I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I would like to say I would try to work it out depending on the situation (and that's based on his behavior now, which is not douchey or mean in the slightest) but I also know that I have trust issues and don't think it would be fair for either of us if I couldn't trust him.
Before DH, I was cheated on by a boyfriend of 5 years. I had a friend at the time that continually reminded me that it wasn't a fault with me, it was a fault with him. I think that's the worse part, what it does to your sense of self worth. Remember that it didn't happen because you weren't good enough, it happened because he has problems. I am so sorry you have to deal with this.
i think it would be a dealbreaker for me, but that's not really relevant. what matters is if his actions are a dealbreaker for you, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
That's my dealbreaker too. I mean, it's hard to know unless you're in the situation, but it's one of my biggest fears and would absolutely crush my heart as well.
I don't know if it would be a deal breaker. With no kids, definitely a deal breaker. Now that we have a child, it is something I would give a lot of thought to and not make a rash decision.
I've seen a lot of people work through infidelity and have seen some marriages end up stronger. For me personally, I would have to evaluate the specifics of what happened. The fact that he told me rather than me catching him would be relevant. If it were a drunken night and one time thing, I might be able to get over it, but if it were an emotional affair in addition to physical, I might not be able to forgive.
It's okay to take your time to think through this to make sure you really do what is best for you and your kids. I highly recommend the book After the Affair. It can be very helpful for both spouses, and it will help you evaluate whether or not you want to stay and work on the marriage.
To answer your question, yes it would be it for me. Even if I did try to stay, I don't think we would be able to work things out because I don't think I could ever stop being angry at him.
I'd like to say that I would try and work through it, but honestly, I don't think I could live like that. I would ALWAYS wonder if he was hiding something or tempted and I would resent the shit out of him for making me feel that way. So, I suppose it would ultimately be a dealbreaker for me.