Also, nowhere in her message did she even say sorry. I just realized that. I made my kid's class a banner and it was slightly off center and I said sorry to the teacher, ruining plans definitely deserves a sorry ffs.
You are being way too nice! She needs you to smack her down. This is complete BS. She is mother fucking selfish bitch. YOU need to tell her so, I promise it will make you feel better....and id also be asking the other 2 to please respond.
I'm sorry that sucks. Every single big birthday of mine had something go wrong, including my 30th when the person I was meant to hang out with bailed w/o even telling me. So, I get you. I decided that I would plan every birthday since then and for my 50th planned my trip with my H to Barcelona, cause otherwise nothing was going to happen (my H is not a planner and I am). I hope you can have a fabulous 40th despite the idiocy of your friends!
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I hate this for you, but not sure how you should handle it
I don't know if it's the right way, but I'm going to handle it with grace b/c our lives are intertwined through our kids' soccer for the foreseeable future. But just because our kids are friends, doesn't mean we have to be. I'll be as polite as I have to be for my kids' sake but it's clear we aren't "friends".
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I'm sorry that sucks. Every single big birthday of mine had something go wrong, including my 30th when the person I was meant to hang out with bailed w/o even telling me. So, I get you. I decided that I would plan every birthday since then and for my 50th planned my trip with my H to Barcelona, cause otherwise nothing was going to happen (my H is not a planner and I am). I hope you can have a fabulous 40th despite the idiocy of your friends!
I wanted to go to England, but now it's too late to find anything affordable. HAD I KNOWN THIS, I would have made reservations LAST YEAR and then paid it down.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Im really sorry this happened to you. This isn’t the same, but your story brought me back. Here’s where a I am, a few years later.
A few years ago My coworkers said they wanted to come hang out at my camper for a girls night. I told them I didn’t have any other trips planned, but they all said how fun it would be so I reconsidered. Looking back, it felt so good to be included and “valued.”
We all got our calendars out. We picked a date for 2 months later. It worked for everyone believe it or not.
This was NOT a camping TRIP, mind you. This was one evening out, at a site 20 mins from home. No one planned to spend the night. But I hadn’t planned to even go there until they talked me into it. It meant I had to prepare a food plan, shop, pack a camper, get my husband and kids in the truck to pull the camper, park it, pay $100 for a spot, and be away for the weekend. But that didn’t matter bc how FUN! And I told them all that with caution bc I didn’t want them to bail on me, but they all said they wanted to do it. The family was going to go back home and then return the next day, so that me and my work friends could have a girls night.
One week before the trip we all sat and said what food/drink each person was bringing. Two or three people couldn’t make it, bc plans changed, understood though!
The day before the trip, I could tell once the dominating personality cancelled, the other chips were falling. The reason she gave me...right in front of everyone..was that she had a table she was refinishing and it was in her way and she needed to get it done.
This is very first world problem and privileged and sheltered of me....but I can honestly say I had never been so emotionally hurt by anyone than by this event.
By the end of that Thursday (the night was Friday) one by one, TEN people cancelled on me. All in one day. The last texted me to tell me she was in a wedding (10 months later) and the bride wanted her to go to NY to shop for a dress. The next day? Wow. Ok.
Well I did go camping with my family but I felt deflated and sad the whole time.
Some things I wish I had done: Those bitches needed to know how hurtful they were as human beings. By not saying anything and just accepting it, I had let them get off easy.
It wasn’t until one full year later when the dominating personality one had a heart to heart with me and I totally cried and sobbed and told her how hurt I was (and still stung) and she shared how terribly awful they all felt, but no one did or said anything.
You know why? They followed my lead. And by making it seem like I was ok (but in reality avoiding them and hiding in my office) they just didn’t have to think about it anymore.
Our entire work relationship was different. I don’t eat lunch with them often and when I do, I share myself with caution. We are friendly, but instead of thinking of them as friends as I had before, I think of them as just Work aquaintences. I should not have put myself out there with them in terms of risking my feelings. It changed my relationship with all of them and for a long time I considered switching locations because of it. But I stayed and I’m happy I did, but I don’t trust those bitches. They aren’t my friends.
Just bc you have soccer with a bitch doesn’t mean you have to stay quiet. She’s the one who fucked up here, not you. And those other friends of yours? They aren’t friends either if they are staying silent.
You deserve better for this but if you don’t speak up, you’ll just remember it, not them. And that’s hurtful. If you don’t speak up, and that’s fine if that’s what you choose, if were you I’d consider thinking of those other women as a different kind Of relationship than you previously did. They are aquaintences. I also got out of group texts with them all and I am MUCH better bc of it. I’m fine now and over it, but I do me. They don’t deserve any of my time, including simple text groups.
Leeham Rimes, here's a thought - make a plan for your 41st birthday just for yourself. Come to England. And if you come to London - I'll take you out for a birthday drink!
I'm sorry that sucks. Every single big birthday of mine had something go wrong, including my 30th when the person I was meant to hang out with bailed w/o even telling me. So, I get you. I decided that I would plan every birthday since then and for my 50th planned my trip with my H to Barcelona, cause otherwise nothing was going to happen (my H is not a planner and I am). I hope you can have a fabulous 40th despite the idiocy of your friends!
I wanted to go to England, but now it's too late to find anything affordable. HAD I KNOWN THIS, I would have made reservations LAST YEAR and then paid it down.
ugh.
I think england sounds perfect for a first annual 40th birthday celebration next year.
I'm sorry that sucks. Every single big birthday of mine had something go wrong, including my 30th when the person I was meant to hang out with bailed w/o even telling me. So, I get you. I decided that I would plan every birthday since then and for my 50th planned my trip with my H to Barcelona, cause otherwise nothing was going to happen (my H is not a planner and I am). I hope you can have a fabulous 40th despite the idiocy of your friends!
I wanted to go to England, but now it's too late to find anything affordable. HAD I KNOWN THIS, I would have made reservations LAST YEAR and then paid it down.
ugh.
Go for your 40.5th or 41st. You are worth celebrating. If you want to tie it to your 40tb bday, make the reservations on your bday this year. It's an IOU
Leeham Rimes , here's a thought - make a plan for your 41st birthday just for yourself. Come to England. And if you come to London - I'll take you out for a birthday drink!
This is kind of a great idea (or some variation of it). Do something nice for this birthday. I hate planning so I would probably just get a hotel room alone so I could sleep undisturbed and watch what I wanted on the TV, etc.
But how about making your 41st your 40th do-over? Then you could plan a trip to England and look forward to it all year. Plus--you get to talk about it to your "friends" and how excited you are. And slip in that you are doing it because you were so excited for the trip they bailed on and still wanted to do something.
I do hope, though, that the other two friends are stepping in and figuring something out. But I also have a bad feeling they might just be bailing too. I hope I'm wrong though.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I'm just reading this now. I am absolutely dumbfounded that these women, who you considered friends, could be so cruel. Because this is cruel, and hurtful, and I'd have a hard time being friendly with people who could be so inconsiderate of my feelings.
I agree with the others. Plan yourself a trip. By yourself. Whether it's for this birthday, or next, or somewhere in between. You deserve this.
Not the same, but I really wanted my H to throw me a surprise party for my 40th birthday. However, the months leading up to my birthday, I was not happy with how I looked and didn't want photos memorializing that. I told him repeatedly that I didn't want a party, but deep down I really did. I totally regret it now. Had I just been honest and told him what I was feeling and what I wanted, he would've done anything to make it happen. All of that to say, if you want to do something, just do it, make it happen. It sounds like your H is totally supportive, so do it. It's not worth living a life of regrets.
I’m so sorry, I know exactly how you feel & it just sucks so much.
I agree with others that you should do what you want (England) for your bday next year.
I was just talking to my friend about this the other day...we and most of our friend group are all turning 40 this year. The next two Saturday nights we have surprise 40th parties to go to for friends, and then DH is going on a guys trip to celebrate a 40th as well. I feel kinda bad that I didn’t throw DH a party for his; I just got too stressed thinking about it. But I was thinking maybe I should do it in a couple of years. It would be a more of a surprise to have a 43rd bday party. And we won’t have gone to 10 other surprise parties that year, right?
What I’m saying is, why not make 41 your big year? (But definitely still do something special for yourself this year too!)
You know why? They followed my lead. And by making it seem like I was ok (but in reality avoiding them and hiding in my office) they just didn’t have to think about it anymore. ... Just bc you have soccer with a bitch doesn’t mean you have to stay quiet. She’s the one who fucked up here, not you. And those other friends of yours? They aren’t friends either if they are staying silent.
You deserve better for this but if you don’t speak up, you’ll just remember it, not them. And that’s hurtful. If you don’t speak up, and that’s fine if that’s what you choose, if were you I’d consider thinking of those other women as a different kind Of relationship than you previously did. They are aquaintences. I also got out of group texts with them all and I am MUCH better bc of it. I’m fine now and over it, but I do me. They don’t deserve any of my time, including simple text groups.
I agree with all the bolded here. You're giving her an easy way out. She gets all the credit for offering to plan something fun for you, and by not getting held accountable she's not paying any consequences for bailing. Send another group text calling her out, it doesn't have to be rude. Being assertive and confident and expecting people to follow through (or have the decency to apologize if they can't) is not being rude. Let her be the one to feel uncomfortable at the next soccer game.
Also campermom, I'm sorry that happened to you. I think pretty much everyone has had something like that happen, it sucks.
You know why? They followed my lead. And by making it seem like I was ok (but in reality avoiding them and hiding in my office) they just didn’t have to think about it anymore.
This is spot on. And I'm totally guilty of acting like everything is fine, even when it's not. I would definitely let everyone know that you're hurt and let down. If you don't, I feel like these women will continue walking all over you and never taking your feelings into consideration.
I REALLY hope they are planning something in a secret group text to surprise you. But all in all, this just sucks and I am so sorry.
I wish people would stop saying this. Because then Leeham Rimes is just going to be more disappointed when they do nothing, which is honestly what will probably happen. If they do end up doing something, let it be a happy surprise.
This is just so shitty. If soccer bitch had never said anything, you could have just planned your own thing and it would have been fine. So it was extra awful of her to get your hopes up and then totally flake. I don't think I could still be friends with her. The other girls, maybe... if they eventually admit how shitty it was. But I'd be done with the main one.
I've kind of learned with birthdays, it is best to take ownership of them and just do or ask for what you want. That way you won't be let down. Don't let this ruin your birthday! Replace this awful memory with something awesome so you don't look back and always remember how much this jerk hurt you.
Also, I'm turning 40 this year (in May) and I wasn't planning to do anything for it, but your post has inspired me to plan something for myself. Like you, it is probably too late to plan something for my actual birthday, but for these kinds of things, I prefer to plan them "for" my birthday, not necessarily "on" my birthday. So H and I have started talking about a family trip in the fall, when we will have vacation time, money and the trip should be cheaper. Even if it isn't on my actual birthday, it will be awesome. You still have time!
Post by Leeham Rimes on Feb 8, 2019 9:51:06 GMT -5
I don’t think calling her out will help, bc she doesn’t give a shit about it. I was talking to H and he said that he’d had a conversation with one of the husbands that now makes sense. They were talking, sarcastically, about how hard it is to dad when mom is away. Brent said “yeah, we’re in for that when they go on their cruise” the husband said “J (party planner) isn’t going on a cruise” which made no sense to h but he got distracted by the soccer game so he didn’t realize when he asked for a clarification, the other husband didn’t want to give one. .
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham