Have you left your less than 3yo in a hotel room sleeping?

[wanderingback]

Several (at least 5) parents have told me they leave their under 3 year old kids in the hotel room with a camera while they go drink, eat dinner, etc. I assumed people did this, but wondering how common it is. I keep my thoughts to myself when this is discussed.

We briefly talked about this during the discussion where they family went to dinner and the dad died and the mom got arrested, but we never did an official poll  

[Jalapeñomel]

No, never.

[archiethedragon]

No, but I have left my 3 year old sleeping in their bedroom and gone in the backyard to hang out.

[gummybear]

No!! I am a pretty breezy parent too. There’s just too many uncontrollable variables in a hotel.

[jinkies]

It wouldn't have crossed my mind to do this. We traveled very infrequently when my kids were under 3 though so the opportunity wouldn't have even presented itself more than a couple times.

Some of our neighbors would frequently leave their kids sleeping and go to another house in the neighborhood to drink/hang out, but I wasn't super comfortable with that either. My kids were unpredictable sleepers; the people who did this swore that their kids never ever left their beds after bedtime. That is just a life that I can't imagine. LOL.

[pandorica]

Never have or will. At most I'd go onto the attached balcony/patio if there is one.

[beerlover]

No way and I'm fairly breezy.

I will admit I tried to leave my 7 year old to run to the store that's 2 blocks away for one item. He said he was fine with it, it was daylight in the summer, and I told him to stay right on the couch and I'd call him on his iPad when I got there and make sure he's OK etc. I get to the store and call him and he doesn't freaking answer, so I turned around and drove home (I'm sure this all took about 3 minutes max). He had walked over to my 60 year old next door neighbor's yard to hang out. What part of "don't leave the house and answer me when I call you" did you not understand, son?! Obviously I haven't tried to do this again. Thank goodness my neighbor's totally cool and didn't call CYS on me or something. Actually, she was like "let me just watch him while you go back to the store yourself" lol.

[gretchenindisguise]

Never. Way too many what if scenarios crawl into my brain.

[EvieEthelGarland]

I'm pretty breezy and free range, but heck no. Madeline McCann?

My DS is a teen and its just been in the past 2 years or so I've felt comfortable leaving him in the room while DH and I go out to dinner.

[sugarbear1]

No. I have only recently started leaving my kids in a hotel room by themselves for an extended period of time. They are 10 and 13 and both have devices they can use to contact me. I've only left them while they are still sleeping so I can get a morning work out.

[blondemoment123]

Absolutely not.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I've left my sleeping kids in the house while I was out in the backyard in a house we rented on vacation, but I had monitors with me and we weren't staying with anyone else. I would never, ever do that in a hotel.

[starburst604]

Do these people mean they are dining/drinking inside the same hotel where the child is sleeping? When DD was that age, she'd have been scared if she woke up in that situation and we weren't there, though I suppose the parents could speak through the camera and hustle back to the room in that scenario. I haven't personally done this with a child that age, but I guess it's not that different from going out in the yard or a next door neighbor's house. The hotel size would be a consideration too, are we talking a 3 level Comfort Inn or The Bellagio?  The situation where the dad died and the mom was arrested, if I recall they were not on the hotel premises.

DD is 8 and when we've gone to sports tournaments (where we are talking a 3 story Comfort Inn), the parents have all hung out in the lobby after the kids go to bed. To me it's a comfort level thing and knowing your own kid I guess.

ETA: The Madeline McCann case - while totally scary, she was taken from a bungalow with unlocked windows. It's not quite the same to me as a normal hotel room with the only way in being the locked hotel door. 

[loira]

Never ever in a million years. She's 8 now and I still wouldn't. I am admittedly NOT breezy about stuff like that. It took me ages to feel comfortable with letting her bike to the playground around the corner from our campsite when we go camping. Also I lived in the UK when Madeline McCann went missing and that story got burned into my brain.

[mofongo]

Oof, I'm clutching my pearls!

[waverly]

We haven't. I only remember a couple of times that we even stayed in a hotel that had a restuarant in it, and we took the kids to eat there with us. We quickly learned that kids were annoying all in one room and at restaurants, so then we started renting a house and cooking there or loading everyone into the car to go out to eat.

[noodleoo]

I wouldn’t even do this with my 8 year old, hell no to leaving a baby/toddler!

[Stan]

No. In the military they don't want us staying in first floor rooms and when we're in the room we're supposed to have all the possible locks set. There are too many people who work for a hotel with master keys. I don't know their intentions with me or my kid. Hotel rooms are not safe enough. A house/backyard situation is totally different and I don't judge anyone who does that but I wouldn't do it without multiple locks on the home's entry points that she couldn't leave through (like a lockable deadbolt) and something preventing entry from the outside. I also wouldn't leave her in a room with windows easily accessible. We switched the intended layout of our home to have her windows behind the fence and eight feet up. My husband uses the intended nursery as his office.

[eb777888]

Noooooooo. I would never.

[bears]

I had a former coworker who complained that the resort where she stayed in Mexico didn't give her a baby monitor that would transmit from their fifth floor suite to the pool. Her kids were 1 and 3 at the time. I seriously had no idea how to respond to that utter insanity.

We try to get a place where there is some separation with the beds or, at the very least a balcony. I remember one time after we put them to sleep MH and I brought our beers into the bathroom and hung out in the (empty) bathtub until we were ready to go to bed.

[underwaterrhymes]

Absolutely not.

[wanderingback]

Ok maybe someone will be brave enough to click yes and discuss. So far it’s an unanimous no!

Literally multiple parents have told me this unprovoked. Including 2 mom’s who are generally very anxious and have diagnosed anxiety and take meds for it. I guess their meds are working well lol.

My partner and I just switch off going out after she goes to bed if we want to go out on vacation.

[mcppalmbeach]

No. I’m shocked so many people do that! I’m sorry that is way too young to leave a child unattended in an unfamiliar place. There is really nothing you could say to convince me otherwise! I wouldn’t even leave my 6yo in that situation. With my 12 yo with him then I might but not even sure about that. A few years ago my neighbor behind me had a little backyard bbq. His next door neighbors were there with their two older girls and the mom had a video monitor with her to watch their son who was under 1 and napping. That didn’t really bother me because she literally could have been back in her house in less than 60 seconds if needed plus he wasn’t mobile so he couldn’t get up and look for her.

[sdlaura]

Nope, we would have one parent stay in the room with napping/sleeping baby while the other parent took the other kids out to eat or play.

I will however say that I had a woman alert the police on me when I was standing 30 feet from my locked, climate-controlled car watching my daughter play softball while my 3-year-old finished a nap in the car. I was looking back at the car every couple of minutes, to see when he woke up, and at one point see a woman with a police officer looking into the car. So I walked over and asked if there was a problem and the police officer said something like "this is not a good idea" and so I woke up my kid who started screaming and carried him the 30 feet with me to where I had been standing. The crazy thing to me is that the woman who saw my son would not let it go when she realized all was well, called another police officer, and had him come talk to me.

So no, I would not leave my baby sleeping in a hotel room while going to dinner. But the example above is not the only interaction I've had where I think people in my area have maybe gone a bit too far the other way in terms of concerns about child endangerment.

ETA - he was also in a 5-point harness that he can't get out of, so it's not like he was going to wake up and get out of the car himself and I wouldn't notice.

[wanderingback]

Mar 8, 2024 13:34:40 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Do these people mean they are dining/drinking inside the same hotel where the child is sleeping? When DD was that age, she'd have been scared if she woke up in that situation and we weren't there, though I suppose the parents could speak through the camera and hustle back to the room in that scenario. I haven't personally done this with a child that age, but I guess it's not that different from going out in the yard or a next door neighbor's house. The hotel size would be a consideration too, are we talking a 3 level Comfort Inn or The Bellagio?  The situation where the dad died and the mom was arrested, if I recall they were not on the hotel premises.

DD is 8 and when we've gone to sports tournaments (where we are talking a 3 story Comfort Inn), the parents have all hung out in the lobby after the kids go to bed. To me it's a comfort level thing and knowing your own kid I guess.

ETA: The Madeline McCann case - while totally scary, she was taken from a bungalow with unlocked windows. It's not quite the same to me as a normal hotel room with the only way in being the locked hotel door. 

Yes, they mean (as far as I can tell) dining and drinking in the same hotel. I obviously did not get super specifics like size of hotel, I just smiled and nodded! But 3 of the families have kids a little bit older now (like older than 6) now, so it just casually came up in conversation when I was talking about our first trips with our daughter and they all mentioned they used to set up FaceTime and leave their child and go out in the hotel. Like this was a regular thing on their vacations (I think one was a cruise).

And then the other 2 are from a small mom’s group I’m in, so their kids are all around the exact same age as our daughter (16 months). I was talking about an upcoming trip that’s half for work/giving a talk and I’m bringing our daughter cause I’m breastfeeding. 1 mom said she’s done the camera multiple times and encouraged me to do it and another mom who I don’t think they’ve done on vacation yet goes on vacation soon and said they’re planning to do that. I told them thanks for the encouragement but I’m too paranoid for that and kept the conversation going.

[soccermama]

I can also be breezy about certain things, but I would not feel comfortable leaving a toddler alone in a situation like that. Even if you have your kid's sleep schedule/routine down pat and they "never" wake up after being put down, there is always the chance they could and especially if they are sleeping in a different place.

[eb777888]

Mar 8, 2024 13:52:28 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Ok maybe someone will be brave enough to click yes and discuss. So far it’s an unanimous no!

Literally multiple parents have told me this unprovoked. Including 2 mom’s who are generally very anxious and have diagnosed anxiety and take meds for it. I guess their meds are working well lol.

My partner and I just switch off going out after she goes to bed if we want to go out on vacation.

I wonder if parents that do this give them some kind of sleep aid because 3 is a crazy age to leave alone! I'd be so sad to think of my 3y/o scared and alone not knowing where I am. And I remain judgmental AF over the couple who left their two kids across town while they went to dinner. I always thought that was so reckless. 

[starburst604]

Mar 8, 2024 13:57:32 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Mar 8, 2024 13:34:40 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Do these people mean they are dining/drinking inside the same hotel where the child is sleeping? When DD was that age, she'd have been scared if she woke up in that situation and we weren't there, though I suppose the parents could speak through the camera and hustle back to the room in that scenario. I haven't personally done this with a child that age, but I guess it's not that different from going out in the yard or a next door neighbor's house. The hotel size would be a consideration too, are we talking a 3 level Comfort Inn or The Bellagio?  The situation where the dad died and the mom was arrested, if I recall they were not on the hotel premises.

DD is 8 and when we've gone to sports tournaments (where we are talking a 3 story Comfort Inn), the parents have all hung out in the lobby after the kids go to bed. To me it's a comfort level thing and knowing your own kid I guess.

ETA: The Madeline McCann case - while totally scary, she was taken from a bungalow with unlocked windows. It's not quite the same to me as a normal hotel room with the only way in being the locked hotel door. 

Yes, they mean (as far as I can tell) dining and drinking in the same hotel. I obviously did not get super specifics like size of hotel, I just smiled and nodded! But 3 of the families have kids a little bit older now (like older than 6) now, so it just casually came up in conversation when I was talking about our first trips with our daughter and they all mentioned they used to set up FaceTime and leave their child and go out in the hotel. Like this was a regular thing on their vacations (I think one was a cruise).

And then the other 2 are from a small mom’s group I’m in, so their kids are all around the exact same age as our daughter (16 months). I was talking about an upcoming trip that’s half for work/giving a talk and I’m bringing our daughter cause I’m breastfeeding. 1 mom said she’s done the camera multiple times and encouraged me to do it and another mom who I don’t think they’ve done on vacation yet goes on vacation soon and said they’re planning to do that. I told them thanks for the encouragement but I’m too paranoid for that and kept the conversation going.

Omg leaving a kid alone on a cruise is a terrible idea! I'm too terrified by the stories of people just disappearing, presumably gone overboard either by accident or by possible foul play. I can't think of anyone I know who has admitted to leaving a child that small alone in any kind of travel scenario. If people don't want to go to bed when their kids do, then spring for a suite FFS!

[wanderingback]

Mar 8, 2024 13:14:27 GMT -5 gummybear said:

No!! I am a pretty breezy parent too. There’s just too many uncontrollable variables in a hotel.

Yeah. I’m laid back too!

I live in a several story apartment complex that has rec area and a gym, work space, etc. So in some ways similar to a hotel, but nope I won’t leave her. I don’t even go downstairs to check the mail.

I guess maybe I might understand a bit more if you’re a single parent and never ever get a break and this vacation is your only time alone. But all of these families are in heterosexual relationships and going out to dinner or drinks with their husbands. I love going out by myself lol.

[wanderingback]

Mar 8, 2024 13:58:34 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Mar 8, 2024 13:52:28 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Ok maybe someone will be brave enough to click yes and discuss. So far it’s an unanimous no!

Literally multiple parents have told me this unprovoked. Including 2 mom’s who are generally very anxious and have diagnosed anxiety and take meds for it. I guess their meds are working well lol.

My partner and I just switch off going out after she goes to bed if we want to go out on vacation.

I wonder if parents that do this give them some kind of sleep aid because 3 is a crazy age to leave alone! I'd be so sad to think of my 3y/o scared and alone not knowing where I am. And I remain judgmental AF over the couple who left their two kids across town while they went to dinner. I always thought that was so reckless. 

There has been no mentions of sleep aids!