I wasn't going to post anything about this.

[Deleted]

Oct 25, 2016 7:05:23 GMT -5 tripleshot said:

Oct 25, 2016 6:55:04 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

I did talk to an IRL friend who is a high school guidance counselor and unfortunately deals with this almost weekly and she suggested talking to the schools counselor too. The problem is they are in a very rural small county so that don't have as much to offer, but it's a good place to start.

Just had another thought. Do you have a good children's hospital in your area? I'm sure they'd be a great resource.

We do - two really good ones. I was told we should be assigned a case worker through the treatment facility so I'm thinking we should go that route in getting referrals to therapists?

[ginger]

Oh Laz. That's so incredibly heartbreaking.

[Deleted]

We looked through her phone last night, nothing glaring in texts or browser history. We just didn't know this was coming. We had her birthday party last week and she was so happy surrounded by family and friends.

[BaliHai]

I am so sorry, Laz.

[bronxgirl]

I'm so sorry. Hopefully she's getting the help she needs. Big hugs to you and your family.

[lilafowler]

I'm so sorry to hear this. Good thoughts for your sister.

[verycontrary247]

Oct 25, 2016 7:02:07 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I would find her a really good therapist. Someone she feels comfortable talking to. Not that I can say I was in her shoes exactly, but I can remember being taken to therapist as a kid and I did not like her. It was uncomfortable for as I was pretty protective of my feelings.

So, this would be a really important step and it might take a few tries to find the right fit.

I am so sorry, Lazy.

This 100%.

At the age of 15, I was your sister. I made a serious and almost successful suicide attempt. I went to a few different therapists and didn't like/trust/feel comfortable talking to them before the school counselor recommended one she had gotten good feedback about for teens. That dude was fucking awesome and I still use some of the coping methods he taught me to this day.

In conjunction with a good therapist, you'll also probably want to look into her seeing a psychiatrist and getting on antidepressants. If she's already on ADs I'd switch them asap. I was on ADs when I made a suicide attempt and later on they had to make a disclaimer "may increase the chances of suicidal thoughts in teens and young adults"- switching to a different type made a world of difference.

I would not automatically jump to moving schools and agree with PP about asking her what she wants. For anyone, completely switching schools mid-school year would be anxiety filled plus you may be isolating her from the bullies AND her actual friends.

Moreso than anything, just be there for her. Let her know she's important and loved.

So many hugs to y'all. It does get better, I promise.

[kayl84]

Oct 25, 2016 7:46:27 GMT -5 @lazerus24 said:

We looked through her phone last night, nothing glaring in texts or browser history. We just didn't know this was coming. We had her birthday party last week and she was so happy surrounded by family and friends.

I'm telling you that my sister has been at her lowest, when things seemed happiest. Mine has spent 15yrs blaming herself for a rape. Now, she got married last year to an amazing guy and together they've both had to deal with her demons that come up. In this case she would drink to oblivion.
I'm really so sorry you guys are going through this.

[rbp]

That is so scary. I hate that kids feel like this. The world can be so unfair.

[mrhanky]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My younger sister tried to commit suicide several times, the first being at age 18. She never told any of us how bad it was before any attempt. One time she went inpatient while we were living together. Her first attempt was in her room at my parents' house while they were home. There is so much guilt and fear when this happens to someone you love and want to protect.
She's doing infinitely better now. It took therapy and a lot of work from everyone. I tried to just be there for her in whatever capacity she needed at the time. Sometimes that meant sitting with her in her therapy session with my parents so she felt she had someone completely on her side. Sometime that meant giving her some space (she mentioned she felt very smothered after her first attempt, understandably) and letting her come to me. And actually, her attempt is part of the reason we ended up living together for 4 years, so I could provide in person support if needed. My suggestion would be to talk to her as a sister (when you can and separately from your mom) about how you can best support her.

[shopgirl07]

I'm sorry Laz.

[jlt19]

Oct 25, 2016 7:02:07 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I would find her a really good therapist. Someone she feels comfortable talking to. Not that I can say I was in her shoes exactly, but I can remember being taken to therapist as a kid and I did not like her. It was uncomfortable for as I was pretty protective of my feelings.

So, this would be a really important step and it might take a few tries to find the right fit.

I am so sorry, Lazy.

Also, I would see if she wants her parents there. Mine sent me to counseling around that age but sat in. I revealed nothing. Don't let your mom push herself on her. I know that's such a tough line to walk, but an overbearing mother at 13 is the worst. I know WE understand why your mom won't want to leave her side and will want to talk it all out, but 13 year olds don't think like us.

I'm so very sorry. My 9 year old nephew has talked about this a few times and while he's in counseling, b/c of his home life situation, and how school life will probably just get harder as he ages, I fear we're not out of the woods yet.

[Gato]

I'm so sorry, Laz. Lots of hugs. I hope your visit with her goes well tonight. She's so lucky to have a good, supportive sister and mom.

Speaking as someone who was miserable in junior high and high school, and whose husband and many friends felt the same, there are many things I wish had been different when I was growing up. I wish I had found "my people" earlier in life, although they were all waiting for me when I got to college. What does your sister really love? Is there a way to provide an outlet for her to do that? Having something that gives her confidence and a sense of belonging would probably help.

[mekia]

I am so sorry. My family went through this with my brother at around the same age too. He was bullied too.

Hugs.

[winecat]

I'm so sorry.

[minerswife17]

I am so sorry. I have been in your shoes and I know how you're feeling. Please do whatever it takes to be there for her as much as you can ( I'm sure you already are.) I think her seeing a therapist can help a lot. Depending on your schedule and her schooling, set a certain day a week or 2 weeks to have just you and her sister time. That time is so important and so precious. Just sit down and have a one on one convo with her and tell her everything you feel. I'm praying for you, you sister and your entire family. May God give her the strength to heal from the depression.

[Deleted]

Oct 25, 2016 7:56:53 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Oct 25, 2016 7:02:07 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I would find her a really good therapist. Someone she feels comfortable talking to. Not that I can say I was in her shoes exactly, but I can remember being taken to therapist as a kid and I did not like her. It was uncomfortable for as I was pretty protective of my feelings.

So, this would be a really important step and it might take a few tries to find the right fit.

I am so sorry, Lazy.

This 100%.

I am so sorry you went through this. Thank you so much for sharing this. It is great advice. 

[Deleted]

Oct 25, 2016 8:03:16 GMT -5 jlt19 said:

Oct 25, 2016 7:02:07 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

I would find her a really good therapist. Someone she feels comfortable talking to. Not that I can say I was in her shoes exactly, but I can remember being taken to therapist as a kid and I did not like her. It was uncomfortable for as I was pretty protective of my feelings.

So, this would be a really important step and it might take a few tries to find the right fit.

I am so sorry, Lazy.

Also, I would see if she wants her parents there. Mine sent me to counseling around that age but sat in. I revealed nothing. Don't let your mom push herself on her. I know that's such a tough line to walk, but an overbearing mother at 13 is the worst. I know WE understand why your mom won't want to leave her side and will want to talk it all out, but 13 year olds don't think like us.

I'm so very sorry. My 9 year old nephew has talked about this a few times and while he's in counseling, b/c of his home life situation, and how school life will probably just get harder as he ages, I fear we're not out of the woods yet.

She requested to not be with my mom at the initial evaluation. I think it hurt my mom but is for the best. I am proud of my sister for having the guts to say she wanted to talk to the doc alone.

My mother really loves me and my sister, but she is what I refer to as a "bulldog". Again, she is a great mom, but def hard-ish to talk to. 


I plan on being around my sister even more than I already am - if she wants me. 

ETA: jlt19 I am so sorry to hear about your nephew. Thoughts and prayers with y'all. This is so hard. 

[ciescalove]

I'm so sorry Laz. Everyone has given great advice. I'll echo the part about finding a therapist she clicks with. I had to go to therapy as a teen and it was awful. My mom sat in half the time and then the therapist would talk to her privately after my sessions, so I felt that it was the furthest thing from a safe space I could get. I never opened up about anything and said what I needed to say for him to think I was ok enough not to need his services.

I also agree that she should have some say about switching schools.

[venice2007]

Prayers and thoughts go your sister! Xo

[ErinExpat]

I'm sorry Laz. I will keep you all in my thoughts.

[tacokick]

I'm sorry to hear this and hope she gets the help she needs.

Don't beat yourself up about not noticing "signs". Wearing black and listening to punk is not one. People are very good at hiding how they feel.

[happyholiday]

I'm so sorry.

[bittybomb]

I am really so sorry.  Please don't blame yourselves.  It sounds like she has an excellent support system to help her through this.

[icedcoffee]

I'm so sorry you and your family are going through this. 13 is the worst and bullies suck.

[mrssandro]

I am so sorry. I hope she gets the help that she needs.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

The current psych facility where she's admitted should be referring her to outpt psychiatry and therapy before she's discharged. Make sure they do that. It should be easier for them to get her appointments within the next few weeks since she was in crisis than it would be for you to cold call people yourself.

[jinkies]

I'm so sorry your family is going through this, but so glad that your sister is still here. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to be supportive without being suffocating. I know that's a hard line to walk.

I hope the help she is receiving puts her back on a healthy path.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry Laz. I hope your sister gets the help she needs.

[mrsd2006]

I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I hope she gets the help she needs. It makes me so mad that kids can be so cruel and hateful to each other. I hope there are serious consequences for those bullies. Thank you for sharing with us. Prayers for your whole family.