New Relationship....Advice. All signs say no!

[cuddlyevil]

Apr 20, 2016 14:34:38 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

I have worked so hard on getting my finances worked out since I divorced. My credit has jumped from 675 (bad) to 740. I am getting credit cards paid off; I have money in savings again. I am working 2 jobs because I kept my house and my new (er) car.

That's excellent, but you need to take care of yourself now--not this drunken bedwetter, or the BSC snapchat dude. Put yourself first, stop dating for a little while, get into therapy and figure out what it is you're doing that is bring these guys to you.

I promise we're not trying to be mean, we're just speaking from experience. 

[katieido]

Also, the fact that you have worked so hard should be a big reason to run far away from a toxic person like this. You don't see a future with him, surely? A future with him would undo alllllll of this hard work.

[boing]

Well you already knew all of the answers to this...but thanks for spicing up the board today!

[pinkdutchtulips]

The best thing I did when I left my bsc addict alcoholic xh was take a year to date myself. Just focus on what makes me happy and what I like. I re/learned how to love and respect myself ... so when I did start dating again, the behaviors I tolerated w xh were deal breakers bc I respected myself too much to ever let myself be treated that way again.

[bluejen22]

boing,glad I could entertain you!

[bluejen22]

pinkdutchtulips, Yes, my mom has been telling me for months that I just need to be single for ideally a year, work on me, get my shit together and then date.

[FormerlyRR]

Apr 20, 2016 14:51:03 GMT -5 boing said:

Well you already knew all of the answers to this...but thanks for spicing up the board today!

I was going to thank her in the spice this up thread.

[bg]

Apr 20, 2016 13:17:22 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

I'm just going to take some time off and see how it goes. If he doesn't put forth any effort, I'm done.

Just be done. And don't find someone else to take his place right away.

[cuddlyevil]

Apr 20, 2016 15:23:46 GMT -5 bg said:

Apr 20, 2016 13:17:22 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

I'm just going to take some time off and see how it goes. If he doesn't put forth any effort, I'm done.

Just be done. And don't find someone else to take his place right away.

Yup. Walking away and cutting off all contact from both these dudes is one of the healthiest things you can do for yourself. You're giving him way too much power by implying that if he's not putting any effort into it then you're done. You don't have to stand by a hot mess while they sort themselves out. 

[mcsangel2]

If you are questioning whether or not this is okay, I cringe to think what your EXH had to have done for you guys to divorce.

[1confused1]

I can't believe any of you believe this story.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 20, 2016 17:34:45 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I can't believe any of you believe this story.

I believe it to an extent bc I lived through a similar situation (minus the peeing in the bed - eww !!) but theres something about it that screams MUD to me ..

[gozf]

Hoooooooooly shit.

[jenstar]

Apr 20, 2016 14:10:52 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

I am really not this dumb. I just make bad decisions when it comes to men. My ex husband wasn't a bad guy at all.

Do you want to stop making bad decisions regarding men? Or just cross your fingers and see where you end up? Like almost everyone here has said, get some therapy and figure out how to make better decisions.

Or don't, and risk ending up in a lot of places you probably don't want to be.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 20, 2016 18:23:39 GMT -5 jenstar said:

Apr 20, 2016 14:10:52 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

I am really not this dumb. I just make bad decisions when it comes to men. My ex husband wasn't a bad guy at all.

Do you want to stop making bad decisions regarding men? Or just cross your fingers and see where you end up? Like almost everyone here has said, get some therapy and figure out how to make better decisions.

Or don't, and risk ending up in a lot of places you probably don't want to be.

what I'd like to know is if the xh wasn't such a bad guy WHY did she leave ?!? The 2 guys she described sound like my xh who I wouldn't go near now if you offered me a billion dollars lol

[Deleted]

Oh booooy.  Ditto what others have said.  You need to get yourself in a good place BEFORE you date.  This guy sounds like a major loser and why you'd even consider interacting with him after the first incident is beyond me.  You have to know when to RUN....fast.

[Linie]

Apr 20, 2016 13:05:07 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

Yes, I just need to back away. He has more problems than I can solve. I told him he has to be the one who wants to change. He asked Monday night before this incident if I would help him be a better person....

Please no. Find a boyfriend/lover who is a functioning adult who doesn't ask someone else to make him better.

They do exist: fun, sexy, smart, handsome guys who have their shit together and who want to spend time with you just because they like you.

I promise!

[sweetchix]

I don't have anything new to add but it sounds like you know what you should do -- dump his ass! And get into therapy. Stop dating and work on yourself. I know it's nice to feel wanted but but don't just settle for someone who doesn't treat you like you're worth something. Because you are! Someone who pisses the bed, and leaves you soaking in it while he moves to the floor is not treating you like you're worth something.

[mommadukes]

MUD? Seems like everything coming out of your mouth is very random. Good luck!

[mommadukes]

Apr 20, 2016 17:34:45 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I can't believe any of you believe this story.

seriously I thought the same thing..

[riverpestie]

I am in agreement that this is MUD.
However, if any of this story is true, I would recommend a nice long break (couple of years, at least) from dating. If you want to sleep next to someone because it is "nice," go to your local animal shelter and foster/adopt a dog or cat and sleep next to it. Unless you're unable to care for an animal and then I recommend a pet rock. I would think a pet rock would be "nice' to sleep with because it won't pee on you AND it won't move/snore/steal blankets the entire night! :-D

[Mrs.Rad888]

Even if this is MUD, we all know that sometimes we make decisions that don't seem so bad when we're in the middle of a bad stretch. While I would hope no one finds themselves in this spot this bad, I'm sure there are women out there that have been in a situation that shares similarities, and they learn from all the awesome advice given in this thread. It's nice to be needed, especially after a breakup, but don't make the mistake of thinking that just because a dude wants to put his dick in you that this is any kind of "relationship."

Like someone on GBCN says (I think it was Ziti), there are more than 4 men in this world, find someone who deserves you.

But, yeah. I think we're being punked.

[sparkythelawyer]

Assuming that this is not MUD, or that there may be some lurker out there who is actually making these decisions...


Please, find yourself a trusted therapist to address why you keep flocking to these types.  Were your parents addicts?  I'm trying to understand why you value yourself so poorly that this type of person seems like a good idea to you. 

[jojoandleo]

Apr 21, 2016 8:45:51 GMT -5 mommadukes said:

Apr 20, 2016 17:34:45 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

I can't believe any of you believe this story.

seriously I thought the same thing..

Frankly, I don't care if it is MUD. You don't get a gold medal for calling out the fakes. People seriously make these horrible decisions. We have seen it from known posters on here time and time again. So even if it IS MUD, the advice may help someone else.

I seriously don't understand the joy people get in calling MUD. Who gives a fuck? Everything anyone ever says on here could be MUD.  At least I am entertained.

[FormerlyRR]

Apr 21, 2016 10:30:29 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Even if this is MUD, we all know that sometimes we make decisions that don't seem so bad when we're in the middle of a bad stretch. While I would hope no one finds themselves in this spot this bad, I'm sure there are women out there that have been in a situation that shares similarities, and they learn from all the awesome advice given in this thread. It's nice to be needed, especially after a breakup, but don't make the mistake of thinking that just because a dude wants to put his dick in you that this is any kind of "relationship."

Like someone on GBCN says (I think it was Ziti), there are more than 4 men in this world, find someone who deserves you.

But, yeah. I think we're being punked.

I think it was smock who said that. Wise words indeed, whoever said it though!

[bluejen22]

Sadly, this is not MUD. My parents were great parents, I always had everything I always wanted. Neither did drugs/alcohol, or any other type of issues.

I did not talk to him yesterday and he texted me today asking if I was mad at him.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Apr 21, 2016 12:15:56 GMT -5 bluejen22 said:

Sadly, this is not MUD. My parents were great parents, I always had everything I always wanted. Neither did drugs/alcohol, or any other type of issues.

I did not talk to him yesterday and he texted me today asking if I was mad at him.

if there ever was a more appropriate time to ghost someone ... OMG would this be it! Don't engage the crazy!

[smock]

Apr 21, 2016 11:55:51 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

Apr 21, 2016 10:30:29 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Even if this is MUD, we all know that sometimes we make decisions that don't seem so bad when we're in the middle of a bad stretch. While I would hope no one finds themselves in this spot this bad, I'm sure there are women out there that have been in a situation that shares similarities, and they learn from all the awesome advice given in this thread. It's nice to be needed, especially after a breakup, but don't make the mistake of thinking that just because a dude wants to put his dick in you that this is any kind of "relationship."

Like someone on GBCN says (I think it was Ziti), there are more than 4 men in this world, find someone who deserves you.

But, yeah. I think we're being punked.

I think it was smock who said that. Wise words indeed, whoever said it though!

I'd love to claim credit, but I think it was a Kuus-ism. 

Regardless, there are definitely more than 4 men in the world who WON'T pee on you while you're sleeping. 

[doglove]

Apr 21, 2016 12:36:01 GMT -5 smock said:

Apr 21, 2016 11:55:51 GMT -5 FormerlyRR said:

I think it was smock who said that. Wise words indeed, whoever said it though!

I'd love to claim credit, but I think it was a Kuus-ism. 

Regardless, there are definitely more than 4 men in the world who WON'T pee on you while you're sleeping. 

Definitely wrathofkuus comment. Miss that lady! 

[1confused1]

Apr 21, 2016 11:46:50 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Apr 21, 2016 8:45:51 GMT -5 mommadukes said:

seriously I thought the same thing..

Frankly, I don't care if it is MUD. You don't get a gold medal for calling out the fakes. People seriously make these horrible decisions. We have seen it from known posters on here time and time again. So even if it IS MUD, the advice may help someone else.

I seriously don't understand the joy people get in calling MUD. Who gives a fuck? Everything anyone ever says on here could be MUD.  At least I am entertained.

What?  I wasn't looking for a gold medal.  But 3 pages of the same advice, followed with more of this crazy story?  Sure, I hope it helped someone, but I don't have to believe it's true.