And even I’m like, “Dude, high school is not this serious…”
While this is true, I think it can depend on where you go and which schools you might want to go to. Getting accepted at schools is getting harder, even for instate schools.
DotAndBuzz, does she have music on when doing homework? i know plenty of people that need some light background noise when working and prevents them from spacing out or needing more breaks.
If only I had gone to school April 3, 2001, I would have gone to Harvard!
Post by mysteriouswife on Mar 13, 2023 20:42:10 GMT -5
We allow mental health days for the kids. We did have to step in and stop DD. She was abusing it. We figured out it was only on days she had test in geometry. We also limit the phone and tv to 9 pm on school nights. 11 on weekends unless she is working or at a friend’s house. We had to do the early cutoff due to procrastination! She wouldn’t do any chores or shower until midnight. Then up around 6:30. DS has different rules due to age and ability.
I'm just going to comment that I love how many of you have kids in theater! High school theater is one of those things that will always give me a warm fuzzy feeling when thinking about it. It's such a special community.
I guess I'll also add - I was one of those kids who burned that candle at both ends through HS and much of college, and it kind of burned me out for life, lol. I have always been super wary of overscheduling myself as an adult and maybe it's unrelated, but I really think I learned the hard way what being so busy does to you. Perhaps if I had learned to take a break to decompress when I was younger, I would have figured out how to be less "all or nothing" with being involved in stuff.
I'm just going to comment that I love how many of you have kids in theater! High school theater is one of those things that will always give me a warm fuzzy feeling when thinking about it. It's such a special community.
I guess I'll also add - I was one of those kids who burned that candle at both ends through HS and much of college, and it kind of burned me out for life, lol. I have always been super wary of overscheduling myself as an adult and maybe it's unrelated, but I really think I learned the hard way what being so busy does to you. Perhaps if I had learned to take a break to decompress when I was younger, I would have figured out how to be less "all or nothing" with being involved in stuff.
My niece is a theater kid! Her next role is Marlin in Finding Nemo. I’ve been shocked at how intense it is. She LOVES it, though! I’m so happy she’s found her niche, it’s exciting to see her so excited about it all.
Ok douche, go ahead and call it mud. My husband DID have halitosis. We addressed it after I talked to you girls on here and guess what? Years later, no problem. Mofongo, you're a cunt. Eat shit. ~anonnamus
My oldest is almost 11 so unsure of how things will be for teenagers but we don’t allow any screens on “sick days” part of it being my daughter is a bit dramatic and always has some kind of pain going on. Don’t want to make a sick day too attractive so we have them rest a lot, read if they need something to do, but no tv or iPads.
That said I think a mental health day is a very reasonable thing but I agree with those who said it would also be a screen break day. Not that she needs to take a 10 mile hike haha, I’d say reading books, resting etc would be fine with me but no phone/social media.
You don't get to take a day off to watch Netflix because ...
Perhaps a middle ground?
My mother's rule was always if you are sick enough to be home, then you should take the day to rest. No TV, no phone time, no leisure reading, Completing missed school work or homework was okay, but otherwise we were expected to rest.
So in a case like this, I might offer my kid something like: "If you need a day to rest and reset. Let's talk about it. It would be a no screens, no texts day. You could choose between physically resting and recuperating in bed, or something physically active and just a mental rest like a big hike. Is that what you are looking for?"
And if she says yes and picked on of those two, or a combo (or something like a meditation day, whatever), then I can see allowing it.
No reading? That is tough, lol.
Back to the OP. Let her take a day off. I have a driven, hard working senior. I made her take a day off recently. I could see She was was burning out. I am trying to teach her that relaxing is not a moral failing and that she is not defined by her grades. I let her do whatever she wanted.
I guess I'll also add - I was one of those kids who burned that candle at both ends through HS and much of college, and it kind of burned me out for life, lol. I have always been super wary of overscheduling myself as an adult and maybe it's unrelated, but I really think I learned the hard way what being so busy does to you. Perhaps if I had learned to take a break to decompress when I was younger, I would have figured out how to be less "all or nothing" with being involved in stuff.
This idea of "being busy"... it's almost a pet peeve of mine! There are a couple adults that I know that are ALWAYS "OMG!!! I'm so busy!!!" - like it's some marker of, IDK, success? Importance? or...
But - I just want to say "slow down - you're not proving anything to anyone!"
And this is why if I know my son really is at a crazy point, I will allow him a day to decompress. I think we all need it occasionally.
this is a pet peeve of mine too...and the comparison that comes along with it
Before we had kids, this one guy said to my husband and I, "busy, you don't know what busy is until you have kids". And now we do have kids and we feel like, yes, this is busy...but so was those days of yore when we were in grad school, worked full time, had part time internships, and cared for aging parents
right now I have a coworker who is always sooooo busy and because she leads with it and is so outspoken, she avoids certain things because our director avoids assigning her more tasks. A lot of us are left feeling like we need to complain more, but it's really not our nature
I guess I'll also add - I was one of those kids who burned that candle at both ends through HS and much of college, and it kind of burned me out for life, lol. I have always been super wary of overscheduling myself as an adult and maybe it's unrelated, but I really think I learned the hard way what being so busy does to you. Perhaps if I had learned to take a break to decompress when I was younger, I would have figured out how to be less "all or nothing" with being involved in stuff.
This idea of "being busy"... it's almost a pet peeve of mine! There are a couple adults that I know that are ALWAYS "OMG!!! I'm so busy!!!" - like it's some marker of, IDK, success?
It's the martyrdom with some people that's so annoying.
One mom literally posts her daily schedule, and about how her kids are so busy and do so much. 🙄 That's your choice and no one cares but you. lol
Her post today:
"I woke to a missed call/VM. an email and text, school is having early dismissal and off tomorrow."
I guess I'll also add - I was one of those kids who burned that candle at both ends through HS and much of college, and it kind of burned me out for life, lol. I have always been super wary of overscheduling myself as an adult and maybe it's unrelated, but I really think I learned the hard way what being so busy does to you. Perhaps if I had learned to take a break to decompress when I was younger, I would have figured out how to be less "all or nothing" with being involved in stuff.
This idea of "being busy"... it's almost a pet peeve of mine! There are a couple adults that I know that are ALWAYS "OMG!!! I'm so busy!!!" - like it's some marker of, IDK, success? Importance? or...
But - I just want to say "slow down - you're not proving anything to anyone!"
And this is why if I know my son really is at a crazy point, I will allow him a day to decompress. I think we all need it occasionally.
I agree with this. I call it the cult of busy-ness. And it bothers me more when it extends to kids. Don’t get me wrong, I want my kids to be involved and have interests, but generally the OMG my kid is so busy is some kind of virtue signaling. I don’t have problems with needing a mental health day - sometimes there are seasons, like after a theater production, that are going to be more exhausting than others. But I also think it’s important that we structure our lives (and help our kids with theirs) so that we don’t go go go until we need a complete stop. Again, I recognize that isn’t always going to be feasible and we’ll have projects that will require burning the candle at both ends, but that should be the exception and not the norm.
Post by Jalapeñomel on Mar 14, 2023 9:48:33 GMT -5
As a high school teacher of arguably the hardest HS class, kids don’t need this pressure in high school. I wish kids took my class because they are interested in it, not because it looks good on college transcripts.
*Most* kids will find their way after high school whether it be college or not and turn into fully functioning, successful adults. They don’t have to get all As or go into the best or most expensive college.
I say this with love but parents and guidance tend to be the worst about pressuring kids (and are often gaslit into convincing themselves that *they* are pressuring themselves, no outside influence)***. They’re only young once, let them enjoy a little bit of it.
As a high school teacher of arguably the hardest HS class, kids don’t need this pressure in high school. I wish kids took my class because they are interested in it, not because it looks good on college transcripts.
*Most* kids will find their way after high school whether it be college or not and turn into fully functioning, successful adults. They don’t have to get all As or go into the best or most expensive college school.
I say this with love but parents and guidance tend to be the worst about pressuring kids (and are often gaslit into convincing themselves that *they* are pressuring themselves, no outside influence)***. They’re only young once, let them enjoy a little bit of it.
**not all kids
I really worry about this for DS1. He is only 11 but he puts so much pressure on himself. He will start to spiral about not getting into a good college because of some work that he does not for 5th grade (and to be clear he is getting straight As so this is never a real issue). I am thinking of having him go to therapy because I am worried, but also hoping once sports start up again he will have something to channel his energy into.
HIs teacher told him she knows this time of year can be stressful on her students and has been giving them lots of breaks, but he keeps hyper focusing on her saying its stressful (its like he now feels he must be stressed)
My mother's rule was always if you are sick enough to be home, then you should take the day to rest. No TV, no phone time, no leisure reading, Completing missed school work or homework was okay, but otherwise we were expected to rest.
No reading? That is tough, lol.
She was hard core. Anything that could pass as leisure time was out. Being unconscious or incapacitated was acceptable. lol.
I totally get your concern and it was good that you reiterated the expectations so she is aware, but this is a GOOD problem to have. She wants to be involved in things, has interests and friends! Sounds like she's got a great head on her shoulders. Reminder her again that this is a lot to be committed to and to make sure she is aware of what is expected of her if she proceeds and then let it unfold.
That's a lot. I did overschedule myself mostly with social commitments. I did have to learn the hard way that planning 2 social events in the same day that involved driving was a problem. Made me far more conscious to only plan 1 thing in a day unless the other thing was an easy structured thing. So maybe she has to learn the hard way.
That's a lot. I did overschedule myself mostly with social commitments. I did have to learn the hard way that planning 2 social events in the same day that involved driving was a problem. Made me far more conscious to only plan 1 thing in a day unless the other thing was an easy structured thing. So maybe she has to learn the hard way.
The show is literally the same day as a tennis match.
40 minutes away.
Pointing this out to her, the response was "as long as the match doesn't go long, and the show isn't until 7:30, I think I can make it."
Tennis sounds like a lot of time. But it seems like theater is really what she wants. I’d lean towards trying to let her do both. Is the show the only direct conflict, or do they directly conflict a whole bunch of times? Could she skip the tennis match on the day of the show? I think tennis and theater are two very different and valuable experiences, and high school as a great time to be able to try these things and find out more about what you really like.
Post by gretchenindisguise on Mar 17, 2023 10:22:10 GMT -5
L is learning the over commitment lesson right now too! How swell of our kids to do this together 🤣🤣
Never allowing it again, but L now agrees with me. I think they need to learn the lesson the hard way - through experience. It’s the only way they will actually learn the lesson.
Your choice is the right choice. You have made her aware, put everything in black and white, made her repeat it back to you, given her time to cycle through all the outcomes and now let the cards fall where they will. She will need to deal with the fallout on her own. Do not help or assist her when that time comes. I also agree no more mental health days. She is choosing this, and needs to handle it. Yes, I was a hard ass mom.
Post by heyyounotyouyou on Mar 17, 2023 10:54:42 GMT -5
Most adults over schedule their time and they don't have the same energy as a teenager. This is the time of your life to do everything. None of this is life or death, she'll figure it out or she'll absolutely love the involvement in everything.
DotAndBuzz, yikes and I am with you following the update. This will be a hard lesson about over extending oneself. And the reality is that just because another person has no issues balancing the two activities, does not mean she will. They are different people and her anxiety can make this kind of thing tougher for her.
I wouldn’t stress over it. You laid put your terms so now you have a simple response.
My teens over commit themselves as well. My general rule is "school comes first" so as long as they keep their grades at their normal range, it's fine.
Yes, they get tired but they don't have a lot of years to try this stuff out.
I actually don't think its a big deal to take a day off from time to time even if it is due to over committing.
I've pulled my son from school for karate demo events before. They sometimes leave school early for meets or games (with team).
They know they're responsible for any missed work. As long as it gets done, I support them.
🤷🏻♀️ sounds like she’s enjoying school and life. Good for her!
This is where I'm at. If she does all of that and keeps up with her school work I'm fine with a couple mental health days. She's earned it.
I'm here too. Obviously recognizing that my kid is not the same as all kids, I've learned that she actually manages her time much better when she has less of it to waste. The reality is that getting home at 3:30 directly after school does NOT translate into starting homework immediately, spending extra time studying and going to bed at a decent time. That's just not going to happen every day (maybe some days, sure).
fwiw, I also am not stressing about her grades. Could they be better? Yes. Are they decent? Also yes. She knows she has to go to school and work hard, but the other stuff is important also