A thread for those of us separated/divorced

[starburst604]

Nov 24, 2024 20:22:59 GMT -5 jlt19 said:

Nov 22, 2024 11:00:12 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

blondemoment123 I love when STBX "isn't speaking to me" over what is always dumb bullshit. Who do they think they're hurting with that?! I think our most recent streak of friendly co-parenting ended this morning because dumb shit. A couple of weeks ago he verbally asked if I could cover him on 12/4 and 12/5 for some industry events and I said it shouldn't be a problem, but when I went to put it in my calendar last week I realized I have a concert on 12/5 that I bought tickets for months ago. So I asked him to send me any upcoming dates he needed help with, because there were more, and he said he'd get me a list but didn't. Finally today I said that I thought he had mentioned 12/4 and 12/5 but I realized I can't do 12/5. He immediately got adversarial about it, when I wasn't being difficult, I just genuinely can't cover that night. Not that I need to explain myself but I said I was going to the Mariah Carey Christmas Concert and bought the tickets months ago. He was all "B.S. Knock it off. I told you weeks ago. Tell Amanda you're busy". (that's my friend who lives in his building that he hates me hanging out with) I sent him the Venmo screenshot of me paying my cousin for my ticket back in August. His reply was "I'll ask my attorney how my career impact child support and your social life moving forward." Ok big guy, go ahead and ask her that. If he could be normal I'd have offered to help find a babysitter, at his cost, but now he's on his own. Lucky for me, he's going away this weekend so I won't have to deal with him at DD's games. 

ETA: he just texted me to apologize for that exchange and said that I've been more than accommodating with covering him when needed. Will a pig be flying past my office window next? 

His new “career” shouldn’t impact your child support at all unless he’s making more. Because if he took a pay cut, then it should still go off the old amount, as he’s shown himself capable of making that.

My attorneys said men will often try to get lower paying jobs just to owe less, but the courts don’t fall for that anymore. And that’s in Missouri, so I’m sure that’s long been a thing in Mass!

I’ve learned to take the peace and any “apologies” at face value. Because I know it won’t last and if there’s a reason for it, it’ll soon become apparent anyway. Enjoy the ignorant bliss when you can!

Oh he’s making the same so there’s no change in support. He was trying to suggest that I’m supposed to cover his parenting time when he has a conflict due to work no matter what. Not how that works! If your job is so time consuming that you can’t keep up with 50/50, then you need to reconsider the parenting split, dickhead! That’s why I just laughed it off.

[livinitup]

Nov 24, 2024 11:38:22 GMT -5 Accountingcat said:

Random thoughts on my mind this morning...I don't know where to live or go. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just venting.

My current plan is to get a 1 year lease where I currently live (Chicago). I don't want to upset my whole life during this process. But the truth is I'm not tied to here at all. I don't have any family here or a big friend network. No kids and I'm 100% remote for work. I've lived here for 6 years due to STBXH's family. It's expensive and I really don't like the cold. I can't go back to my hometown, it's too conservative, and I'd never meet new people there. It seems very freeing (and scary) to know that the dog & I could just go anywhere.

My bff’s sister has a 2nd home in a nice spot in North Carolina as a rental income/family spot and just had a 1-year tenant. Why? Renter was recently divorced and wanted to refresh & recharge for a year by the beach. BFF’s sister was beyond thrilled to luck into a long-term renter. She gave her a great deal on rent in exchange for the long lease. Win-win for both. (And she’s a loud liberal, haha)

[sugarbear1]

Accountingcat, I have an ADU in metro Seattle and I have rented to two different women in your position. Maybe you could do a 3 month lease in a couple different cities to get a feel for where you'd like to put down roots.

TW suicide





My exH is a good parent and we get along pretty well, but this week has thrown me for a loop. He is -- and always has been -- in deep depression with very little remedy from therapy or meds. I believe he is doing both, still. He recently went through an awful breakup and as I am his only local friend (and he really only has one other friend), I have been his sounding board. It sounds more awkward than it is, but obviously I'd prefer to not be in this position. I am heartbroken for how miserable he is and I know I played a role in that.  All that said, he loves our kids and generally, we are good co-parents.

He owes me about $5k and the number just keeps increasing. All kid-related. I realized a couple weeks ago that I was never going to see a penny of that and I know the number glares at him every time he opens the app-- which he has to do in order to enter things he's paid for. Of course I encourage him to do this since it helps pay off his debt to me. In any case, I told him the other day to forget about it. Erase the debt, start over, zero strings attached, have a good Christmas. He was grateful and said he was not too proud to take it (I was worried that he would refuse, so I waited to have the conversation in person when the kids weren't around, rather then via text).

The very next day, he flew off the handle at his brother, his only other friend (he's up to three, if you include me). "Eff you, piece of shit Trump voter, this is all your fault and your piece of shit state, I should have unalived myself when I had the chance..."

Thankfully his brother called me and I think we are going to circle the wagons with ex's friend, but I'm not really sure how to go about doing this. He won't ever say those things in front of me, I don't think, especially now that we are in a good place. But I'm worried for my kids. I do not believe he will hurt himself NOW, but who knows? These are not things that healthy people say.

[lavenderblue]

sugarbear1, I am so sorry that you are in the position. I use to think that people who threaten to unalive themselves often times don't follow through, that is, until they do. After threatening for more than a decade my ex attempted to unalive himself last Summer. It was very jarring and incredibly difficult for my children. All of that to say, he's lucky to have you in his life, and hopefully he will be receptive to seeking some additional help.