Also, he does realize that no matter how clean or dirty your kids/house/car/etc are that lice will still find their way into your home because they are the lowest scum of earth.
Post by puddleofgrace on Aug 31, 2016 10:09:05 GMT -5
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
Post by amandakisser on Aug 31, 2016 10:09:33 GMT -5
No. NO. This is something he said to deliberately hurt you. My H used to be like that: he would go for the jugular and say things just to make me cry (he had SEVERE anxiety and no longer hurts me with his words or in any other way). I told him before we had our first that the one thing he better not say to me, EVER, was that I was a bad mom. Because that would be the end. He never once has.
That's seriously probably the absolute worst thing anyone could say to a mother, and I want you to know that it's not ok for him to say that. At the very least, I'd strongly urge you to take everyone else's advice and take a day or two to yourself and leave it all for your husband to deal with. During those two days, aside from a pedicure/massage/day drinking, you should check out some apartments and maybe open up a separate account for yourself. I know you've said before that money is tight, so if that's a worry for you, then you should slowly start to save up so you at least have money for an apartment, should it come to that.
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
You are a good mom. Please don't ever doubt that.
Being a good mom is not measured by how clean your house is. Those girls are so lucky to have you.
Big hugs puddle. Please stop doubting yourself because of one asshole comment.
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
no, you also work two jobs: an outside-of-the-home job, and the job of mother. So it should NOT all be on you to clean. So don't try to blame yourself because NONE of that makes it ok for him to talk to you that way. He's just as responsible for the house and kids as you are. You CANNOT do it all yourself.
Wow, how unbelievably shitty of him. Seriously. Way to kick you when you are down. I am sure you are a super awesome mom and fuck him for real. Lice happens, it's doesn't mean you are dirty or negligent FFS.
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
You could do more. If by more, you mean run yourself into the ground. You can't do everything. You're not a machine. He could also do more. At a fucking minimum he could be nice to his wife.
I used to have two jobs and managed not to be a flaming shitbag to my family. This is on him. It's his issue, and I hope you know it doesn't actually reflect on you. The way he treats you is because of how he is. Even if you were "perfect" in every way he'd find something to bitch about.
It's so clear from your posts what a good Mom you are. That anyone, your husband of all people, would dig at you about that is just beyond. It's so fucking low.
I said this already, but I'll say it as many times as I need to. You deserve so much better. If he's not going to change, and he's not willing to get into counseling with you, he's not worth staying with. Not even a little bit.
puddleofgrace, I know how hard it is to have someone say hurtful things to you, and him saying you are a bad mom is the lowest of low. I would tell him you are twice the parent he could ever be, and don't let his words get to you. It's so very clear how much you love and care for those girls.
((Hugs)) I'm so sorry you are being treated this way.
I remember when we had lice as kids. My hair was so long I could sit on it, and my mom also had to go through my 3 siblings hair as well. (2 sisters, and one brother) One time it lasted for almost a month. My dad was so frustrated and you could tell but he never would of said anything to my mom because he knew she would look at him and hand him the comb say here and leave the house. My dad never said anything to my mom ever about the house being clean or anything, she was a SAHM with 4 kids and we weren't the neatest kids.
Your Hs behavior is defiantly emotionally abusive. Please see a counsellor for yourself, and I would be telling him he could stay with a friend/family until this love situation is dealt with. (Maybe it lasts 1 week, or maybe it lasts a month, you never know with those little fuckers.)
I think most people could have a 'cleaner' house, but that's not even the point. There is no excuse for what he said. There is no excuse for him to dump the entire household on you and then bitch that you're not doing a good enough job. And I don't know about you, but when I am spoken to like that and treated like that, it typically has the opposite of the desired effect and I am less motivated to do what was complained of.
Seriously not ok. Not even a little bit. Not even justifiable. He's a shit pig. If he's soooooo perfect then he can do it.
This makes me think of these woman who just up and leave the spouses and kids and people wonder why... welp, I bet their husbands say shit like this to them because seriously if my H EVER said anything remotely like that to me I would up and leave too (disclaimer *non parent*).
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
no, you also work two jobs: an outside-of-the-home job, and the job of mother. So it should NOT all be on you to clean. So don't try to blame yourself because NONE of that makes it ok for him to talk to you that way. He's just as responsible for the house and kids as you are. You CANNOT do it all yourself.
What? This worthless bag of dicks talked down to you after you work outside of the home AND raise 2 kids? Oh hellllllllllll no. Do you stand up for yourself and fight back? Say anything? I doubt you do, but I'm hoping one day you'll stand up for yourself and those two girls and get away from him.
Post by snipsnsnails on Aug 31, 2016 10:31:38 GMT -5
What a cruel thing to say to you, Puddle.
And I hope there's not one tiny bit of you deep down that believes what he said because it is 100% absolutely not true at all. Not one little bit. You are an amazing mom. And your amazingness has everything to do with how you love your girls with your whole heart, all day, every single day. And nothing to do with any of the mean, trigger points he tries to use to hurt you. (((Hugs)))
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
This shit ::waves hand around:: is not OK. If he was any kind of "partner" he would have been coming up with a game plan with you on how to address the issue, asking what he could do to help, etc.. Him blaming you is complete Bullshit. Do not think for a minute that this rests on your shoulders because it doesn't. I'm so sorry he said those things to you, you deserve to be acknowledge for the amazing mom you are, not beaten down verbally. Don't doubt yourself for one minute. Don't. You are not the person wrong in this situation.
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
NO. NO. NO.
You're doing everything, how much is he doing at home???
You are a good Mom, never ever doubt that. He's needs to step up and actually parent those kids. Having two jobs is not an excuse for him failing at being a dad/husband.
Signed, A Mom who left a guy who pulled the same shit
Post by missmaddie on Aug 31, 2016 10:41:36 GMT -5
I'm sorry he said that. It's a pain in the ass, and I know you weren't happy about the lice in your post last night either, but that doesn't give him permission to treat you like this. It isn't your fault, and it's cruel and unfair of him to treat you like this.
We could ALL be doing "more" of this or that, our husbands very much included, but life happens and our kids need something, or to be somewhere, or our attention - and THAT is what makes you a good parent. Attending to their immediate and constantly changing needs, like spur of the moment spending hours at the lice fairy on a weeknight gets in the way of doing something else a hell of a lot more enjoyable and productive. BUT THIS SHIT HAPPENS, and a good parent responds to it. Like you did.
Post by miniroller on Aug 31, 2016 10:42:44 GMT -5
Puddle, I don't have much to say that hasn't already been stated. Huge hugs, vicarious punches straight to the nose of DickFace, & so many confident vibes that you'll make it through this. You'll Freaking Make It Through This!
Agreed that I knew how much you loved your girls from your (rare, privacy) mentions of them here. Your affectionate admiration is obvious. Screw him.
And ESPECIALLY screw him, because your life is Pretty F'n TOUGH right now, as is! You could use a freaking partner to, at the very least, be there for you emotionally during this stressful period! GAH!! Not make it worse!!! I really hope you see how opposite he is acting from how a loving partner would act. DickFace.
Post by statlerwaldorf on Aug 31, 2016 10:44:18 GMT -5
I'm sorry he said that. My xh was the same way. Everything was my fault. He was physically abusive as well, but the emotional abuse took a much larger toll on me. Whenever he got stressed, he would lash out at me.
My kids got lice last summer and it was awful. So I understand how stressful it is especially when you think you got them all and daycare finds fucking nits the next day. Been there, done that. But it doesn't make it okay to treat you like that.
Lice likes clean hair, so it's not just dirty kids that get it. The cleanliness of your house has nothing to do with lice either.
And I know my house isn't super clean. He works 2 jobs and is never around. I'm overwhelmed as fuck and by the time I get the girls to bed, I'm wiped out. I know I could be doing more. I know that. But my girls are my life. I do everything I can to be a good mom.
having a clean house wouldn't mean you were doing a better job, or being a better mom.
you are doing a wonderful job. you are great. you cannot possibly do everything alone.
if your h has so many opinions then he needs to do some shit himself.