I'm so sorry. I'm not sure if it would be a dealbreaker for me, but my DH isn't generally a douche; it would certainly weigh heavily on my marriage and my trust with him. Some people can work through it but I'd not be able to trust fully again. I have trust issues myself (low self-esteem when I was younger plays a part with my "am I truly worthy" mental games) and I'd always question what he was doing if he wasn't right there beside me, even if it was something as simple as texting someone or talking with a co-worker, I'd always wonder.
He's wrong for cheating on you as his wife, as the mother of his children, and he's even more wrong to tell you he cheated on you just to assuage his own guilt (rather than keeping it inside and never, never, never, never giving you cause to distrust him, ever) and/or make you the person who left the marriage. It's a crap thing to do on all levels so that would be a deal-breaker on just as many levels for me.
Post by speckledfrog on Jul 9, 2013 19:50:46 GMT -5
I think it's easy to say it's a deal breaker and for many people it would be. I have no idea what I would do. It doesn't matter anyway, you need to do what feels best for you. I am so very sorry this happened. I wish you a lot of peace and strength as you move forward.
I honestly don't know what I'd do. It's impossible for me to say without being in that position but like annyong said, I would never trust him again, everything would change and I probably couldn't progress in the marriage because of that.
I think it's easy to say it's a deal breaker and for many people it would be. I have no idea what I would do. It doesn't matter anyway, you need to do what feels best for you. I am so very sorry this happened. I wish you a lot of peace and strength as you move forward.
This exactly.
((Big hugs)) take care of yourself and your kiddos. We are all here for you
“Life is not orderly. No matter how we try to make it so, right in the middle of it lose a leg, fall in love, drop a jar of applesauce.” - Natalie Goldberg
I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. There was a post last month about how you (the collective ML) plan to teach your daughter independence from needing to be with a man or something like that and you said "leave my husband" what did you mean by that?
Was it a one time thing or is he having an affair? I think that might determine whether I thought my marriage could be saved.
I'm so sorry. The exact same thing happened in my first marriage. It was a dealbreaker for me. You don't have to decide right now. Take your time, gather your thoughts. And, the MM part of me has to advise you to copy all financial and other important records now. Just in case.