WWYD??

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

So I get home last night and there is a lovely bouquet of flowers waiting on my front steps.  I was not expecting flowers, but I take them inside and the card on it says "I'll never forget your kindness and help making a dream come true!"  Signed the name of a dude that was friends with my ex husband and who neither of us have seen in 20 years.  I am not friends on social media with him at all, and it came to my married name so I don't even know if he knows we got divorced.  And it came just to me, not to both of us.  Also I never did anything out of the ordinary to help him let alone make any dreams come true.

I'm kind of wierded out.  Do I try to find his contact info and thank him?  Do I just pretend it didn't happen?  Do I prepare myself to be on one of my murder shows??   

 

[TR]

I would have to try to find him and ask. There’s zero chance I’d be able to just let this go lol

[TR]

But maybe also share your location with someone, just in case.

[hermione]

I'd FB message.

[sdlaura]

Very weird. Could it be part of some recovery program that he’s trying to apologize or thank people in his life?

[plutosmoon]

Weird. Any chance he met his spouse through you somehow? Maybe they are celebrating a milestone anniversary and he thought of you.

I would have a hard time ignoring and pretending it didn't happen, even though that's probably the best route. I'd probably Facebook stalk him to see if I could figure out what might have prompted this. Assuming he was a normal dude and not a creepy dude when you last spoke, if I couldn't figure it out via Facebook stalking, I'd message him and ask about it.

[deadwing]

Are you still living at the same address as when you last had contact with this person? If you've moved and he had to track you down, my concern level would be extremely high.

[livinitup]

I would park the flowers in a nice place and toss them when they die. I’d do nothing about finding the sender. It’s weird. Trouble finds me, I don’t have to help it.

[expectantsteelerfan]

What is your relationship like with your ex? If you are on friendly terms, I'd maybe ask him about it/to contact his friend and ask about it? But if it's contentious I would not.

[lust2hart]

Sept 24, 2024 10:12:23 GMT -5 plutosmoon said:

Weird. Any chance he met his spouse through you somehow? Maybe they are celebrating a milestone anniversary and he thought of you.

That's how it reads to me as well. Or maybe you encouraged him to go to grad school or something? Gave him advice on how to save to buy a house? Maybe he finally opened a restaurant that you told him to go for all those years ago?

As far as what I would do - I'd for sure do some internet searching, but I don't know that I would contact him directly. 20 years is a long time to go without talking, and, I dunno, I think I'd just be content to leave people from my past there. But I'm also a person who has kept in contact with zero high school or even college friends, so, that tracks. 

[momin2013]

Sept 24, 2024 10:13:48 GMT -5 deadwing said:

Are you still living at the same address as when you last had contact with this person? If you've moved and he had to track you down, my concern level would be extremely high.

This was my first thought as well. If yes, I might reach out on Facebook to say thanks and see if he provides some context. If he had up track you down to send them, on the other hand, I’d be feeling a completely different, very freaked out way about it.

[dexteroni]

Sept 24, 2024 10:13:48 GMT -5 deadwing said:

Are you still living at the same address as when you last had contact with this person? If you've moved and he had to track you down, my concern level would be extremely high.

This was my question as well. If it’s the same address, I would either do nothing or I’d contact him and let him know he sent them to me by mistake. If he tracked you down at a new address, I would at the very least stalk him online and look up police records.

[ssmjlm]

WITSEC is the only answer

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

So he was single last time we spoke, and I don't recall ever encouraging him to do something that would lead to success later like opening a business or anything. The recovery program makes sense, except for the fact he only sent it to me.

We moved into the house in 2012, so we weren't still like...communicating with him then. The florist mentioned that he had sent it to Ave instead of St in passing (she's right up the street so we were joking about how close she is). And again, to my married name when I've been divorced for 2 years.

My bestie yelled at me for touching them and said I should throw them out immediately in case there's a camera in them and my mom said I should call the police and asked if I wanted her to spend the night just in case so I am looking for less dramatic input on this lolololol.

[circa1978]

I would just Facebook message him and ask. I sincerely doubt they are poisoned or have a camera unless your life 20 years ago was FAR more interesting than the rest of us. I wonder if maybe he may be ill? IDK. I'd probably also text my ex to see what he thought was up, provided that that's even remotely a civil relationship.

[dexteroni]

Sept 24, 2024 10:35:48 GMT -5 momin2013 said:

I might reach out on Facebook to say thanks and see if he provides some context.

I wouldn’t say thanks. There’s absolutely no reason to say thank you to a potential creep. Even if he thinks he has a reason to thank you for something, you don’t appear out of the blue after 20 years without providing context up front. I’d ask if he sent them to the wrong person, and if not, then I’d ask him why he sent them.

But the more I think about it, it’s probably best just to say nothing. If he wants to initiate contact with ill intent, it’s best not to reward that in any way.

[lust2hart]

Sept 24, 2024 10:42:51 GMT -5 Nugget T. Brain, The OG said:

So he was single last time we spoke, and I don't recall ever encouraging him to do something that would lead to success later like opening a business or anything. The recovery program makes sense, except for the fact he only sent it to me.

We moved into the house in 2012, so we weren't still like...communicating with him then. The florist mentioned that he had sent it to Ave instead of St in passing (she's right up the street so we were joking about how close she is). And again, to my married name when I've been divorced for 2 years.

My bestie yelled at me for touching them and said I should throw them out immediately in case there's a camera in them and my mom said I should call the police and asked if I wanted her to spend the night just in case so I am looking for less dramatic input on this lolololol.

LOL. 

If you're okay with opening the door, I would send him a FB message - Thank you for the flowers and the sweet note. I have to admit that I don't know what you're referring to! What did I do to deserve the bouquet? 

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

Sept 24, 2024 10:45:50 GMT -5 circa1978 said:

I would just Facebook message him and ask. I sincerely doubt they are poisoned or have a camera unless your life 20 years ago was FAR more interesting than the rest of us. I wonder if maybe he may be ill? IDK. I'd probably also text my ex to see what he thought was up, provided that that's even remotely a civil relationship.

My ex can now kiss the entirety of my big black ass, unfortunately, so that bridge has burned lol.  

[jinkies]

I keep coming back to it somehow being a name mixup (either they didn't come from the person you think they did, OR he meant to send them to someone else with your name).

But since you said it came to your full name (mentioned it was your married name) it seems unlikely that he just sent to the wrong "Nugget" in his address book. Unless you have a very common first and last name like Jennifer Smith or something. And if HE signed his full name (as opposed to just "Bob" or "Bob K") then it seems unlikely that it came from someone else that you aren't thinking of.

In short, this is a mystery and I'm confused.

I'm assuming that you have an OK relationship with your ex, and this wasn't some kind of fishing expedition from him to initiate contact through the friend (maybe they reconnected)?

I'd probably send a message through social media, if I could find him easily. If not, I'd probably just let it go and think about it every time I'm having trouble sleeping from now until eternity.

[lust2hart]

Sept 24, 2024 10:50:59 GMT -5 jinkies said:

I keep coming back to it somehow being a name mixup (either they didn't come from the person you think they did, OR he meant to send them to someone else with your name).

But since you said it came to your full name (mentioned it was your married name) it seems unlikely that he just sent to the wrong "Nugget" in his address book. Unless you have a very common first and last name like Jennifer Smith or something. And if HE signed his full name (as opposed to just "Bob" or "Bob K") then it seems unlikely that it came from someone else that you aren't thinking of.

In short, this is a mystery and I'm confused.

I'm assuming that you have an OK relationship with your ex, and this wasn't some kind of fishing expedition from him to initiate contact through the friend (maybe they reconnected)?

I'd probably send a message through social media, if I could find him easily. If not, I'd probably just let it go and think about it every time I'm having trouble sleeping from now until eternity.

Yeah that had been another thought of mine, too, that maybe you know someone else with the same name and THAT person is the one who sent you the flowers?

[Nugget T. Brain, The OG]

Sept 24, 2024 10:53:28 GMT -5 lust2hart said:

Sept 24, 2024 10:50:59 GMT -5 jinkies said:

I keep coming back to it somehow being a name mixup (either they didn't come from the person you think they did, OR he meant to send them to someone else with your name).

But since you said it came to your full name (mentioned it was your married name) it seems unlikely that he just sent to the wrong "Nugget" in his address book. Unless you have a very common first and last name like Jennifer Smith or something. And if HE signed his full name (as opposed to just "Bob" or "Bob K") then it seems unlikely that it came from someone else that you aren't thinking of.

In short, this is a mystery and I'm confused.

I'm assuming that you have an OK relationship with your ex, and this wasn't some kind of fishing expedition from him to initiate contact through the friend (maybe they reconnected)?

I'd probably send a message through social media, if I could find him easily. If not, I'd probably just let it go and think about it every time I'm having trouble sleeping from now until eternity.

Yeah that had been another thought of mine, too, that maybe you know someone else with the same name and THAT person is the one who sent you the flowers?

His name is pretty unique, when I called the florist I confirmed the full first and last.  

[tacokick]

I can’t see how it is a mistake so imo it’s possible you did inspire him in some way back when and it is some milestone or something made him think of you.

You never know what you might say or do that someone really takes to heart or remembers.

I had an experience where a complete stranger credited me with inspiring and launching her whole career based on her reading my work. We randomly met in person at an event and when introduced she immediately hugged me and told me all this. It was awkward! At least this wasn’t face to face.

If you aren’t interested in talking to him I’d just let it go. I wouldn’t assume any nefarious intent or him hitting on you since he used your old married name. But I think I’d reach out and thank him and see what he says because I’d want to know what inspired it.

[dexteroni]

Sept 24, 2024 10:54:50 GMT -5 Nugget T. Brain, The OG said:

His name is pretty unique, when I called the florist I confirmed the full first and last.  

Is your name common? He could have clicked on the wrong Nugget in his address book and entered that address. It seems unlikely, but who knows. If that was the case I would let him know he sent them to the wrong person.

[nicolewi]

Is it possible he meant to send them to your ex-husband, and somehow they got addressed to you instead? Like maybe he wrote both your names and the address but then they put it in some kind of system and only your name came up so they sent them to you?? Although it seems weird that a guy would send another guy flowers to say thank you for something.

[krystee]

I would personally need to know if he seemed normal or concerning (and what he thinks I did!), so I would reach out with a “It was such a surprise to hear from you with those flowers. I can’t think of anything I did to deserve them!”

See if he engages and either gives you a reason or seems odd. If odd, share your location with a friend and get some security cameras.

[wildrice]

I think I would either ignore it completely, or message and say something like "hey, I got these flowers and I have no idea what they are in reference to. Can you clue me in?". I wouldn't be overly friendly or thankful in that message since this is weird. But I also don't typically assume nefarious intentions with stuff - so maybe proceed with caution but also wait for more information before worrying too much.

I always read books or see TV shows where stuff like this happens and I wonder WTF people are doing thinking someone they haven't talked to in 20 years is still relevant enough to reach out to, lol. I can't imagine doing that unless we'd been interacting on social media or something - no contact at all? No way.

[glw]

I'd ignore it (but keep and enjoy the flowers). Engaging with weirdness only results in more weirdness!

[ellipses84]

I don’t think I’d be able to let this go and would definitely be doing some internet sleuthing to figure out where he’s at in his life and what this could mean, without contacting him. Hopefully it’s something that makes sense, like you have some other mutual connections, he reconnected with your ex or he has a job where he could easily get your address without being a total stalker and there’s something you did that seemed unimportant to you that is very important to him.

The memory is a funny thing though. Last time I saw my sister and her BFF, some other friends from a later phase of life wanted to hear stories about them in high school. I told them about this crazy concert we went to and BFF was like, that wasn’t ME!? For 20 years I’ve been remembering and retelling the story wrong. It was my sister and a different friend and I’d somehow mixed them up in my memory several years after the incident happened. Maybe he’s confused and it wasn’t even you.

[Jalapeñomel]

I'd assume it's some kind of credit card scam.

[brooke77]

I’d ignore. It feels like a romantic gesture and icky. I might be way off base, but I’m imagining he somehow found out about the divorce and sent the flowers as a way to get a reaction. Maybe he doesn’t know your maiden name? No matter the reason, I wouldn’t respond. It’s too weird.