Post by shopgirl07 on Jun 11, 2013 10:58:31 GMT -5
Hold up. Your sister regularly sends him naked pictures of herself? And he wants the two of you to take naked pictures together? Has anyone ever heard of incest here?
You've got some big problems. One can be solved by divorcing your husband. But you've got some deep seated issues if you allow this awful behavior to go on. Not sure what happened with your first husband but I'd guess you have some serious self-esteem issues and you're picking bad, bad men. Please get some help. But ditch the husband first.
He asks for naked photos of your sister and SHE SENDS THEM and YOU ARE OKAY WITH THIS? I mean, obviously, you aren't 100% on board, but how did you not shut that shit down asap?
Um no on the naked pictures with sister thing. No no no. I would not be comfortable with that. Obviously it's already happened and I know you can't change that, but I would have a serious conversation with him about stopping that immediately.
So, she's responded to his request for nude photos over the years? I know you said you and your sister are close but this is unbelievably inappropriate!!! And, my guess is, she knows that. Hell, your H should know this too!!
Unfortunately, not being honest with your H about all this has given him the impression you're ok with it. It's well past time to speak up.
Try to gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say because this sounds like years of resentment for his behavior going unchecked and when that comes to a head, effective communication is going to be really tough - all the more reason to find a counselor
No, Just no. There is so much boundary crossing and giant red flag waving in what you just posted. I don't think I could ever again trust someone who has done these things. I'm seriously disturbed that he's asked you to take naked pictures with your sister and that he got angry about not going to a swinger club because you were sick. He seems to have very little regard to your comfort level or boundaries.
ETA: And your sister seems to have very little regard for you in all of this too. I think personal counseling for yourself is the very least that needsto happen here. How are you supposed to trust two of the closest people in your life when they do this shit?
Both of them are way over the line of propriety. I guess I won't totally demonize them since you haven't even spoken up to say that you are uncomfortable with their behavior. But I'm flabbergasted that either of them would think it is in any way okay.
So, she's responded to his request for nude photos over the years? I know you said you and your sister are close but this is unbelievably inappropriate!!! And, my guess is, she knows that. Hell, your H should know this too!!
Unfortunately, not being honest with your H about all this has given him the impression you're ok with it. It's well past time to speak up.
Try to gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say because this sounds like years of resentment for his behavior going unchecked and when that comes to a head, effective communication is going to be really tough - all the more reason to find a counselor
I'm really sorry about all of this sunshine
This is where I'm at. I know it's not ok. It wasn't ok the first time it happened, and it's only escalated. I really really really don't want to talk to him about it. It's just so fucking awkward to bring up after I've allowed it to continue for so long. I know he's going to feel blindsided, and I'm probably going to get the whole "I don't even know you" bullshit. I'm just...sad.
Post by wrathofkuus on Jun 11, 2013 11:07:52 GMT -5
Yeah, this is doomed. Whether something is going on between them or not, your husband is a creep. Better to be on divorce number two than to stay married to this guy.
and i hate to say it, b/c i don't want to upset you further, but the fact that you allowed this to go on without stoppig it probably means that it won;t be easily stopped now...
Agreed. And I'm a little pissed off that he saw you crying and DIDN'T ask you what was wrong? AND he hasn't called you today? That's shitty of him. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope your relationship with your sister can survive this.
So, she's responded to his request for nude photos over the years? I know you said you and your sister are close but this is unbelievably inappropriate!!! And, my guess is, she knows that. Hell, your H should know this too!!
Unfortunately, not being honest with your H about all this has given him the impression you're ok with it. It's well past time to speak up.
Try to gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say because this sounds like years of resentment for his behavior going unchecked and when that comes to a head, effective communication is going to be really tough - all the more reason to find a counselor
I'm really sorry about all of this sunshine
This is where I'm at. I know it's not ok. It wasn't ok the first time it happened, and it's only escalated. I really really really don't want to talk to him about it. It's just so fucking awkward to bring up after I've allowed it to continue for so long. I know he's going to feel blindsided, and I'm probably going to get the whole "I don't even know you" bullshit. I'm just...sad.
You're past the point of talking about it. You need to leave and work on your self-esteem issues. And I don't know if it's possible to have a relationship with your sister either. Did you guys grow up in an abusive home? I think you both have a lot of issues. I'm sorry.
Honestly, I think that your H is a man who doesn't want to be in a monogamous relationship and he's been giving you hints about this since (apparently) before you even got engaged/married. He's probably tried to be monogamous for however long you've been married but who knows if he has succeeded (though, getting naked pics from his SIL makes me think probably he has not), and now he's just trying to get you to step outside of monogamy by bringing up the swingers conversation. Not wanting to be being monogamous doesn't necessarily equate to not wanting to be married but it's pretty fucking important that both partners agree on this issue and it seems like you and your H do not agree.
Your sister shouldn't be sending him naked pics, and you shouldn't be ok with the fact that she has been. Again, I think your H has taken your silence as acceptance/approval even if/though that wasn't your intent.
I think counseling is the best place for you and your H because regardless of where your marriage ends up it's obvious that you don't know how to be honest with him - or don't feel like you CAN be honest with him - and counseling is probably the best place to learn how to do this.
Is sleeping with another man in front of your husband something you are interested in doing? If not I don't see why you would agree to go to the swingers club. By agreeing to you are sending him the signal that you are game for it.
And I personally see nothing wrong with being a "puritan" about no screwing dudes in front of my husband but I am just uptight like that. Same with the naked pics thing. There's nothing wrong with being upset about that. These are major boundary issues.
I'd leave. And I'd be pissed at both your Husband and your sister. Your husband sounds like a pervy ass and your sister sounds like an immature child who can't find her own man.
Considering he's fine with her sending him nude photos, I'd be very curious as to what they do together. I don't believe for one moment, that he isn't screwing her or at least has.
Post by ginandjucie24 on Jun 11, 2013 11:14:29 GMT -5
Sunshine I am so sorry you are going through this
Your sister and your H have crossed major lines with each other. And for them to think/feel like it's no big deal is gross. Your marriage is not being respected by your H or your sister. I think counseling is a priority for you and your H.
How did you all agree that her sending naked pics to him is ok? Why wasn't all this behavior shut down as soon as it started?
So, she's responded to his request for nude photos over the years? I know you said you and your sister are close but this is unbelievably inappropriate!!! And, my guess is, she knows that. Hell, your H should know this too!!
Unfortunately, not being honest with your H about all this has given him the impression you're ok with it. It's well past time to speak up.
Try to gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say because this sounds like years of resentment for his behavior going unchecked and when that comes to a head, effective communication is going to be really tough - all the more reason to find a counselor
I'm really sorry about all of this sunshine
This is where I'm at. I know it's not ok. It wasn't ok the first time it happened, and it's only escalated. I really really really don't want to talk to him about it. It's just so fucking awkward to bring up after I've allowed it to continue for so long. I know he's going to feel blindsided, and I'm probably going to get the whole "I don't even know you" bullshit. I'm just...sad.
If he does, well, you said it yourself, that's bs. And don't forget that.
Hugs to you, this is an awful situation all around.
So, she's responded to his request for nude photos over the years? I know you said you and your sister are close but this is unbelievably inappropriate!!! And, my guess is, she knows that. Hell, your H should know this too!!
Unfortunately, not being honest with your H about all this has given him the impression you're ok with it. It's well past time to speak up.
Try to gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say because this sounds like years of resentment for his behavior going unchecked and when that comes to a head, effective communication is going to be really tough - all the more reason to find a counselor
I'm really sorry about all of this sunshine
This is where I'm at. I know it's not ok. It wasn't ok the first time it happened, and it's only escalated. I really really really don't want to talk to him about it. It's just so fucking awkward to bring up after I've allowed it to continue for so long. I know he's going to feel blindsided, and I'm probably going to get the whole "I don't even know you" bullshit. I'm just...sad.
No no no. Please Google A Bill of Assertive Rights. I'm on the app or I would link.
and i hate to say it, b/c i don't want to upset you further, but the fact that you allowed this to go on without stoppig it probably means that it won;t be easily stopped now...
Agreed. And I'm a little pissed off that he saw you crying and DIDN'T ask you what was wrong? AND he hasn't called you today? That's shitty of him. I'm really sorry you're going through this. I hope your relationship with your sister can survive this.
I was thinking the same thing when I read that. Your H seems to have very little regard towards you or your feelings. I agree that you have basically allowed it to get to this point by not speaking up and telling him (and your sister) hell no. But he saw you upset and couldn't even be bothered to find out why?
Post by jojoandleo on Jun 11, 2013 11:16:11 GMT -5
Woo boy. I couldn't imagine thinking it was okay to send my BIL naked pictures. How long has this been going on? I don't think any of this will stop now.
Him getting MAD at you over not going to a swingers club give me biggest pause. Is he sexually manipulative often? I would GTFO. Now.
Post by LeggsBenedict on Jun 11, 2013 11:16:49 GMT -5
I'm just so skeeved out wondering how long he was planning to get you two drunk, naked and in a pool. And how it has escalated from there to the pictures and god knows what else.
I'm really sorry, I have no idea why either of them thought this was ok. I don't think I could stay even if he said it would stop, because why did he want to get naked pictures of your sister to begin with? And why would she want to send them?? Just no.
Post by LeggsBenedict on Jun 11, 2013 11:21:02 GMT -5
So obviously you know he wants naked pictures of both of you, since he probably asked you directly, but how do you know she is sending him pictures unprompted? Is he bragging to you about it? Does he show them to you? Is she telling you about it? Just, WTF?
I have all the books I could need, and what more could I need than books? I shall only engage in commerce if books are the coin. -- Catherynne M. Valente