I just need to get this out

[Leeham Rimes]

So. I turn 40 in March. Last year I was talking to a friend about it who said that she'd plan a fun little extended weekend away for me, her and some mutual friends b/c she likes to plan. I was totally fine with that. We secured dates and type (cruise was easiest, fine by me) and she was going to book it a few weeks ago, as far as I was told. 

I just got a text "sorry, I can't do anything for your birthday, I'm going to Italy then California and I can't fit your birthday in". These are pleasure trips, as she is a SAHM.

I'm really bummed and trying not to cry b/c I feel like an idiot b/c I am always doing for others and I should just stop. BAH! I never learn, man. 

[sacattack]

Ugh - I'm so sorry that stinks! That seems even worse she waited that long to let you know.

Any chance you can rally the other people planning to go? I'm sure they are all looking forward to a getaway!

[icedcoffee]

She sucks. I'd be upset too.

[circa1978]

Awww. That is really the worst. What the hell.

[mcmel]

I’m sorry. That’s really shitty.

[cleo29]

Say what now? What a bitch move. Can you rally your other friends together and do a weekend somewhere somewhat more local? don't let this ruin a fun, happy celebration.

[tripleshot]

She’s a total bitch. I agree with the others, can you plan the trip with your other friends?

[mrssandro]

I would be disappointed and make sure I let her know that too.

[Leeham Rimes]

Feb 7, 2019 14:27:49 GMT -5 sacattack said:

Ugh - I'm so sorry that stinks! That seems even worse she waited that long to let you know.

Any chance you can rally the other people planning to go? I'm sure they are all looking forward to a getaway!

It wouldn’t work now bc the numbers are uneven which makes room sharing difficult.

I also hate planning which is why I liked her idea, it meant I didn’t have to do any of the work. And now what if others back out after I actually do all the leg work.

Not worth it.

[Leeham Rimes]

Feb 7, 2019 14:35:07 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Say what now? What a bitch move. Can you rally your other friends together and do a weekend somewhere somewhat more local? don't let this ruin a fun, happy celebration.

H said to go somewhere by myself for the weekend. That seems sad, lol.

[cleo29]

Feb 7, 2019 14:41:04 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Feb 7, 2019 14:27:49 GMT -5 sacattack said:

Ugh - I'm so sorry that stinks! That seems even worse she waited that long to let you know.

Any chance you can rally the other people planning to go? I'm sure they are all looking forward to a getaway!

It wouldn’t work now bc the numbers are uneven which makes room sharing difficult.

I also hate planning which is why I liked her idea, it meant I didn’t have to do any of the work. And now what if others back out after I actually do all the leg work.

Not worth it.

How about just dinner out somewhere? do something. i had something similar happen with my 40th and it really hurt, but i kind of wish i just took control of it myself.

[cabbagecabbage]

Normally I'm a "rise above" and "be the bigger person" person but that's just mean. I give you permission to be a snarky bitch to her. That's some bullshit.

[shauni27]

WTF I would be terribly hurt and quite angry as well. And I understand not wanting to plan your own event either, that was half the thing--she was doing the part you hated!

Tell your other friends it is cancelled and see if they all want to go out to dinner and drinks instead. Don't let this twat waffle get you down.

[humpforfree]

Dude that blows. Is there a chance they unexpectedly owed a ton for taxes or something and she was trying to save face? Idk why she wouldn’t just say that, but i also don’t know why someone would back out like that. I’m sorry

[lexxasaurus]

Feb 7, 2019 14:42:29 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Feb 7, 2019 14:35:07 GMT -5 cleo29 said:

Say what now? What a bitch move. Can you rally your other friends together and do a weekend somewhere somewhat more local? don't let this ruin a fun, happy celebration.

H said to go somewhere by myself for the weekend. That seems sad, lol.

That isn't sad unless you make it that way! (I say this but I would feel the same at first.) Make it a treat for yourself and enjoy time away from stressful, every day life and do all the things you want to do that you wouldn't or couldn't normally.

And your friend sucks. That was a dick move on her part. I'm sorry she did that.

[Leeham Rimes]

Feb 7, 2019 14:45:24 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

Dude that blows. Is there a chance they unexpectedly owed a ton for taxes or something and she was trying to save face? Idk why she wouldn’t just say that, but i also don’t know why someone would back out like that. I’m sorry

I would guess not. They’re very flush with money. She travels internationally for fun all the time.

[humpforfree]

Feb 7, 2019 14:46:42 GMT -5 Leeham Rimes said:

Feb 7, 2019 14:45:24 GMT -5 humpforfree said:

Dude that blows. Is there a chance they unexpectedly owed a ton for taxes or something and she was trying to save face? Idk why she wouldn’t just say that, but i also don’t know why someone would back out like that. I’m sorry

I would guess not. They’re very flush with money. She travels internationally for fun all the time.

Yeah then if money isn’t an issue, that’s a really crappy move. I would be really sad.

[carmenere]

Ugh, I'm sorry. I would tell her you're disappointed and you wish you had known sooner. I hope you can still do something fun with your friends.

[lilac05]

I’m sorry. I’d be really disappointed, too. I don’t expect anyone to plan anything for my birthday, but if someone offers, they should follow through!

[wildrice]

I think you should ask her WTF. This was a really dick move on her part.

I'm sorry this isn't working out the way you had hoped.

I don't have the sorts of friendships with people where they would suggest taking a birthday trip or planning it for me. Thanks for the reminder about why People suck.

[onomatopoeia]

That sucks. Did she even book it? I can't tell if she booked it and now can't go (but the rest of you can), or didn't even book it.

Don't feel like an idiot, at all. This is all on her. She's the idiot.

[greysgirl]

I'm really sorry. You have every right to be upset/angry.

[goldengirlz]

I’m sorry — that’s really heartless.

I would touch base with your other friends and see what they want to do. Maybe you scrap the idea for a cruise and do something local instead — even a spa day or nice dinner.

FWIW, I travel frequently by myself (primarily for work but with some built in “fun” time) and I’ve come to enjoy it. I could totally do a yoga retreat on my own for a birthday.

[Gato]

That sucks. I would freeze her out until the end of time.

So give yourself a budget. What, within that amount of money, would you most want to do? Make it happen for yourself. I know it’s nice to think someone is going to take care of stuff for you, but if they don’t, that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve it. YOU take care of you. What badass thing do you feel like doing? Do it. Keep doing it, and your 40s will be amazing.

[sarahbear]

I hope you took a deap breath and texted right back with how disappointed and hurt you are feeling. She's a shitty friend. See if you can find one more person to come along. Don't let this one person ruin your birthday celebration!

And I totally understand how you feel. I've been there many times myself in my life.

[knx9211]

You shouldn’t be her friend anymore. She sucks.

[ECB]

At a minimum, I'd reach out to the others who were going to go and 1) make sure that they know she isn't planning this. And then 2) at least see if people still want to do something that weekend.  MAYBE someone else will step up and offer to take over the planning, or plan something else.

And I'm not sure why there being an uneven group of people means you can't share rooms.  If you were planning on 2 per room, just put 3 in one room.  IDK - that's what my girlfriends and I would do!  We wouldn't let an entire weekend go to waste because one room is perhaps a little more snug.  

[justemily]

What a jerk! I'm sorry :/

[yourmother]

Can you and your other friends to go a beach for a few nights? That would be so much fun!

[kitkat1502]

Wowwwww. I'm sorry. I'd definitely respond to her and be totally honest with how you feel. Her text was pretty cold and insensitive.

Can you still do something with the other friends that were going on the trip?