TW: sexual assault and teens

[devonpow]

Maybe burner phones are (our favorite board phrase) “Regional”? Lolol. I seriously have never heard of them here. Not because I haven’t heard of them through my kid, but because I’m friends with a large group of moms whose kids are all in various social circles and these moms burn up text chains with gossip and I’ve never heard a peep. I hear about many other things that semi horrify me though. Teens are hard. And not smart.

But OP regardless of how “normal” burner phones are in your area it’s a small piece of a larger puzzle and all those pieces together are adding up to a bad picture. Again I’m NOT saying your son did what the rumors say. But it’s like with anything - there are the two sides of the story and then there is the truth. The truth is somewhere in the middle and it may be just that he is associating with people he really shouldn’t be, but there is something up.

[InBetweenDays]

Oct 7, 2024 14:46:15 GMT -5 devonpow said:

Maybe burner phones are (our favorite board phrase) “Regional”? Lolol. I seriously have never heard of them here. Not because I haven’t heard of them through my kid, but because I’m friends with a large group of moms whose kids are all in various social circles and these moms burn up text chains with gossip and I’ve never heard a peep. I hear about many other things that semi horrify me though. Teens are hard. And not smart.

Ditto this. I have a very tight group of mom friends with kids DD's and DS' age. Our kids have known each other since grade school but are in very different social circles now. And we have larger group of parents we talk to regularly through texting or at sporting events. Between them and DS I know who is smoking weed daily, who has done mushrooms, who stole alcohol from the grocery store, who is sneaking out to sleep over with their boy/girlfriend, who got into a fight in the bathroom, etc. I think I would have heard ONE instance of "Hey, i heard Jane caught Brittany with a burner phone so that's another thing we may need to be aware of."

[jinkies]

All the kids here have snapchat which kind of negates the need for a burner phone since it's impossible to monitor. DS did tell me about another app (I can't even remember the name right now) that kids use pretty much exclusively for drug deals.

I was the most goodiest of two-shoes, so can't imagine what they'd use a burner phone for that couldn't be accomplished via snapchat, but I'm sure my hellraiser of a second child will educate me soon enough.

[donutsmakemegonuts]

Oct 7, 2024 8:41:21 GMT -5 RitzyHeifer said:

Oct 6, 2024 21:11:58 GMT -5 devonpow said:

I’m also very confused. What exactly do the nude photos, and the fact that the girl who supposedly sent them is wealthy, have to do with any of this? Multiple boys on this team are being accused ot assault or just your son? Are they being accused of assaulting this particular girl or being accused of something separate?

Why do you think there are all these rumors or sexual assault that seem to be sticking with other parents/kids? Is this group of boys maybe not the best for your son to be hanging out with?

Are you friends with phoebe’s parents/know them well? If not I would stay out of that to be honest.

Multiple girls on a team have accused multiple boys of things like videoing them having (consensual) sex and sharing it, pressuring girls for nude photos or sexting, drinking, using drugs. Steve has been the target at least 2 times before.

The boys being accused are not all Steve’s friends or kids he ever hangs around with. 

ETA: every other time it’s been teens telling other teens that stuff, not parents. I know about it bc Steve talked to me about it - when he’s the target and when not. I always do my best to root out any truth behind it in case there is something that needs to go to parents or police, but it always comes out to be made up teen drama.

So how did Steve get lumped in with these boys if he's not even friends with them?

[lilafowler]

[lilafowler]

I’m sorry but I’ve entered my gif stage of responses.

[EvieEthelGarland]

Oct 7, 2024 15:11:27 GMT -5 jinkies said:

I was the most goodiest of two-shoes, so can't imagine what they'd use a burner phone for that couldn't be accomplished via snapchat, but I'm sure my hellraiser of a second child will educate me soon enough.

Mine was using a dead phone he found at the bottom of a river to put in the phone locker at the start of class.  With the new ban at his school, he says a lot of kids are handing in 2nd phones.  We traded in all 3 of our phones last year so I don't think there were any usable ones lying around the house. 

[katfco]

this sounds like a lot is happening because of the volleyball team. Have you spoken with the coach? It seems like there a lot of inappropriate discussions and gossip happening that could have real-life consequences for several people.

[EvieEthelGarland]

Oct 7, 2024 13:18:51 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

 There is SOMETHING going on here, even if it is true that your son has done nothing wrong beyond receiving unsolicited nudes, and it needs to be handled, and it's clear that simply talking to these other adults is not going to put a stop to it.

I "know" you well enough on here to assume this might be poorly stated, but in no way was it wrong of this boy to receive unsolicited nudes.  If we're not ok with our daughters receiving unsolicited dick pics, we can't blame our sons for the equivalent.  How it's handled after the fact might be mishandled, but receiving them is not the issue. Although I don't know how snap works--do you have to accept DMs?

[pumpkincat]

Oct 7, 2024 16:22:33 GMT -5 EvieEthelGarland said:

Oct 7, 2024 15:11:27 GMT -5 jinkies said:

I was the most goodiest of two-shoes, so can't imagine what they'd use a burner phone for that couldn't be accomplished via snapchat, but I'm sure my hellraiser of a second child will educate me soon enough.

Mine was using a dead phone he found at the bottom of a river to put in the phone locker at the start of class.  With the new ban at his school, he says a lot of kids are handing in 2nd phones.  We traded in all 3 of our phones last year so I don't think there were any usable ones lying around the house. 

This is what my husband has seen happening in his classroom - kids will put a burner/dead phone in the phone collection at beginning of class and then mess around with their actual phone during class (until he catches them - they are not as smart/sneaky as they think they are)  

[expectantsteelerfan]

Oct 7, 2024 16:30:52 GMT -5 EvieEthelGarland said:

Oct 7, 2024 13:18:51 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

 There is SOMETHING going on here, even if it is true that your son has done nothing wrong beyond receiving unsolicited nudes, and it needs to be handled, and it's clear that simply talking to these other adults is not going to put a stop to it.

I "know" you well enough on here to assume this might be poorly stated, but in no way was it wrong of this boy to receive unsolicited nudes.  If we're not ok with our daughters receiving unsolicited dick pics, we can't blame our sons for the equivalent.  How it's handled after the fact might be mishandled, but receiving them is not the issue. Although I don't know how snap works--do you have to accept DMs?

You're right, I should have phrased it, even if your son has had no involvement beyond receiving the unsolicited nudes.  That was my mistake, I'm sorry for poor wording.  

[leahcar]

Oct 7, 2024 15:11:27 GMT -5 jinkies said:

All the kids here have snapchat which kind of negates the need for a burner phone since it's impossible to monitor. DS did tell me about another app (I can't even remember the name right now) that kids use pretty much exclusively for drug deals.

I was the most goodiest of two-shoes, so can't imagine what they'd use a burner phone for that couldn't be accomplished via snapchat, but I'm sure my hellraiser of a second child will educate me soon enough.

Telegram.

And I know this because my never been in trouble, honors student kid downloaded it to buy weed vapes. Despite all the discussions over the years, despite her (allegedly) telling me things

Kids are sneaky. It’s how they are wired. I thought I knew all the tricks and was proven so very wrong. It’s the circle of life.

But also- there’s a bit too much smoke on this for SOMETHING to not be amiss. I hope you find real answers, OP.

[lo]

I belong to a group on FB about parenting and technology, and burner phones are frequently talked about. Seems to be common with kids whose parents are super strict with their phones, monitor messages, don’t allow Snapchat, etc.

[InBetweenDays]

Oct 7, 2024 16:30:52 GMT -5 EvieEthelGarland said:

Oct 7, 2024 13:18:51 GMT -5 expectantsteelerfan said:

 There is SOMETHING going on here, even if it is true that your son has done nothing wrong beyond receiving unsolicited nudes, and it needs to be handled, and it's clear that simply talking to these other adults is not going to put a stop to it.

I "know" you well enough on here to assume this might be poorly stated, but in no way was it wrong of this boy to receive unsolicited nudes.  If we're not ok with our daughters receiving unsolicited dick pics, we can't blame our sons for the equivalent.  How it's handled after the fact might be mishandled, but receiving them is not the issue. Although I don't know how snap works--do you have to accept DMs?

I don't have Snapchat but DD and DS do. I don't think you have to "accept" messages, but the photos are supposed to disappear quickly. Which makes me wonder if the problem was some of the boys were taking screenshots of the photos before they disappeared (and possibly showing others).

[grettaz]

Oct 7, 2024 17:17:12 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

Oct 7, 2024 16:30:52 GMT -5 EvieEthelGarland said:

I "know" you well enough on here to assume this might be poorly stated, but in no way was it wrong of this boy to receive unsolicited nudes.  If we're not ok with our daughters receiving unsolicited dick pics, we can't blame our sons for the equivalent.  How it's handled after the fact might be mishandled, but receiving them is not the issue. Although I don't know how snap works--do you have to accept DMs?

I don't have Snapchat but DD and DS do. I don't think you have to "accept" messages, but the photos are supposed to disappear quickly. Which makes me wonder if the problem was some of the boys were taking screenshots of the photos before they disappeared (and possibly showing others).

You can save photos on Snapchat, it just notifies the sender. It also notifies them if you screenshot. Until recently there was an option to make a sticker of a photo (selecting a portion of the photo to cut out out and save) and that was a really popular way to save nudes since it wouldn’t notify the person who sent them. OP, I would be sure to go through all his saved chats, snaps, and stickers just to be sure.

[sonrisa]

Oct 7, 2024 21:03:16 GMT -5 grettaz said:

Oct 7, 2024 17:17:12 GMT -5 InBetweenDays said:

I don't have Snapchat but DD and DS do. I don't think you have to "accept" messages, but the photos are supposed to disappear quickly. Which makes me wonder if the problem was some of the boys were taking screenshots of the photos before they disappeared (and possibly showing others).

You can save photos on Snapchat, it just notifies the sender. It also notifies them if you screenshot. Until recently there was an option to make a sticker of a photo (selecting a portion of the photo to cut out out and save) and that was a really popular way to save nudes since it wouldn’t notify the person who sent them. OP, I would be sure to go through all his saved chats, snaps, and stickers just to be sure.

And if the photo you save, screenshot or forward is a nude of a minor, you are now holding or distributing child porn. 

I assume people here are teaching their kids about that and the ramifications.

[Bad Dingo]

Oct 7, 2024 9:47:22 GMT -5 sonrisa said:

The allegations are based upon things that happened two years ago. OP brought it up here at the time.

I think that was a different incident because it was 3.5 years ago, sounds like the kids were in the same age group and the pics were described as "provocative" but clothed.  The two year thing was described as a "much younger" girl sending "nudes". I'm too invested in this...

[chedifuen]

Oct 7, 2024 12:26:27 GMT -5 sofamonkey said:

A burner phone just is NOT normal behavior. I’m honestly aghast. But you do what you want to do.

I have two boys in high school and I agree that this is not normal at all! I have heard of kids with burner phones but it seems to be a very small subset of kids that are engaging in dangerous and/or illegal activities. 

[somersault72]

So...I think the whole point with burner phones is your parent isn't supposed to know you have one. So all the people saying "OMG!!11!! My kid doesn't have a burner phone." Do you know that for certain? I mean I don't *think* my teen has one, but I'm guessing if he does have one he would be trying to hide it from me. I'm not saying 80% of kids have one, but I'm also saying we likely don't know EVERYTHING about our teenagers' lives even if we'd like to think we do. Even if we're open and they can "tell us anything" and all that.

I'll admit when the OP mentioned a burner phone, it felt a little breezy to me but no matter how close we think we our to our kids, I think it's just not real life for them to tell us EVERYTHING.

[calamity]

I don't doubt that kids have burner phones. My DS does have an old phone so we always take that one away too when we take away devices.

What kills me is that kids these days now share their snapchat passwords with some of their friends so they can continue their 'streaks' or whatever if they get their phone taken away. We had a LONG talk with my DD about this, and how no one should have her password. They could pretend they were her and do a lot of damage in a short period of time.

Teenagers, man. They are making me go gray so quickly.

[gummybear]

Oct 8, 2024 12:03:25 GMT -5 somersault72 said:

So...I think the whole point with burner phones is your parent isn't supposed to know you have one. So all the people saying "OMG!!11!! My kid doesn't have a burner phone." Do you know that for certain? I mean I don't *think* my teen has one, but I'm guessing if he does have one he would be trying to hide it from me. I'm not saying 80% of kids have one, but I'm also saying we likely don't know EVERYTHING about our teenagers' lives even if we'd like to think we do. Even if we're open and they can "tell us anything" and all that.

I'll admit when the OP mentioned a burner phone, it felt a little breezy to me but no matter how close we think we our to our kids, I think it's just not real life for them to tell us EVERYTHING.

I agree with you! Our 13 y/o is the sweetest, most innocent, childish little thing and even SHE told us she’s rigged up old iPads. Granted, she’s watching anime and YT drawing tutorials but still…

[donutsmakemegonuts]

I'm still stuck on how someone receiving unsolicited nudes from a girl that they barely know has resulted in a rape allegation about various boys who also aren't friends. I'm guessing there is more to it than what is vaguely being discussed here due to respecting privacy, but it seems strange to me. I hope OP gets a resolution of some sort.

[RitzyHeifer]

Thanks for all the feedback. I know I’ll miss something if I try to address everything. Please just know I’m as certain as I can be that my son hasn’t assaulted any one and I do trust but verify him on everything. He is in counseling and has been since he made the stupid choice to carry a thc vape for someone else that got him in huge trouble, also 2 years ago almost exactly the same time as the nudes were sent.

[erbear]

Oct 8, 2024 19:57:04 GMT -5 RitzyHeifer said:

Thanks for all the feedback. I know I’ll miss something if I try to address everything. Please just know I’m as certain as I can be that my son hasn’t assaulted any one and I do trust but verify him on everything. He is in counseling and has been since he made the stupid choice to carry a thc vape for someone else that got him in huge trouble, also 2 years ago almost exactly the same time as the nudes were sent.

Are you trolling us? "Carrying a vape pen for someone else"? COME ON. You need to have a serious sit down with your son.

[pizzaandtulips]

Every post drops another red flag.

[sofamonkey]

Come on now. Even gollum wasn’t this enamored with his precious.

This. This is just wild. LOL

[thejen626]

Oct 8, 2024 19:57:04 GMT -5 RitzyHeifer said:

Thanks for all the feedback. I know I’ll miss something if I try to address everything. Please just know I’m as certain as I can be that my son hasn’t assaulted any one and I do trust but verify him on everything. He is in counseling and has been since he made the stupid choice to carry a thc vape for someone else that got him in huge trouble, also 2 years ago almost exactly the same time as the nudes were sent.

I have a 15 year old daughter. She’s not perfect BUT I’m at the school often. It’s easy to tell who the kids are that are getting their homework done, who are the burnout kids that smell like smoke/weed, who will probably end up on the pole, etc.

It sounds like YOU need a therapist to tell you that your sweet baby angel boy isn’t making good choices. At the very least, his group of friends is not having a positive impact on him.

I’ve known a lot of boys and men. Multiple rape allegations… doesn’t happen to boys and men that aren’t raping or sexually assaulting people.

Last year at our high school, a freshman girl sent a topless photo to her freshman boyfriend. The boyfriend shared it in the team group chat, where there were adult coaches and dads in the group, who all saw the photo. The boys then reshared the photos in other group chats. None of the boys got into any trouble. The police weren’t involved as far as I’m aware. The girl, however, had to switch schools because the bullying was absolutely horrific.

[thejen626]

One last thing: my daughter had a sweet boy friend in middle school, let’s call him Patel. Patel is quiet and nerdy. A girl threw a party, invited popular kids, they brought drugs and alcohol and snuck into their house through a door where there wasn’t a camera. Party rages upstairs over the garage while the parents are sleeping downstairs. The next day the parents wake up to literal vomit all over their kitchen. They freak out and interrogate the daughter. They pull up the camera footage and see a young boy they don’t recognize stumbling around their house, drinking a ton of alcohol, and then puking everywhere. The daughter is confused because she didn’t invite Patel but she knows who he is.

The parents track down Patel’s family and tell them about the breaking in at 2am, drinking the alcohol, vomit etc. His parents are like “no, impossible, our sweet baby boy would NEVER sneak out, he doesn’t drink, etc” and the girl’s parents were like “well ok HERE’S THE VIDEOS.”

My daughter didn’t even tell me this until months later! I never knew why her and Patel stopped being friends. The girl’s mom mentioned it all to me offhand.

Wild shit happens and all kids do crazy shit.

[wanderingback]

Oct 9, 2024 1:37:05 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

Oct 8, 2024 19:57:04 GMT -5 RitzyHeifer said:

Thanks for all the feedback. I know I’ll miss something if I try to address everything. Please just know I’m as certain as I can be that my son hasn’t assaulted any one and I do trust but verify him on everything. He is in counseling and has been since he made the stupid choice to carry a thc vape for someone else that got him in huge trouble, also 2 years ago almost exactly the same time as the nudes were sent.

I have a 15 year old daughter. She’s not perfect BUT I’m at the school often. It’s easy to tell who the kids are that are getting their homework done, who are the burnout kids that smell like smoke/weed, who will probably end up on the pole, etc.

The fuck?

Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any worse. 

[waverly]

Oct 9, 2024 6:24:14 GMT -5 wanderingback said:

Oct 9, 2024 1:37:05 GMT -5 thejen626 said:

I have a 15 year old daughter. She’s not perfect BUT I’m at the school often. It’s easy to tell who the kids are that are getting their homework done, who are the burnout kids that smell like smoke/weed, who will probably end up on the pole, etc.

The fuck?

Just when I thought this thread couldn't get any worse. 

Not to mention the whole rest of her thread where she is breezy AF about the distribution of child pornography and none of the men getting in trouble but the girl has to switch schools.