One thing I don't want you to forget....is that you and your mom need to take care of yourselves too. Check and see if your work places have EAPs and use them. It will help you process this.
I don't have any advice on how to handle moving forward for your sis, but I hope some of the other people here do.
Call me, anytime. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. <3
Post by emoflamingo on Oct 25, 2016 8:46:06 GMT -5
I was severely depressed at 13 and didn't wear black or listen to punk. Actually, I think that came later and lifted me out of it. The kids who listen to punk music (at least in my experience) are some of the nicest, most open people there are because they celebrate their differences more.
Don't push her to open up, remind her you are there for her for literally anything she needs and that you love her and want to support her.
Laz, I can't imagine what you are all going through but I am so sorry. This is heart-breaking but the good thing is she is in a safe place, you are now all aware and can start to move forward to help her.
I'm sorry to hear this and hope she gets the help she needs.
Don't beat yourself up about not noticing "signs". Wearing black and listening to punk is not one. People are very good at hiding how they feel.
I agree that those in itself aren't signs at all. Just that out of the blue she went from pink bubble gum to that - she even dances pointe and stopped caring about that. Again, teens change their persona constantly that's why we said, nah, it's just a phase. I was more referencing the major shift in preferences, that's all.
I was severely depressed at 13 and didn't wear black or listen to punk. Actually, I think that came later and lifted me out of it. The kids who listen to punk music (at least in my experience) are some of the nicest, most open people there are because they celebrate their differences more.
Don't push her to open up, remind her you are there for her for literally anything she needs and that you love her and want to support her.
I'm sorry - I didn't mean to imply that those were her issues. Just that practically overnight she went from being a ballerina to the complete opposite - which was totally fine, we let her and said that she was either testing this out/maybe it was a phase/teenagers change all the time.
Now looking back we know she wore the long jeans and hoodies because she has been cutting since January (the doc told my mother this yesterday).
I was severely depressed at 13 and didn't wear black or listen to punk. Actually, I think that came later and lifted me out of it. The kids who listen to punk music (at least in my experience) are some of the nicest, most open people there are because they celebrate their differences more.
Don't push her to open up, remind her you are there for her for literally anything she needs and that you love her and want to support her.
I'm sorry - I didn't mean to imply that those were her issues. Just that practically overnight she went from being a ballerina to the complete opposite - which was totally fine, we let her and said that she was either testing this out/maybe it was a phase/teenagers change all the time.
Now looking back we know she wore the long jeans and hoodies because she has been cutting since January (the doc told my mother this yesterday).
It happens. Just don't blame yourself for not seeing it, though, because I don't think it's necessarily a sign of anything. Teen years are rough, man. They're trying to find their place in the world and figuring out where they belong. Maybe she'll go back to dance and use it as a therapy in addition to the therapist and psychiatrist/psychologist. Having an artistic outlet is fantastic for mental health.
The current psych facility where she's admitted should be referring her to outpt psychiatry and therapy before she's discharged. Make sure they do that. It should be easier for them to get her appointments within the next few weeks since she was in crisis than it would be for you to cold call people yourself.
I agree with all this. When my son was in crisis last year I was shocked at how many people just assumed we (his parents) knew what to do and who to call. Even hospital staff and my pedi's office. We didn't have a clue, and it was only when I started demanding resources and asking very specific questions that we finally got somewhere. If someone can't help you, tell them to send someone who can. If a resource/facility can't help you, ask them for suggestions on others. Don't give up. Our school's guidance counselor was helpful.
I'm so sorry for your sister, you, and your family. Things must seem very dark and overwhelming right now. Big hugs to you all. This isn't your fault.
I'm so sorry. I'd consult with her psychiatrist about the school issue. Maybe they'll have a good strategy that takes into account your sister's as well as your parents wants. Is private school an option? Or maybe a charter school?
I hope your sister is able to get the help she needs. Please don't beat yourself up about this, the teenage years are freaking rough.
Post by MixedBerryJam on Oct 25, 2016 9:22:50 GMT -5
I'm going to add one thing to all the helpful advice you've already gotten here. It was a different kind if crisis that precipitated, of course, but my sons were close to that age when my husband died. I moved them from a pediatrician to a "young adult medicine" specialist. If that's an option I'd suggest looking into that, too, although maybe not until your sister is stablized, so that she continues with some with whom she feels safe. We had a great pedi staff, but they simply weren't equipped to deal with the adult medicine needs that seep into a teenager's world. (((hugs))) to all of you.
Post by mrsukyankee on Oct 25, 2016 9:23:38 GMT -5
@lazerus24, as an ex-school counsellor, & current psychotherapist this is what I would tell a parent. Connect the psychiatrist/therapists at the inpatient unit with me, the school counsellor. Talk to the school about what was found and what is going on. If you decide to change schools, then make sure the new counsellor is up to speed. Work with the inpatient unit on finding support once she leaves - they may have good suggestions for counselling or even suggest a staggered return to school with some outpatient counselling. The best thing to do is make sure that everyone is connected and communicating.
And note that your little sister can move on from this. At 13, kids can't see that anything will change. But, with some help, they can see that things can change, that they can have a voice, etc. Your mom won't have to live in fear her entire life, as your sister may learn how to communicate when she's feeling badly and learn some skills to deal with her feelings.
Hugs. And feel free to pm me any time if you have worries or questions.
Post by lilmissladybug on Oct 25, 2016 9:23:47 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Laz. I just want to echo everyone else here about her finding a therapist she clicks with and just being there for her.
My daughter is only 11 but when she was 9 in 3rd grade, she was bullied by a couple girls and she told her teacher one day that she wanted to kill herself. Her teacher called me, we had a meeting with the principal and I immediately called a therapist and her pediatrician. I knew she had issues with a couple girls but I didn't know it was that bad. It was one of the most terrifying things to hear.
That's difficult to navigate, I hope for your family and for her in particular that you all work your way through this with some semblance of peace. Good luck.
Post by aussiecrush on Oct 25, 2016 9:41:45 GMT -5
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. There's so much good advice here I only have one thing to add. My family watched me like a hawk (understandably) after my attempt. Sometimes though it did more harm than good. It reinforced the feelings of being damaged and weird. There's so much to navigate here but when you can inject some normalcy, small things that aren't related to this, getting Starbucks, a favorite movie, whatever, it might mean an awful lot to your sister.
@lazerus24, I'm so so sorry to hear this. I'm so glad she's ok physically and getting the help she needs. It will be a tough road, but hopefully, looking back, this will eventually just be a short time in her life.
And I'm glad you posted this. A positive thing that can come of this is that you can help others go through the same thing you are with your sister. ((hugs))
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by lovelyshoes on Oct 25, 2016 9:57:52 GMT -5
I'm so sorry Laz, but I'm so glad that she is ok. I think talking to a counselor who specializes in teens will help guide you guys in the right direction. I think you should switch her school though.
Thank you so much everyone. Mom talked to the pedi and they already had an appt this Friday due to her birthday being last week, so they extended the time frame for the appt to include discussing this and told my mom they will wait for reports from the psych place and go from there. It feels good to have that done and know they will help provide guidance.