I don’t think calling her out will help, bc she doesn’t give a shit about it. I was talking to H and he said that he’d had a conversation with one of the husbands that now makes sense. They were talking, sarcastically, about how hard it is to dad when mom is away. Brent said “yeah, we’re in for that when they go on their cruise” the husband said “J (party planner) isn’t going on a cruise” which made no sense to h but he got distracted by the soccer game so he didn’t realize when he asked for a clarification, the other husband didn’t want to give one. .
Fuck them all up the asshole. I’m done.
I'm sorry this happened to you, it sucks and is so shitty.
I don't think you need to call her out in a traditional, burn it down kind of way if you don't want to (of course, if you do, you totally should because it is warranted), but I do agree with campermom that the more we (collectively) let shit like this just go, the more people think it's fine to be complete flakes about stuff. I think a simple response letting them all know that you're disappointed and your feelings are hurt is fine. Even if she doesn't give a shit, chances are at least one of them does and maybe at least one person will think twice before being a total asshole in the future.
I don’t think calling her out will help, bc she doesn’t give a shit about it. I was talking to H and he said that he’d had a conversation with one of the husbands that now makes sense. They were talking, sarcastically, about how hard it is to dad when mom is away. Brent said “yeah, we’re in for that when they go on their cruise” the husband said “J (party planner) isn’t going on a cruise” which made no sense to h but he got distracted by the soccer game so he didn’t realize when he asked for a clarification, the other husband didn’t want to give one. .
Fuck them all up the asshole. I’m done.
I'm sorry this happened to you, it sucks and is so shitty.
I don't think you need to call her out in a traditional, burn it down kind of way if you don't want to (of course, if you do, you totally should because it is warranted), but I do agree with campermom that the more we (collectively) let shit like this just go, the more people think it's fine to be complete flakes about stuff. I think a simple response letting them all know that you're disappointed and your feelings are hurt is fine. Even if she doesn't give a shit, chances are at least one of them does and maybe at least one person will think twice before being a total asshole in the future.
I will respond again if she suggests something stupid, like “dinner out” that it wasn’t what I wanted to do, or what we planned so I’m not interested and will do something on my own.
And then I won’t baby sit her animals anymore. She’ll put it together quickly once that happens I’m sure.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I'm sorry this happened to you, it sucks and is so shitty.
I don't think you need to call her out in a traditional, burn it down kind of way if you don't want to (of course, if you do, you totally should because it is warranted), but I do agree with campermom that the more we (collectively) let shit like this just go, the more people think it's fine to be complete flakes about stuff. I think a simple response letting them all know that you're disappointed and your feelings are hurt is fine. Even if she doesn't give a shit, chances are at least one of them does and maybe at least one person will think twice before being a total asshole in the future.
I will respond again if she suggests something stupid, like “dinner out” that it wasn’t what I wanted to do, or what we planned so I’m not interested and will do something on my own.
And then I won’t baby sit her animals anymore. She’ll put it together quickly once that happens I’m sure.
Like you would really want to have dinner with her after this. Ugh!
Do you have another set of friends that you can do a "stay-cation" with? Nothing with too much coordination, maybe just getting a hotel room at a nearby resort (everyone pays their way), dinner, pool time, etc.?
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I agree that sending a follow up "I'm really disappointed about this" text would be appropriate. She should know that this WAS a big deal. I know that's easier said than done.
Honestly - this is why I don't count on friends. I've had this sort of crap happen too many times. I don't assume anyone is traveling until they book something - my friend said she wants to come visit me and go to a concert in July this year, and I'm fully expecting her to bail. I'll be thrilled if she comes, but I'm not going to be surprised at all if she decides she can't spend the money/time. And I hate to say it, but especially moms/parents are tough with this. It's not because they are assholes, but because they just have so much going on and so many places their time and money are pulled. That doesn't sound like the whole issue with this planner, but maybe your other friends already were struggling with finding the time/money to get away and maybe they are somewhat relieved to be off the hook. It's crappy of them, but I wouldn't necessarily take it to mean they aren't good friends or don't care or whatever. 40 is a hard age because everyone is too old and obligated to be able to do a whole lot. Honestly, I don't even have kids but I can't see dropping tons of money on a trip to celebrate someone else's birthday either. It sounds like fun, but I have limited time off work and limited money and just can't do everything.
You have every right to be upset, don't get me wrong. I just hope you don't take it more personally than you need to. It's probably nothing against you.
I REALLY hope they are planning something in a secret group text to surprise you. But all in all, this just sucks and I am so sorry.
I wish people would stop saying this. Because then Leeham Rimes is just going to be more disappointed when they do nothing, which is honestly what will probably happen. If they do end up doing something, let it be a happy surprise.
This is just so shitty. If soccer bitch had never said anything, you could have just planned your own thing and it would have been fine. So it was extra awful of her to get your hopes up and then totally flake. I don't think I could still be friends with her. The other girls, maybe... if they eventually admit how shitty it was. But I'd be done with the main one.
I've kind of learned with birthdays, it is best to take ownership of them and just do or ask for what you want. That way you won't be let down. Don't let this ruin your birthday! Replace this awful memory with something awesome so you don't look back and always remember how much this jerk hurt you.
Also, I'm turning 40 this year (in May) and I wasn't planning to do anything for it, but your post has inspired me to plan something for myself. Like you, it is probably too late to plan something for my actual birthday, but for these kinds of things, I prefer to plan them "for" my birthday, not necessarily "on" my birthday. So H and I have started talking about a family trip in the fall, when we will have vacation time, money and the trip should be cheaper. Even if it isn't on my actual birthday, it will be awesome. You still have time!
I apologize; I guess I said it because it is 100% what I would personally do if this happened in my group of friends. If someone organizing the event flaked, I would immediately coordinate something else as a surprise for the birthday person.
I did not even think about how this would make things worse for LH, and for that I do apologize, Leeham Rimes. You deserve better and I did not mean to add salt to the wound.
I agree that sending a follow up "I'm really disappointed about this" text would be appropriate. She should know that this WAS a big deal. I know that's easier said than done.
Honestly - this is why I don't count on friends. I've had this sort of crap happen too many times. I don't assume anyone is traveling until they book something - my friend said she wants to come visit me and go to a concert in July this year, and I'm fully expecting her to bail. I'll be thrilled if she comes, but I'm not going to be surprised at all if she decides she can't spend the money/time. And I hate to say it, but especially moms/parents are tough with this. It's not because they are assholes, but because they just have so much going on and so many places their time and money are pulled. That doesn't sound like the whole issue with this planner, but maybe your other friends already were struggling with finding the time/money to get away and maybe they are somewhat relieved to be off the hook. It's crappy of them, but I wouldn't necessarily take it to mean they aren't good friends or don't care or whatever. 40 is a hard age because everyone is too old and obligated to be able to do a whole lot. Honestly, I don't even have kids but I can't see dropping tons of money on a trip to celebrate someone else's birthday either. It sounds like fun, but I have limited time off work and limited money and just can't do everything.
You have every right to be upset, don't get me wrong. I just hope you don't take it more personally than you need to. It's probably nothing against you.
I get what you’re saying but the planner mentioned the trip in passing to the other ladies and they invited themselves. So they don’t get a pass.
I’ve had similar experience with friends and I’m mostly mad that I ever had my idiot hopes up in the first place.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I wish people would stop saying this. Because then Leeham Rimes is just going to be more disappointed when they do nothing, which is honestly what will probably happen. If they do end up doing something, let it be a happy surprise.
This is just so shitty. If soccer bitch had never said anything, you could have just planned your own thing and it would have been fine. So it was extra awful of her to get your hopes up and then totally flake. I don't think I could still be friends with her. The other girls, maybe... if they eventually admit how shitty it was. But I'd be done with the main one.
I've kind of learned with birthdays, it is best to take ownership of them and just do or ask for what you want. That way you won't be let down. Don't let this ruin your birthday! Replace this awful memory with something awesome so you don't look back and always remember how much this jerk hurt you.
Also, I'm turning 40 this year (in May) and I wasn't planning to do anything for it, but your post has inspired me to plan something for myself. Like you, it is probably too late to plan something for my actual birthday, but for these kinds of things, I prefer to plan them "for" my birthday, not necessarily "on" my birthday. So H and I have started talking about a family trip in the fall, when we will have vacation time, money and the trip should be cheaper. Even if it isn't on my actual birthday, it will be awesome. You still have time!
I apologize; I guess I said it because it is 100% what I would personally do if this happened in my group of friends. If someone organizing the event flaked, I would immediately coordinate something else as a surprise for the birthday person.
I did not even think about how this would make things worse for LH, and for that I do apologize, Leeham Rimes. You deserve better and I did not mean to add salt to the wound.
You didn’t :-) you were just hoping they’d have a shred of decency.
Iknow they don’t but that doesn’t reflect on me just them.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I'm really sorry. Something similar happened to me and I was really upset about it at the time, and kind of still am now that you mention it! My girlfriends are great at planning showers (wedding and babies), birthday events (for big years) and bachelorette outings. I got married right in between two friends and they both got bachelorette outings (I won't say parties because these were small and just with our group of friends) and I did not. I heard some rumblings about doing something the evening of my wedding shower but nothing ever materialized, which left me confused. One friend finally confided that the group "had trouble deciding on what to do because they wanted to do something really awesome for me and it just never came together." It hurt. I did not have a traditional wedding and had no wedding party so no bachelorette event of any kind. I chalked it up to the fact that I didn't have a traditional wedding and therefore didn't get all the traditional things. The shower the girls planned for me was awesome and very special so I held onto that.
Sorry to hijack your post, I just wanted you to know that you are right that they suck and this situation sucks! I am still close with this group of girls and we have done special things for each other over the years. It's OK if it doesn't work out that way for your and you need to take some time away from them too.
Post by Velar Fricative on Feb 8, 2019 10:58:31 GMT -5
At this point with a lack of response from the rest of the group, the rest of them would be on my shit list too. Yeah, I'd love to think the rest are planning a surprise for me, but it's a month out so my guess is no, and I would set myself up for even more disappointment if they don't. Because I'd be upset with all of them, I'd have no problem texting my disappointment to all of them. They may not give a shit but I'd still want them to know how hurt I am. I'm petty and while she maybe won't give a shit, I'd like the planner to feel awkward around me at soccer games because she deserves that.
When did her H tell your H about there not being a cruise? I'll be even more pissed if that conversation happened well before she bailed out of planning.
At this point with a lack of response from the rest of the group, the rest of them would be on my shit list too. Yeah, I'd love to think the rest are planning a surprise for me, but it's a month out so my guess is no, and I would set myself up for even more disappointment if they don't. Because I'd be upset with all of them, I'd have no problem texting my disappointment to all of them. They may not give a shit but I'd still want them to know how hurt I am. I'm petty and while she maybe won't give a shit, I'd like the planner to feel awkward around me at soccer games because she deserves that.
When did her H tell your H about there not being a cruise? I'll be even more pissed if that conversation happened well before she bailed out of planning.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Last Edit: Feb 8, 2019 11:06:50 GMT -5 by Leeham Rimes
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
Don't be mad at yourself. And after seeing what the husband said to yours, seriously fuck that cunt. I'm so angry on your behalf.
And it wasn’t even the planners husband, it was a participant’s husband so it was well known way prior to yesterday, this shit wasn’t gonna happen.
They can all go fuck a chainsaw
Oh shit, I missed that the husband he was talking to was not the husband of the planner. That makes this a shitton worse. I'm so sorry. I'd tell them all to go fuck off and I hope you have a fabulous birthday without them.
I'm SO pissed for you. Give me their #'s, let ME light them up!
I know others have said it, but my friends kinda let me down for my 30th, but then I had a nice party for my 31st. No one says it has to be a 30th/40th, etc. to have a big party!
Seriously, tho, I'll punch someone in the head for you. Just lemme know
I was supposed to celebrate my 40th with another "friend" who has a December birthday. We were going to do a big party in June together and call it an 80th birthday party. She informed me two weeks *after* my birthday, but two weeks before her birthday, that she changed her mind and would be doing her own party at a friend's house in early January. I didn't do anything for my bday because of what we were planning. My BFF asked what I wanted to do instead and I said that I'd always wanted to go to Paris so we planned a last minute trip. It's off season so you might still be able to find cheap flights/cheap Airbnb.
I'm glad you won't be watching her animals any longer. She, and the others, deserve none of your generosity or kindness. Fuck them all.
Don't be mad at yourself. And after seeing what the husband said to yours, seriously fuck that cunt. I'm so angry on your behalf.
And it wasn’t even the planners husband, it was a participant’s husband so it was well known way prior to yesterday, this shit wasn’t gonna happen.
They can all go fuck a chainsaw
That really sucks! I’d text about being disappointed and how she waited way too late to tell you. A little semi-public shaming is called for all of them. They shouldn’t go around thinking this is okay.
I would not to a single favor for any of them. Not driving their kids around, no dog watching or house sitting at all. I wouldn’t make small talk either. Just watch the kids and read a book or whatever at games.
I have a tendency to plan things out in advance to a slightly absurd degree but I never cancel on people. It isn’t that hard and they had tons of time to figure it out or cancel before this.
I'm so sorry you've had to go through this shitty situation. I guess it goes without saying that it's time to gravitate to friends who do not have a history of letting you down or that it's time to find new friends.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
So crappy that they have all known this for weeks too, and didn't say anything. Part of the problem is that they left you short on time for an alternative trip.
Also, sorry campermom that you had to go through that.
Post by litskispeciality on Feb 8, 2019 13:08:36 GMT -5
First of all ugh, I'm sorry they're so sh!tty.I'm team plan a belated trip for just you, but it's shi!tty that you missed out o nthe opportunity to plan when you could save.
And I know this is rude, but what am I doing wrong in life that I'm a DINK and have to work hard to go on one vaca a year. How is this tw able to travel so much and not work? She should have told you way in advance that her plans changed too. Ugh I can't stop being mad for you.
First of all ugh, I'm sorry they're so sh!tty.I'm team plan a belated trip for just you, but it's shi!tty that you missed out o nthe opportunity to plan when you could save.
And I know this is rude, but what am I doing wrong in life that I'm a DINK and have to work hard to go on one vaca a year. How is this tw able to travel so much and not work? She should have told you way in advance that her plans changed too. Ugh I can't stop being mad for you.
They’re really well off and she comes from money. This is her second international trip for funsies of the year. It’s only February.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
First of all ugh, I'm sorry they're so sh!tty.I'm team plan a belated trip for just you, but it's shi!tty that you missed out o nthe opportunity to plan when you could save.
And I know this is rude, but what am I doing wrong in life that I'm a DINK and have to work hard to go on one vaca a year. How is this tw able to travel so much and not work? She should have told you way in advance that her plans changed too. Ugh I can't stop being mad for you.
I was thinking similar as well as what have I done wrong that I have no friends...
That is such shit. I am sorry, I’d be so hurt. I have had something similar happen lately and it’s the worst feeling because they are supposed to be your friends and then you realize they don’t really care. I hope you are able to do something nice for yourself, whether it be this year, or if you plan a trip a year out. Take the time to celebrate yourself because you deserve it.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
First of all ugh, I'm sorry they're so sh!tty.I'm team plan a belated trip for just you, but it's shi!tty that you missed out o nthe opportunity to plan when you could save.
And I know this is rude, but what am I doing wrong in life that I'm a DINK and have to work hard to go on one vaca a year. How is this tw able to travel so much and not work? She should have told you way in advance that her plans changed too. Ugh I can't stop being mad for you.
I was thinking similar as well as what have I done wrong that I have no friends...
Oh yeah that's my second layer. I have no friends in the area, all of my good friends are spreadout. Most of my friends still live at home so they have to come to me for an overnight, but they think the road only works one way and that it's "closer" for me to go to them? Wives at DH's work recommend making friends with other wives and going on vacations with the other families, but I'm good with that, I hate having to work around other people's schedules, esp if it's like I'll only go to x place.
I'll be 40 in 2.5 years, this thread makes me sad that I'll plan my own birthday, that DH won't even do anything. Having a summer birthday at a job busy in the summer I'll probably have to put off the trip until later than the actual day. He got to be in the DR on his 40th, but more so because of work schedules we pushed vacation back that far, we don't traditionally go on vacation over either of our birthdays.
Wow wow wow. I'm so sorry. Seriously, I hope you ice them out as much as you can under your circumstances, and I hope you plan something fabulous for yourself, if not for this year, than next (and I totally and completely understand wanting to not because you hate it so much).