A thread for those of us separated/divorced

[pinkdutchtulips]

starburst604

Speaking from experience they absolutely do. It wouldn't shock me if it came out that some of Miss R's behaviors are a trauma response to her dad's meth use. She was 4 but saw things no 4yo should see.

[starburst604]

Oct 1, 2024 17:01:08 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

starburst604

Speaking from experience they absolutely do. It wouldn't shock me if it came out that some of Miss R's behaviors are a trauma response to her dad's meth use. She was 4 but saw things no 4yo should see.

Poor R 😕 My friend has 6 yr old triplets who were upstairs and screaming for help for their mom. I think they will remember even more because they will remember it together. This wasn’t the first episode of DV at the home There’s a lot ahead for these poor kids. Addiction is the devil.

[sonrisa]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I know you are helping get him representation to minimize legal fallout for you and the children. I hope you can also get your own advice on what the worst case scenario fall out could be and what steps you can take now to protect yourself and the children.

Are there financial ramifications?
Will he be barred from practicing his profession?
What happens if he gets the strictest sentencing (does that mean prison time) and where would that likely be?
Could he be confined to your home or have other restricted mobility/transportation?
Could he (or your address) end up on a registry? 
Is it worth considering divorce to protect both of you? (ie. create legal separation so his mistakes don't bankrupt you).

[shauni27]

Oct 1, 2024 17:11:31 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

Oct 1, 2024 17:01:08 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

starburst604

Speaking from experience they absolutely do. It wouldn't shock me if it came out that some of Miss R's behaviors are a trauma response to her dad's meth use. She was 4 but saw things no 4yo should see.

Poor R 😕 My friend has 6 yr old triplets who were upstairs and screaming for help for their mom. I think they will remember even more because they will remember it together. This wasn’t the first episode of DV at the home There’s a lot ahead for these poor kids. Addiction is the devil.

Such an upsetting story! I am sorry to hear that your friend and her children have had to go through this.

[campermom]

Thank you to everyone who encouraged me. I filed in August and just got my first direct deposit child support for this months payment, on time, in one sum. Just as it has been ordered. Everything from before is now caught up. It was a lot of work to get it, but it’s just such a relief.

I’m taking my daughter to her first concert very shortly, I bought tickets so long ago from her bday. It’s my first concert in a 24 years. We couldn’t spend money on things like that, even when I tried to buy his preferred artist for a birthday gift for him, years ago. It’s Billie Eilish and this is going to be such a healing experience.

[sparkythelawyer]

Oct 1, 2024 18:08:42 GMT -5 Poppy said:

Poof.

Deleted.

[mae0111]

Oct 3, 2024 12:45:10 GMT -5 sparkythelawyer said:

Oct 1, 2024 18:08:42 GMT -5 Poppy said:

Poof.

Deleted.

thank you both

[starburst604]

I’m leaving for my girl’s trip to Napa tomorrow. STBX got himself blocked before I could even board the plane!

[lust2hart]

Oh fuck him.

[heyyounotyouyou]

The audacity.

[emilyinchile]

What even is a Vegas pin cushion?! It makes me think someone with lots of piercings, but I'm sure that's wrong. Even his insults are unhinged. What a satisfying reply from you!

[starburst604]

Oct 9, 2024 20:34:12 GMT -5 emilyinchile said:

What even is a Vegas pin cushion?! It makes me think someone with lots of piercings, but I'm sure that's wrong. Even his insults are unhinged. What a satisfying reply from you!

I’m guessing he is accusing me having sex on trips to Vegas when I was single before meeting him and therefore being a pin(penis) cushion. He’s deranged.

[jlt19]

starburst604 I hope you have an amazing time!

I planned a trip to NYC a few months ago and just got up the nerve to tell XH today (via email). I leave Nov 8 😬 To be fair, it’s 100% during his scheduled time, so I technically didn’t have to tell him at all. I mostly hesitated because I’m going with a friend of his from college (he was in their wedding, I’m going with the wife). Also because he was irrational when I went to Florida in May with MY college friends, similar to your ex.

[starburst604]

Oct 9, 2024 20:54:23 GMT -5 jlt19 said:

starburst604 I hope you have an amazing time!

I planned a trip to NYC a few months ago and just got up the nerve to tell XH today (via email). I leave Nov 8 😬 To be fair, it’s 100% during his scheduled time, so I technically didn’t have to tell him at all. I mostly hesitated because I’m going with a friend of his from college (he was in their wedding, I’m going with the wife). Also because he was irrational when I went to Florida in May with MY college friends, similar to your ex.

Thanks! He was a dick anytime I did trips with friends (which were incredibly rare while we were married) so I knew this was coming. He can’t stand to have no control over me anymore. It’s honestly kind of satisfying to see how a trip to wine country is making him spiral. I have a trip to Vegas in February that I likely won’t even tell him about since it’s on his parenting time. This one I had to ask him to swap with me.

[livinitup]

starburst604 It’s not normal how he uses your daughter and being a mom against you. He weirdly twists it like a slur and weapon.

I just got a flash of some purity class for middle school girls and a bandaid prop.

Really, it’s not normal to talk to other adults like that.

[noodleoo]

starburst604, that is so fucked up. I can’t even explain how messed up it is. It’s patronizing while also being so offensive. Who does he think he is to say something like that to you? I’m sorry you have to deal with him. I’m glad you blocked him. Enjoy your trip!

[Roc A Bee]

Honestly I’d only communicate via a court app. His text is so inappropriate.

[sonrisa]

It sounds like *He* is the one who needs to remember he has a 9 year old daughter, not you.

Most moms of 9 year olds have sex. Very few dads of nine year old girls talk about women that way.

[starburst604]

Oct 9, 2024 23:56:30 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

Honestly I’d only communicate via a court app. His text is so inappropriate.

Yes once I get home I’m going to do it. He BEGGED me not to, said he would be better and I said fine he had one more chance but now he’s blown it

The idea that HE of all people is trying to be some sort of morality officer is high comedy, truly. Y’all should see the wall of text that came after that resulting in me blocking him. He/this is not normal at all and it’s honestly sad that I spent so many years being spoken to this way. Hindsight and all…

What he wanted out of this was for me to get emotional and start battling back so he can feel like he got to me and ruined my time but I didn’t give him anything. His feelings about women and sexuality are truly fucked and toxic.

[maudefindlay]

If anyone needs reminding they are the parent of a 9 year old (daughter or son) it's your STBX. He has substance abuse issues he won't get help for, he is verbally/emotionally abusive, has anger management issues, and is an adulterer among many other things. If you had a healthy sex life before marriage that should be celebrated. Men would get a high five. Since we are internet friends I'll just say "You go woman!"

Eta He has had ample extra chances to not be abusive via text and has used them all. Glad you are shutting it down with app only communication as he will never change.

[gottadobe]

Absolutely vile.

[lavenderblue]

I just can't even with this dude. WTF

[scm1011]

Wow, the f-ing audacity. Its pathetic, really. Move on, dude.

[blondemoment123]

What. The. Fuck.

You're a father speaking to the mother of your child like that.

[pinkdutchtulips]

starburst604

Enjoy Napa .. be grateful you're arriving AFTER our heatwave

My xh was like yours trying to use my past before him against me. Who the eff cares WHAT you did in Vegas before you met him ?!? Who cares what you did before him or after him for that matter?

[bcv513]

Have the best trip starburst604! And try to enjoy the fact that your X is freaking out over the thought of you living your best life

[Roc A Bee]

I don’t know what your custody agreement looks like but we try to only travel when my SKs are with their mom. It is just so much easier than asking for a favor or even having to tell her. We travel and may mention it to the kids, but that’s it.

I know that’s not always possible, but I’d limit any contact with him. He sounds…unhinged.

[starburst604]

Oct 10, 2024 10:56:29 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

I don’t know what your custody agreement looks like but we try to only travel when my SKs are with their mom. It is just so much easier than asking for a favor or even having to tell her. We travel and may mention it to the kids, but that’s it.

I know that’s not always possible, but I’d limit any contact with him. He sounds…unhinged.

Ideally I’ll always do that. This trip was planned 6 months ago and with 6 people trying to come together it was the weekend that worked best for everyone and I really wanted to go.

[amandakisser]

starburst604, your STBXH sounds very similar to mine. He is completely unhinged and loses it on me via text ALL THE TIME. We are finally using a co-parenting app, which is great because it has a "tone meter" and will flag any inappropriate message.

Mine currently can't have visitation because he's drinking again, when he has the girls, so his anger has escalated to dangerous levels. It's not a good situation right now.

[shauni27]

starburst604, wowwwwwwwwww. in no way does that surprise me, but still reading it shocked me. I despise this guy.

Have so much fun! Extra fun knowing how miserable it is making him