Is this rude, or am I expecting too much?

[sugarbear1]

Well, if she's anything like my brother, she's waiting to see if she gets a better offer. It is super rude.

I would send her a text today with a lighthearted, "last chance! Going to see if someone else would like to join us!"

[liverandonions]

It's Thursday and Easter is Sunday, and you already have the reservation. While I agree it's nice to update the restaurant of your plan changes, I think it's ok to give it a little longer.

[gummybear]

I think it’s rude but I am notoriously high strung.

[Patsy Baloney]

Ruuuude. Absolutely playing the game of, “If something better comes along…”

[rhian]

It's been barely 13 hours since your text (I often don't listen to voicemails immediately), with most of those being sleeping hours? I get why you want to know, but they haven't done anything wrong. If there's some deadline you need to know by, let her know that. But she's had like 4 waking hours to RSVP to a last minute, back up invitation, so she's definitely not being rude here.

[rhian]

I'm surprised by these "if something better comes along" response. Do lots of people get last minute Easter brunch invitations? My assumption would be that they had low key, stay at home plans, and she wants to clear it with the other members of her family before she signs them up to get up early on a Sunday and be social with family.

[thebreakfastclub]

To be fair, this group has been invited as a fill in because the 1st choice guests canceled. I would give it another day.

[Jalapeñomel]

Mar 28, 2024 10:19:59 GMT -5 rhian said:

I'm surprised by these "if something better comes along" response. Do lots of people get last minute Easter brunch invitations? My assumption would be that they had low key, stay at home plans, and she wants to clear it with the other members of her family before she signs them up to get up early on a Sunday and be social with family.

This is my thought too. Maybe she’s waiting for her family to say yes or no.

[countthestars]

It might take us this long to figure out our plans for a few days from now. She said today - she's got time!

[ECB]

Mar 28, 2024 10:17:48 GMT -5 rhian said:

It's been barely 13 hours since your text (I often don't listen to voicemails immediately), with most of those being sleeping hours? I get why you want to know, but they haven't done anything wrong. If there's some deadline you need to know by, let her know that. But she's had like 4 waking hours to RSVP to a last minute, back up invitation, so she's definitely not being rude here.

This is where I fall.  At 9:30 last night my DH was actually asleep.  Then, this morning, he was up and out of the house before I was awake and he has a SUPER busy day today, including going to the opening O's game this afternoon.  If I needed to talk to him about Easter, I wouldn't have a chance until about 7 or 8 tonight. 

[Patsy Baloney]

I would not talk to my husband. Who cares about that guy? Lol

[rachers]

Yea, I agree give it more time. 8:30-9:30 is still kid bedtime routine time and with Easter still being a few days out this wouldn’t be first priority in my head. But I get it! I like plans being finalized too.

[litskispeciality]

I have a bad habit of responding to texts and PM's in my head rather than physically writing them out to the person, so maybe they did that? I'm also really trying hard not to look too far ahead, ideally today only (one day at a time) because it's quite overwhelming to look further out right now. Thinking of exactly when and where I'll be on Sunday as I don't have reservations will spin me out. Saying those things to give grace that "I'll respond today" with no specific time to write back is a long time away in her world. Maybe she can't text during work hours or won't see their S/O until later today as mentioned up thread. I'd be pissed at my DH if he committed us to last minute plans without checking with me first.

If you need to know by a certain time I think it's fine to write back after 12 PM that you don't want to be a pest but you need to know by X time either way. Be easy letting them know it's ok to say no so they don't feel pressured to go.

[k3am]

I wouldn't have even invited H's brother and fam, because that in itself feels rude to me, but I have my own feelings around being considered second choice.

[bex1973]

You're expecting too much, give it more time. If you needed to know by a particular time you should have told her that.

[ECB]

Mar 28, 2024 10:28:34 GMT -5 Patsy Baloney said:

I would not talk to my husband. Who cares about that guy? Lol

Well, there's that too.  

[fiddles]

They said they would respond today, and well it's still today. If you have a deadline you would like to know, you should have told them "I need to know by X time."

[wildrice]

Maybe they already have plans that day, but haven't been told a confirmed time and want to make sure what's going on with those before turning you down. I wouldn't be bothered by this unless I was hoping to fill their spot with someone else if they say no.

[gretchenindisguise]

Depending on my work day and what is going on with kids, there are definitely days when I would not have the mental energy to think about this until later.

I don't think they are being rude by not responding right away.

[rhian]

Mar 28, 2024 10:38:07 GMT -5 kellady said:

Ok, my 3rd DD said to give it till tomorrow also. The actual invitation was given at 4pm yesterday.

I’m also high strung, lol and I’m coming from the point that this isn’t unusual behavior from them. I do t know why I’m surprised.

And I’ve already said “no worries” if they do t want to go. Because it really isn’t a problem if they don’t. I just want to let the restaurant know.

I mean, sure, you issued the invitation at 4pm, but you don't know that she actually received it until 9:30pm. You left a voicemail, which indicates that she wasn't available to answer the phone, so I assume was also not available to listen to a voicemail. But that's really not the point, the difference between 4 and 9 pm isn't what makes this rude or not rude.

It seems like there are other reasons you are irritated with them, which are shaping your annoyance right now. Given that, I'm not sure why you even bothered inviting them. But they really haven't done anything wrong here.

[laurack]

It hasn’t been that long, and you invited them last minute so I don’t think this is odd. If you invited me at 4pm and I was like oh boy this weekend hmm let me check with the fam and get back to you then at 11am the next day you dramatically canceled the whole thing due to my not replying already I’d think that was very bizarre behavior.

[wanderingback]

Yes you’re expecting too much. This is not rude at all. You texted later in the night, it’s still morning. I go to work in the morning and things can get hectic. I would give until tomorrow and then send a reminder.

To be quite honest I hate how society these days people expect answers/emails/texts to be responded to now now now. Every once in awhile someone will email me and then text me the next day the same thing and I HATE it, guarantee for me to take even longer to respond lol. Anyway…

But you already have a reservation, correct? Them coming or not doesn’t change anything, correct?

[cjcouple]

I mean I know I'm doing Easter with my sister and her family but we didn't settle on a time or even the meal itself yet. If I got a last minute invite, I'd need to ask her what time she is doing her meal. She may need to consult with her husband or adult children as well. it's not always a simple yes/no.

I think answering by the next day is reasonable.

[dochas]

Mar 28, 2024 10:38:07 GMT -5 kellady said:

Ok, my 3rd DD said to give it till tomorrow also. The actual invitation was given at 4pm yesterday.

I’m also high strung, lol and I’m coming from the point that this isn’t unusual behavior from them. I do t know why I’m surprised.

And I’ve already said “no worries” if they do t want to go. Because it really isn’t a problem if they don’t. I just want to let the restaurant know.

It isn't unusual behavior at all. You're annoyed at not getting an immediate response to a B-list invitation. At first I thought this was something you prepaid and needed to fill the seats. But it's just a reservation and you didn't think enough of them to include them in the first place!

[fivechickens]

You know how she is and she knows how you are.

Give it until 4 and then if no one has responded I would send them all a text that says ‘blah blah Easter Brunch blah blah……..if I don’t hear back by (this time) I am going to cancel the brunch. Hopefully we get to see each other but understand if doesn’t work out’.

[lust2hart]

Mar 28, 2024 11:06:03 GMT -5 fivechickens said:

You know how she is and she knows how you are.

Give it until 4 and then if no one has responded I would send them all a text that says ‘blah blah Easter Brunch blah blah……..if I don’t hear back by (this time) I am going to cancel the brunch. Hopefully we get to see each other but understand if doesn’t work out’.

Why the arbitrary deadline of 4pm? SIL said she'd get back to OP today; the day doesn't end at 4! 

[fryjack2]

If you don't hear back by tonight or whatever time you need them to the respond by, just say, "hey, totally understand if you won't be able to join but if so, please let me know by XX because that's when I have to let the restaurant know. Hope we see you, if not, Happy Easter!"

The invite came what, 3 days before Easter? They prob know its a second tier invite?

[fryjack2]

Mar 28, 2024 11:06:03 GMT -5 fivechickens said:

You know how she is and she knows how you are.

Give it until 4 and then if no one has responded I would send them all a text that says ‘blah blah Easter Brunch blah blah……..if I don’t hear back by (this time) I am going to cancel the brunch. Hopefully we get to see each other but understand if doesn’t work out’.

Don't tell them you are canceling brunch! Its not their fault! Op can change the reservation to whoever it is that can come or cancel, but its not on SIL if they cancel.

[countthestars]

You just want to tell the restaurant?

[InBetweenDays]

I think you're expecting too much. Maybe they had other plans and are trying to see if they can juggle things and do both.

There are some nights where H and I don't get to sit down and talk about things until after 10pm. So if I had gotten a voicemail at 4pm it is very likely I wouldn't have responded before the text at 9:30. And depending on what our work schedules and morning looked like and what the kids had going on over the weekend I may not have been able to text an answer in the morning either.

I would give her more time unless the restaurant needs to know about a reservation change ASAP.