Angry. And maybe drunk.

[poppyseed]

Wtf?

This is not normal and it's not ok. Honestly? I would leave. I could never stay married to a man like that. He is making it blatantly obvious he does not want to be monogamous. I assure you, he is not "legitimately concerned" for you. He's a disgusting man. Get away from him.

And your sister? She's also in the wrong, so don't forget to confront her, too. Like LHC said, she is NOT your friend.

[poppyseed]

Have you ever talked to your sister about, you know, why the fuck she feels the need to send naked pics of herself to her brother-in-law?

[Deleted]

OMFG - there is NO fixing this.

Leave...leave now.

[marie3246]

wow, this is insane. I'm sorry you are going through this. I would leave in a heartbeat.

[MWOS]

If I were you, I'd be proud to have a second failed marriage.

[kaybee85]

Jun 11, 2013 11:33:51 GMT -5 poppyseed said:

Have you ever talked to your sister about, you know, why the fuck she feels the need to send naked pics of herself to her brother-in-law?

This is really my main question in this whole thing. It seems to me that at best you and your H are not sexually compatible, since he doesn't want to be monogamous...and not just on his end. Your relationship with your sister, on the other hand, maybe could be salvaged? Does she have low self esteem, too? Is she doing this because she thinks you are cool with it?

[Deleted]

Jun 11, 2013 11:24:33 GMT -5 Que? said:

How old was your sister when you asked her to take naked pics for your H, and took them with her?

You are all kind of fucked up. Your H is particularly disgusting.

I think you misread.

From what OP followed up with, SHE wasn't the one who asked her sister to take naked pics, her husband did/sister offered them up, and OP and sis haven't taken pics together. She just never said "Hey this is skeevy and I'm not down with it ".

At least that is what I gathered from her post. 

[mirandahobbes]

What the actual fuck? There is nothing ok with what is happening here. I'm really sorry that you are dealing with this.

[Tacocat]

I'm sorry, but neither your H or your sister are being trustworthy here. And you consider her your best friend even though she sends naked pics to your H? EW. They both have some MAJOR issues. I think you need to get out of that house asap and get into some individual counseling. Your H has issues with monogamy and if that's not ok with you, I think you're going to need to leave him. I'm sorry you're in this situation, I hope you can get some help soon.

[sparkythelawyer]

You know what? I stand corrected. To hell with marital counseling. Go get yourself some individual counseling to deal with your penchant for picking idiots and tolerating bullshit. Once you do that, you will be able to boot both these douchecakes to the curb and move on to a better life.

[annyong]

I don't even know what to say. I'm sorry. I think your marriage is over, and if it was me, I'd have more than a hard time calling my sister my best friend if she was doing these types of things.

[wrathofkuus]

Okay, now I'm getting annoyed at the responses saying that her husband just doesn't want to be monogamous. That's horseshit. There's non-monogamy, which tends to involve a lot of openness and discussion and sensitivity toward the feelings of everyone involved, and then there is this asshole treating his wife and sister in law like his very own personal sex toys.

[cuddlyevil]

I hate to even ask this question, but are you sure your sister moved to your city to be closer to you--or your H? Given her "I think I'll send a nudie pic today." behavior, it's making me wonder.

Regardless, I don't see how you can stay with this man. I for one, would be out the door and he'd meet my process server not long after.

I am so sorry

[CurlyQ284]

I would skip the marriage counseling and go to individual counseling. You need to work on yourself so you don't allow people to treat you this way.

I would dump the husband and limit if not eliminate contact with your sister. Who needs people like this in their life?

[FastHands]

Jun 11, 2013 11:06:51 GMT -5 sunshineray said:

Jun 11, 2013 11:01:08 GMT -5 luckyval said:

So, she's responded to his request for nude photos over the years? I know you said you and your sister are close but this is unbelievably inappropriate!!! And, my guess is, she knows that. Hell, your H should know this too!!

Unfortunately, not being honest with your H about all this has given him the impression you're ok with it. It's well past time to speak up.

Try to gather your thoughts and exactly what you want to say because this sounds like years of resentment for his behavior going unchecked and when that comes to a head, effective communication is going to be really tough - all the more reason to find a counselor

I'm really sorry about all of this sunshine

This is where I'm at. I know it's not ok. It wasn't ok the first time it happened, and it's only escalated. I really really really don't want to talk to him about it. It's just so fucking awkward to bring up after I've allowed it to continue for so long. I know he's going to feel blindsided, and I'm probably going to get the whole "I don't even know you" bullshit. I'm just...sad. 

Asking if he knows you is a legitimate question IMO. You've hid your feelings from him for a LONG time. He is married to some un-true version of yourself that you've created because you think it's what he wants. It's not fair to either of you.

ETA: Not saying he or the sister aren't complete douches, but I think you should definitely expect him to be confused, because you haven't told him that you recognize that this shit is not okay or stood up for yourself.

[wrathofkuus]

Trying to be fair to the guy asking his wife for naked pictures of her sister, really?

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry you are going though this. ((hugs))

Honestly, I'd divorce your husband and sister. She is not acting like a friend, more like a backstabbing bitch. Better to get divorced and find happiness.

I wish you the best.

[EmilieMadison]

Holy hell, girl- get some individual therapy so you can figure out how feel worthy of not being treated like shit. This is SICK.

[EmilieMadison]

And I'm still curious- how old is your sister?

[FastHands]

Jun 11, 2013 12:01:04 GMT -5 wrathofkuus said:

Trying to be fair to the guy asking his wife for naked pictures of her sister, really?

Yeah I just edited when I realized how that sounded. I didn't mean that deserves, well, anything. Just that she probably WILL have to face questions/accusations of "I don't even know you!" from him, because she has hid how she feels for so long.

[Deleted]

Woah.

[bania]

Okay wow I'm sorry you are going through this. I think you are much better off leaving him, getting councelling and starting over.

. sorry sunshine

Also- shame on your sister.

[PinkSquirrel]

Jun 11, 2013 12:01:00 GMT -5 freedom said:

I don't know why everyone is mad at the sister. She may have been a minor when this started making her husband a predator and maybe she should have protected her sister better from this asshole.

Op this marriage is not worth saving.

OP's age according to her profile is 29, she said sister is 5 years younger, so 24.  It sounds like the skinny dipping happened 3 years ago, which would make the sister 21.   You could have at least tried to figure it out before blaming this on the OP

[sunshineray]

Jun 11, 2013 12:01:00 GMT -5 freedom said:

I don't know why everyone is mad at the sister. She may have been a minor when this started making her husband a predator and maybe she should have protected her sister better from this asshole.

Op this marriage is not worth saving.

Whoa. Back down. Nowhere did I even HINT at this type of behavior. Trust me, I get that the whole thing is fucked up, but I think that this kind of assumption is shitty. I'm not defending either of them, but I won't sit here and allow anyone to suggest that my H is a pedophile. 

EmilieMadison - She is in her mid 20's

ETA - thank you to the people who bothered to do some easy math before jumping to pedophilia. 

[FastHands]

Jun 11, 2013 11:06:51 GMT -5 sunshineray said:

I know it's not ok. It wasn't ok the first time it happened, and it's only escalated. I really really really don't want to talk to him about it. It's just so fucking awkward to bring up after I've allowed it to continue for so long. I know he's going to feel blindsided, and I'm probably going to get the whole "I don't even know you" bullshit. I'm just...sad. 

Is the awkwardness of telling him that you are leaving really better than continuing a marriage with someone who has a wholly-inappropriate-if-not-sexual relationship with your SISTER and doesn't even ask you what's wrong when he walks in and sees you crying??

Maybe you need it spelled out for you, but you deserve better than this.


Edited to fix wonky quoting code.

[curtains]

This whole thing sucks. Sorry sunshine.

Get yourself someone to talk through this with who is a professional and can help you sort through this logically.
It sounds like a lot of this has been going on for some time, you may want a professional's "hand-holding" through it all so you don't end up back sliding, or worse, putting yourself in an even more unhealthy situation.

I hope this didn't come off as condescending, I just know sometimes it's hard to get out of toxic stuff alone.

[Deleted]

You are better than this and you deserve better than this. Fuck the both of them. Please talk to a therapist or someone who can give you insight and help you get out.

[captainmel]

Neither of these people have any respect for you. Get rid of both of them and just work on you for a while. 

[sunshineray]

I am fully aware of how disgusting the whole situation is. I wish I could go back and say something when it started. I didn't, which is why I am accepting my share of the blame here.

This is so naive, since I've been around here long enough to know the answer already, but I didn't think about leaving over this. The picture thing doesn't happen constantly. She will sometimes just send one via text to both of us, so we both know we got it. I don't remember how exactly it started, it's been too long. I don't remember her being weirded out by it or anything. She used to live with us up until recently.

I wasn't really planning on talking to her. Yeah, it's idiotic of me to continue to refer to her as my best friend. I guess I can make this more fucked up and add that she has a boyfriend. He has no idea about any of this. She's had lots of boyfriends since all this started and I guarantee none of them have known. I mean, why the hell would you ever admit this to anyone...

[sunshineray]

Oh, and he's also sent/received pictures from another girl friend of mine. My life is seriously fucked up you guys... HOW DID I NOT REALIZE THIS BEFORE??

Whoever said I was in denial was pretty dead on. And no worries, I'm getting myself into counseling stat. I'm not even seriously considering leaving him. Maybe I'll feel differently after I talk to him/a therapist.