The Emilie thing is different. Her DH didn't die. This is a whole other ball game.
This is where I am. Uh, getting a divorce is not the same as watching your husband slowly die.
I don't know what I'd do. I hope I never have to, and I'm truly sorry to anyone that HAS been in this situation. I can't judge the way anyone grieves or heals.
@lazerus24, can't you see your doubling down is hurtful to people in this thread?
But she'd be the best widow ever. Better than any of us who have gone through it.
❤️❤️
No judgment from me.
I cannot imagine the grief that comes with losing a spouse. If someone finds love with someone else and it helps them to heal, I can only be happy for them.
Post by deanlicker78 on Sept 27, 2016 20:37:12 GMT -5
If it were just her, I would not think a thing of it honestly. However her children watched their dad die and then got a new one less than 12 weeks later.
Whirlwind relationships are hard. New marriage in general is hard. Having children is hard. Young children, especially hard. Having a blended family, super hard. Dealing with a huge family loss and grief, unimaginably hard.
Have it all happen in the space of a few weeks? That's going to give people pause for concern.
Post by turnipthebeet on Sept 27, 2016 20:40:43 GMT -5
I guess I'm surprised.
A woman who just learned the hard way how fragile and fleeting life can be should wait for some magic number of (what, months? years?) before marrying a man that she has probably always loved on some level?
Post by callalily on Sept 27, 2016 20:44:07 GMT -5
We have absolutely no idea what her relationship was like with her husband at the end. For all we know, he could have encouraged it and supported it. We have no idea how they prepped their kids or processed with them. The bottom line is that the only side of the story we see is the one she shares which is surface level.The rest is none of anyone's fucking business.
It is gross to me to judge someone in this situation. You have no idea what happened in the period before her husband died or how her family is coping.
Post by wanderlustmom on Sept 27, 2016 21:10:51 GMT -5
I agree with most of the posters. Can there be any harm in feeling sad that their family went through this and wishing the couple and the kids every happiness as they begin their new family life together? They are starting out with the same chance at love that each of us gets when we get married. We are all jumping in and taking a risk. There are no rules, statistics or other things to consider. It's life and love. Complicated
Well, I haven't been widowed at a young age, but I was a child (10-11 years old) who watched my father die of cancer. So I can say from that point of view that if my mother had married 3 months after that (and I still have flashbacks and nightmares 25 years later from that time) I would have been very confused and angry.
I am ALL FOR dating and remarrying after a loss. I wish my mother had at some point. But having been literally in those kids' place, well. I hope she is open to family counseling because it can be really beneficial through times of grief and transition.
Eta: giving it more thought, I think I would have felt incredibly guilty for missing my dad when there was a "new dad" in the house and my mom was happy. You know? I realize that I'm projecting my experience, but this has made me very thoughtful about that delicate time in the 6-12 months after. She appears to be a very loving mother, and I'm sure she's tending to whatever the kids need.
Post by sailorgray on Sept 27, 2016 21:13:55 GMT -5
One of my oldest friends lost his wife (early 30's) to cancer. He was her biggest fan and took the best care of her the 3 or so years she was sick. He was engaged within 4 months of her death and married a little over a year later. If anyone knows how short life is, it's him. I don't blame him one bit for rushing into things.
Well, maybe she did. Didn't you get engaged after a few weeks of dating?
I have no illusions about ML but bar a few, I think most wouldn't jump to accusing a recent widow of cheating.
I don't read this blog, so if you have firsthand proof of her being unfaithful, I'll take back my words.
She eluded to it in her post, I believe. Not cheating, but at the timeline of him coming in. So it would appear she did have time for it prior to Martin passing. I was harsh in my wording. I would imagine he was a source of strength for her during that time and then it led to more.
I was engaged after two weeks (married after 9 months) but I did not have 5 kids (or any kids) who just watched their father die.
I cannot say what I would do in that situation, but I can say with absolute certainty that I would not remarry in a matter of months after my husband passed. NOT because I wouldn't want to, because only she knows her grief and heart, but I would not remarry that quickly because of my kids. Date? Sure. Think about a future with someone? Absolutely. Have a man move in, replace the father figure in my children's life (as per her blogpost) and get married in a few months? No, I would not do that.
She is 25, a widow and has five kids. I don't necessarily think this quick marriage was a good decision. But hey, this is her life, that she chooses to blog about on the internet. I am only seeing one part of it, the part she chooses to share.
I was also the first one to say that Emile breaking up her marriage and making her kids move from a house with their father into a home with a man they considered their "uncle" and moms best friend, wasn't romantic.
Glad to see you have what you would do if the unimaginable happened to you all mapped out. Good for you. Throwing shade to others who reacted in a way you deem inappropriate is gross.
This is exactly where your mess of a post should've ended. Full stop. Fuck the rest of what you wrote.
If you can't have compassion for a random blogger, at least have the sense to see how hurtful your words are to some of the women in this community. But maybe that's too much for you seeing as you don't have the sense to see the difference between Emilie's situation and that of a widow.
Well, maybe she did. Didn't you get engaged after a few weeks of dating?
I have no illusions about ML but bar a few, I think most wouldn't jump to accusing a recent widow of cheating.
I don't read this blog, so if you have firsthand proof of her being unfaithful, I'll take back my words.
She eluded to it in her post, I believe. Not cheating, but at the timeline of him coming in. So it would appear she did have time for it prior to Martin passing. I was harsh in my wording. I would imagine he was a source of strength for her during that time and then it led to more.
I was engaged after two weeks (married after 9 months) but I did not have 5 kids (or any kids) who just watched their father die.
I cannot say what I would do in that situation, but I can say with absolute certainty that I would not remarry in a matter of months after my husband passed. NOT because I wouldn't want to, because only she knows her grief and heart, but I would not remarry that quickly because of my kids. Date? Sure. Think about a future with someone? Absolutely. Have a man move in, replace the father figure in my children's life (as per her blogpost) and get married in a few months? No, I would not do that.
She is 25, a widow and has five kids. I don't necessarily think this quick marriage was a good decision. But hey, this is her life, that she chooses to blog about on the internet. I am only seeing one part of it, the part she chooses to share.
I was also the first one to say that Emile breaking up her marriage and making her kids move from a house with their father into a home with a man they considered their "uncle" and moms best friend, wasn't romantic.
You honest to God don't see that everything in this post is extraneous. Not shocking. ETA: Jinx, starlily. LOL.
Post by cinnamoncox0 on Sept 28, 2016 5:49:01 GMT -5
This is wicked sad I read her blogs posts last night they seemed so happy and he was so young for all of that suffering Bless her and those kids and I wish them well in their future. Poor kiddos. They're also so so young.
I remember vividly when my SIL passed suddenly, unexpectedly, leaving her husband with their four month old son and a black depression that took him a year to surface from. When did his depression and inability to see any happiness in the world begin to fade? Well, he met a girl. Soon they were dating. Then she moved in. They had a baby. And are getting married soon. Some people have suggested to me that "it happened pretty fast..." screw these people. If he'd met her sooner and the black fog lifted sooner that would only have been better. He has a second chance at life and happiness. My nephew has a chance at a "normal" life and a Dad that smiles again and doesn't just cry all the time. Nobody should put a timeline on somebody else's grief.
Post by newnamesameperson on Sept 28, 2016 9:25:14 GMT -5
The idea that due to someone sharing their life on the internet, via a blog, gives the viewer the right to say whatever they choose is nonsensical. You still have to follow some level of human decency. If you are concerned at the transition that her children will face, feel free to say so but do not then make further assumptions as to what may have caused her to make the decisions she did. When you blatantly state someone had an affair, based on very few details you are not concerned with the children you are concerned with demeaning the individual. There are a myriad of factors we are and are not aware of that have led this woman to make the decision she has. We should wish her and her family the best.
The idea that due to someone sharing their life on the internet, via a blog, gives the viewer the right to say whatever they choose is nonsensical. You still have to follow some level of human decency.
This. And also, I am very happy for her, especially after all she has gone through.
Post by indianchica on Sept 28, 2016 9:52:39 GMT -5
Can we not consider that perhaps these 5 children would ALSO like a father figure in their lives, as the mother does? Sure the kids might be sad as well - that's of course normal. But as the mother feels happier with an attempt to return to normalcy, might the kids as well? I have not had this experience so I am just speculating here.
I didn't initially realize the gap in time from when the OP was posted to when she posted her blog about being remarried. So for 1.5 pages, my only question was how did she find time to get married the day after her H passed. No judgement, more logistics.
I don't know this family or follow her blog, but assuming they are Mormon/in Utah (which is often a safe assumption with lifestyle blogs like this), strangers often meet and get married in less than 2 months here. It is far more common than a 12 month engagement. I am glad she's happy.
Wait, she got married the day after her DH dies? Am I reading that right?
Can we not consider that perhaps these 5 children would ALSO like a father figure in their lives, as the mother does? Sure the kids might be sad as well - that's of course normal. But as the mother feels happier with an attempt to return to normalcy, might the kids as well? I have not had this experience so I am just speculating here.
I don't think it's a good idea to speculate on what is best for grieving children.
Or anyone grieving, period.
Hopefully a therapist is helping them all through this time.
I didn't initially realize the gap in time from when the OP was posted to when she posted her blog about being remarried. So for 1.5 pages, my only question was how did she find time to get married the day after her H passed. No judgement, more logistics.
I don't know this family or follow her blog, but assuming they are Mormon/in Utah (which is often a safe assumption with lifestyle blogs like this), strangers often meet and get married in less than 2 months here. It is far more common than a 12 month engagement. I am glad she's happy.
Wait, she got married the day after her DH dies? Am I reading that right?
I didn't initially realize the gap in time from when the OP was posted to when she posted her blog about being remarried. So for 1.5 pages, my only question was how did she find time to get married the day after her H passed. No judgement, more logistics.
I don't know this family or follow her blog, but assuming they are Mormon/in Utah (which is often a safe assumption with lifestyle blogs like this), strangers often meet and get married in less than 2 months here. It is far more common than a 12 month engagement. I am glad she's happy.
Wait, she got married the day after her DH dies? Am I reading that right?
No, her DH passed in July. She got married this past Saturday.
This is a zombie thread someone brought back to life.
Can we not consider that perhaps these 5 children would ALSO like a father figure in their lives, as the mother does? Sure the kids might be sad as well - that's of course normal. But as the mother feels happier with an attempt to return to normalcy, might the kids as well? I have not had this experience so I am just speculating here.