A thread for those of us separated/divorced

[starburst604]

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

[amandakisser]

May 21, 2024 12:33:38 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

May 21, 2024 11:08:10 GMT -5 amandakisser said:

My XH revealed that he relapsed - he had been sober from alcohol since the end of December. He came to the house to see the girls and was crying to me, telling me he still loves me and misses me. I know he's depressed because his life shattered, but all of this was tough to hear. I'm very melancholy today and he's heading back to rehab for the third time tonight. He's really upset with himself, and I'm being more supportive this time but it's...a lot. I just want to be out of this addiction nightmare.

I left/divorced someone in the throes of addiction. There comes a point (3x in rehab would definitely be IT for me) where you have to let them go and be responsible for themselves. What you say/do has ZERO bearing on how they turn out. You have to watch out for your kids more. He's your xh, no longer your responsibility. It may look cold and callous, but the day I left, I made peace with the fact that he'll get clean and sober OR end up 6' under. The choice was his not mine. In 2021, 8y after I left, he found himself 6'under. 

Do you have full legal/physical custody? An addict isn't fit to be a parent in any way, shape or form. 

I have full physical custody, and he gets visitation every-other-weekend and one weeknight. He's required to submit to random breathalyzers as well. I've actually been VERY cold and hands-off (he mentioned the other day how he felt I abandoned him when he needed me the most) so this is the first time I tried a different approach. He's back in rehab now, and I won't hear from him til he's out, but I intend on telling him this is his final relapse and he won't be able to see the kids at all if it happens again.

[kaneen]

I encourage anyone dealing with an addict of any sort to go to Alanon. If I knew any one of you in real life I’d go with you.

[Aloe Vera]

campermom can you use some sort of tough skin mediator to handle all the comunication with him? It sounds so exhausting to deal with such a DB.

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

My ex took his girlfriend to Vegas (the place he always whined about me dragging him to) and stayed in our hotel. In the same room type. I do not blame you one bit but I don't hope he gets eaten by a shark.

I hope one nibbles his tiny twig and berries off and leaves him the nutless wonder outside that he is on the inside.

[pinkdutchtulips]

May 22, 2024 8:59:33 GMT -5 kaneen said:

I encourage anyone dealing with an addict of any sort to go to Alanon. If I knew any one of you in real life I’d go with you.

Another vote for Alanon. It really helped me put things into perspective and gave me the tools to handle him. 

[starburst604]

May 22, 2024 13:23:51 GMT -5 Nugget T. Brain, The OG said:

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

My ex took his girlfriend to Vegas (the place he always whined about me dragging him to) and stayed in our hotel. In the same room type. I do not blame you one bit but I don't hope he gets eaten by a shark.

I hope one nibbles his tiny twig and berries off and leaves him the nutless wonder outside that he is on the inside.

Why are they so unoriginal? If I took a trip with a man someday, I'd want it to be somewhere I've never been with STBX. Not some carbon copy of our experiences. You're right, him going through life without a dick would be way more punishment than death. 

[Roc A Bee]

May 21, 2024 17:21:59 GMT -5 campermom said:

Do you have two kids with phones? I’d be tempted for him to pay for one and you pay for one and no one owes anyone money.

[blondemoment123]

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

Somehow this guy just gets worse and worse...

[expatjen]

May 22, 2024 13:46:09 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

May 22, 2024 13:23:51 GMT -5 Nugget T. Brain, The OG said:

My ex took his girlfriend to Vegas (the place he always whined about me dragging him to) and stayed in our hotel. In the same room type. I do not blame you one bit but I don't hope he gets eaten by a shark.

I hope one nibbles his tiny twig and berries off and leaves him the nutless wonder outside that he is on the inside.

Why are they so unoriginal? If I took a trip with a man someday, I'd want it to be somewhere I've never been with STBX. Not some carbon copy of our experiences. You're right, him going through life without a dick would be way more punishment than death. 

Cause they’re so lazy. My XH took his assistant to London last month, which was a favourite of “ours”. It’s eye rolling, but also stings a bit, too (if I’m being honest).

[Totally not sofamonkey]

May 22, 2024 14:19:42 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

May 21, 2024 17:21:59 GMT -5 campermom said:

Do you have two kids with phones? I’d be tempted for him to pay for one and you pay for one and no one owes anyone money.

If he paid for one, he’d be able to see the texts etc from that phone. On the surface, it might seem more simplistic, but in this case it absolutely is not.

[campermom]

May 22, 2024 14:19:42 GMT -5 Roc A Bee said:

May 21, 2024 17:21:59 GMT -5 campermom said:

Do you have two kids with phones? I’d be tempted for him to pay for one and you pay for one and no one owes anyone money.

He already went that route when he bought out 11 year old a phone and tracked me with it. And let her have Snapchat so I could pick up the pieces of putting a limit on that

[spindle92]

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

My exH took his whore to the exact same resort WE WERE MARRIED AT!

[campermom]

May 22, 2024 10:55:42 GMT -5 Aloe Vera said:

campermom can you use some sort of tough skin mediator to handle all the comunication with him? It sounds so exhausting to deal with such a DB.

we have been through 3 mediators. He keeps taking me back for various reasons.

This is a game to him bc he has unlimited funds and time. His mental energy is also not spent on his 3 kids.

I think he’d be very excited to take me to a Parent Coordinator. They are expensive, 6 sessions minimum and during the day only. He knows I have limited paid time off, and at last court appearance he has 900 hours. I’m now down to 7.

It’s not about winning. It’s about engagement. He likes to win too….i mean winning in his mind was gaining $23 out of my pocket but spending 6 hours doing it

[starburst604]

May 22, 2024 16:20:53 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

My exH took his whore to the exact same resort WE WERE MARRIED AT!

These fucking guys!!! 😡

[spindle92]

May 22, 2024 16:26:24 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

May 22, 2024 16:20:53 GMT -5 spindle92 said:

My exH took his whore to the exact same resort WE WERE MARRIED AT!

These fucking guys!!! 😡

They are so fucking stupid it's almost comical.

[jlt19]

I’m feeling every one of you lately. I thought things would be easier after the divorce was final, but nothing has changed. It’s actually worse. Now my sister has stepped up to be our communications mediator 🙄. This was not initiated by me, but whatever. I prefer not to see or talk to him anyway, so she can deal with him. But he’s also saying he’s actively applying for jobs out of town and even told DD that yesterday. I am furious with him. She handled it calmly, but I know DS won’t, which he shouldn’t have to. It’s such a selfish decision when he has stopped taking his antidepressants, hasn’t seen a therapist, basically has done nothing to begin to heal. But yes, moving away from your kids will help.

[nospaekae]

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

How fucking original. You should at least feel good that it sounds like he's putting as much effort into his new relationship that he put into yours. Further proof that is was him and not you (not that you need it.) 

I'd be pissed if I was the new GF too, but it sounds like she knew what she was getting into and has no problem with it. May they both swim in jellyfish infested waters.

[starburst604]

jlt19 what the fuck is wrong with him? Do you think he’s pulling this thinking you’ll beg him to stay? I’m sorry things are still so tough. You guys had a mercifully fast divorce but maybe he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust (which is NO excuse for planning to move away from your kids). I really think he’s doing this to make you reach out to him. Call his bluff though!

[starburst604]

May 22, 2024 17:37:40 GMT -5 nospaekae said:

May 22, 2024 8:28:19 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

STBX is taking his gf to the Bahamas this weekend, to stay at his friend's condo where we spent our 10th and final anniversary this past October. So that hurts. He pulled some shit yesterday that just opened up the volcano and I've been lashing out at him. I may have said I hope they both get eaten by a shark. Oops.

How fucking original. You should at least feel good that it sounds like he's putting as much effort into his new relationship that he put into yours. Further proof that is was him and not you (not that you need it.) 

I'd be pissed if I was the new GF too, but it sounds like she knew what she was getting into and has no problem with it. May they both swim in jellyfish infested waters.

Apparently she must love sleeping in the same beds I’ve slept in. Both the one in his new apartment that was ours, and now in the friend’s condo. 🙄

[lust2hart]

May 22, 2024 18:55:51 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

May 22, 2024 17:37:40 GMT -5 nospaekae said:

How fucking original. You should at least feel good that it sounds like he's putting as much effort into his new relationship that he put into yours. Further proof that is was him and not you (not that you need it.) 

I'd be pissed if I was the new GF too, but it sounds like she knew what she was getting into and has no problem with it. May they both swim in jellyfish infested waters.

Apparently she must love sleeping in the same beds I’ve slept in. Both the one in his new apartment that was ours, and now in the friend’s condo. 🙄

Well, to be fair, I bet you smell amazing. 

[sadlebred]

My wish for all of you is to get full custody of your kids and your ex's to be banished from your lives!!! Hugs!

[Roc A Bee]

Co-parenting with someone who is use to gaslighting and has traumatized you through infidelity is a circle of hell that isn’t spoken about enough. My experience is through my DH whose first wife cheated and then he had to proceed to coparent with. It’s been awful at times. Hugs to everyone!

[starburst604]

My STBXMIL just texted me about a quote I shared on FB, saying to stop stirring the pot, the divorce is between me and STBX, think of DD, lots of exclamation points,  blah blah blah. I replied very tersely that he should have thought about that before destroying his family for his old girlfriend and that I'll feel and say whatever I want. I am just feeling like burning it all down this week.

[AdaraMarie]

May 23, 2024 15:38:17 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

My STBXMIL just texted me about a quote I shared on FB, saying to stop stirring the pot, the divorce is between me and STBX, think of DD, lots of exclamation points,  blah blah blah. I replied very tersely that he should have thought about that before destroying his family for his old girlfriend and that I'll feel and say whatever I want. I am just feeling like burning it all down this week.

It's between you and him but she's putting herself in the middle. Hmmm...ok.

[Aloe Vera]

May 23, 2024 15:38:17 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

My STBXMIL just texted me about a quote I shared on FB, saying to stop stirring the pot, the divorce is between me and STBX, think of DD, lots of exclamation points,  blah blah blah. I replied very tersely that he should have thought about that before destroying his family for his old girlfriend and that I'll feel and say whatever I want. I am just feeling like burning it all down this week.

Must be hard for her to be reminded her son sucks  
I'd remove her from your friends list. I assume you have her cell phone number so if you need to share something or communicate with her, you can still text/call. And I would also do it with anyone not 100% on your side. After XH and I separated, I did a deep cleaning on FB: I removed all the pictures he was on and I deleted all the friends I had through him that I knew I would never see/interact with again.

[glitzy07]

May 23, 2024 15:38:17 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

My STBXMIL just texted me about a quote I shared on FB, saying to stop stirring the pot, the divorce is between me and STBX, think of DD, lots of exclamation points,  blah blah blah. I replied very tersely that he should have thought about that before destroying his family for his old girlfriend and that I'll feel and say whatever I want. I am just feeling like burning it all down this week.

I would unfriend and block her SO FAST. Ma'am. No. (Her, not you, obviously.)

[jlt19]

May 22, 2024 18:54:33 GMT -5 starburst604 said:

jlt19 what the fuck is wrong with him? Do you think he’s pulling this thinking you’ll beg him to stay? I’m sorry things are still so tough. You guys had a mercifully fast divorce but maybe he didn’t have a lot of time to adjust (which is NO excuse for planning to move away from your kids). I really think he’s doing this to make you reach out to him. Call his bluff though!

Well, I’m not allowed to reach out so, 🤷‍♀️ I don’t think my sister realizes what she put herself in the middle of.

I got a call last night at 10:30 to pick up DD, because he thought he was having another heart attack. He drove himself to the ER and I picked her up from his apt. All I know is he was released around 3am, per my sister.

[notsopicky]

starburst604 , she needs to take 100000 seats. No, ma'am, you don't get to have contact me directly about an your opinion.

Totally what glitzy07 said. BLOCK.

[starburst604]

May 24, 2024 4:22:29 GMT -5 notsopicky said:

starburst604 , she needs to take 100000 seats. No, ma'am, you don't get to have contact me directly about an your opinion.

Totally what glitzy07 said. BLOCK.

Oh it’s done. Blocked. Now who wants to step to me next in his family? Bring it. 🥊 #FUCKALLYALL

I’ve been friendly with his family throughout this but as this vacation of his approaches, I realize it’s not great for my mental health to associate with people who support him.