Oh good lord. I'm acquainted with quite a few global corp VPs. They can spend Thanksgiving with family. They can even afford to fly there. To save time. And not drive 14 hours.
Aye, there's the rub (from MIL/SIL's perspective) - apparently Christmastime is the only time it works for everyone else.
I dunno. I see both sides. Where I land is that I believe our boundary is unnecessarily firm - we're NEVER traveling at Christmas EVER AGAIN? I would have rather just kept our schedule as-is, where the default is that we will travel for Christmas - but make our "we're going to stay home if the weather looks like it's going to be bad" threshold extremely low, vs. what we've done in the past.
...But of course, then in the years when we stay home because of weather, it means we haven't visited family at all for any holiday...so, family, what would you rather have??
And yes, mrsslocombe , that's the part that gets me. Are we truly unreasonable for not wanting to drive in bad weather? I don't think so. In fact, I KNOW we're not. But I think MIL / SIL are just like, "Oh, it's not that bad..." when A.) I don't think they realize just how little snow we get where we live, and so we're no longer used to driving in it like they are; and B.) THEY AREN'T THE ONES WHO ARE DRIVING IN IT.
I don’t think you/DH are AHs, but I do think you’re being kind of inflexible as well by making the blanket declaration that you will never travel for Christmas. I get the weather thing, but can’t you play that by ear? I feel like it’s kind of silly to just assume the weather for Christmas is always going to be bad so you just won’t ever go to the family Christmas, ever. Do I think you should have to go every year? No, of course not. But it sounds like this year is kind of an exceptional year, with SIL/baby/extended family being there. Is it really a huge deal to say you’ll come, weather permitting? And then make a judgment call when the time is actually here, rather than in May?
In my experience, there is ALWAYS an exception that means you HAVE to come. There's a new baby! Someone just got married! Grandma's getting old and we don't know if she will have another Christmas! But your third cousin Kumquat is going to be here and you haven't seen her since 1987!
I'm very much a "Christmas is for your nuclear family, everyone else can blow chunks with their expectations" person. I also hate Xmas, so there's that.
I'm very much a "Christmas is for your nuclear family, everyone else can blow chunks with their expectations" person. I also hate Xmas, so there's that.
We do the same in our family. I don't pretend it's because I'm too important to travel any other day of the year, though. I'm just like this is what we do, you want to see us 12/25, you travel. 😄
I can't be the only one who doesn't really notice what their kids are wearing every day, right? Mine do their own laundry (regularly) so I assume their clothes are clean, and they don't stink and literally I have no idea what they wear even though I see them every day.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
I can't be the only one who doesn't really notice what their kids are wearing every day, right? Mine do their own laundry (regularly) so I assume their clothes are clean, and they don't stink and literally I have no idea what they wear even though I see them every day.
I notice when DS hits the same shirt for the 3rd day in a row. Like come on kid, open your drawer or your closet and get something else. Or tell me if you are out of clothes that you like and fit you.
I can't be the only one who doesn't really notice what their kids are wearing every day, right? Mine do their own laundry (regularly) so I assume their clothes are clean, and they don't stink and literally I have no idea what they wear even though I see them every day.
I’m the same way. I don’t notice at all and would never notice how frequently they’re wearing a particular thing. I would notice if they looked or smelled unclean, but that’s it.
Maybe I'm the AH? But like if my husband went and visited his family and I was able to stay home alone?
I fail to see the problem here...
I will never understand this either. Getting to see my siblings without their spouses is great. I truly love them all, but why does everyone have to be tied at the hip? If my brother ever went anywhere without his wife I'd want to know that she was ok, but... it would still be Christmas without her!
It’s about people selling feet pics for money, and if you have your toes out, they get it for free.
It was huge on SM about 6 months ago, especially for teenagers.
This seems like an odd thing to be suddenly modest about. Some people like shoulders, arms, collarbones….and yet people still wear tank tops. Some people like butts, and people still wear tight leggings or pants. Some people like elbows and we still wear t-shirts.
I'm very much a "Christmas is for your nuclear family, everyone else can blow chunks with their expectations" person. I also hate Xmas, so there's that.
I love Christmas and I feel this way also. I declared we are not traveling at Christmas while the kids are young even though it means we see my (local) family every year and never DH's (who are 3.5 hours away). Sorry not sorry.
It’s about people selling feet pics for money, and if you have your toes out, they get it for free.
It was huge on SM about 6 months ago, especially for teenagers.
This seems like an odd thing to be suddenly modest about. Some people like shoulders, arms, collarbones….and yet people still wear tank tops. Some people like butts, and people still wear tight leggings or pants. Some people like elbows and we still wear t-shirts.
Feet people can be very aggressive on social media though! I’ve had people send me wild DMs when I’ve posted a photo that just happened to have a bare foot/sandaled foot in it (not as the focus) more than once on accounts I’ve managed. The foot lover followers would go up too.
I think it’s just an online thing that’s taken the leap to being in real life even though I don’t think it’s an actual big issue IRL.
Post by maudefindlay on May 15, 2024 18:56:11 GMT -5
stemmie my Mom and Grandma were you and your Mom. My Mom would be shopping with her and see something she liked and Grandma would come grab one, so Mom never could buy anything when they shopped together. Grandma had 2 closets and 2 dressers full of clothes. I swear one closet literally had the entire Alfred Dunner collection from the previous decade. Shopping with her was also exhausting as she was always looking for something very specific like one time she wanted bone colored SAS shoes.
I’ve been on both sides of the kid clothes debate. I finally let go this year for all of my kids. My 7th grader has 5 outfits she loves and rewears. My 10 year old son doesn’t rotate his clothes when I wash them so he ends up in the same shirts. My 5 year one went through a phase of only wearing black soft pants so I bought 7 and called it a day. I recognized that it was a me issue and not them so I let it go. If they get teased I will point out they have options.
I’m a for sure AH because I just throw H’s too small/holey clothes away. He doesn’t care.
Oh good lord. I'm acquainted with quite a few global corp VPs. They can spend Thanksgiving with family. They can even afford to fly there. To save time. And not drive 14 hours.
For real, why is anyone driving 14 hours, much less someone who it doesn't seem like should have a tight budget?!
lust2hart , I am probably not the right person to give advice here, but TEAM YOU 100%. Something about the obligation of holidays and the "but it's tradition" mindset sets me right off. I am happy to get together with my family when it is convenient for all, but I refuse to be beholden to specific dates just because they have a special name.
Aye, there's the rub (from MIL/SIL's perspective) - apparently Christmastime is the only time it works for everyone else.
I dunno. I see both sides. Where I land is that I believe our boundary is unnecessarily firm - we're NEVER traveling at Christmas EVER AGAIN? I would have rather just kept our schedule as-is, where the default is that we will travel for Christmas - but make our "we're going to stay home if the weather looks like it's going to be bad" threshold extremely low, vs. what we've done in the past.
...But of course, then in the years when we stay home because of weather, it means we haven't visited family at all for any holiday...so, family, what would you rather have??
And yes, mrsslocombe , that's the part that gets me. Are we truly unreasonable for not wanting to drive in bad weather? I don't think so. In fact, I KNOW we're not. But I think MIL / SIL are just like, "Oh, it's not that bad..." when A.) I don't think they realize just how little snow we get where we live, and so we're no longer used to driving in it like they are; and B.) THEY AREN'T THE ONES WHO ARE DRIVING IN IT.
My family was the same when H and I lived 2.5 hours away from them with a snowy pass between. It was ridiculous. We missed the family celebration two years of the 11 we lived in that area because we set boundaries about what kind of weather we would drive in. No regrets.
lust2hart NTA If you don't want to travel, that's fine! Could you do every other year? Or could your DH fly out for a day or two every other year? 14 hours is NOT a short trip.
Speaking of kid clothes, SS came to our house in a polo shirt and sweatpants. Of course this looks ridiculous, but we don’t want him to feel bad. His sister was making fun of him, and I said “as long as he’s not made fun of at school.” She said “well not to his face.” It breaks my heart that people would laugh at him.
He legit just doesn’t care. And has no idea. He’s also on the spectrum so how others perceive him does not factor in (what a blessing and curse at times). And his mom doesn’t ever correct the outfit choices.
I can't be the only one who doesn't really notice what their kids are wearing every day, right? Mine do their own laundry (regularly) so I assume their clothes are clean, and they don't stink and literally I have no idea what they wear even though I see them every day.
I notice if my daughter’s clothes have cat hair on them, as she currently wears a ton of black, and she appreciates when I help her out.
I notice that my son is wearing the “Mordor fun run” shirt, because I bought the wrong size and I’m salty that the correct size isn’t here yet.
I couldn’t really tell you much past that. We all have about a week and a half worth of clothes in regular rotation. Meh. We’re boring and basic, but IDGASSF. (The SS is single solitary)
lust2hart , I am probably not the right person to give advice here, but TEAM YOU 100%. Something about the obligation of holidays and the "but it's tradition" mindset sets me right off. I am happy to get together with my family when it is convenient for all, but I refuse to be beholden to specific dates just because they have a special name.
Aye, there's the rub (from MIL/SIL's perspective) - apparently Christmastime is the only time it works for everyone else.
I dunno. I see both sides. Where I land is that I believe our boundary is unnecessarily firm - we're NEVER traveling at Christmas EVER AGAIN? I would have rather just kept our schedule as-is, where the default is that we will travel for Christmas - but make our "we're going to stay home if the weather looks like it's going to be bad" threshold extremely low, vs. what we've done in the past.
...But of course, then in the years when we stay home because of weather, it means we haven't visited family at all for any holiday...so, family, what would you rather have??
And yes, mrsslocombe , that's the part that gets me. Are we truly unreasonable for not wanting to drive in bad weather? I don't think so. In fact, I KNOW we're not. But I think MIL / SIL are just like, "Oh, it's not that bad..." when A.) I don't think they realize just how little snow we get where we live, and so we're no longer used to driving in it like they are; and B.) THEY AREN'T THE ONES WHO ARE DRIVING IN IT.
You and YH have decided Christmas is not convenient for you. Full stop.
Your BIL and his wife have decided Christmas is the only time that is convenient for them.
Both of these are acceptable decisions for your respective families. If you want to see each other, you will find a time that is agreeable to everyone. If you don't care that much, you'll stick to your respective decisions.
Aye, there's the rub (from MIL/SIL's perspective) - apparently Christmastime is the only time it works for everyone else.
I dunno. I see both sides. Where I land is that I believe our boundary is unnecessarily firm - we're NEVER traveling at Christmas EVER AGAIN? I would have rather just kept our schedule as-is, where the default is that we will travel for Christmas - but make our "we're going to stay home if the weather looks like it's going to be bad" threshold extremely low, vs. what we've done in the past.
...But of course, then in the years when we stay home because of weather, it means we haven't visited family at all for any holiday...so, family, what would you rather have??
And yes, mrsslocombe , that's the part that gets me. Are we truly unreasonable for not wanting to drive in bad weather? I don't think so. In fact, I KNOW we're not. But I think MIL / SIL are just like, "Oh, it's not that bad..." when A.) I don't think they realize just how little snow we get where we live, and so we're no longer used to driving in it like they are; and B.) THEY AREN'T THE ONES WHO ARE DRIVING IN IT.
You and YH have decided Christmas is not convenient for you. Full stop.
Your BIL and his wife have decided Christmas is the only time that is convenient for them.
Both of these are acceptable decisions for your respective families. If you want to see each other, you will find a time that is agreeable to everyone. If you don't care that much, you'll stick to your respective decisions.
This. My husband's family lives an 8 hour drive away. Once we had a kid, we made the rule that she wakes up in our house on Christmas morning. We'll travel before or after but we're home for Christmas. I think it probably annoys some people but...we just don't care. They're welcome to come to us or celebrate together on a different day. We make sure to go to them at least once a year.
I was reminded of this thread when my daughter told me it was skort week. I don't know if it's just skort week for her or if friends are joining in, but she said she was wearing a skort every day. And I told her, sounds like a plan.
So 4 days into the week and she's worn a skort every day.
I was reminded of this thread when my daughter told me it was skort week. I don't know if it's just skort week for her or if friends are joining in, but she said she was wearing a skort every day. And I told her, sounds like a plan.
So 4 days into the week and she's worn a skort every day.
Unrelated but I bought two from Costco this week, and I'm so glad to wear them to work. My room is soooo hot and damp.
I definitely cycle the junky, cheap t shirts to the bottom of the pile so my kids will actually wear the nicer athletic clothes that I spend money on. They are robots and always just choose from the top of the pile. I don't do it all the time. But if I notice that hideous camp t shirt coming through laundry for a couple months I will put it on the bottom of the pile. Problem solved.
I also admit I have a bit of an issue with thinking my kids looking unkept is a reflection on me. The floppy boys hair trend was a big adjustment for me this last year lol. Both of their hair looks really good now, but woof at that growing out phase.
Post by litskispeciality on May 16, 2024 8:41:21 GMT -5
Re: spliting up for holidays, that can be a slippery slope. DH and I split up for a lot of holidays before he got his current job where he works a lot of holidays. Since we don't have kids we're expected to travel, and it's OK to family if we split up so our families see one of us. This gets very old as DH and my schedules are so misaligned we often don't have a holiday together that way. Honestly we should be able to stay home on the day of if our schedules allow, and folks can see us if they want too.
Now we've started to run in to issues where DH's family will have something right around, but not day of the holiday, and then DH and I can't even do a make up holiday if he worked. It takes a lot of fun of it.
It's fine if people still want to get together with their family, and probably easier without their spouse, but do it before or after the holiday if you have some time off of work. If anything you extend the celebration, and maybe save a family member some money on travel.
I know that “celebrating the holiday doesn’t have to be on the holiday” is a really good solution for folks who have too much running around “on the exact day”. But due to personal experience, I hate “make up” days for holiday celebrations. For one, I STILL get zero credit for celebrating the holiday & crap for missing it “on the day”. And second, it sometimes just extends the pain of travel over a longer period or adds another day in an already hectic week/month.
I’ve only had success moving Thanksgiving from Thursday to Friday when my mom worked a 12-hour shift on Thanksgiving day. I have a friend who now has THREE separate Christmas days & special requirements for “we are first” or “only after Santa comes”.
I am a fan of “we missed it this year, let’s move on”. This may make me an AH.
Driving for holidays sounds terrible to me! Do what you want!
Yes! But then tell our families that! DH and I can't win, either we're invited to see his family on a holiday, but ONLY on the holiday, or we're not invited and then they won't drive to see us another day when he's not working. The other post holiday events I've mentioned are bonus stuff, but it gets exhausting as I'm ready to be done with the holiday(s) as soon as I can.
@livinitup I feel your last post in my soul. My mom God rest her soul would.not. do the holiday on any other day, and she had the flexibility to do so. Working on holidays is also super hard when the rest of your people don't. I've joked and wished DH would "grow out" of working holidays, but the only way that will happen is if he retires. His family just doesn't get it. Sometimes it's kind of sad like you're "choosing" to work over having a holiday when you're really not.
Deeper issue that's getting better between DH and I, but he used to tell his family "I'm working on (insert holiday" or "I can't make it" if he was going to see my family, and that also hurt. He shouldn't have to lie, and he should be able to take turns since I gave up so many holidays alone or drove to see both families if schedules allowed. He's getting better with what he tells his family, but now we run in to the new issue of scheduling a make up holiday that my family is smaller. Anyway that's a whole new thread.
Moral of the story, kids or no kids, if someone doesn't travel to you don't complain. Go see them or move on. Yes I'm the a-hole there.
I'm very much a "Christmas is for your nuclear family, everyone else can blow chunks with their expectations" person. I also hate Xmas, so there's that.
Holidays are the one time I wish we lived further from family. Since we are all in the same neighborhood, everyone is expected to spend every holiday together. Some years I just want to stay home and not lug everything somewhere and then have to pack dishes, presents, etc back home.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
Post by litskispeciality on May 16, 2024 16:39:49 GMT -5
My dad doesn't drive. He uses a walker a needs help with almost everything. I order Instacart for him, preferably when I'm there to help put it away. 98% of the shopper brings it to the door, if not inside of his place and offers to help. I placed an order, but missed the delivery notification because I was in a meeting. It was outside...when it's pretty warm. There were frozen meals which the shopper knew about. Am I an a$$hole if I lose my mind on Instacart? I didn't leave notes to bring it inside...buuuuut I didn't think I had too either?
Thankfully the building staff found it and brought it in to the lobby, but they didn't call my dad because they didn't know who the order belonged too.
Oh and the building has rolling carts by the door to help the residents, families, and services to transport heavy things.
My dad doesn't drive. He uses a walker a needs help with almost everything. I order Instacart for him, preferably when I'm there to help put it away. 98% of the shopper brings it to the door, if not inside of his place and offers to help. I placed an order, but missed the delivery notification because I was in a meeting. It was outside...when it's pretty warm. There were frozen meals which the shopper knew about. Am I an a$$hole if I lose my mind on Instacart? I didn't leave notes to bring it inside...buuuuut I didn't think I had too either?
Thankfully the building staff found it and brought it in to the lobby, but they didn't call my dad because they didn't know who the order belonged too.
Oh and the building has rolling carts by the door to help the residents, families, and services to transport heavy things.
This is on you as you missed the notification. The shopper did their part.
My dad doesn't drive. He uses a walker a needs help with almost everything. I order Instacart for him, preferably when I'm there to help put it away. 98% of the shopper brings it to the door, if not inside of his place and offers to help. I placed an order, but missed the delivery notification because I was in a meeting. It was outside...when it's pretty warm. There were frozen meals which the shopper knew about. Am I an a$$hole if I lose my mind on Instacart? I didn't leave notes to bring it inside...buuuuut I didn't think I had too either?
Thankfully the building staff found it and brought it in to the lobby, but they didn't call my dad because they didn't know who the order belonged too.
Oh and the building has rolling carts by the door to help the residents, families, and services to transport heavy things.