What White Posters Can Do

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2016 21:55:19 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Sept 2, 2016 21:52:44 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Hello. Cursing at me isn't necessary. I've got no idea what's going on.

The cursing is pretty damn necessary.

You have got to be kidding me. 

Alrighty then. Just because I haven't been keeping up with the rear of the board lately makes me the bad guy? I haven't done anything. There's no need for this.

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2016 21:56:18 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Sept 2, 2016 21:54:49 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

c'mon guys. I haven't done anything wrong. I've just been enjoying playing Pokemon this summer. That's all. I haven't been keeping up with the rest of the board at all. There's no need to call me in here and start yelling at me.

Sticking your head in the sand and ignoring obviously sensitive posts while you keep bumping Pokemon IS doing something wrong. 

I don't have my head in the sand. I haven't been willfully ignoring anything. I haven't visited the rest of the board in awhile because I'm enjoying my summer, and yes playing some Pokemon Go. I don't know what's going on. What do you guys want from me? I'm honestly so confused why everyone's suddenly mad at me for taking a little break.

[noodleskooze]

Uggggghhhhhhh seriously

[Deleted]

Sept 2, 2016 22:00:07 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Sept 2, 2016 21:58:07 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Alrighty then. Just because I haven't been keeping up with the rear of the board lately makes me the bad guy? I haven't done anything. There's no need for this.

Go choke on a dick, you fucking bitch.

How about that?

Whoa that got ugly fast. I'm not sure what went down while I was gone, but I'm certainly not sticking around to be spoken to like that. Bye.

[redheadk]

Sept 2, 2016 22:00:52 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Sept 2, 2016 21:56:18 GMT -5 redheadk said:

Sticking your head in the sand and ignoring obviously sensitive posts while you keep bumping Pokemon IS doing something wrong. 

I don't have my head in the sand. I haven't been willfully ignoring anything. I haven't visited the rest of the board in awhile because I'm enjoying my summer, and yes playing some Pokemon Go. I don't know what's going on. What do you guys want from me? I'm honestly so confused why everyone's suddenly mad at me for taking a little break.

Don't be simple. You can click on the MMMoms main page just as well as the rest of us. Stop and take a look, click on a few threads, and FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF.

Here's a link: pandce.proboards.com/board/30/mm-moms

[redheadk]

Sept 2, 2016 22:05:34 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Sept 2, 2016 22:02:31 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Whoa that got ugly fast. I'm not sure what went down while I was gone, but I'm certainly not sticking around to be spoken to like that. Bye.

Deactivate while you are at it. No one would fucking miss you.

Prime example of white fragility, right here. 

[redheadk]

@natariru, I'm sorry. I can't even begin to articulate any type of response that could possibly begin to convey how much my heart hurts for you so I'll just say that I'm terribly sorry.

[noodleskooze]

I'm sorry for my part in the years of leaving WOC to fend for themselves, @natariru. It truly breaks my heart for you all, and I'm sorry.

[TamiTaylor]

Sept 2, 2016 21:59:22 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Sept 2, 2016 20:14:02 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

Because this board is huge and is drawing people who want to talk about the small stuff that most white people think is untouched by any matter of race--bedtimes, carseats, kids' clothes. And while there are topics that can truly be universal, very often, our biases show through even unconsciously. And white people aren't paying attention, because we're talking about "the small stuff" or Pokemon or first day of school pics and we didn't come here today for anything serious! So, not saying we can't--in fact, that would be awesome! I'm saying it likely won't, given we have been on this EXACT merry-go-round twice before on this board and not much has changed. 

I tried to articulate my feelings about what's happening here to another WOC poster who isn't a mother. It was hard to do. It made me cry. (And that makes me feel really fucking stupid, but whatever, it's true)

I made friends on this board. IRL friends and online friends that feel like real, true friends. We became mothers together, essentially. They congratulated me when I had S and we talked about the minutiae of learning what it means to be a mom. It makes you feel like you are bonded in some way. I enjoy having a space to do that with a group of intelligent women who have something in common with me. Lots of moms I know personally don't have that and often feel lost. It makes me happy to know that I have that kind of support so many wish they had.

BUT. When shit like this happens, it's a huge slap in the face and wake up call that no, we really don't have much in common at all. You guys (not you specifically, general you) are not really my friends. This isn't about my kids being "less" cute or whatever b/c they aren't BHBE (as I am sure many dumbasses think this is what upset me). It was a reminder that my S only has a few more years to even be viewed as cute. That soon, he will be viewed as a predator. No matter how sweet and gentle he continues to be. I don't know how many times me or cubed or @tooshort need to say these kinds for things to you guys. That we stay up at night worried about our boys' futures. That we have to think very very deeply AND quickly when we make a parenting/discipline decisions b/c our kids can't react the same way your kids do when they are frustrated. That I also need to be careful how I react when I am frustrated in front of them.

I've already had multiple people tell me that J looks lighter than S. And I HOPE he ends up the same color b/c I remember every fucking comment I ever heard growing about how my sister was lucky to be so light. That I could "never pass as white" (like I ever fucking wanted to anyway). The "bonus points" comment was multifaceted. It was the last drop for me. I don't know how many times I have to say that I am tired. That parenting children of color is HEAVY AS FUCK. I don't fucking need to be upset about ANYTHING ELSE. I do not have room in my heart for it anymore.

@natariru, I am so so sorry. I don't even have words for how my heart hurts for you carrying this.

[CloudBee]

Sept 2, 2016 21:59:22 GMT -5 @natariru said:

Sept 2, 2016 20:14:02 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

Because this board is huge and is drawing people who want to talk about the small stuff that most white people think is untouched by any matter of race--bedtimes, carseats, kids' clothes. And while there are topics that can truly be universal, very often, our biases show through even unconsciously. And white people aren't paying attention, because we're talking about "the small stuff" or Pokemon or first day of school pics and we didn't come here today for anything serious! So, not saying we can't--in fact, that would be awesome! I'm saying it likely won't, given we have been on this EXACT merry-go-round twice before on this board and not much has changed. 

I tried to articulate my feelings about what's happening here to another WOC poster who isn't a mother. It was hard to do. It made me cry. (And that makes me feel really fucking stupid, but whatever, it's true)

I made friends on this board. IRL friends and online friends that feel like real, true friends. We became mothers together, essentially. They congratulated me when I had S and we talked about the minutiae of learning what it means to be a mom. It makes you feel like you are bonded in some way. I enjoy having a space to do that with a group of intelligent women who have something in common with me. Lots of moms I know personally don't have that and often feel lost. It makes me happy to know that I have that kind of support so many wish they had.

BUT. When shit like this happens, it's a huge slap in the face and wake up call that no, we really don't have much in common at all. You guys (not you specifically, general you) are not really my friends. This isn't about my kids being "less" cute or whatever b/c they aren't BHBE (as I am sure many dumbasses think this is what upset me). It was a reminder that my S only has a few more years to even be viewed as cute. That soon, he will be viewed as a predator. No matter how sweet and gentle he continues to be. I don't know how many times me or cubed or @tooshort need to say these kinds for things to you guys. That we stay up at night worried about our boys' futures. That we have to think very very deeply AND quickly when we make a parenting/discipline decisions b/c our kids can't react the same way your kids do when they are frustrated. That I also need to be careful how I react when I am frustrated in front of them.

I've already had multiple people tell me that J looks lighter than S. And I HOPE he ends up the same color b/c I remember every fucking comment I ever heard growing about how my sister was lucky to be so light. That I could "never pass as white" (like I ever fucking wanted to anyway). The "bonus points" comment was multifaceted. It was the last drop for me. I don't know how many times I have to say that I am tired. That parenting children of color is HEAVY AS FUCK. I don't fucking need to be upset about ANYTHING ELSE. I do not have room in my heart for it anymore.

My eyes have been opened SO WIDE because you've shared your heart and how you look at your son's futures in a different way. (Different lens than my pale white view.) I seriously looked across the table at you this summer and shook my head in almost disbelief at the reality that these fears are SO TRUE with the tiny baby in your arms. I could never have begun to fathom what it's like to be a mother of color without hearing your very personal experiences. I value everything you have shared over the years. YOU are what it's taken for me to really get it. And I'm sure that's been exhausting and emotional.

[hopecounts]

I am so sorry @natariru

[pizzapizza]

I am so sorry @natariru.

[pugz]

((@natariru))

[Deleted]

@natariru - I truly can't find words, and DH keeps telling me to just speak from the heart. I'm so sorry.

[glitzy07]

Hugs, @natariru. I feel such a kinship with you because of our boys that are around the same age. I know how much every mom here worries about their kids on a basic level, and as a white mom I may sit up nights worried about my crazy kids ending up in the hospital of their own volition, but I have the extreme privilege of not having to worry doubly because of the color of their skin. I can't imagine the extra angst that you, and all of the WOC, have to carry in addition to the already terrifying process of parenting.

[brandienee]

Jesus. I can not even imagine a percentage of the pain you are going through @natariru. I fucking can't even imagine.

Here I am trying not to raise an asshole, you have to worry about everything else. I am so sorry that this fucking world is so fucking damaged and ugly.

I am so sorry. I know they're empty words now. I don't know what else to say. Fuck.

[waterchurch]

Hugs, @natariru and everyone else hurting because of our actions or inaction. I'm truly sorry.

[wanderingenough]

@natariru - I am so sorry.

[gogadgetgo]

I see pictures on IG and here and I think of all the things I have in common with posters like @natariru. But it's shows how negligent I am in not realizing the fears and worries and struggles that are behind the pictures and words that I don't ever think of. I know I have been very privileged in my life, and I've been trying hard to open my eyes to the real world around me. Know you have an ally in me and I will do what needs to be done to do my part in making things better. Hugs and love to all.

[quesyrah]

Does this board have a mod? And can a mod ban someone? I don't know.

I think that zero tolerance should mean that someone can be banned on their first offense. I don't think it's unfair- this should be a welcoming community where everyone is free to post without feat of being smacked in the face with racism. It's not other people's job to tell you you said something racist and then explain why. If you say something racist, you get banned and you go educate yourself. And move on and do better next time.

[bcarp30]

@natariru I'm so sorry. You deserve so much more than you're getting.

[cincodemayo]

I also am struggling to find the words to say but I want you to know that I'm sorry. It's beyond unfair that you carry that burden as a WOC and a mother. I am thankful that I have gotten to be a member of this board and vow to be an ally and advocate.

[countthestars]

Hugs @natariru. I'm so sorry.

[Brie]

I love me some Pokemon but GTFO @supergreen. Willful ignorance is not fucking acceptable. Are you kidding me with this shit?

[bcarp30]

@kirkette you have spent so much time educating and explaining and educating and explaining and posting links and explaining and all things you shouldn't have to. You deserve so much more and I'm so sorry so many of us have failed you and the other WOC in this community.

[NandaB]

The saddest part is this isn't the first time @natariru and @tooshort have posted this very same thing. It's not the first time and won't be the last. And that is devastating. People here love to say how sorry they feel when they hear shit like "I can't let my daughter think it's ok to stomp her feet at me when she's mad" or "my husband used to roll play getting pulled over with my son", BUT YET THEY DONT CHANGE THE WAY THEY SPEAK AND ACT TOWARDS THE WOMEN OF COLOR IN THIS VERY COMMUNITY. And then they have the audacity to be offended when they are called out.

But no worries, it won't be long before a fucking "what happened to supergreen" post full of shit like, I know all she did was complain about her shitty husband and post about a phone game,but she brought a lot to the booooaaarrddd.

I know I haven't been here long, and let's be honest, I'm usually only good for swear laden one liners or mediocre parenting advice, but WE HAVE TO DO BETTER. or guess what, we're no different than the woman on Facebook who publicly shamed me for being too mean to a racist. WE HAVE TO DO BETTER or we're no different than the parents of the 6 year old child who called my friend's daughter the n word. WE.HAVE.TO.FUCKING.DO.BETTER

[chedifuen]

Sept 2, 2016 22:42:36 GMT -5 Brie said:

I love me some Pokemon but GTFO @supergreen. Willful ignorance is not fucking acceptable. Are you kidding me with this shit?

Yeah, this. Pretty ducking gross to think Pokemon is more important than the feelings are real women on this board.

[niq]

I'm very sorry, @natariru, that must be incredibly hard. Knowing that that fear exists and is real is something white people need to remember.

[NandaB]

Sept 2, 2016 22:48:30 GMT -5 chedifuen said:

Sept 2, 2016 22:42:36 GMT -5 Brie said:

I love me some Pokemon but GTFO @supergreen. Willful ignorance is not fucking acceptable. Are you kidding me with this shit?

Yeah, this. Pretty ducking gross to think Pokemon is more important than the feelings are real women on this board.

Stage 1, double down..... Supergreens right on track to.follow the stages of GBCGBCNing

[lilac05]

@kirkette, @natariru, and other WOC who have shared so much of your lives and your fears about parenting a POC, I thank you for taking the time to do that...a year ago. I hate that we are still in a place on MMM where there is a "need" to share it again. (No, I don't expect anyone to have to explain anything to those who remain clueless. I only use "need" because obviously it remains.) A year (or so) ago, when we had this very same discussion, it was another big turning point in how I view race. I saw something I hadn't seen before (in myself? in society? I don't know.) and it changed how I acted and talked IRL. I have become an ally IRL and have really challenged myself, which has led to many difficult discussions and broken relationships, but I have failed the very people who were a huge part of my motivation for change. There are no words to adequately express how sorry I am for that.