My MIL - I don't hate her. I just ... don't really like her much. She insists on calling herself "mom" when she writes to me. No. You are not my mom and I don't like you enough to ask to be adopted.
Mine does the “mom and dad” thing but told my H about 3 years ago that I didn’t act like I wanted to be a part of their family ever. I met her maybe 2 months after my own mom died and she has ALWAYS signed things “mom” so maybe it started as a flinching reaction but who knows. I was all of 21 at the time and not in the best of places when she started the mom thing.
She plainly favors my SIL and 3/4 of her kids (my nephew is still a step above my kids but he isn’t favored). It’s extremely obvious to everyone but MIL and SIL how extreme the favoritism is. They spent thousands flying to across the country for my oldest niece to take part in a event, but has seen my kids maybe 6 times all year despite being retired since March. She comes to SILs house a lot to help with her kids and their scheduling so she was around, but wouldn’t stop by. They ended up buying her a house, so she is at least more than a block away.
Really, they’re missing out, not my kids. I’ve stopped caring past the fact that my husband gets hurt in the process.
I see we have our first “but the holiday magic!” 🙄
I guess I don’t understand why the holiday is totally ruined if the grandparents aren’t there.
Maybe they just want some space from everyone this year, and I think it’s fair for them to be able to take it.
But, I admittedly have a cold black heart and want to be a recluse #goals
This is where I am. I'm not going to be having Christmas with my GD this year because of the move. Are my kids crushed about it? Nope. And I think even though it may be disappointing, people are allowed to change their minds about what they do for Christmas if they're not hosting a shindig themselves, especially if there's a fair amount of travel involved.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
I see we have our first “but the holiday magic!” 🙄
I guess I don’t understand why the holiday is totally ruined if the grandparents aren’t there.
Maybe they just want some space from everyone this year, and I think it’s fair for them to be able to take it.
But, I admittedly have a cold black heart and want to be a recluse #goals
Maybe it's just what you're used to? I didn't grow up with grandparents and don't see the need for them on Christmas either. But my in-laws come up for Christmas. In my mind, it's more for them than for my kids.
Then there was the Great Haircutting Incident of 2017 when she butchered my son's hair. He looked like a joke. I was pissed that she cut his hair at all (waited until my SO was out of the room and did it fast), but doubly pissed that she did such a shitty job!
MIL did exactly this to DD back in 2015 when she was around 18 months or so. Cut her hair without telling anyone, not even sure when she did it because my husband was home 95% of the day. She was irritated that DD's hair was in her face. Instead of using the clips I left to keep it out of her face, she took it upon herself to chop it in an uneven manner. Because chopping it meant she could be lazy and not have to use the clips. I posted a vent thread about it here back on June 1, 2015. In the thread I declared that I was going to limit the amount of time DD spent alone with MIL.
Well that came back to bite me in the butt exactly a year later. June 1, 2016 is when I landed in the hospital and had no choice but to leave 2.5 year old DD in MIL's care full time for the next 3 months because my husband had to return to work. MIL took DD to get this super short chop job at the hair salon as soon as she could. Because lazy. I used to put DD's hair up in little elastics prior to that and she always complained to me how she could't do that. They would send me pics of DD and I would cry that it didn't look like her. My family told me to stop being upset about hair because I was in no position to tell them how to care for her when I was 800 miles away and couldn't care for myself. But I was just so sad from missing her, seeing her with a chop job didn't make me feel any better.
I used to actually hate my MIL. Now I’m just exhausted by her. She sends us random shit we never need (Eagles can attest to this), she is the queen of passive aggressiveness, and my H struggles with feeling valued by his family when they downplay his successes.
She’s done some shitty stuff to me in the past, and I used to really feel anger. Now it’s just a nuisance.
It's the weirdest combination of random and bizarre. And she fucks with your H's head. I don't like her.
No flaming from me. I'm sorry your H is hurt. MIL goes on my shit list when she makes H angry/sad.
This is where my resentment comes from. They only like to point out negative things about my H in a "joking" way while praising SIL for like...breathing. You hurt my husband and I will nurture a grudge like it's my own child. I'll have it read out at my funeral in a list of grievances.
I see we have our first “but the holiday magic!” 🙄
I guess I don’t understand why the holiday is totally ruined if the grandparents aren’t there.
Maybe they just want some space from everyone this year, and I think it’s fair for them to be able to take it.
But, I admittedly have a cold black heart and want to be a recluse #goals
TBH, the idea that once my kids are grown and married that i have to plan every holiday around them makes me kind of tired. What if I want to go on vacation one year? Not to get back on the subject of Tamb, but the thought of babysitting 3 small children full time for no pay once I am retired sounds just terrible too. I have my own stuff to do.
I thought my MIL was bad, but after reading these she doesn't compare which is surprising because many of my friends have told me they feel bad that I have her for a MIL.
Yeah, my MIL isn't terrible. I mean she & FIL do support trump and have ragged on H (without me being present) about how we don't attend the WELS Lutheran church and didn't get DS baptized as an infant. Mostly they avoid subjects of church & politics with us because we're never ever going to agree or be on the same side.
I have nothing in common with her or FIL and I think they failed my H in huge ways. He's an successful as he is despite them IMO. MIL 'homeschooled' him but worked during his 6th grade year. So H didn't do 6th grade. And once the course work got above what MIL/FIL could handle they basically let him flounder on his own. WTF!? Thank the Lord they let him attend public high school!
I see we have our first “but the holiday magic!” 🙄
I guess I don’t understand why the holiday is totally ruined if the grandparents aren’t there.
Maybe they just want some space from everyone this year, and I think it’s fair for them to be able to take it.
But, I admittedly have a cold black heart and want to be a recluse #goals
I think this depends on the context. The only living grandparents I had lived 14 hours away. They could fly and visit if they wanted, but they didn't. They skipped big events like my high school graduation because they were "too old to travel" but came up 2 months later for vacation less than an hour away. If the grandparents don't normally visit then fine do what you want. I don't think grandparents should move their entire lives around the grandkids, BUT if the grandparents were all "you have to have 15 babies the minute you get married" and then they don't show up for holidays/birthdays etc. that's an issue.
My husband's family would do this. They pressure us to have a kid, but then if we did they would tell us we have to travel to them and gulit us for staying home if DH had the holiday off.
My MIL claims that when she was two, she was alone with her grandfather. She was in her “pram” when her grandfather started to “have a fit.” She climbed out of the pram and went to get help. Turns out, her grandfather was having a stroke and she saved his life.
AND AND AND....
When MIL was 11, she realized that her pregnant cousin was not well. MIL advised the cousin that they should “take that baby early.” The doctor disagreed. You see where this is going, right? Turns out they had to do an emergency csection later on and everyone almost died. The point of MIL’s stories is always the same: if you don’t follow her advice, people will die.
DH always says his mom doesn’t let the truth stand in the way of a good story.
My MIL claims that when she was two, she was alone with her grandfather. She was in her “pram” when her grandfather started to “have a fit.” She climbed out of the pram and went to get help. Turns out, her grandfather was having a stroke and she saved his life.
AND AND AND....
When MIL was 11, she realized that her pregnant cousin was not well. MIL advised the cousin that they should “take that baby early.” The doctor disagreed. You see where this is going, right? Turns out they had to do an emergency csection later on and everyone almost died. The point of MIL’s stories is always the same: if you don’t follow her advice, people will die.
DH always says his mom doesn’t let the truth stand in the way of a good story.
Hahaha my mil claims that she potty trained my h at 6 months and by “she” she means her aunt who ran the daycare. Her aunt heard these claims and said that it was not true. He was not pt at 6 months, more like after 2, however, mil still insists that he was. She loves changing events to suit her narrative and she genuinely believes it. She is George costsnza.
my MIL also has wacky stories. Like when my kid was running around with a toothbrush she was horrified and told us a story about this one time someone she knew, they asked their daughter to go fetch a knife and guess what? the child fell and stabbed herself in the head with the knife.
Totally relevant to the toothbrush thing right ...
She often has an outlandish story that illustrates why a parenting "choice" we are making is a bad idea. She doesn't say "you shouldn't do that" she just says "I remember this one time..." tells the story of woe, and acts as though it's an innocent, unrelated to now story. and if we say "so... what are you trying to say?" she says "nothing! I'm just saying ..."
a couple weeks ago she said out of the blue that she read this article that suggests people don't spend enough time really FOCUSING on their kids, giving them one on one time, getting down at their level and just playing with them. And we said "What are you trying to say?" and she said "oh nothing! Just something I read ... "
But really, I mean compared to some of these stories I am very lucky because she's an overall great lady and the kids adore her.
I see we have our first “but the holiday magic!” 🙄
I guess I don’t understand why the holiday is totally ruined if the grandparents aren’t there.
Maybe they just want some space from everyone this year, and I think it’s fair for them to be able to take it.
But, I admittedly have a cold black heart and want to be a recluse #goals
TBH, the idea that once my kids are grown and married that i have to plan every holiday around them makes me kind of tired. What if I want to go on vacation one year? Not to get back on the subject of Tamb, but the thought of babysitting 3 small children full time for no pay once I am retired sounds just terrible too. I have my own stuff to do.
I definitely understand this theory, & certainly don’t expect grandparents to do running, babysitting, etc. (for my future child(ren)). Nonetheless, I didn’t think I was being unnecessarily/ overly sentimental in expecting my IL’s to maybe do more than send a group “cards are in the mail” text less than a week before Christmas when announcing they wouldn’t be joining for Christmas Eve, as we all expected based on what THEY’d said before leaving. *and I do understand I was just being whiny & pissy in my first post & definitely should’ve included all relevant details. I was hot, & thoughtlessly posted as if it was a flame-free thread.
my MIL also has wacky stories. Like when my kid was running around with a toothbrush she was horrified and told us a story about this one time someone she knew, they asked their daughter to go fetch a knife and guess what? the child fell and stabbed herself in the head with the knife.
Totally relevant to the toothbrush thing right ...
She often has an outlandish story that illustrates why a parenting "choice" we are making is a bad idea. She doesn't say "you shouldn't do that" she just says "I remember this one time..." tells the story of woe, and acts as though it's an innocent, unrelated to now story. and if we say "so... what are you trying to say?" she says "nothing! I'm just saying ..."
a couple weeks ago she said out of the blue that she read this article that suggests people don't spend enough time really FOCUSING on their kids, giving them one on one time, getting down at their level and just playing with them. And we said "What are you trying to say?" and she said "oh nothing! Just something I read ... "
But really, I mean compared to some of these stories I am very lucky because she's an overall great lady and the kids adore her.
Is your husband my brother? lol My mom has a cautionary tale for nearly everything my children do and does the same act where she acts like she isn't implying anything.
the most annoying thing to me is that she has all these cautionary tales about random things yet when I tell her to not put the kids in a carseat with a puffy coat or tie the straps so they aren't flapping about, she acts like I'm being silly. I even sent her the videos of crash tests. She brushes it all off! But then if my kid if climbing on a rock she's all OMGGGG!!!! I read this story about rocks and kids ..!!!!!!!!!" lol
Oh if we've jumped into why our MILs are insane and not just why we hate them, then I the following contribution:
She lies to people about her wedding anniversary. She will tell people she got married in 1986 instead of 1987 and also add a year to her anniversary number so that no one will figure out she was pregnant when she got married. In 2017. Her son is nearly 30. No one cares, Cheryl.
TBH, the idea that once my kids are grown and married that i have to plan every holiday around them makes me kind of tired. What if I want to go on vacation one year? Not to get back on the subject of Tamb, but the thought of babysitting 3 small children full time for no pay once I am retired sounds just terrible too. I have my own stuff to do.
I definitely understand this theory, & certainly don’t expect grandparents to do running, babysitting, etc. (for my future child(ren)). Nonetheless, I didn’t think I was being unnecessarily/ overly sentimental in expecting my IL’s to maybe do more than send a group “cards are in the mail” text less than a week before Christmas when announcing they wouldn’t be joining for Christmas Eve, as we all expected based on what THEY’d said before leaving. *and I do understand I was just being whiny & pissy in my first post & definitely should’ve included all relevant details. I was hot, & thoughtlessly posted as if it was a flame-free thread.
I don't think anyone is flaming you, just the idea of forced family time.
I really have no major complaints about my MIL; she's fine, and makes more of an effort to be nice now that she lives in my house, and we get along fine. Prior to having DD1, she would do this weird hot and cold thing so I'd never know what MIL I'd be seeing when we saw her, but I guess giving her the first girl grandchild softened her.
I have one million complaints about my FIL, but I don't even have the energy to get into them right now.
We've had a rocky relationship. I don't hate her but I don't necessarily like her. She's done some shitty things to me. I am very different from them and she has a hard time accepting it. She regularly keeps me out of family activities because she doesn't know how to talk to me/ is afraid of me. The afraid part might be true because I call her out on her BS regularly and I've made her cry a couple times. She is a master gossiper, and I like to keep things private because I know it will be told to the entire town. She also loves drama. Recent incidence was our family Christmas pictures. I got about 30 from the photographer and only displayed 2 on FB. She wanted 1 for her Christmas card/letter. She complained to my H that she wouldn't have any Christmas pictures now because all the pictures we had were on FB and she wanted a picture no one had ever seen before! Woe is me! Unfortunately, we live like 3 miles away from them so we see them every week. I hide my dislike for the sake of my kids.
I really have no major complaints about my MIL; she's fine, and makes more of an effort to be nice now that she lives in my house, and we get along fine. Prior to having DD1, she would do this weird hot and cold thing so I'd never know what MIL I'd be seeing when we saw her, but I guess giving her the first girl grandchild softened her.
I have one million complaints about my FIL, but I don't even have the energy to get into them right now.
I mean, that's kind of your MIL's personality - I feel the same way about her 😂
Post by mrsukyankee on Dec 21, 2017 13:02:54 GMT -5
My MIL is fine. I live with her. I have to admit it was nice to get a pretty much full time job so I didn't have to see her quite so often and it's really hit my H in ways we didn't expect by living in his childhood home with her.
I really have no major complaints about my MIL; she's fine, and makes more of an effort to be nice now that she lives in my house, and we get along fine. Prior to having DD1, she would do this weird hot and cold thing so I'd never know what MIL I'd be seeing when we saw her, but I guess giving her the first girl grandchild softened her.
I have one million complaints about my FIL, but I don't even have the energy to get into them right now.
I mean, that's kind of your MIL's personality - I feel the same way about her 😂
Oh well that's good to know! All these years I've had a complex...
Post by thedutchgirl on Dec 21, 2017 13:05:09 GMT -5
My XMIL is actually a very lovely person, although we don't speak anymore. But if we get to tell weird stories, I definitely have one.
She's a very, very strong animal lover. Vegetarian for animal cruelty reasons for 50 years, etc. One of the ways in which this evidences itself is the fact that she feeds feral cats in her neighborhood. Like any who want to come on her deck to be fed. She also traps them, takes them in to be spayed/neutered, and then lets them go again, in an effort to control the local population.
But there are a couple cats who generally are more "house" cats. So she lets them in the house. She does so by leaving a front window just open. So the cats can just come in and out at leisure. Except you know what else comes in that window sometimes? RACCOONS. She has found raccoons in her house when she wakes up. More than once.
The last holiday I ever was there, one of the cats was dying of cancer, and peeing all over the house. It smelled disgusting, and I was apparently the only person who could smell it. I am so glad I never have to spend another holiday at her house.
These stories! Omg. Where do women like this come from? Is there something about having boys that makes women go crazy, or were they always this way? I know this isn’t a real question because there are toxic mothers of daughters too, but damn!
I just hope everyone’s kids pick up on this eventually. My grandmother was a terrible MIL to my mom, and none of us (me, my mom, and my siblings) shed a single tear at her funeral. People noticed too, and it was grand.
My MIL is, in general, a hateful bitch but she seems to be nicer to me than anyone else in the family. My DH’s sister definitely gets the worst of it. MIL is 100x’s worse to her own daughter than she is me.
I’ve tried to create the illusion of a decent grandma for my kids. We hustle them out of the room when things get heated, distract the kids when MIL is nasty to a random waitress, salesperson, nurse, etc. I buy gifts for my kids and write MIL’s name on the card so that my kids think she cares about them. But recently my 8 yo has started referring to his two grandmas as “the good one” and “the mean one” so apparently the jig is up. I figure 8 years was a pretty good run.
Oh if we've jumped into why our MILs are insane and not just why we hate them, then I the following contribution:
She lies to people about her wedding anniversary. She will tell people she got married in 1986 instead of 1987 and also add a year to her anniversary number so that no one will figure out she was pregnant when she got married. In 2017. Her son is nearly 30. No one cares, Cheryl.