels he'll email her when he's coming around to stake out her house and gives her a chance to get away then that's better then not knowing. Although I do tend to agree with you otherwise.
I do have another address. I've used Gmail for a really long time, and he's never written me there. But I've kept the Hotmail address for junk mail AND to keep tabs on him. If I hadn't received the email about him "coming to visit," for example, I would have been home that day and I would have answered the door. I'm SO GLAD I got his email and left town that weekend.
I have done name changes for entire families who are trying to stay away from an abuser. That makes a hell of a lot more sense than faking a death, which is a really bad idea. Change your family's last name and then move to another town.
Post by mkesweetie on Nov 29, 2012 21:14:49 GMT -5
I feel like there's an awful lot of victim blaming going on around here. With reactions like this, I can't imagine why she'd be hesitant to go to the police.
You lost me at the Facebook account. I don't believe anyone who is *that* worried about a stalker would move to various countries and then be daft enough to have a social media account.
I feel like there's an awful lot of victim blaming going on around here. With reactions like this, I can't imagine why she'd be hesitant to go to the police.
Seriously. And people wonder why posters use AEs.
It's so easy to sit back and judge when you've never been faced with this. "Why would you answer the door? You don't know about email receipts? Only an IDIOT would have a PRIVATE Facebook account and then be blindsided by new privacy changes when Timeline came into effect! OMG, you're such a drama queen - this guy with a violent past who's been emailing you for 12 years with no response surely means no harm!!!"
Post by snipsnsnails on Nov 29, 2012 21:26:18 GMT -5
I don't think faking your own death is the answer. If he is a stalker, this alone won't deter him. As others have mentioned, this will prompt him to seek out more information and come to your town.
You need to relocate and re-identify yourself and your family if you are sincerely worried.
Do you and he still have any mutual friends? Has he ever tried to contact your family in the past 12 years? If he knows your dog's name, does he also know that you are married with kids? Don't fake your death, that shit barely works in the movies and has the potential of backfiring majorly.
I feel like there's an awful lot of victim blaming going on around here. With reactions like this, I can't imagine why she'd be hesitant to go to the police.
Seriously. And people wonder why posters use AEs.
It's so easy to sit back and judge when you've never been faced with this. "Why would you answer the door? You don't know about email receipts? Only an IDIOT would have a PRIVATE Facebook account and then be blindsided by new privacy changes when Timeline came into effect! OMG, you're such a drama queen - this guy with a violent past who's been emailing you for 12 years with no response surely means no harm!!!"
Except that you were given many good suggestions in the beginning. You chose to ignore them or give excuses and insist that faking your own death is your best and most viable option. When it's actually very insane sounding.
I think people started off giving her very good advice.
But she doesn't want the advice. She wants to bump herself off.
This is correct. I do not want to:
- move out of the country where we've built our life - involve the police when he's actually broken no laws in this country - cancel the email account as it's actually given me valuable info regarding his whereabouts/intentions in the past
What I do want:
- info on a credible source for faking online articles, obituaries, etc.
I think people started off giving her very good advice.
But she doesn't want the advice. She wants to bump herself off.
This is correct. I do not want to:
- move out of the country where we've built our life - involve the police when he's actually broken no laws in this country - cancel the email account as it's actually given me valuable info regarding his whereabouts/intentions in the past
What I do want:
- info on a credible source for faking online articles, obituaries, etc.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny