Okay, seriously, what do people have against anger?

[Wrath0fKuus]

This is right now inspired by the simpletons responding that okay, child abuse may have happened, but the abused don't have to be angry about it, but it's more than that.  It's how feminists are criticized and told that people don't want to be associated with their movement because they seem so angry.  Or any social justice movement, really (I think black people who fight against racism are frequently called angry as some sort of negative descriptor).

What is so godsdamned terrible about being angry?  And how did we get to be a society who thinks anger is so terrible (don't even give me the influence of Christianity as an excuse, because I'm pretty sure that bible featured a story of an angry Jesus evicting merchants from the temple lobby)?

And more importantly, if you react to injustice with something other than anger, like tranquil distance or something, have you seen a neurologist?

[smock]

Because when marginalized or victimized groups get angry, it scares the people with power.

[luckyval]

Anger can be healthy, it can also be consuming and destructive.

[Wrath0fKuus]

Sept 11, 2013 14:14:02 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I missed something. Where is this?

The problem with anger as it relates to social movements is that people are uneasy approaching an angry group. Anger is valuable, but so is approachability and compromise when you're attempting to right a wrong.

It's that obituary thread. 

[pedanticwench]

Sept 11, 2013 14:14:12 GMT -5 luckyval said:

Anger can be healthy, it can also be consuming and destructive.

True, but so can any other emotion.

[midnightrae]

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

[Wrath0fKuus]

Sept 11, 2013 14:16:43 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:14:12 GMT -5 luckyval said:

Anger can be healthy, it can also be consuming and destructive.

True, but so can any other emotion.

I would say that love is a lot more dangerous in this way.

[pedanticwench]

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:15 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I'll add that anger is very rarely useful.

I completely disagree.

[ElizabethBennet]

You're right about the Christianity aspect. Jesus got ANGRY sometimes.

I think anger is a good tool. It can lead to change and spurn people to action. It can also lead to stupidity and bitterness.

[luckyval]

Sept 11, 2013 14:16:43 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:14:12 GMT -5 luckyval said:

Anger can be healthy, it can also be consuming and destructive.

True, but so can any other emotion.

So so true.

By and large, it sounds like the kids in that obit used that anger as a powerful and constructive motivator.

[Wrath0fKuus]

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:15 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I'll add that anger is very rarely useful. In an oppressed group, anger can very often tip the scales too far in the opposite direction and create a new power differential against the oppressors.

Is this really worse than keeping the status quo?  Has there ever been a status quo changed for the better without anger?

[ElizabethBennet]

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:00 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

I disagree with this.

I could almost see the relief of her kids in that obit. They have every right to be as angry as they are.

[Kore]

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:00 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

Why doesn't it belong in an obit?

[pedanticwench]

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:00 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

Who gets to decide what goes in an obituary?

[midnightrae]

Sept 11, 2013 14:19:33 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:00 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

why?

i can't imagine lying is more appropriate.

I never said they had to lie. They didn't have to write anything at all. They could have simply put the day she died  or even said she is survived for no one. 

[Wrath0fKuus]

Sept 11, 2013 14:20:17 GMT -5 Lucy Honeychurch said:

I think we're arguing semantically here. Anger to me is negative emotion free from reason. Injustice, to me, is more along the lines of what I think you're talking about.

Oh.  Yes, that emotion.  The thing that makes those abused kids grow up to be adults who will not stay silent about their experience, and put it in an obit as a message to other people who are abused that they don't have to stay silent. 

[Wrath0fKuus]

Sept 11, 2013 14:20:52 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:00 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

Who gets to decide what goes in an obituary?

And why are we listening to that person?

[ElizabethBennet]

Sept 11, 2013 14:21:18 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:19:33 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

why?

i can't imagine lying is more appropriate.

I never said they had to lie. They didn't have to write anything at all. They could have simply put the day she died  or even said she is survived for no one. 

But why?

Out of respect? Something else?

[game blouses]

It depends on what you do with the anger. My mom and her siblings had a horrible, abusive childhood, and many of them took their anger out on their own kids. Now that their children are estranged, they have no idea why and feel victimized twice.

[juliagoulia]

I'm not sure.

Anger towards an asshole that fired me from his body shop when I was 17 and told me to "find a nice office job somewhere" motivated me through college and still motivates me sometimes (when I think about it again) to keep kicking so much ass at my job. 

I also clean my house the best if I'm pissed off. Angry energy does good things for me!

[pedanticwench]

I guess I don't always associate anger with negativity.

[Deleted]

me? nothing. i think there are plenty of things worthy of being angry over.

i'm only against anger if anger is preventing a healthy solution for the rightfully angered. letting the world know how 70+ years later the memories of child abuse are still scarring in the interest of raising awareness sounds like a plenty fucking healthy solution to me.

[ElizabethBennet]

And why the hell should anyone who was abused do anything that protects the abuser? Seriously.

[luckyval]

Sept 11, 2013 14:21:18 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:19:33 GMT -5 sameoldash said:

why?

i can't imagine lying is more appropriate.

I never said they had to lie. They didn't have to write anything at all. They could have simply put the day she died  or even said she is survived for no one. 

But they used that anger and that opportunity to bring attention to a cause. Ultimately a positive use of their anger with their mother.

[aussiecrush]

To me there is a difference between being angry about something, specificly my anger about my childhood abuse, and acting on that anger. I don't run around taking that anger out on the world at large. Criticizing how someone handles trauma they experience doesn't help. It's okay to be sad but not angry? Why?

[luckyval]

Sept 11, 2013 14:22:15 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:20:52 GMT -5 pedanticwench said:

Who gets to decide what goes in an obituary?

And why are we listening to that person?

Why do we have obituaries?

[LLL]

I'm not one to really act out on anger, for me, I feel as though it gives the other party too much power over me and makes me all flustered/inarticulate. I have nothing against what they did, I also didn't read it has coming from a place of anger (pissing on her grave would be coming from a place of anger) but more using it as platform to promote their agenda. Rock on.

[midnightrae]

Sept 11, 2013 14:19:41 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:17:00 GMT -5 midnightrae said:

I'm not against anger. I get angry, but anger in an obit is not appropriate. They have every right to be angry. It just doesn't belong in an obit.
ETA: I only wrote "holy shit" in the obit post.

I disagree with this.

I could almost see the relief of her kids in that obit. They have every right to be as angry as they are.

They do have a right to be angry. I just think there is a better place to release that anger. While I understand why they did, I personally never would do that. Also, that is fine you disagree.

[pedanticwench]

Sept 11, 2013 14:25:40 GMT -5 luckyval said:

Sept 11, 2013 14:22:15 GMT -5 Wrath0fKuus said:

And why are we listening to that person?

Why do we have obituaries?

This is a great question. I'm sure there is a history to it, but now they kind of seem unnecessary.

[Deleted]

If I feel strongly about something, anger has always served me better than any other emotion or reaction.

This isn't discounting the utility of cold, calculated revenge, but that all comes after the anger has subsided somewhat. I don't really do the whole forgivness/high road thing. I'll save that for people who prefer to be that way.