I'm not understanding what you want them to do. Your dad lives in a facility, and you want them to not deliver to the facility's front door, but to your dad's door in the complex? There's a lot of variables, but it seems like you want them to perform a task that is outside of their delivery scope, and something the facility itself should be performing.
I don't want to get in to a 4 page thing over Instacart so let me leave it at this. My dad's place is an independent senior community. It says so on the sign. Clearly an IC shopper isn't going to notice that when pulling in. Unfortunately my dad's place is understaffed, so they can't always bring up groceries if they're left outside, in the lobby etc. I think I misunderstand the duties/options of IC and assume that the shopper can in fact deliver the items to the persons front door, even if it's inside on another floor, as long as there's a note requesting to do so. I'm fully aware they most likely have 4 other orders to deliver outside of my dad's address, and loading up the items to his floor will delay the other deliveries.
If I can't be guaranteed the shopper can drop the items off when I'm not there to get them, or I can't guarantee I won't be otherwise engaged in something during a potential 3 hour drop off window, then I have to find another option. I don't have time to shop for him, and can go a couple of weeks without a visit, but he still needs food, which is why I over pay for this service.
I do my best to time packages at a time I know my dad has help bringing them in, or know that they're relatively safe from theft and can wait to be brought up, however those don't require refrigeration.
My larger question is what do other people do if they order groceries and need help carrying them in? I guess I just have to hope those folks have help.
In an independent living community, I would also assume the shopper would drop off at the door like an apt complex - they aren't going to unload groceries at the office and walk away. I should note, I've only used instacart once or twice during COVID. So, good to know.... Can you request a certain shopper you know is willing to take the order to his door? We have a local FB group where people looking for extra $$ volunteer to pick-up/deliver things for people. That may be an option.
I'm not understanding what you want them to do. Your dad lives in a facility, and you want them to not deliver to the facility's front door, but to your dad's door in the complex? There's a lot of variables, but it seems like you want them to perform a task that is outside of their delivery scope, and something the facility itself should be performing.
I don't want to get in to a 4 page thing over Instacart so let me leave it at this. My dad's place is an independent senior community. It says so on the sign. Clearly an IC shopper isn't going to notice that when pulling in. Unfortunately my dad's place is understaffed, so they can't always bring up groceries if they're left outside, in the lobby etc. I think I misunderstand the duties/options of IC and assume that the shopper can in fact deliver the items to the persons front door, even if it's inside on another floor, as long as there's a note requesting to do so. I'm fully aware they most likely have 4 other orders to deliver outside of my dad's address, and loading up the items to his floor will delay the other deliveries.
If I can't be guaranteed the shopper can drop the items off when I'm not there to get them, or I can't guarantee I won't be otherwise engaged in something during a potential 3 hour drop off window, then I have to find another option. I don't have time to shop for him, and can go a couple of weeks without a visit, but he still needs food, which is why I over pay for this service.
I do my best to time packages at a time I know my dad has help bringing them in, or know that they're relatively safe from theft and can wait to be brought up, however those don't require refrigeration.
My larger question is what do other people do if they order groceries and need help carrying them in? I guess I just have to hope those folks have help.
I’m not familiar with instacart and don’t do grocery delivery but at least here where everyone lives in an apartment building in general grocery and food deliveries are taken to the apartment door as that is the expectation. We enter our apartment number for deliveries and the delivery comes to our apartment door.
General packages/mail is left at the front with the door person in a package room.
So if I’m understanding correctly where you dad lives is essentially like an apartment building? If so, then I don’t think it’s unreasonable that they would bring it to the apartment door if you indicate that on the app. I don’t think you need to go off on them, just make a note of it for next time if there’s a place to leave a comment.
We have a row house in another city and delivery people just leave stuff on the steps and if someone had mobility issues it would be hard to get it in the house, but in that case I do not think it’s the delivery drivers obligation to bring items directly inside.
circa1978 I am mad for you! That is so fucking annoying and inconsiderate. I hope you let your husband know how frustrating that is for you and I hope you are also able to enjoy your day celebrating your hard work!
Post by followyourarrow on May 17, 2024 11:30:14 GMT -5
litskispeciality, when I delivered for Shipt, we'd take it to the door number that was specified, especially if there were any kind of instructions. Shipt also lets you pick your shopper, so if you find one that is good, you can use them again. I wonder if you accidentally have a boxed checked that says leave at the door.
litskispeciality I've never used Instacart, but is your dad's residence like an apartment building? Assuming there is an apartment/unit number, I would definitely expect a delivery order to be dropped at the door of his actual unit. But I don't think it's reasonable to expect them to help put anything away at all. At most, I'd say they should place them just inside his door if he opens it when they come to deliver. I wouldn't get super angry with them, maybe there was confusion as to where the unit is, but I would just include it notes in the future (e.g. apartment is located on the third floor, take elevator up and turn right)
Post by litskispeciality on May 17, 2024 11:56:38 GMT -5
Thank you everyone. Too many to tag, but I'll look in to Shipt. Unfortunately I have no family. My dad's an only child, widower, I have one brother who won't be able to help probably for the rest of the year (on-going health stuff). Dad's not a Veteran, doesn't drive. Dad lives in a pretty small town, not near a college, in a state with limited resources. I actually talked to a Social Worker yesterday about resources, and they're going to send me a booklet, but warned me due to the state funding I won't get much help until I move him to Asst. Living/Memory Care for crazy $$$, and I'm trying to hang on a bit longer if at all possible.
I remembered that my dad has OOP in-home "Memory Care" (I posted elsewhere they pretty much just help with some hygiene) there 2 days a week so I can order a delivery when I think the person will be there. Couple of issues, 1. person calls out a lot and I don't get updates so I could place the order ahead of time and there's no one to help. 2. I don't have the person's direct number so I either have to call the Memory Care place (if they even answer) and hope it's not out of scope to help carry up, and put away groceries (I hope it wouldn't be, but I'm not getting someone in trouble over this) or risk delivery and then have no one to pick it up. It'll mean more calls to my dad which will stress him and myself out, but it could save me a headache. I also like to order a day ahead to save the $3 or whatever, but at this point ordering in real time might be less stressful if MC is there to pick up/put away.
And I know this sounds like a non-issue, but my dad ended up getting a double order of IC once because he ordered it when I wasn't there, then forgot he ordered it. I see the flags about getting more full time care help, but for right now I just need a band aid for food.
ETA: I never expect Instacart or any service to put the food away. I've considered them walking the groceries over the door threshold a gift. If we can just get it to the door that's a huge help.
litskispeciality do any of the local grocery stores offer their own private grocery delivery? Sometimes that is better even if it’s a chain. There is one here where they have refrigerated trucks so everything is super cold and better paid workers that are really helpful.
ETA but any delivery should be bringing it to his actual door.
litskispeciality do any of the local grocery stores offer their own private grocery delivery? Sometimes that is better even if it’s a chain. There is one here where they have refrigerated trucks so everything is super cold and better paid workers that are really helpful.
ETA but any delivery should be bringing it to his actual door.
Yes, I was going to suggest this, too. Our grocery store handles their own delivery so we have used that occasionally. It's nice because the employees seem better able to either find the actual things you order or make appropriate substitutions than what I've heard about third party services, they deliver with refrigerated trucks, and they are actual paid (and unionized!) employees. They call once about all substitutions, no constant texting back and forth. We use Stop and Shop, not sure if that chain exists where you are.
I'm not understanding what you want them to do. Your dad lives in a facility, and you want them to not deliver to the facility's front door, but to your dad's door in the complex? There's a lot of variables, but it seems like you want them to perform a task that is outside of their delivery scope, and something the facility itself should be performing.
I don't want to get in to a 4 page thing over Instacart so let me leave it at this. My dad's place is an independent senior community. It says so on the sign. Clearly an IC shopper isn't going to notice that when pulling in. Unfortunately my dad's place is understaffed, so they can't always bring up groceries if they're left outside, in the lobby etc. I think I misunderstand the duties/options of IC and assume that the shopper can in fact deliver the items to the persons front door, even if it's inside on another floor, as long as there's a note requesting to do so. I'm fully aware they most likely have 4 other orders to deliver outside of my dad's address, and loading up the items to his floor will delay the other deliveries.
If I can't be guaranteed the shopper can drop the items off when I'm not there to get them, or I can't guarantee I won't be otherwise engaged in something during a potential 3 hour drop off window, then I have to find another option. I don't have time to shop for him, and can go a couple of weeks without a visit, but he still needs food, which is why I over pay for this service.
I do my best to time packages at a time I know my dad has help bringing them in, or know that they're relatively safe from theft and can wait to be brought up, however those don't require refrigeration.
My larger question is what do other people do if they order groceries and need help carrying them in? I guess I just have to hope those folks have help.
My parents also live in an independent living community. They also struggle with mobility. Instacart brings groceries into their apartment every week. The only thing they do is put the apartment number in the address and include a note that says, "Disabled. Please bring to the door."
litskispeciality, got it. My gpa was in a 3 different facilities towards the end. One was a senior living space and anyone could come and go inside. The second had a front desk where you had to sign in. The final place was a locked down memory ward place, so you had to provide ID etc. to get in. The last two wouldn't allow delivery past their front desks, even though the second one functioned like an apartment complex.
Thanks, guys. I feel validated! I have both cooled down a little and my mom is moving it to her house, which is just five minutes away. She and my cousin both said they knew it was a bad idea but H said he cleared it with me. LOLOLOLOL. He supported me through this degree and I know his heart is in the right place, so we'll let him live. And thank you for the congrats!
You are absolutely not ungrateful for a party you did not want in a house not ship-shape to host. What the hell is wrong with your husband that he thinks the house is ready for guests when it is not?? That’s a necessary and CRITICAL part of the gift. It’s like your mom and H got you a brand new car (!) but sorry, so sorry - no breaks or steering wheel. Good luck enjoying your first drive on the open road in your new car.
Thanks, guys. I feel validated! I have both cooled down a little and my mom is moving it to her house, which is just five minutes away. She and my cousin both said they knew it was a bad idea but H said he cleared it with me. LOLOLOLOL. He supported me through this degree and I know his heart is in the right place, so we'll let him live. And thank you for the congrats!
I’m glad it’s been moved! I would have just not come home if it hadn’t lol
Don't flame me because I know it has its faults but does his Walmart deliver? (Assuming there is a local walmart- haha). Walmart+ InHome brings the bags where you specify, including "in the fridge" so it would make it to his door. $19.95/month or $138 annually but no additional delivery fees or tipping
Post by pinkdutchtulips on May 17, 2024 16:17:07 GMT -5
for moving my 14 almost 15 yo 45 minutes away from friends (mostly bad influences but for a handful of them) for 1000 extra sf of living space, 2 adults in the house, a garage, and a yard ... oh did i mention a smaller school/district.
I was the ahole for even looking at houses and "why can't this wait for 3 years so I can finish HS at my current school' .... mind you she doesn't attend said HS, she's on H&H
litskispeciality I wonder if you can ask other residents or their caretakers/people how they get groceries? It must a challenge for everyone & someone might have a solution you can duplicate. Even if another resident’s niece or nephew helps - maybe they can help your dad for a payment/fee? Sometimes there is an informal network that is hard to tap into but available if you ask the right person. Your dad’s need seems fairly simple - a 3 hour window where someone is around and able to look for the delivery or an actual person to shop and deliver. Who knows?
pinkdutchtulips You are the least AH mom on this board. You are a friggin’ SAINT.
for moving my 14 almost 15 yo 45 minutes away from friends (mostly bad influences but for a handful of them) for 1000 extra sf of living space, 2 adults in the house, a garage, and a yard ... oh did i mention a smaller school/district.
I was the ahole for even looking at houses and "why can't this wait for 3 years so I can finish HS at my current school' .... mind you she doesn't attend said HS, she's on H&H
nope. do it. you have EVERYTHING to be a supportive mom and meet your daughter at the place she's in and try to help her find success.
you want to graduate from this high school? Then start showing up!
pinkdutchtulips, you have the patience of a saint. Don’t let R gaslight you, moving to a new district isn’t going to ruin her life. You deserve happiness with J.
So UPDATE: my DH wore another too small shirt today and I had a very gentle convo about how it’s maybe time to retire that shirt. He pressed and I mentioned how it’s probably time to retire shirts that can’t button. He said that was really hurtful and is now sulking on our porch. So you know what y’all, I think my method was kinder!!
VV curious what the BIL's wife does that is so important she can be nowhere ever except on Christmas. I can think of literally nothing where you're essential but for 1 week/year and that week is always the same week.
Exactly.
She's a VP of a global company, one I can guarantee everyone on here is heard of and owns at least one of their products or knows someone who does. So yes, a really big job. HOWEVER, a few months ago her mom was sick, and she worked remotely for, like, a month while she stayed in her hometown (7 hours away from her current residence). So, yeah.
I think the "real" issue is that: current residence -> 7 hours to wife's hometown -> another 7 hours to MIL's
And they don't want to drive 14 hours to MIL's for Thanksgiving and then turn around and drive 7 hours to wife's hometown for Christmas. Which I get! I mean, we don't want to drive either, hence the issue. But to put it all on us, which is what MIL and SIL have been doing, feels really unfair.
. Let me guess - you all are in the Midwest? 14 hours when you are a VP and make plenty of money for airfare (especially if you otherwise never travel!) seems silly and like a choice.
So UPDATE: my DH wore another too small shirt today and I had a very gentle convo about how it’s maybe time to retire that shirt. He pressed and I mentioned how it’s probably time to retire shirts that can’t button. He said that was really hurtful and is now sulking on our porch. So you know what y’all, I think my method was kinder!!
I am rolling my eyes so hard at his response. I get being sensitive about your weight but it doesn't sound like you said anything where his feelings should be hurt. I mean I get people don't control their feelings but calling something you said hurtful makes it sound like you did something wrong. You are just looking out for him.
I'm fat and while I would rather my husband tell me if I look bad in an outfit because it doesn't fit.
So UPDATE: my DH wore another too small shirt today and I had a very gentle convo about how it’s maybe time to retire that shirt. He pressed and I mentioned how it’s probably time to retire shirts that can’t button. He said that was really hurtful and is now sulking on our porch. So you know what y’all, I think my method was kinder!!
OMG, how does he NOT know?! This response would probably make me angry, and then I’d say something even more ‘hurtful’!
He’s always been incredibly sensitive (in I swear not gaslighty way). So this response was very expected. Which is why I have a basement drawer full of too small shirts that “disappeared”.
So UPDATE: my DH wore another too small shirt today and I had a very gentle convo about how it’s maybe time to retire that shirt. He pressed and I mentioned how it’s probably time to retire shirts that can’t button. He said that was really hurtful and is now sulking on our porch. So you know what y’all, I think my method was kinder!!
I am rolling my eyes so hard at his response. I get being sensitive about your weight but it doesn't sound like you said anything where his feelings should be hurt. I mean I get people don't control their feelings but calling something you said hurtful makes it sound like you did something wrong. You are just looking out for him.
I'm fat and while I would rather my husband tell me if I look bad in an outfit because it doesn't fit.
I agree with this. I've gained about 50 pounds in perimenopause and if some item of clothing was looking too tight, I'd want DH to let me know! I've gone ahead and sized up twice now and my body looks so much better / I feel so much better when I'm wearing the right size.
scm1011 He can be sensitive. He can even be overly sensitive. But to project that what’s hurting his feelings is your fault - really onto you at all - because you said he should retire shirts that don’t fit, truthfully, don’t button (!) is missing the point. He’s absolutely missing the point!! He is sulking because he doesn’t like his weight and he doesn’t like that his shirts don’t button. And he was living in a bit of denial if he ignored reality so much that he kept wearing them in spite of that very real fact. And kept YOU in denial-land by hiding them in the basement drawers.
Does he want to wear those shirts? Yes. Does he want to wear those shirts as fantasy that they still fit? Yes. Do they fit? No. Does not saying anything make them fit? No. They really don’t fit. And that’s sad.
And that’s worth sulking around a bit when you have to admit it out loud and to yourself. But he’s sulking because they DON’T FIT. And if he’s like me, maybe he’s sulking because the weight of reality to change the course of weight gain to stop gaining is daunting and infuriating.
You did the right thing. It’s even the kind thing.