50% of marriages fail and of the 50% that remain 25% of them are unhappy marriages
Having to hire a lawyer and having to pay possibly thousands of dollars for a divorce
Taxes
And I just don't like the idea of the courts being so involved my relationship...but I guess I would have to deal with the courts anyway if we get that health proxy thing...
I am in Canada, so this could be a bit different here then where you are but here is my take on the situation.
Where I live you are considered common law after living together for 1 year. (It may be 2, but not sure I know they changed the laws recently). If you are living together after the 1 year (or 2) then you have to file taxes together, or you will have to pay a penalty if they find out you have not been filing together.
Also all property and debt are split after you have been living together after this period of time as well.
I don't understand why people are so scared of the failed marriage thing. LTRs fail all.the.time too. Essentially if you're relationship is going to fail, it will. Marriage doesn't cause it to.
I don't understand why people are so scared of the failed marriage thing. LTRs fail all.the.time too. Essentially if you're relationship is going to fail, it will. Marriage doesn't cause it to.
Well for me personally I wouldn't want the stigma associated with having two failed marriages. And this isn't related to the marriage failing part but more the reason that I don't really want to get married again at this time is that I put up with a lot more crap in my marriage than I would have in just a LTR since I made a commitment - the whole til death do you part thing.
I used to be anti-marriage. Till I was with someone for 7 years and out on my ass in one night only to spend now going on three months still dissolving everything we had combined. Oh and I put hours upon hours into improving a house I lived in for years but because my name is not on it, I have absolutely no rights to and will never receive any compensation for the upgrades I did. And I'm pretty sure I'm still the beneficiary on life insurance policies and his emergency contact for pretty much everything.
So yeah, I'm in the opposite camp now and very supportive of a legal marriage.
I don't understand why people are so scared of the failed marriage thing. LTRs fail all.the.time too. Essentially if you're relationship is going to fail, it will. Marriage doesn't cause it to.
Well for me personally I wouldn't want the stigma associated with having two failed marriages. And this isn't related to the marriage failing part but more the reason that I don't really want to get married again at this time is that I put up with a lot more crap in my marriage than I would have in just a LTR since I made a commitment - the whole til death do you part thing.
True. But you wouldn't be having a commitment ceremony then I'm assuming:). Sorry I should have been clearer, I meant for those who are worried about marriage failing, but want to have every single aspect of a marriage, minus the license.
Well for me personally I wouldn't want the stigma associated with having two failed marriages. And this isn't related to the marriage failing part but more the reason that I don't really want to get married again at this time is that I put up with a lot more crap in my marriage than I would have in just a LTR since I made a commitment - the whole til death do you part thing.
True. But you wouldn't be having a commitment ceremony then I'm assuming:). Sorry I should have been clearer, I meant for those who are worried about marriage failing, but want to have every single aspect of a marriage, minus the license.
That is true too... letting him leave a 12 pack of condoms at my house is about the level of commitment I am willing to agree to at this point.
I don't understand why people are so scared of the failed marriage thing. LTRs fail all.the.time too. Essentially if you're relationship is going to fail, it will. Marriage doesn't cause it to.
Well for me personally I wouldn't want the stigma associated with having two failed marriages. And this isn't related to the marriage failing part but more the reason that I don't really want to get married again at this time is that I put up with a lot more crap in my marriage than I would have in just a LTR since I made a commitment - the whole til death do you part thing.
This makes me think of Friends with Ross and his "Three divorces! Three divorces!" My mom is on marriage #4 and we joke about it, but it has never caused her any really damage/hardships, but I can understand not wanting the stigma (which, I don't think there SHOULD be a stigma. I think it's a good thing to get out of a bad relationship). I just don't get wanting everything about marriage except the license/name. I think it would be just as much of a hassle when breaking up with someone if you have a bunch of legal agreements/joint property/etc. as it would be to get divorced.
True. But you wouldn't be having a commitment ceremony then I'm assuming:). Sorry I should have been clearer, I meant for those who are worried about marriage failing, but want to have every single aspect of a marriage, minus the license.
That is true too... letting him leave a 12 pack of condoms at my house is about the level of commitment I am willing to agree to at this point.
Can I also say that I've heard a few girls say "Oh, I don't want to get married, I'd be fine living together" to guys to gage their reactions/responses.
First it's most marriages fail, then it's half, and then when it turns out to be less than half, that's somehow close enough to half that it's once again "most" for you.
At this point, I'd suggest a stats class before even counseling or a better self-help book.
First it's most marriages fail, then it's half, and then when it turns out to be less than half, that's somehow close enough to half that it's once again "most" for you.
At this point, I'd suggest a stats class before even counseling or a better self-help book.
First it's most marriages fail, then it's half, and then when it turns out to be less than half, that's somehow close enough to half that it's once again "most" for you.
At this point, I'd suggest a stats class before even counseling or a better self-help book.
I appreciate your suggestions but no thanks...I'm still convinced that most marriages fail and that includes the couples that are still married and terribly miserable because that is a failure to me....
I appreciate your suggestions but no thanks...I'm still convinced that most marriages fail and that includes the couples that are still married and terribly miserable because that is a failure to me....
I'm pretty sure that if all you want to see if failing marriages, that's all you'll see. If you set yourself up to fail, you will...mind over matter, my dear!!
I appreciate your suggestions but no thanks...I'm still convinced that most marriages fail and that includes the couples that are still married and terribly miserable because that is a failure to me....
I'm pretty sure that if all you want to see if failing marriages, that's all you'll see. If you set yourself up to fail, you will...mind over matter, my dear!!
I don't agree...I don't want to see failing marriages I want to see marriages succeed but I don't really know of any...sure I know of couples that have been marrried decades...but I also know that the husband has been cheating during their marriage, so is that really a successful marriage because the wife didn't file for divorce?
I'm pretty sure that if all you want to see if failing marriages, that's all you'll see. If you set yourself up to fail, you will...mind over matter, my dear!!
I don't agree...I don't want to see failing marriages I want to see marriages succeed but I don't really know of any...sure I know of couples that have been marrried decades...but I also know that the husband has been cheating during their marriage, so is that really a successful marriage because the wife didn't file for divorce?
My parents have been happily married for 40 years with no issues or cheating. HOLLA!
Post by starburst604 on Aug 7, 2012 11:19:41 GMT -5
While infidelity must be extremely hard to get past, I don't think that everyone who decides to stay married after it happens is necessarily miserable. Sometimes yes, but I've known couples who have moved past it to a better relationship too.
I have plenty of friends going through divorces and that could really discourage me, but to be honest 99% of the time I could have told you when they got married that it wouldn't work. It isn't the fault of marriage that they didn't stay together, they got married when they shouldn't have, for a variety of different reasons. I also know quite a few happily married people.
I'm pretty sure that if all you want to see if failing marriages, that's all you'll see. If you set yourself up to fail, you will...mind over matter, my dear!!
I don't agree...I don't want to see failing marriages I want to see marriages succeed but I don't really know of any...sure I know of couples that have been marrried decades...but I also know that the husband has been cheating during their marriage, so is that really a successful marriage because the wife didn't file for divorce?
I think you got hurt pretty bad in your relationship and are throwing out all of this "screw traditional marriage" stuff to avoid getting hurt again.
I've seen lots of marriages fail....but I've also seen a lot that have survived hellacious things and have become stronger because of it.
Post by wrathofkuus on Aug 7, 2012 11:30:11 GMT -5
So what you're saying is, you dismiss all data that refute your original hypothesis as outliers, even if statistically they're not outliers at all. You'd make a good evolutionary psychologist.
I hear ya...and I'm not trying to dissect the next person's relationship..I'm only talking about what I may possibly want for MY life I'm not judging the person that has had 3+ husbands or the wife that stays with a cheating husband...to each his own. I'm only talking about what I may possibly want for My life and that is one without a divorce so as to avoid all of the lovely non benefits, by MY definition, that come along with it...
So what you're saying is, you dismiss all data that refute your original hypothesis as outliers, even if statistically they're not outliers at all. You'd make a good evolutionary psychologist.
Okay..wait... as long as that doesn't make me an atheist, maybe I can live with that
Post by udscoobychick on Aug 7, 2012 11:35:21 GMT -5
My parents are happily married--29 years and going strong. My paternal grandparents were happily married for probably 60 or more years. My maternal grandparents were happily married for just over 50 years (second marriage for him!). A great-uncle of mine signed his card congratulating me on my engagment to XFI "Best 72 years of my life!" referring to his marriage. BF's neighbors who we have brunch with every Sunday have been married 51 happy years (second marriage for him, too!).
Examples of happy marriages exist everywhere, if you're willing to see them.
I don't agree...I don't want to see failing marriages I want to see marriages succeed but I don't really know of any...sure I know of couples that have been marrried decades...but I also know that the husband has been cheating during their marriage, so is that really a successful marriage because the wife didn't file for divorce?
I think you got hurt pretty bad in your relationship and are throwing out all of this "screw traditional marriage" stuff to avoid getting hurt again.
I've seen lots of marriages fail....but I've also seen a lot that have survived hellacious things and have become stronger because of it.
No I'm not doing it to avoid getting hurt I would be terribly hurt if a LTR relationship ended regardless if we were married or not...I just don't want to have to deal with the divorce and all the lovely court stuff that goes along with it...
My parents are happily married--29 years and going strong. My paternal grandparents were happily married for probably 60 or more years. My maternal grandparents were happily married for just over 50 years (second marriage for him!). A great-uncle of mine signed his card congratulating me on my engagment to XFI "Best 72 years of my life!" referring to his marriage. BF's neighbors who we have brunch with every Sunday have been married 51 happy years (second marriage for him, too!).
Examples of happy marriages exist everywhere, if you're willing to see them.
Thanks for the optimistic examples but I think I'm already scarred a little too deep to really appreciate it
I think you got hurt pretty bad in your relationship and are throwing out all of this "screw traditional marriage" stuff to avoid getting hurt again.
I've seen lots of marriages fail....but I've also seen a lot that have survived hellacious things and have become stronger because of it.
No I'm not doing it to avoid getting hurt I would be terribly hurt if a LTR relationship ended regardless if we were married or not...I just don't want to have to deal with the divorce and all the lovely court stuff that goes along with it...
This whole thing is just going in circles....marriage can end up in court, sure....but so can a LTR break up. You cannot prevent yourself from being in court arguing over belongings if you engage in a relationship with another person.
And honestly, some of us have ended up in court and it wasn't a huge, crazy, expensive thing....
Life happens...you can't plan for these things. If it fails, it fails and you learn from it.
No I'm not doing it to avoid getting hurt I would be terribly hurt if a LTR relationship ended regardless if we were married or not...I just don't want to have to deal with the divorce and all the lovely court stuff that goes along with it...
This whole thing is just going in circles....marriage can end up in court, sure....but so can a LTR break up. You cannot prevent yourself from being in court arguing over belongings if you engage in a relationship with another person.
And honestly, some of us have ended up in court and it wasn't a huge, crazy, expensive thing....
Life happens...you can't plan for these things. If it fails, it fails and you learn from it.
I agree it is going in circles. I would have been quite happy if my original question had been answered and that was it Which it was in the first response...
I think you got hurt pretty bad in your relationship and are throwing out all of this "screw traditional marriage" stuff to avoid getting hurt again.
I've seen lots of marriages fail....but I've also seen a lot that have survived hellacious things and have become stronger because of it.
No I'm not doing it to avoid getting hurt I would be terribly hurt if a LTR relationship ended regardless if we were married or not...I just don't want to have to deal with the divorce and all the lovely court stuff that goes along with it...
You are going to end up in court if you are in a LTR too....
No I'm not doing it to avoid getting hurt I would be terribly hurt if a LTR relationship ended regardless if we were married or not...I just don't want to have to deal with the divorce and all the lovely court stuff that goes along with it...
You are going to end up in court if you are in a LTR too....
Thanks I think I've got that point beaten in my head enough to be convinced
So I need counseling to be convinced to get married? Why is marriage the end all and be all? I'm not saying I don't want a close human relationship...
No you don't need counseling to be convinced to get married. Counseling can help with your skewed views of relationships though
I thought that would put me in the category of the masses which then makes me normal! Why else are there aisles and aisles of relationship self helps books out there making millions of dollars (I'm sure one of you will correct me if in fact they are making billions instead) and relationship therapists charging hundreds of dollars because we all have a skewed way of looking at relationships...and they are trying to teach us the "right" way to view it...