Post by snipsnsnails on Oct 3, 2013 11:24:27 GMT -5
Yep, we were about to go out to run some errands. V climbed in his little sister's crib and then screamed for me to get him out. When I asked him to talk nicely, he screamed again. He went straight to bed. Ugh. 3 is looking bleak.
Yeah, don't give in, other wise they know you will keep backing down. I have walked out of stores leaving a cart full of stuff before. Or just been seated and someone has a melt down, gotten up, and had to leave. Thankfully they know I mean it, so when I tell them they have to 3 to calm down or we leaving, most of the time they can.
Rule #1: Always threaten with consequences that don't hurt you as well.
I'm running out of shit to threaten 11D!
I'm almost crying out of frustration, because I think I'm shocked it didn't work. What kid chooses to stay home rather than do something fun? Mine.
I think sometimes they lack the capacity to think about consequences in the future and just want to do what's in the moment. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't stick to your guns. I would do the same thing, absolutely.
I just try to remind myself sometimes that I'm not dealing with an adult when he makes choices that seem to deny all explanation.
I'm not supposed to yell if I can help it. "Alternative methods" are expected.
Yeah, you try "alternative" with a 7 and 9 year old that know you're not mom and not allowed to use any type of corporal punishment, and either scratch each other's eyes out or gang up on you. Of course I yell. Loudly and too often.
Yep, we were about to go out to run some errands. V climbed in his little sister's crib and then screamed for me to get him out. When I asked him to talk nicely, he screamed again. He went straight to bed. Ugh. 3 is looking bleak.
My kid is 3 tomorrow and I'm not looking forward to more of these tantrums and snotty behavior she's been giving me. I thought two was supposed to be terrible, but it looks like 3 is where it's at! Last week she told me 'Mom, I want to be in trouble.' Brat.
I feel slightly better about my future mean parenting.
My H had a very strict, disconnected mother. He thinks I am way too harsh on G, but my resolve is pretty steady. I can't give in now, goddammit. I HAVE TO WIN!!! J/k. Kind of.
I'm here. C is very verbal and strong willed and I know that if I'm not "mean" now that she will run circles around me. I am much harder on her than my H is but he is slowly coming around to see that I know what I'm talking about. They are such little beasts.
I disagree with 11D. I feel like its better to err by disciplining a little beyond their level, than to underestimate them and let them get away with shit.
If the rules have been the rules since before they even understood why, I think they're more accepting of it. If they've been merrily playing you for months and then one day "BAM" mommy law, they are crazed with indignant rebellion.
Post by Captain Serious on Oct 3, 2013 11:39:56 GMT -5
Yup. The whole family missed out on a beach day in Peru because M was acting out. We were away from home and there wasn't much else I could do to deter the behavior, so our outing for the day was canceled.
@misoangry yes, I raise my voice/yell sometimes, but I have learned that it's not effective. All it does is escalate the problem, and it doesn't make the kids any more compliant. After all, if what they are after is just attention and control, then negative attention works just as well as positive and they see that they can control your emotions and ability to maintain composure. They may have other consequences, but it's not a total loss for them, because they see that they manipulated you into reacting. I've found that when I can maintain my composure and disengage emotionally, the behavior stops much quicker and the consequences work better at deterring similar behavior in the future.
I think sometimes they lack the capacity to think about consequences in the future and just want to do what's in the moment. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't stick to your guns. I would do the same thing, absolutely.
I just try to remind myself sometimes that I'm not dealing with an adult when he makes choices that seem to deny all explanation.
Now I feel worse. I know you're right, but I feel like this is a pretty simple equation: do it again and we're not going. I count for this reason. 1 is a warning, 2 is a chance to regulate your behavior, 3 is defiance that I can't abide.
Most of the time, I'm all, she's still a baby. Then, she looks me in the eye and defies me and I see a foe who needs to be put in her place. Ugh.
Nah, my husband reminds me of this on the daily. They're little, but that just explains why it isn't sticking yet. We've got to keep disciplining firmly and eventually it will stick....when they're 35 and have their own kids.
Oh yeah yelling is not effective at all. I mean once in awhile it is, but not often.
It is more a channel for the frustration. And I figure it is the best of all evils as far as what else I want to do when I feel the hulk rage only your 6 year old can bring out in you.
I'm trying to turn things around in that regard and I'm reading a parenting book and will be attending the parenting classes my daughters' preschool provides. I find yelling pretty ineffective.
I really try not to yell, my ds has sensory issues and yelling just causes him to be scared. I do fail, and raise my voice, but then I feel like the worst mom in the world when he gets scared. I try everything from biting my jaw, counting, and even just stepping from the issue for a minute, but boy, they learn fast how to hit every button in a matter of seconds.
Also, I don't know how she did it, but all @stalkermom ever had to do was say "I'm counting to three" and scribellesam & I would do whatever she wanted us to. Who the fuck knows what would happen when she got to three, but I was terrified of it happening.
@misoangry, I feel like you'll be able to inspire this level of fear/terror in your child.
I'm 32 and if she starts counting my heart starts racing.
Also, I don't know how she did it, but all @stalkermom ever had to do was say "I'm counting to three" and scribellesam & I would do whatever she wanted us to. Who the fuck knows what would happen when she got to three, but I was terrified of it happening.
I'm 32 and if she starts counting my heart starts racing.
I hope to be like this. LOL.
I feel like my mother parented me in a very different fashion from the way today's American parents parent their children. There is no right or wrong way to go about these things, but I just know our household was likely rife with behaviors and activity that would dismay many mothers here.
Cross your fingers I can strike a reasonable balance and not become a completely raging tiger mother.
(But, really, who are we kidding? We already know the sad truth about me and my future ways.)
I'll tell ya, I took somebody's advice on here to heart (I think it was LHC or eddy) and we started taking away privileges and, to quote that person "hit him where it hurt".
I swore I would never yell, but damn, this toddler twins thing is hard. I don't scream, but my voice is definitely raised. I'm trying the stern voice and scary eye technique that French people do. Its done nothing but get my kids to laugh in my face.
They are at an age where they are just learning that they can push my buttons. Its only going to get worse from here until what? they turn 30?
She might still not be making the connection at that point of what is fun and staying home. Consider more along the lines of a toy that she favours or simply still just redirection. Saying a snotty 'no' might just be her age and way of communicating. Of course, I don't know her but I would say she's just a little too immature to grasp the 1, 2, 3 and the consequence that follows if she can't immediately see the consequence?