I had a great relationship with my in laws till my ex up and took off. We'd been together almost 12 years, married over 10. Since then, they have completely ignored me and DD and she took it super hard as she was their granddaughter (step cause ex wasn't her dad but that "didn't matter to them") and they doted on her for 12 years. I still talk to a few of the cousins but absolute silence from the 2 people who swore they loved her as their own.
Your poor girl They are terrible, terrible people.
She did some incredibly shitty things when we were in the hospital with ZB. Then had the fucking gall to complain when we didn't drive down and visit her that first year after.
She also complains all.the.time. ALLTHETIME! ALL THE FUCKING TIME!
I bought her an xmas present this year, and my dh actually asked if I was feeling ok. No, I'm not, but I'm sucking up going and seeing her this weekend, and figured I'd get her something so she shuts the fuck up about never getting fucking gifts anymore. Or really I did it just to get under her skin so she has to find something else to complain about.
*breathes in* *breathes out* It'll be fine. Just fine.
My MIL isn’t awful. We don’t have a lot in common, but she tries.
So let me take this moment to provide you all a little affirmation. You’re not imagining it: your MILs sound like the most heinous of bitches. May the Force be with y’all.
Post by flamingeaux on Dec 19, 2017 22:26:08 GMT -5
My MIL doesn't try to get involved at all with our son unless it's his birthday. My SMIL has been pretty great lately but was a nightmare for a while. I'm finally starting to deal with my emotional health issues and have started seeing a counselor and tried to talk to my mom about it. Conversation went something like this: "I've been dealing with this since high school, but I worked very hard to hide it" her response:"well I really think you'd be happier if you weren't so heavy." So, yeah.
Post by rupertpenny on Dec 19, 2017 22:32:24 GMT -5
My inlaws are generally nice and generous people, and I actually get along well with my MIL.
But OMG, she is comically bad at buying gifts for me. It is like she has never met me before. The bridesmaids at my wedding wore wine colored dresses so she is 100% convinced my favorite color is purple. She buys me clothing items exclusively in lilac and lavender because that's obviously my favorite. Purple is like the one color I never wear. She also wanted to send me 5 pounds of Butterfingers for Halloween because she knows how much I love them. I have never in my life eaten a Butterfinger, I have no clue what she is talking about.
She would probably find different, less funny ways to bother me if we lived on the same continent. But we don't, and I'm ok with that.
She's mostly fine, she's good to me and my kids, but I will never be over them whipsawing us with insane demands and secret plans for 18 months before moving 2 miles away from us, only to decide to move BACK across the country 10 months later when my SIL got pregnant. And then telling me "it's not that I'm choosing her children over yours." I get she meant in spirit but she was LITERALLY doing exactly that. There was nothing to say in response so I just looked at her.
Also, they keep two giant bins of shit here for us to store so they can customize the guest room whenever they visit. We'll buy your favorite toilet paper or what have you. Just ask. Andplusalso get the hell over yourselves! You're visiting! IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE.
She's mostly fine, she's good to me and my kids, but I will never be over them whipsawing us with insane demands and secret plans for 18 months before moving 2 miles away from us, only to decide to move BACK across the country 10 months later when my SIL got pregnant. And then telling me "it's not that I'm choosing her children over yours." I get she meant in spirit but she was LITERALLY doing exactly that. There was nothing to say in response so I just looked at her.
Also, they keep two giant bins of shit here for us to store so they can customize the guest room whenever they visit. We'll buy your favorite toilet paper or what have you. Just ask. Andplusalso get the hell over yourselves! You're visiting! IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE.
Customize it how? I am envisioning throw pillows and the like.
She's mostly fine, she's good to me and my kids, but I will never be over them whipsawing us with insane demands and secret plans for 18 months before moving 2 miles away from us, only to decide to move BACK across the country 10 months later when my SIL got pregnant. And then telling me "it's not that I'm choosing her children over yours." I get she meant in spirit but she was LITERALLY doing exactly that. There was nothing to say in response so I just looked at her.
Also, they keep two giant bins of shit here for us to store so they can customize the guest room whenever they visit. We'll buy your favorite toilet paper or what have you. Just ask. Andplusalso get the hell over yourselves! You're visiting! IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE.
Customize it how? I am envisioning throw pillows and the like.
Well, I peeked because I was curious. Pillows, a clock, a throw blanket, a calendar, the aforementioned toilet paper, a small desklamp, some drinking glasses, and some stuff I can't remember.
Also some stuff I guess they don't feel like packing each time like slippers and toothbrushes. Those, I get. But pillows, lamps, blankets, TP, etc. are supplied by me for all guests, I swear. It's not a concrete cell with a bare cot and single unshaded bulb, promise.
Customize it how? I am envisioning throw pillows and the like.
Well, I peeked because I was curious. Pillows, a clock, a throw blanket, a calendar, the aforementioned toilet paper, a small desklamp, some drinking glasses, and some stuff I can't remember.
Also some stuff I guess they don't feel like packing each time like slippers and toothbrushes. Those, I get. But pillows, lamps, blankets, TP, etc. are supplied by me for all guests, I swear. It's not a concrete cell with a bare cot and single unshafed bulb, promise.
I think I remember you posting pictures when it was completed and it is charming. I understand the toiletries being left behind, but not the other stuff. lol Well, I guess we all have our quirky sides.
I wish I could have a better relationship with my MIL but I'm not sure I see it happening.
When DH and I were first dating, we got along great but once it had been a while, I think she saw me as stealing him away. What she doesn't know is when she complains about him not calling or visiting enough (she only lives 45 mins away and the road and phone go both ways) is that if it weren't for me bugging him, it would be even less often.
Before we got married we were living together in the condo I bought and needed to get rid of a new BBQ I bought due to changes in rules of the HOA, she made a huge deal that "we" gave it to my parents instead of her. My parents live 10 mins away and we could easily drive there to use said BBQ.
When I was oregnanat, she sent me a passive aggressive message on FB about how she hoped I would allow her to be part of the new member of HER family's life. She has always resented that I am close with my family and DH is too. DH will hang out with my brother and cousins without me, they're all friends. And she sees it as is favoring my family... No.. we just have things in common with them.
At my wedding she cornered me and went on about FIL ( they had divorced a couple years earlier) being there, how horrible it was. DH works with FIL and they have a good relationship. Not sure why she thought we would exclude him.
She whines about not seeing our son enough but makes no effort to come to us or even interact with DS when we're at her house.
In a nut shell, she's always the victim and everyone should cater to her.
Customize it how? I am envisioning throw pillows and the like.
Well, I peeked because I was curious. Pillows, a clock, a throw blanket, a calendar, the aforementioned toilet paper, a small desklamp, some drinking glasses, and some stuff I can't remember.
Also some stuff I guess they don't feel like packing each time like slippers and toothbrushes. Those, I get. But pillows, lamps, blankets, TP, etc. are supplied by me for all guests, I swear. It's not a concrete cell with a bare cot and single unshaded bulb, promise.
I can see myself doing this when I’m old. I’m very particular. Lol. My sister was offended that I bought hand soap when I visited her.
Well, I peeked because I was curious. Pillows, a clock, a throw blanket, a calendar, the aforementioned toilet paper, a small desklamp, some drinking glasses, and some stuff I can't remember.
Also some stuff I guess they don't feel like packing each time like slippers and toothbrushes. Those, I get. But pillows, lamps, blankets, TP, etc. are supplied by me for all guests, I swear. It's not a concrete cell with a bare cot and single unshaded bulb, promise.
I can see myself doing this when I’m old. I’m very particular. Lol. My sister was offended that I bought hand soap when I visited her.
My dad seriously takes his cappuccino machine with him when he travels. He flew from TN too CA on vacation for a week and packed the damn thing. He's a little odd.
As for my mil, she passed a few months before I met DH. He says we would not have gotten along well, and I believe it. Hell, she left him to live with his grandma who kept him locked in a closet, and when he was a baby he almost froze to death because she left him in a car while she was partying. He would have died had a friend not found him.
Post by Dumbledork on Dec 19, 2017 23:56:01 GMT -5
My step-grandma recently threw her phone against the wall because she was told that, due to flu precautions at the hospital, only parents and grandparents (meaning my cousin and my aunt and uncle) were allowed to visit my cousin’s newborn.
She refused to talk to any of them for a month after.
Threw her phone. Over a hospital health and safety policy.
She later told us that cousin’s wife hardly ever brings the baby over and she just doesn’t understand why.
My inlaws are generally nice and generous people, and I actually get along well with my MIL.
But OMG, she is comically bad at buying gifts for me. It is like she has never met me before. The bridesmaids at my wedding wore wine colored dresses so she is 100% convinced my favorite color is purple. She buys me clothing items exclusively in lilac and lavender because that's obviously my favorite. Purple is like the one color I never wear. She also wanted to send me 5 pounds of Butterfingers for Halloween because she knows how much I love them. I have never in my life eaten a Butterfinger, I have no clue what she is talking about.
She would probably find different, less funny ways to bother me if we lived on the same continent. But we don't, and I'm ok with that.
I like my MIL although we live really far apart and communicate almost exclusively through my H so that helps a lot. We don't have much in common but she is mostly pleasant and means well and truly cares about us. But I do have a really hard time with my mother. We are currently not speaking because I dared to call her on her shitty behaviour during her last visit. Reading some of these stories has made me feel a bit more normal. And OMG some of them are so brutal and I'm shocked and sorry anyone has to deal with that level of bullshit.
I'm working my way through all the posts. So therapeutic to know I'm not alone.
She raised a narcissist. Just like the one on TV running the country. I keep searching if it's nature vs nurture and I think it's both so she and FIL would be the nurture part. I see her lying about little things you don't need to lie about, her obsession with putting on a act and showing off, her selfishness. I've heard stories that my husband was the class bully at age 5 yet she did nothing to teach him that it's wrong? Combined with the shitty qualities in FIL (constant arguing, nitpicking fights over nothing), she raised the narcissist I unfortunately naively married. I do feel a little bad because she sees her son do wrong things in front of DD and me like getting behind the wheel intoxicated (we were not in the car). Her saying "Stop you are a father now, drinking and driving is not right" has zero effect. I am beyond reproach how one raises a monster like this but clearly she is not alone. Where was this lesson on right vs wrong when he was terrorizing the kindergarten class?.
Beyond that, she used to sneak very large sums of money to my husband after we were married and he would claim it was for both of us to use. But she'd never tell me and wouldn't write my name on the "memo" line. He used some of it to buy our car and some of it to buy our house and wasted the rest of it so maybe it was for both of us but then why not present it as a gift to both of us? When I finally called her out on it a few years later, she asked questions about our spending habits. I could tell she was fishing to see if we had used the money for our vacations (we had not) so she could claim some sort of superiority.
I just can't with her. She had the means to go visit her MIL after my husband left the house and was a grown adult. She went once in 10 years before her MIL passed away. She never goes to see her FIL and he is still alive. And she expects me to drive a screaming toddler 4 hours down I-95 because "family"? No.
sent, I want to let you know, despite your medical issues from the last year, you are strong. Please don't feel like you have to stay with your husband. It's ok to leave.
I like my MIL. She's kooky though. MH and I are actually starting to worry about her a little bit. She keeps locking herself out of her Facebook, instead of resetting her password she creates a new account. I am friends with 5 of her on FB. She also had a happy birthday message to one of my stepdaughters as her status the other day, her birthday was two months ago. She's also a drinker though so there's that. She's always nice to me and my son(from a previous marriage) though.
My MIL and I got along great, but after she passed away in 2013 my husband, SILs, and I found out just how bad her financial situation had and that it was starting to poison relationships with friends and family (asking people for loans) which would have likely trickled down to her kids before too long. She was a good person with a good heart but had a history of making bad money decisions.
ExSMIL on the other hand? I thank my lucky stars every holiday season that she and FIL are officially divorced and that I no longer have to deal with her and her BS. Some gems include:
-the year it was her and FIL's turn to host Christmas with the extended family, she let it slip halfway through the meal that she had been battling a stomach bug and the last time she had thrown up was less than 4 hours before the guests arrived. I think she was looking for praise for being "such a trooper" or some such BS. Yeah...almost all of the people in attendance (adults, children, and a baby) were puking within 48 hours. She then got pouty the next year when it came time to plan the next year's gathering and someone made a comment about not exposing the rest of the family to a stomach virus.
-she showed up at my H's bartending job on his last night there, drunk as a skunk, to bitch about FIL. Including claiming she would tell people FIL had beaten her and that she would use makeup to "make it look real".
-the day after MIL died, she (SMIL) called me under the initial guise of wanting to see how we were doing and proceeded to launch into a rant about how FIL wasn't in a good mood. While FIL and MIL had been divorced for 20+ years, they were still cordial to one another and she was his college sweetheart and mother of his children. So yeah, he was upset.
-my BFF was kind enough to host a small luncheon baby shower for me at her home for some of my friends and immediate family/ILs that lived in town. SMIL showed up in a dress that looked like something she'd wear to the bar (super low cut, leopard print, and short) with a bloody mary in hand, then proceeded to loudly complain that BFF had not stretched her tight budget even more to buy alcohol to serve.
-after AJ was born, she would send me drunken text rants every few months about how my parents see AJ more than they (she and FIL) do and we never ask them to babysit like we would my parents, blah blah blah. The only response those ever got was "If FIL has a problem, he needs to address it with his son." She HAAAAATED that I quit engaging but damn, after years of her crap I just couldn't take it anymore.
Thankfully, after a couple false alarms of separation papers filed and divorce papers served and then rescinded they are officially divorced and she is out of our lives. Except for FIL, because she refuses to sign the listing agreement to put their house on the market as the judge ordered. So her Christmas present from FIL is going to be contempt of court charges.
The rest of my ILs? (FIL and two SILs) There are various things about all of them that aggravate me but I wouldn't say I hate them. Their family dynamic is very different from my family's dynamic and that has taken a lot of adjusting to.
I love my MIL. My in laws are very kind, generous, loving, helpful, non intrusive etc. The only flaw is they go big game hunting. Like, they kill elephants and lions for sport.
She's mostly fine, she's good to me and my kids, but I will never be over them whipsawing us with insane demands and secret plans for 18 months before moving 2 miles away from us, only to decide to move BACK across the country 10 months later when my SIL got pregnant. And then telling me "it's not that I'm choosing her children over yours." I get she meant in spirit but she was LITERALLY doing exactly that. There was nothing to say in response so I just looked at her.
Also, they keep two giant bins of shit here for us to store so they can customize the guest room whenever they visit. We'll buy your favorite toilet paper or what have you. Just ask. Andplusalso get the hell over yourselves! You're visiting! IT'S NOT YOUR HOUSE.
Oh, cville. I laughed out loud because my parents do something very similar. Only not in bins, they just take over drawers/the closet in the guest room. Every time, I offer to pick up anything they'd like to have during their visit. Every time, they say, "Oh, no, we'll just go to Target when we get there!" My mom leaves clothes and shoes so she doesn't have to pack them the next time, they stash their toothbrushes and lotions/toothpaste and other ... stuff.
I found KY jelly when I was cleaning out the guest bathroom when we moved from CO. Let me tell you, that is NOT on my list to stock for guests.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I love my MIL. My in laws are very kind, generous, loving, helpful, non intrusive etc. The only flaw is they go big game hunting. Like, they kill elephants and lions for sport.
I love my MIL. My in laws are very kind, generous, loving, helpful, non intrusive etc. The only flaw is they go big game hunting. Like, they kill elephants and lions for sport.
::gasp::
I know! When the Cecil the lion thing happened s few years ago I had to check and see if my in laws were in Zimbabwe then because it could have been them.
I love my MIL. My in laws are very kind, generous, loving, helpful, non intrusive etc. The only flaw is they go big game hunting. Like, they kill elephants and lions for sport.
Honestly, I think this is the worst one yet. That would be unforgivable to me. I’m upset just thinking about it.
My MIl is truly the most kind wonderful person, but she is also SO EXTRA when it comes to gifts (and gift giving makes me really uncomfortable.). Leslie Knope extra.
She does throw the most elaborate, Pinterest parties for everything, from baby showers to pre-trick or treating. They are amazing, but NOT EVERYTHING REQUIRES A GIFT.
This will be me. I hope my DIL/SIL don't hate me lol.
I know this comes from my own insecurity, And it’s nice to be in a family where everything is celebrated, even when I realize that Thanksgiving is at giftgiving occasion and I’m unprepared.