There was an app on Shark Tank last week that recognizes if you say something rude or bullying and asks you if you really want to send it. Too bad that isn't available here based on what's happened lately.
More like too bad that it has come down to people needing, or it even being suggested, an APP to figure out their jerks.
Very true. The app is geared towards kids who are still struggling with impulse control, but adults needing it is much worse.
@lazerus24 , can't you see your doubling down is hurtful to people in this thread?
But she'd be the best widow ever. Better than any of us who have gone through it.
On the bright side, now I know what all the 'friends' who ditched me after DH died were thinking.
This makes me so, so sad for you. I obviously can't imagine what you went through, but I know that is was beyond difficult for your to lose the love of your life and have to move on from that. The people IRL and in this post that are judging what someone does after their spouse dies are disgusting. Fuck them.
Just another example of her complete and utter inability to show empathy for another person.
She won't come back until someone makes an equally shitty comment so some of the heat is taken off of her and she can have an "ally," because as I recall, every time she posts something gross, she makes sure to point out that she isn't the only one who feels that way.
Until then, she will just boat on by this thread and go on with her sanctimonious self.
She won't come back until someone makes an equally shitty comment so some of the heat is taken off of her and she can have an "ally," because as I recall, every time she posts something gross, she makes sure to point out that she isn't the only one who feels that way.
Until then, she will just boat on by this thread and go on with her sanctimonious self.
Well, maybe she did. Didn't you get engaged after a few weeks of dating?
I have no illusions about ML but bar a few, I think most wouldn't jump to accusing a recent widow of cheating.
I don't read this blog, so if you have firsthand proof of her being unfaithful, I'll take back my words.
She eluded to it in her post, I believe. Not cheating, but at the timeline of him coming in. So it would appear she did have time for it prior to Martin passing. I was harsh in my wording. I would imagine he was a source of strength for her during that time and then it led to more.
I was engaged after two weeks (married after 9 months) but I did not have 5 kids (or any kids) who just watched their father die.
I cannot say what I would do in that situation, but I can say with absolute certainty that I would not remarry in a matter of months after my husband passed. NOT because I wouldn't want to, because only she knows her grief and heart, but I would not remarry that quickly because of my kids. Date? Sure. Think about a future with someone? Absolutely. Have a man move in, replace the father figure in my children's life (as per her blogpost) and get married in a few months? No, I would not do that.
She is 25, a widow and has five kids. I don't necessarily think this quick marriage was a good decision. But hey, this is her life, that she chooses to blog about on the internet. I am only seeing one part of it, the part she chooses to share.
I was also the first one to say that Emile breaking up her marriage and making her kids move from a house with their father into a home with a man they considered their "uncle" and moms best friend, wasn't romantic.
You weren't reading closely enough. She only posted THAT she was married. She didn't say WHEN she got married. Maybe it was only a matter of weeks? Days? Hours? You know what? Her life, HER DECISION. FUCK YOU.
For everyone so concerned about the kids.... the kids had their parent die. Is the worst thing really that their mom is in love and re-marrying?
No, but it would have added insult to injury to me. I needed longer than 3 months to adjust after my mom died. Another girl I knew hated her father for it remarrying so quickly. Maybe the kids are good with it maybe they aren't.
I personally don't give a shit what she does, but I'm going to wonder.
For everyone so concerned about the kids.... the kids had their parent die. Is the worst thing really that their mom is in love and re-marrying?
No, but it would have added insult to injury to me. I needed longer than 3 months to adjust after my mom died. Another girl I knew hated her father for it remarrying so quickly. Maybe the kids are good with it maybe they aren't.
I personally don't give a shit what she does, but I'm going to wonder.
The point is not to speculate. We don't know how those kids feel and for Laz to keep hammering it home instead of just apologizing is the problem.
Kinda like it would be jacked up to imply that Laz lets her son run her life instead of the other way around.
No, but it would have added insult to injury to me. I needed longer than 3 months to adjust after my mom died. Another girl I knew hated her father for it remarrying so quickly. Maybe the kids are good with it maybe they aren't.
I personally don't give a shit what she does, but I'm going to wonder.
The point is not to speculate. We don't know how those kids feel and for Laz to keep hammering it home instead of just apologizing is the problem.
Kinda like it would be jacked up to imply that Laz lets her son run her life instead of the other way around.
See? Not nice.
I have had the worst day of my life dissected by a fuckton of people. I found a thread talking about it in the weeks afterward, it did suck.
People are going talk shit because people suck. I just don't expect people to be nice.
For everyone so concerned about the kids.... the kids had their parent die. Is the worst thing really that their mom is in love and re-marrying?
My concern for the children is genuine. I will admit my own life experiences are coloring my perception here. If that's hurt anyone's feelings, I do apologize.
My mother met someone and married him less than 4 months later. Everyone was so thrilled for my mother, he was the answer to her prayers. He abused us. He molested my sister and I and my brother was free labor on the farm and he worked like a dog for him. It was all buried down and swept under the rug until we were adults because we all wanted my mom to be happy.
I am not at all saying this guy is an abuser. At all. I'm not saying that is what's happening in this situation. That woman is not my mother and than man is not my father. I am not judging a widow or judging her grief or how she grieves. I hope nothing but the best for them. I am not a fan of parents who introduce authority parent figures into their children's lives quickly. In any circumstances.
Not everyone who expressed concern is doing so as a smug judgemental bitch. My concern is real.
I do think it's a lot to ask of small children to suffer the loss of a parent and have someone step in and take that person's role in the family, all within the span of a few months.
I do not judge the mom for wanting to be happy and falling in love again, or the timeline of that. And I certainly don't assume she was cheating.
There was an app on Shark Tank last week that recognizes if you say something rude or bullying and asks you if you really want to send it. Too bad that isn't available here based on what's happened lately.
More like too bad that it has come down to people needing, or it even being suggested, an APP to figure out their jerks.
My assumption is that app is targeted towards teenagers, who are walking around with underdeveloped frontal lobes and poor reasoning skills. Grown women have no such excuse.
deanlicker78 I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that that happened to you and to your family. My experience was not the same, but I am in the same boat in that my concern for the kids is real based on my own past.
Post by sugarbear on Sept 28, 2016 22:35:18 GMT -5
deanlicker78, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I know that in the years following my mom's death, I would have done anything to make my dad happy.
I found out 30 years later that my dad was seeing my 2nd grade teacher within a few months after my mom passed away. My mom had been sick for years, and the feeling of relief (??) was palpable when she finally passed. At least then, we knew what we were dealing with. I don't know. Easy for me to say now that I wish my dad had married Ms. Covey. She was an awesome teacher.
All I can think is, this poor woman. I cannot imagine her pain-- and as a child, I've endured it. I wish her nothing but happiness.
I'm so tired of being judged...first as a caregiver -- people actually told me I killed my husband by forcing him to go thru chemo, surgery, and radiation instead of using fruit and baking soda and all those other stupid "cures".
Now as a widow, the crappy judgement continues. I didn't cry enough at his memorial services -- I actually laughed -- the horror! The slide show had some fun pictures that are happy memories and I made the mistake of laughing at a funny picture. I absolutely hate crying in front of other people so I held the tears in, but I've definitely cried a lot since he was diagnosed.
Late H passed in August...I met current BF a month later in a grief group (a widower). I was NOT planning to ever date again. Late H and I had many conversations about it and I kept telling him I wasn't going to date again. I couldn't talk to any friends about it without judgement and they all left. Even the freakin widows were judging me (not from this board). It took me a few months to accept a date and I still feel like I can't tell anyone about our relationship without being criticized. I'm just so freakin tired of being judged.
Post by nancybotwin on Sept 29, 2016 21:38:39 GMT -5
lemons I have been following your story and am so happy for you that you have found someone!
My aunt died on 9/11 leaving my uncle and my two cousins (2 and 7 yrs old). I babysat for my cousins in January - four months later - so my uncle could go on a date. They got married in December 2003 after dating for one year and being engaged for 6 months. It was hard for our family - we missed my aunt - but it didn't matter. It wasn't about us. It was about my uncle and cousins. It makes me feel terrible for the widows who are being judged...god forbid anyone should be in that situation. No one gets to judge.
I just don't understand why widows (and widowers) are judged so much and so harshly. We're stuck in our grief...We're moving on too soon...We cry too much...We don't cry enough...
One thing that stuck out to me last year was not getting Christmas cards. For years we received a lot of cards. Last year, my first holiday season as a widow, I received only one Christmas card.
We didn't choose this path!!! Some days it's difficult to just get out of bed in the morning. Everyone should be cheering widows on, not putting them down.
I just don't understand why widows (and widowers) are judged so much and so harshly. We're stuck in our grief...We're moving on too soon...We cry too much...We don't cry enough...
One thing that stuck out to me last year was not getting Christmas cards. For years we received a lot of cards. Last year, my first holiday season as a widow, I received only one Christmas card.
We didn't choose this path!!! Some days it's difficult to just get out of bed in the morning. Everyone should be cheering widows on, not putting them down.
The only thing I can imagine - though I don't imagine this will bring you comfort - is that people's reactions and judgements are more about their own discomfort with grief than about your decisions. I just know, as a person who has grieved, that the burden of making people feel better often falls on the grieving. People don't know how to react to grief and want you to be "normal"'or "your old self" so they avoid the topic and don't know what to say.
I'm so tired of being judged...first as a caregiver -- people actually told me I killed my husband by forcing him to go thru chemo, surgery, and radiation instead of using fruit and baking soda and all those other stupid "cures".
Now as a widow, the crappy judgement continues. I didn't cry enough at his memorial services -- I actually laughed -- the horror! The slide show had some fun pictures that are happy memories and I made the mistake of laughing at a funny picture. I absolutely hate crying in front of other people so I held the tears in, but I've definitely cried a lot since he was diagnosed.
Late H passed in August...I met current BF a month later in a grief group (a widower). I was NOT planning to ever date again. Late H and I had many conversations about it and I kept telling him I wasn't going to date again. I couldn't talk to any friends about it without judgement and they all left. Even the freakin widows were judging me (not from this board). It took me a few months to accept a date and I still feel like I can't tell anyone about our relationship without being criticized. I'm just so freakin tired of being judged.
This is all just awful, Lemons! I don't know anythimg about your pain but I lost my dad last year. He raised me by himself from the time I was 12. All I do know is we only get one life and there are no guarantees. It was pretty clear in that moment what matters and it's not the judgements of assholes who know nothing about shit. Follow your path where it takes you. Fuck the Haters.
Five years ago, I was hours away from dying. My husband said his goodbyes to me but I survived.. Based on my condition, my 10 year survival rate is 52%.
With that said, I have had many talks with my husband regarding my passing. I want him to get remarried if I die. The biggest joy in my life is being married to him. If he loved being married to me, I would want him to continue to be happy and marrying someone else. I don't care if it's 5 days of 50 years after I pass. Him remarrying doesn't dismiss our marriage or decrease his love for me.
Post by miniroller on Sept 30, 2016 3:31:12 GMT -5
So many hugs lemons. I know it doesn't matter (it shouldn't), but I've really liked you & appreciated how you've handled yourself under the stresses of widowhood. Just a random compliment from an internet stranger. My hat is certainly off to you & again many hugs. I'm so sorry for the judgement & unkindness you absolutely don't deserve.
Just chiming in here. My cousin died at the age of 37 from cancer. She knew her prognosis so what she did with her last days is nothing short of amazing in my opinion. She wrote letters to her children (who were just 9 and 7 at the time) about life lessons and things she wanted to share. she wrote letters to her husband and she wrote a letter to her husbands NEXT WIFE. See she make it crystal clear she wanted her H to find love again. For himself, for her kids. And he did just a few months after my cousin died. His new wife is an amazing mother to those kids. she read the letter my cousin wrote to her on their wedding day. It was amazing. And they even went to her grave after the ceremony to thank her. So my input is this: Just because maybe YOU don't THINK you would move on so fast with kids etc... YOU DON'T know what you would do and you certainly do not earn the right to judge someone on their choices. My cousin told her H multiple times that she would be so sad to think he would pine for her the rest of his life and that her kids wouldn't have a mother figure. She wanted him to meet someone. You don't know that this woman's H said the same to her. But even if not STFU. I have to say that lately this place has sucked balls. From racist comments to judging widowers to the bullshit that went down a few months back. Its not the same place it once was. IN some ways much better bc we have weeded those jerks out but in others I just feel like its every fucking day we see some bullshit on here.
Just chiming in here. My cousin died at the age of 37 from cancer. She knew her prognosis so what she did with her last days is nothing short of amazing in my opinion. She wrote letters to her children (who were just 9 and 7 at the time) about life lessons and things she wanted to share. she wrote letters to her husband and she wrote a letter to her husbands NEXT WIFE. See she make it crystal clear she wanted her H to find love again. For himself, for her kids. And he did just a few months after my cousin died. His new wife is an amazing mother to those kids. she read the letter my cousin wrote to her on their wedding day. It was amazing. And they even went to her grave after the ceremony to thank her. So my input is this: Just because maybe YOU don't THINK you would move on so fast with kids etc... YOU DON'T know what you would do and you certainly do not earn the right to judge someone on their choices. My cousin told her H multiple times that she would be so sad to think he would pine for her the rest of his life and that her kids wouldn't have a mother figure. She wanted him to meet someone. You don't know that this woman's H said the same to her. But even if not STFU. I have to say that lately this place has sucked balls. From racist comments to judging widowers to the bullshit that went down a few months back. Its not the same place it once was. IN some ways much better bc we have weeded those jerks out but in others I just feel like its every fucking day we see some bullshit on here.
STOP BEING DOUCHEBAGS PEOPLE you know who you are
You are my favorite now. FYI .
Being a widow is so hard. I hope no one else here ever has to deal.
Just chiming in here. My cousin died at the age of 37 from cancer. She knew her prognosis so what she did with her last days is nothing short of amazing in my opinion. She wrote letters to her children (who were just 9 and 7 at the time) about life lessons and things she wanted to share. she wrote letters to her husband and she wrote a letter to her husbands NEXT WIFE. See she make it crystal clear she wanted her H to find love again. For himself, for her kids. And he did just a few months after my cousin died. His new wife is an amazing mother to those kids. she read the letter my cousin wrote to her on their wedding day. It was amazing. And they even went to her grave after the ceremony to thank her. So my input is this: Just because maybe YOU don't THINK you would move on so fast with kids etc... YOU DON'T know what you would do and you certainly do not earn the right to judge someone on their choices. My cousin told her H multiple times that she would be so sad to think he would pine for her the rest of his life and that her kids wouldn't have a mother figure. She wanted him to meet someone. You don't know that this woman's H said the same to her. But even if not STFU. I have to say that lately this place has sucked balls. From racist comments to judging widowers to the bullshit that went down a few months back. Its not the same place it once was. IN some ways much better bc we have weeded those jerks out but in others I just feel like its every fucking day we see some bullshit on here.
STOP BEING DOUCHEBAGS PEOPLE you know who you are
Did your cousin's h remarry locally (well, Boston tv market) a couple of years ago? I recall hearing a similar story on the news. The letter to the new wife, specifically, I mean. I thought it was sweet.
I just don't understand why widows (and widowers) are judged so much and so harshly. We're stuck in our grief...We're moving on too soon...We cry too much...We don't cry enough...
One thing that stuck out to me last year was not getting Christmas cards. For years we received a lot of cards. Last year, my first holiday season as a widow, I received only one Christmas card.
We didn't choose this path!!! Some days it's difficult to just get out of bed in the morning. Everyone should be cheering widows on, not putting them down.
I am sorry you were judged so harshly.
I do think things are a little different when kids are involved and that the ages of the children and the circumstances surrounding the death are also a factor. If the kids are really young, they might take to someone easily and readily (as I would have, most likely), but if they are older they may have a much harder time seeing this new person with their parent and taking the other parent's place, as they see it. Because of this, I think it really depends on how your kids are doing. When you introduce this person to your children. Apparently my mom did date some after my dad passed, but we never met them. She said, if things had progressed to a more serious place, she would have, but did not want us getting attached and then having to explain things not working out.
A mom knows her kids better than anyone else. I just hope in any situation the person is doing what is best for everyone. That they are happy, but so are their kids.
I just don't understand why widows (and widowers) are judged so much and so harshly. We're stuck in our grief...We're moving on too soon...We cry too much...We don't cry enough...
One thing that stuck out to me last year was not getting Christmas cards. For years we received a lot of cards. Last year, my first holiday season as a widow, I received only one Christmas card.
We didn't choose this path!!! Some days it's difficult to just get out of bed in the morning. Everyone should be cheering widows on, not putting them down.
I am sorry you were judged so harshly.
I do think things are a little different when kids are involved and that the ages of the children and the circumstances surrounding the death are also a factor. If the kids are really young, they might take to someone easily and readily (as I would have, most likely), but if they are older they may have a much harder time seeing this new person with their parent and taking the other parent's place, as they see it. Because of this, I think it really depends on how your kids are doing. When you introduce this person to your children. Apparently my mom did date some after my dad passed, but we never met them. She said, if things had progressed to a more serious place, she would have, but did not want us getting attached and then having to explain things not working out.
A mom knows her kids better than anyone else. I just hope in any situation the person is doing what is best for everyone. That they are happy, but so are their kids.