Flame free racial thread.

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 10, 2015 14:21:08 GMT -5 glitzy07 said:

What is the appropriate way (or is there an appropriate way) to ask someone what ethnicity they are?  

For example, I have a friend whose dad is white (Italian) and mom is Asian.  If someone wanted to ask where specifically his mom was from (i.e. China, Korea, Laos, etc), is there an appropriate, non-offensive way to do so?  Because she very well could be from Washington DC, and asking where she's from isn't really getting to the answer you were looking for.  FTR, I know that she's Chinese, but I'm just using this as an example.

And thank you rootbeerfloat.  I definitely agree that the Chopstick thing is ridiculous and I'm sort of just hoping it dies down eventually.  I've said so to sister's boyfriend even, and his response was, "Why?  It's not like he's calling me 'zipper' or something."   :?  

I learned on CEP recently that this is not a great question to ask in most places. It was a shock to me because I grew up in the NYC area and it's generally not considered offensive to ask what someone's heritage is, given the huge number of immigrants and children/grandchildren of immigrants here. If people also find out your last name and that will start a conversation too about ancestry.

I wouldn't ask a total stranger but I would wait until it becomes relevant to the conversation and not say it as "What are you?". Maybe use the word heritage or ancestry or something.

[fortnightlily]

Jul 10, 2015 15:37:27 GMT -5 redwino said:

If you're white, did you consider the racial diversity of your neighborhood and schools before moving? This is something most of the minority people I know considered before choosing a home or school. I've never heard white people I know mentioned it.

I live in the MD 'burbs of DC, which are pretty diverse overall, though there are definitely racial concentrations in neighborhoods and school districts that also correlate somewhat to housing prices and how good the schools are perceived to be.

When we bought our house we bought in the best school district we could afford, and that happened to mean that our neighborhood is fairly diverse, which I think is a good thing.  Though I'm pretty bad about actually getting to know my neighbors, generally .  

[Velar Fricative]

Someone on CEP and an IRL friend have both told me that they will always ask for receipts to not be placed in their bags upon purchase because they want that proof readily accessible if someone tries to question them upon leaving the store. This is just one of many things white people take for granted that black people have to deal with. It's not right and these are the things we forget about because hey, as long as white people aren't calling them the N-word then there's no racism.

[niq]

Jul 10, 2015 15:37:27 GMT -5 redwino said:

If you're white, did you consider the racial diversity of your neighborhood and schools before moving? This is something most of the minority people I know considered before choosing a home or school. I've never heard white people I know mentioned it.

I don't think it was high on our list when we were house hunting. We kinda sorta tried to stay in our old neighborhood where we rented, which was very diverse, but the one house that met our needs was at the top of our price range and the area was not as walkable as where we are now. It's not lily white, but it's not super diverse either. Most of the non-white population is Hispanic or Asian.

There's only one high school in Seattle that's both good and highly diverse. It's in our old neighborhood. Which, who knows, maybe when V is 14 we'll move back to there, maybe there will be a 1200sqft rat den that we can afford, lol. We are trying to stick with public schools even though we "could" "afford" private school, partly because it will be a more diverse experience.

ETA I went and looked it up. V's elementary school is 60% white, 7% black, 16% Hispanic, 6% API, 11% multiracial, 1% other. It's 26% Free & Reduced Price Lunch (about $40k for a family of 4). It's whiter and less poor than the district as a whole, but only a little.

[thejackpot]

Jul 10, 2015 13:15:05 GMT -5 @choco said:

Jul 10, 2015 13:04:00 GMT -5 @246baje said:

You wouldn't believe the shock people have when I tell them that there are white Bajans.


Lolol actually you would.

The first time I met a Chinese Jamaican I was flooooooored. 

This is so funny because being from Miami we have people from all the islands and they are really all types.  My husband met one of my Chinese Jamaican friends and he was so shocked.

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 10, 2015 16:02:22 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Jul 10, 2015 15:53:21 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

I learned on CEP recently that this is not a great question to ask in most places. It was a shock to me because I grew up in the NYC area and it's generally not considered offensive to ask what someone's heritage is, given the huge number of immigrants and children/grandchildren of immigrants here. If people also find out your last name and that will start a conversation too about ancestry.

I wouldn't ask a total stranger but I would wait until it becomes relevant to the conversation and not say it as "What are you?". Maybe use the word heritage or ancestry or something.

IRL, this still comes off as what are you? 

It's asking the same question but in a nicer tone, IMO.

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 10, 2015 15:37:27 GMT -5 redwino said:

If you're white, did you consider the racial diversity of your neighborhood and schools before moving? This is something most of the minority people I know considered before choosing a home or school. I've never heard white people I know mentioned it.

We did not. We were limited to just a couple of neighborhoods and I knew their racial diversity was roughly the same. Full disclosure - neither are racially diverse. The neighborhoods that are racially diverse near us feed students to the school where DH is a teacher and he hated the idea of his students seeing him outside of school all the time. I find the houses there much more attractive so that was a bummer but I let DH win that battle.

I have been pleased to see that DD's daycare center has racial diversity even though it's in our neighborhood. But I think the elementary school won't be as diverse.

[niq]

Jul 10, 2015 16:05:33 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

also, as a white woman, when a song includes the word in its lyrics obviously I still won't say it but is there something that should be/could be used instead?

You can ask noted critical race theorist Christopher Rock (note: video contains that word)

[thejackpot]

Jul 10, 2015 15:22:08 GMT -5 bcarp30 said:

Similar to what someone else asked about using the term black vs AA, what is the correct way to address people who are Latin. We live in CO so there are many more Spanish speakers than black people and I don't know what to say. Mexican would assume they're from Mexico, but should I say Hispanic or Latino? I honestly don't know and don't want to be insensitive.

Additionally, if you live in an area that's predominantly white, how do you expose your children to diversity? I talked about this with @smorriso briefly and she had some great tips for opening and encouraging dialogue with DD about race and volunteering to expose her to all walks of life. My concern with the place I used to volunteer at and where I would like to take DD is that will be the only place she sees non-whites and that they are all poor. I want her to see people of all races being poor or successful and show that success and poverty don't know color.

Books, movies, tv shows are all good opportunities for children to "see" others and experience their reality as normal.

[sent]

Jul 10, 2015 14:21:08 GMT -5 glitzy07 said:

What is the appropriate way (or is there an appropriate way) to ask someone what ethnicity they are?  

For example, I have a friend whose dad is white (Italian) and mom is Asian.  If someone wanted to ask where specifically his mom was from (i.e. China, Korea, Laos, etc), is there an appropriate, non-offensive way to do so?  Because she very well could be from Washington DC, and asking where she's from isn't really getting to the answer you were looking for.  FTR, I know that she's Chinese, but I'm just using this as an example.

And thank you rootbeerfloat.  I definitely agree that the Chopstick thing is ridiculous and I'm sort of just hoping it dies down eventually.  I've said so to sister's boyfriend even, and his response was, "Why?  It's not like he's calling me 'zipper' or something."   :?  

I don't think there is any phrase you could use if they don't want to share that information otherwise it would come off as badgering.  At least that's my opinion.  I get asked all the time "where are you from?"  My answer depends on whose asking.  

[redwino]

Jul 10, 2015 16:05:33 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

2 questions about the n word: I have read that there are differing opinions in the black community about whether it should be used -I'm sure this is a very personal question but anyone willing to share their opinion?

also, as a white woman, when a song includes the word in its lyrics obviously I still won't say it but is there something that should be/could be used instead?

I only see it as a derogatory term. Because I only see it as derogatory, I can't understand why other races want to use it. There's on benefit to saying it. You have every right to use what ever derogatory terms you'd like, just don't get upset when people call you out on it.

I really don't think there's an appropriate filler word. Ninja, nizzle, any other filler word has the same sentiment to me. I'm not going to beat the karaoke bar like, oh she said ninja, it's ok.

[bugandbibs]

Jul 10, 2015 11:35:38 GMT -5 @missy1 said:

Jul 10, 2015 11:23:11 GMT -5 gravytrain225 said:

I have a question about 'oriental.' I didn't know it was not an acceptable term until my time on here. I have stopped using it, but don't understand why it's actually bad.

I wouldn't really call it unacceptable, personally. I just think whoever uses this terms is suppperrrr old and/or outdated.

No, this is unacceptable. The same way calling a black person a negro or colored is unacceptable.

Orientals are things. Asians are people. It's offensive, not outdated. I am a person, not a thing or less than.

[awkwardpenguin]

Jul 10, 2015 15:37:27 GMT -5 redwino said:

If you're white, did you consider the racial diversity of your neighborhood and schools before moving? This is something most of the minority people I know considered before choosing a home or school. I've never heard white people I know mentioned it.

We did, but because we are white it still comes from a place of privilege rather than necessity. We live in one of the most racially segregated cities and it was important to us to not live in an all white neighborhood. Out neighborhood is a mix of mostly Latino and white, and just south of us is predominantly black. The public school we will likely use is mostly Latino and black. It's far from perfect and I honestly think it's much more important to expand our friend group than to just live in a diverse neighborhood, but it's a start.

[spunkarella]

Jul 10, 2015 15:37:27 GMT -5 redwino said:

If you're white, did you consider the racial diversity of your neighborhood and schools before moving? This is something most of the minority people I know considered before choosing a home or school. I've never heard white people I know mentioned it.

I'm white and I did to an extent. I wanted a "good" school district so I researched reviews and test scores. I know there's more to it than that, but I used the info I had available. Anyway, there were 3 or 4 districts that met that criteria. From those, we intentionally picked the one with the most racial diversity and slightly lower but still great scores. It is still mostly white, but I tried. And I recognize the incredible privilege of being able to choose between multiple good options.

As for my neighborhood, we didn't consider it and I don't know how I would have. But I was happily surprised to learn our immediate neighbors are white, black, Costa Rican, Romanian, and Vietnamese.

[thejackpot]

Jul 10, 2015 16:05:33 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

2 questions about the n word: I have read that there are differing opinions in the black community about whether it should be used -I'm sure this is a very personal question but anyone willing to share their opinion?

also, as a white woman, when a song includes the word in its lyrics obviously I still won't say it but is there something that should be/could be used instead?

I don't use the N word in any variation. Personal choice.

Skip it. Why would you even want to try and figure out an alternative? Homie, bae, etc...each time it is used it really could be used a different way.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2015 16:23:48 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:05:58 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

It's asking the same question but in a nicer tone, IMO.

Yes, true, but the tone isn't usually the problem. It's more along the lines of Why do you want to know? Why do you need this information? Why should I have to explain myself?  that people find problematic. 

Agree. It's really not relevant information. Plus to me it seems like a way of saying "Hey, you're not white!" People usually aren't curious about your cultural or ethnic background unless you look non-white. Nobody is coming up to me and asking if my family is from England or Sweden or Poland (it's all 3), but my BFF (half French Canadian, half Chinese Canadian) gets questions about her ethnic background all the time because she looks racially ambiguous but obviously not white.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2015 16:25:48 GMT -5 @koko said:

One thing I will...ask? Mention? I dunno. But when a black person is sharing their experiences, please don't jump in with "I totally get that, because *insert here*". Because you probably don't. And I know people do that to try and identify with folks, but what it does is remove the "black" experience, or their experience, and turn it into an "everybody" experience. It also makes it about you when it's not about you.

The hair discussion is a perfext example of that. Sure it happens in Korea, but we aren't talking about Korea. Yes, people will touch white folks' hair but the deeper reasoning AND societal acceptance/history behind it is completely different.

Yes!

The whole time I was reading I was thinking I don't want to come across as a bitch, but this needs to be addressed. But I see you already have it covered, so thank you.

Also, someone should post the link to the CEP post for those who are interested in reading it. For those that don't read CEP we had a long discussion where us black women talked about different issues we have faced.

If no one finds it, I'll try to search for it when I'm on a computer.

[Deleted]

We have never considered the racial diversity of anywhere we have lived because we have always lived in areas that were already racially diverse. Frankly my current neighborhood in LA is one of the least racially diverse I have lived in as an adult, since college (mostly white, with some Persian and Hispanic families). In Atlanta we lived in an extremely diverse area where whites were very much in the minority. 

ETA demographics of the school DD1 will attend next year:


Asian (19%)
Black (8.5%)
Hispanic (12%)
Multiple Race (0.1%)
Native American (0.65%)
White (58%)

(I rounded these numbers so they may not add up to 100)

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 10, 2015 16:23:48 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:05:58 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

It's asking the same question but in a nicer tone, IMO.

Yes, true, but the tone isn't usually the problem. It's more along the lines of Why do you want to know? Why do you need this information? Why should I have to explain myself?  that people find problematic. 

Good point, I get that.

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 10, 2015 16:25:21 GMT -5 @mrsbecky said:

People ask H "what are you" all the time (he is part Asian). It's mostly other Asians who do it, like they are trying to place him. One time someone asked him, "has anyone ever told you you have Asiatic features?"

He identifies as white (fills that in on the census etc) but if someone asks him "what are you" he just says part Asian. He is not offended by it but his "past" so to speak is different than someone who is part black.

They really use the word Asiatic? So weird to hear that in a non-linguistic context.

[greencrayon]

Jul 10, 2015 16:25:48 GMT -5 @koko said:

One thing I will...ask? Mention? I dunno. But when a black person is sharing their experiences, please don't jump in with "I totally get that, because *insert here*". Because you probably don't. And I know people do that to try and identify with folks, but what it does is remove the "black" experience, or their experience, and turn it into an "everybody" experience. It also makes it about you when it's not about you.

The hair discussion is a perfect example of that. Sure it happens in Korea, but we aren't talking about Korea. Yes, people will touch white folks' hair but the deeper reasoning AND societal acceptance/history behind it is completely different.

This is hard for me, because I think it's pretty ingrained in my head to try to relate to people and find common ground. Is it really insensitive to say "that story resonates with me because I was treated poorly because of my race/religion/ethnicity/etc in this situation"? When I do that, I'm not purposefully trying to take away from your experience, I'm just sharing some of my own.

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2015 16:51:33 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:25:48 GMT -5 @koko said:

One thing I will...ask? Mention? I dunno. But when a black person is sharing their experiences, please don't jump in with "I totally get that, because *insert here*". Because you probably don't. And I know people do that to try and identify with folks, but what it does is remove the "black" experience, or their experience, and turn it into an "everybody" experience. It also makes it about you when it's not about you.

The hair discussion is a perfect example of that. Sure it happens in Korea, but we aren't talking about Korea. Yes, people will touch white folks' hair but the deeper reasoning AND societal acceptance/history behind it is completely different.

This is hard for me, because I think it's pretty ingrained in my head to try to relate to people and find common ground. Is it really insensitive to say "that story resonates with me because I was treated poorly because of my race/religion/ethnicity/etc in this situation"? When I do that, I'm not purposefully trying to take away from your experience, I'm just sharing some of my own.

With the hair thing specifically, there is a very long history in regards to black women's hair, especially natural hair. So chiming in about how your hair has been touched before is just a completely different experience since in general "white hair" is and has always been seen as superior. So in no way shape or form is it the same as our experience with having black hair and all of the negative attention it has gotten over decades.

Sometimes it's good to just listen.

Of course empathy and sharing experiences is good, but context also matters.

[thejackpot]

Jul 10, 2015 16:48:48 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:29:10 GMT -5 thejackpot said:

I don't use the N word in any variation. Personal choice.

Skip it. Why would you even want to try and figure out an alternative? Homie, bae, etc...each time it is used it really could be used a different way.

I guess I am wondering about an alternative because it's obvious a lyric is missing? Like, can you insert "brother" and is that any better or should I just not sing rap lyrics? 

niq- Chris rock is never not hilarious.

I guess I am thinking sing it like I do and all I listen to is explicit rap music, if they use the N world I say nothing and pick up after it.
For instance in "Straight out of Compton" Straight outta Compton, another crazy ass nigga  (this one could certainly be brother)
More punks I smoke, yo, my rep gets bigger
I'm a bad motherfucker and you know this
But the pussy ass niggaz  (this one would probably not be brother, more like punk or sucker) don't show this

So I don't care to differentiate, I just skip it. KWIM

[Deleted]

Jul 10, 2015 16:48:48 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:29:10 GMT -5 thejackpot said:

I don't use the N word in any variation. Personal choice.

Skip it. Why would you even want to try and figure out an alternative? Homie, bae, etc...each time it is used it really could be used a different way.

I guess I am wondering about an alternative because it's obvious a lyric is missing? Like, can you insert "brother" and is that any better or should I just not sing rap lyrics? 

niq- Chris rock is never not hilarious.

Just skip the word. Obviously brother isn't offensive like the n word. But why can't you just say nothing? How often are you rapping that this is a dilemma?

[rootbeerfloat]

Jul 10, 2015 15:53:21 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

Jul 10, 2015 14:21:08 GMT -5 glitzy07 said:

What is the appropriate way (or is there an appropriate way) to ask someone what ethnicity they are?  

For example, I have a friend whose dad is white (Italian) and mom is Asian.  If someone wanted to ask where specifically his mom was from (i.e. China, Korea, Laos, etc), is there an appropriate, non-offensive way to do so?  Because she very well could be from Washington DC, and asking where she's from isn't really getting to the answer you were looking for.  FTR, I know that she's Chinese, but I'm just using this as an example.

And thank you rootbeerfloat.  I definitely agree that the Chopstick thing is ridiculous and I'm sort of just hoping it dies down eventually.  I've said so to sister's boyfriend even, and his response was, "Why?  It's not like he's calling me 'zipper' or something."   :?  

I learned on CEP recently that this is not a great question to ask in most places. It was a shock to me because I grew up in the NYC area and it's generally not considered offensive to ask what someone's heritage is, given the huge number of immigrants and children/grandchildren of immigrants here. If people also find out your last name and that will start a conversation too about ancestry.

I wouldn't ask a total stranger but I would wait until it becomes relevant to the conversation and not say it as "What are you?". Maybe use the word heritage or ancestry or something.

Where I'm from, ethnicity/ancestry/heritage is discussed, and I grew up not being offended by the question. But it usually came up in a conversation with other non-white people, and there's a difference when the person being asked is the only non-white person for miles.

In any case, you can't ask a stranger. But if you're my friend and not an asshole, then go ahead, lol.

[thejackpot]

Jul 10, 2015 16:51:33 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:25:48 GMT -5 @koko said:

One thing I will...ask? Mention? I dunno. But when a black person is sharing their experiences, please don't jump in with "I totally get that, because *insert here*". Because you probably don't. And I know people do that to try and identify with folks, but what it does is remove the "black" experience, or their experience, and turn it into an "everybody" experience. It also makes it about you when it's not about you.

The hair discussion is a perfect example of that. Sure it happens in Korea, but we aren't talking about Korea. Yes, people will touch white folks' hair but the deeper reasoning AND societal acceptance/history behind it is completely different.

This is hard for me, because I think it's pretty ingrained in my head to try to relate to people and find common ground. Is it really insensitive to say "that story resonates with me because I was treated poorly because of my race/religion/ethnicity/etc in this situation"? When I do that, I'm not purposefully trying to take away from your experience, I'm just sharing some of my own.

Yes, but by doing that you are implying that your experience is as layered as mine and frequently when it comes to race it isn't. All of the posts about someone commenting on their child's hair doesn't really matter to me when I consider that the cashier at Janie and Jack said my son had "crazy hair"... she compared him to her norm and cast judgement. That is unacceptable. Saying your  hair is red and where did she get it is not the same and hopefully you can see that without supplying your connection.

[greencrayon]

Jul 10, 2015 17:00:47 GMT -5 @koko said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:51:33 GMT -5 greencrayon said:

This is hard for me, because I think it's pretty ingrained in my head to try to relate to people and find common ground. Is it really insensitive to say "that story resonates with me because I was treated poorly because of my race/religion/ethnicity/etc in this situation"? When I do that, I'm not purposefully trying to take away from your experience, I'm just sharing some of my own.

Unless you are another POC with the same story, yes.

Think of it as if you were sharing that you had been sexually harassed at work one day, and a guy was like "I know how you feel,this woman at the bar the other day kept hitting on me and wouldn't go away."

While on the surface they are similar, there is a deep difference considering the history of women in the workplace, power differentials, etc.

You don't needs to share your story, because it's not about you. You just need to listen to their story.

Ok. I am certainly not a person of color, but am a minority. I will try to just shut up and listen! Thanks.

[Velar Fricative]

Jul 10, 2015 17:02:38 GMT -5 rootbeerfloat said:

Jul 10, 2015 15:53:21 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

I learned on CEP recently that this is not a great question to ask in most places. It was a shock to me because I grew up in the NYC area and it's generally not considered offensive to ask what someone's heritage is, given the huge number of immigrants and children/grandchildren of immigrants here. If people also find out your last name and that will start a conversation too about ancestry.

I wouldn't ask a total stranger but I would wait until it becomes relevant to the conversation and not say it as "What are you?". Maybe use the word heritage or ancestry or something.

Where I'm from, ethnicity/ancestry/heritage is discussed, and I grew up not being offended by the question. But it usually came up in a conversation with other non-white people, and there's a difference when the person being asked is the only non-white person for miles.

In any case, you can't ask a stranger. But if you're my friend and not an asshole, then go ahead, lol.

True. And now that I think about it, I don't ask that question to non-white people anyway because the answer might not be pleasant (descended from slaves is the biggest example). I know I've discussed this stuff with non-white people but it came up in the course of conversation. Or at least, I really really hope I didn't ask them "what are you??"

[itsme]

Jul 10, 2015 15:44:04 GMT -5 ava said:

Jul 10, 2015 14:42:11 GMT -5 itsme said:

I am Hispanic and moved to NC from a very diverse Hispanic-heavy state or part of the state. When I moved I was relieved that I had taken my then-husband's last name because I felt that I would be discriminated against when applying for jobs had I kept my common Hispanic maiden name. My first name is spelled differently than the common spelling (it's totally a made up spelling) and even throwing in my ex's last name I felt like maybe they would still think I was not white and pass me up. It's sad that I felt like I had to hide my race in order to be taken seriously.

In one of my jobs there the Hispanic people did the lower paying jobs and I would hear the non-Hispanics with the better positions saying very racist things about "the Mexicans". No one knew I was Hispanic (I can pass for white) so I guess they felt they could talk that way while I was in ear shot.

This is very interesting to me. My H is half Hispanic, looks very white and has a very Hispanic last name. He has told me countless stories of how many times he has been singled out because of his last name only to be laughed at when they see how white he is, or questioned on his heritage as if he has to prove why he is so white but has a Hispanic last name. He is very proud of his heritage and the constant questions he gets when he gives someone his last name are really annoying for him.



I am white (Italian) and took his last name when we married and have worried about being discriminated against because of the last name as well. About a year ago I was told the company I work for would be eliminating my position and the first thing I thought of was how it may be harder for me to find a job with my married last name. I ended up keeping my job so it is a non issue for now but I worry about that for my DD. She is 1/4 Hispanic and looks very white. I worry her last name could be a hindrance for her growing up.


 

Are you in a state with a high Hispanic population?

Some people who don't know my white husband are shocked when they find out my Hispanic last is mine and not my husband's.  Because I don't have brown skin they assume I'm white and I took his name.  I wouldn't say I get laughed at but there's definitely some shock and plenty of questions.  Then because I live in CA and I'm not Mexican that's another shock to people.  I'm Puerto Rican and Ecuadorian (2nd gen)and people are in awe of that.  People automatically assume that because I live in CA and am Hispanic that I'm Mexican.  I'm not offended by any of it but sometimes I'm like come on people, not every Hispanic is Mexican.  When I explain I was born in NY it seems to make more sense to them.


I don't appreciate that Pandora plays all commercials in Spanish though!  I don't listen to Spanish music on Pandora so why the Spanish commercials?

ETA:  "... I wouldn't say I get laughed at" I take that back.  High school was rough for me while I was trying to find my way and figure out where I fit.  I was laughed at and not deemed Hispanic by the Hispanics because I was too white.   

[redwino]

Jul 10, 2015 16:48:48 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

Jul 10, 2015 16:29:10 GMT -5 thejackpot said:

I don't use the N word in any variation. Personal choice.

Skip it. Why would you even want to try and figure out an alternative? Homie, bae, etc...each time it is used it really could be used a different way.

I guess I am wondering about an alternative because it's obvious a lyric is missing? Like, can you insert "brother" and is that any better or should I just not sing rap lyrics? 

niq- Chris rock is never not hilarious.

just skip that word. I grew up getting all my music from the radio and network tv. The n-word was always censored. I learned the songs without the word. Just pause. And Brother is definitely not ok. NOT OK!