I am definitely at the point where I don't want to work around other people's schedules. I don't really have the kind of friends that is going on whole family trips or girls trips annually or anything like that. And with everyone working and kids sports and school schedules...
I think for most people those kind of trips are way less often than social media would have us believe. Our one friends are VERY social with tons of friends and have only gone on 2 trips with friends thus far in 15 years.
I've only gone on one in the same amount of time and I was clearly invited because of a cancellation, and they were like oh what about waverly? DH and I are also just very independent with our plans, always like to have our own vehicle and escape plan lol. Maybe because when we lived in NYC we could always just leave whenever we wanted and grab a cab. When we are done hanging out, we are also just DONE.
One of the women just replied “let’s plan a dinner” to which i said “don’t bother. That’s not what I want”
And I just ordered a nespresso bc fuck bitches, get coffee. Lol.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
Nope. Sometimes people need to know that something they did is NOT ok. They knew for at least a week that this thing she was banking on was not happening and said nothing. They get to feel like shit for a while. Or not, but either way they sent a loud and clear message where she stands.
One of the women just replied “let’s plan a dinner” to which i said “don’t bother. That’s not what I want”
And I just ordered a nespresso bc fuck bitches, get coffee. Lol.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
Disagree. That's how she feels. After what they did, she probably really doesn't want to spend an evening pretending to not be hurt by how callous they were. There is nothing wrong with honesty.
I am a lurker and don’t know much about you or the relationship with these “friends.” But just remember there is nothing wrong with telling people how you feel, even if it makes them feel uncomfortable. You aren’t starting a fight or disagreement. Just a “ I am really disappointed and wish someone would have said something sooner. Then I could have made plans to do something else.” Then go on with your life without them. But don’t skip your birthday or allow them to ruin it for you. If you don’t want to go by yourself, go with your husband or bring your kids and go somewhere with a kids club.
One of the women just replied “let’s plan a dinner” to which i said “don’t bother. That’s not what I want”
And I just ordered a nespresso bc fuck bitches, get coffee. Lol.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
I disagree. If they had said, let's do a trip anyway without main planner! That would be one thing. An offer of dinner is a lame afterthought that requires little to no effort, AND comes after radio silence in the wake of the main planner canceling the cruise. Hard pass.
One of the women just replied “let’s plan a dinner” to which i said “don’t bother. That’s not what I want”
And I just ordered a nespresso bc fuck bitches, get coffee. Lol.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
Wrong.
You teach people how to treat you - if she had responded in the affirmative, they would think it was just fine and dandy how they've treated her. And it's not.
They need to know they made her feel like shit. Will they change their selfish behavior? Probably not but she has a right to her feelings AND to express them.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
I disagree. If they had said, let's do a trip anyway without main planner! That would be one thing. An offer of dinner is a lame afterthought that requires little to no effort, AND comes after radio silence in the wake of the main planner canceling the cruise. Hard pass.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
I disagree. If they had said, let's do a trip anyway without main planner! That would be one thing. An offer of dinner is a lame afterthought that requires little to no effort, AND comes after radio silence in the wake of the main planner canceling the cruise. Hard pass.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
They knew, and said nothing
They could have responded that they were sorry, that they still wanted to celebrate with her, that they had been looking forward to it too, etc.
No, they didn't have to step up and plan it. But they were sheep leading the lamb to slaughter and they said nothing.
I disagree. If they had said, let's do a trip anyway without main planner! That would be one thing. An offer of dinner is a lame afterthought that requires little to no effort, AND comes after radio silence in the wake of the main planner canceling the cruise. Hard pass.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
...And the other women said nothing (in a group text), AND it was one of the other women's husbands who told LR's husband his wife wasn't going on a cruise, not the main planner, which would suggest they already knew what the main planner was up to. These are people you'd still want to do dinner with, OK, your prerogative. LR, however, is not spiting herself by choosing not to do dinner with a bunch of wishy washy bitches.
One of the women just replied “let’s plan a dinner” to which i said “don’t bother. That’s not what I want”
And I just ordered a nespresso bc fuck bitches, get coffee. Lol.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
Wrong. I don’t want a dinner bc they couldn’t get their shit together. If there’s any time I can be selfish, it’s my birthday. I want what a want. Not some dumb bullshit they think is good enough.
If they said “hey can we do the cruise in April or May or June” then that’s different but that’s not what they said and that was never offered as an option.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I disagree. If they had said, let's do a trip anyway without main planner! That would be one thing. An offer of dinner is a lame afterthought that requires little to no effort, AND comes after radio silence in the wake of the main planner canceling the cruise. Hard pass.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
I. Don’t. Want. A dinner. That’s not special. That happens often. AND THEY INVITED THEMSELVES TO THIS.
I mean shit. They could have said a million things that would lead me to believe that this shit wasn’t canceled a long time ago, but nobody clued me in. Nobody acted surprised because they weren’t surprised.
And these women are glued to their phones all day. GTFO with “it’s not total radio silence”. I cant get through one conversation with them without them checking their phones 5 times.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
I threw myself a 40th and a bunch of people let me down so I just got drunk and ate pizza and enjoyed the people who showed up.
I have had the worst luck with milestone birthdays. people not showing up or responding... just kind of hurtful stuff. Sorry you have some assholes in your life too.
Yes! Omg DH turned 40 last year and I threw a party. I had a bunch of people - coworkers, his boss, fraternity brothers, it ran the gamut - who didn’t even respond. Two of our really good friends - including Kid2’s godfather for F’s sake - didn’t respond until like a week before when I reached out to them, and one gave me attitude about it. On the other hand, a bunch of people I invited and didn’t expect to come, did and DH was thrilled. I posted pictures on FB and about half of those who didn’t respond had the gall to post comments like “so sorry we couldn’t make it” like they had actually told me they weren’t coming. Raaaaage. Well after the fact (like several months later) I gave DH the rundown on what happened and told DH I can’t handle shitty people so please don’t throw me a party when I turn 40 (now 5.5 years away).
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
I. Don’t. Want. A dinner. That’s not special. That happens often. AND THEY INVITED THEMSELVES TO THIS.
I mean shit. They could have said a million things that would lead me to believe that this shit wasn’t canceled a long time ago, but nobody clued me in. Nobody acted surprised because they weren’t surprised.
And these women are glued to their phones all day. GTFO with “it’s not total radio silence”. I cant get through one conversation with them without them checking their phones 5 times.
I'm sorry (I'm not being snarky). Like I said in my other posts, I really do think you have every right to be upset. I usually give the benefit of the doubt to people, especially friends, because I'd want the same grace given to me. Clearly these woman aren't your friends, so you should feel no guilt about being chill to them.
One of the women just replied “let’s plan a dinner” to which i said “don’t bother. That’s not what I want”
And I just ordered a nespresso bc fuck bitches, get coffee. Lol.
I know you're upset (I would be too) but I think you're kind of cutting off your nose to spite your face with this reply, TBH.
Disagree. She doesn't need pity scraps. They've shown her how important she is to them, waited a long ass time to chime in, and now they feel bad and want to feel good about themselves. Nah.
I'm sorry Leeham Rimes, I would be hurt too! Just echoing what others said- still plan your England trip even if you have to go at a later date! Treat yo-self!!
I have had the worst luck with milestone birthdays. people not showing up or responding... just kind of hurtful stuff. Sorry you have some assholes in your life too.
Yes! Omg DH turned 40 last year and I threw a party. I had a bunch of people - coworkers, his boss, fraternity brothers, it ran the gamut - who didn’t even respond. Two of our really good friends - including Kid2’s godfather for F’s sake - didn’t respond until like a week before when I reached out to them, and one gave me attitude about it. On the other hand, a bunch of people I invited and didn’t expect to come, did and DH was thrilled. I posted pictures on FB and about half of those who didn’t respond had the gall to post comments like “so sorry we couldn’t make it” like they had actually told me they weren’t coming. Raaaaage. Well after the fact (like several months later) I gave DH the rundown on what happened and told DH I can’t handle shitty people so please don’t throw me a party when I turn 40 (now 5.5 years away).
I cannot handle the RSVP part of party planning. I've had to deal with it for kids parties. So I took DH on a trip for his 40th because party planning is just not my thing. I want to like to host things, but I just don't.
I disagree. If they had said, let's do a trip anyway without main planner! That would be one thing. An offer of dinner is a lame afterthought that requires little to no effort, AND comes after radio silence in the wake of the main planner canceling the cruise. Hard pass.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
I 100% agree here. None of my friends are particularly good about pulling together big plans and definitely would not last minute. We are all busy with jobs and kids and I wouldn’t expect someone who isn’t a planner to take over. The person at fault here is main planner, not the others, who are making an effort to do something, even if it’s not the big event originally planned.
That all being said, I would feel incredibly hurt by all of this as well. I’m sorry this happened to you.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
I 100% agree here. None of my friends are particularly good about pulling together big plans and definitely would not last minute. We are all busy with jobs and kids and I wouldn’t expect someone who isn’t a planner to take over. The person at fault here is main planner, not the others, who are making an effort to do something, even if it’s not the big event originally planned.
That all being said, I would feel incredibly hurt by all of this as well. I’m sorry this happened to you.
so, you think she should feel obligated to sit through a dinner that no one wants to plan and that she, the birthday girl, does not want?
Post by Leeham Rimes on Feb 8, 2019 14:59:37 GMT -5
For nobody to address the cancellation at all, no: "oh my gosh, sorry to hear that it's cancelled. I was looking forward to it" just "hey it's cancelled" "lets have dinner". they were all in on something and I'm the last fool to know
I'm not buying the innocent bystander stuff, If I had truly planned the $ for a cruise (which again, they invited themselves on it when it was mentioned to them. they weren't invited. they asked to go), I'd offer something like "lets go on the cruise anyway" or "lets get a hotel for the weekend" or something not "lets do dinner". not buying it.
Last Edit: Feb 8, 2019 15:00:32 GMT -5 by Leeham Rimes
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
So, I don't think you should plan something else with these girls. They didn't handle this well, and you're well within reasonable for wanting to say forget it to doing anything.
I do hope you will do something else, though. On your own, with your H, with another friend, or whatever the heck else you want. I totally understand the inclination to just say "fine I'm doing nothing then" but at the end of the day, you're the only one who will suffer for that. Don't do that to yourself.
You don't have to decide today what you want to do, but I hope you do something special at some point. Even if it's not ON your birthday. You deserve it.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Feb 8, 2019 15:02:01 GMT -5
and I am definitely going to do something. It might not be what I originally wanted, but I definitely am going to do something. and alone. because fuck bitches.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham that’s free range, all natural I need ham
For nobody to address the cancellation at all, no: "oh my gosh, sorry to hear that it's cancelled. I was looking forward to it" just "hey it's cancelled" "lets have dinner". they were all in on something and I'm the last fool to know
I'm not buying the innocent bystander stuff, If I had truly planned the $ for a cruise (which again, they invited themselves on it when it was mentioned to them. they weren't invited. they asked to go), I'd offer something like "lets go on the cruise anyway" or "lets get a hotel for the weekend" or something not "lets do dinner". not buying it.
i mean, if you want these people to be your friends, by all means you can go to dinner with them.
Obviously I was not part of the conversation, but I’ve had enough experiences to say you can’t always judge someone’s motivations without having all the information. Maybe there was silence bc they were trying to figure out if someone could pull the cruise together and decided they couldn’t and then asked about a dinner, you just don’t know. I also didn’t say I thought you should go to dinner with them, obviously if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. I only said that expecting someone else to plans major trip when main planner dropped out is a big ask, IMO.
The queen bee cancelled, not the other girls. They may not have the time or desire to plan a cruise. I mean come one...I love my friends but I wouldn't want to plan that either, especially last minute. I doubt they want to take her to KFC. And it's been radio silence for a day, not a month.
I. Don’t. Want. A dinner. That’s not special. That happens often. AND THEY INVITED THEMSELVES TO THIS.
I mean shit. They could have said a million things that would lead me to believe that this shit wasn’t canceled a long time ago, but nobody clued me in. Nobody acted surprised because they weren’t surprised.
And these women are glued to their phones all day. GTFO with “it’s not total radio silence”. I cant get through one conversation with them without them checking their phones 5 times.
I'm sorry. I would never be friends with people who constantly checked their phones during conversation, let alone all of this other BS.
And I hate cruising. Just pretend you would have gotten Norovirus had you went.
For nobody to address the cancellation at all, no: "oh my gosh, sorry to hear that it's cancelled. I was looking forward to it" just "hey it's cancelled" "lets have dinner". they were all in on something and I'm the last fool to know
I'm not buying the innocent bystander stuff, If I had truly planned the $ for a cruise (which again, they invited themselves on it when it was mentioned to them. they weren't invited. they asked to go), I'd offer something like "lets go on the cruise anyway" or "lets get a hotel for the weekend" or something not "lets do dinner". not buying it.
i mean, if you want these people to be your friends, by all means you can go to dinner with them.
Obviously I was not part of the conversation, but I’ve had enough experiences to say you can’t always judge someone’s motivations without having all the information. Maybe there was silence bc they were trying to figure out if someone could pull the cruise together and decided they couldn’t and then asked about a dinner, you just don’t know. I also didn’t say I thought you should go to dinner with them, obviously if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. I only said that expecting someone else to plans major trip when main planner dropped out is a big ask, IMO.
this was not the expectation.
Leeham Rimes -- FWIW I think your response was perfect. just enough to let them know you're (RIGHTFULLY) pissed while keeping it classy
For nobody to address the cancellation at all, no: "oh my gosh, sorry to hear that it's cancelled. I was looking forward to it" just "hey it's cancelled" "lets have dinner". they were all in on something and I'm the last fool to know
I'm not buying the innocent bystander stuff, If I had truly planned the $ for a cruise (which again, they invited themselves on it when it was mentioned to them. they weren't invited. they asked to go), I'd offer something like "lets go on the cruise anyway" or "lets get a hotel for the weekend" or something not "lets do dinner". not buying it.
i mean, if you want these people to be your friends, by all means you can go to dinner with them.
Obviously I was not part of the conversation, but I’ve had enough experiences to say you can’t always judge someone’s motivations without having all the information. Maybe there was silence bc they were trying to figure out if someone could pull the cruise together and decided they couldn’t and then asked about a dinner, you just don’t know. I also didn’t say I thought you should go to dinner with them, obviously if you don’t want to, you shouldn’t. I only said that expecting someone else to plans major trip when main planner dropped out is a big ask, IMO.
They had over a week to figure out a response though. They weren't shocked by this info