^ op did offer to pay the difference and cancellation fees.
I mean that she should've been contributing what she could afford--if I was her sis I'd be pissed that she could pony up funds for her own convenience, but wasn't willing to pay any portion of the flight/hotel otherwise. If op has $50-$200 dollars that she can spend, she should be offering to contribute to the overall cost, not using it for the "better" flight, KWIM?
^ op did offer to pay the difference and cancellation fees.
I mean that she should've been contributing what she could afford--if I was her sis I'd be pissed that she could pony up funds for her own convenience, but wasn't willing to pay any portion of the flight/hotel otherwise. If op has $50-$200 dollars that she can spend, she should be offering to contribute to the overall cost, not using it for the "better" flight, KWIM?
I agree with this. If $200 to get the flight she wants is no biggie, she could've said up front, "Wow! That is so generous that you want to pay for our flights. Although I can't afford much, I would like to contribute $200 toward the overall cost. Thank you. You are awesome." That's how that convo should have gone.
I'll say, though, that the sister chose to get married in Hawaii. She had to do that knowing that people - even her own family - may not be able to attend. $3000 is a crapload of money for just airfare, not counting everything else. If DH and I had to drop at least that much on a wedding right now, we could not do it.
And she was the one to "insist" that the OP still needs to come. The OP could have still said "no", though.
H and I have flown with two young kids to Hawaii, and I have to say, of all the many flights we've made with them, it was by far the hardest. There was something in the air pressure that made it hurt all of our ears much, much more than usual, and when Em refused even lollipops and Kate refused to nurse, well, it was a rough go for a while there. On the redeye flight home (which, yes, is standard from Hawaii), Kate again refused to nurse at take-off and screamed for a good 30 minutes while the rest of the flight was surely trying to sleep, before she finally, finally fell asleep herself. Emmy still talks about how she never wants to go to Hawaii again because of how much her ears hurt. We actually did have our parents on the flight with us, but they weren't seated anywhere near us, and the hardest parts were the landing (on the way there) and the take-off (on the way home), when we were trapped in our seats anyway.
That said, we all survived, and, what's more, we had a wonderful vacation. You all will too, if you can just get past looking at this as some slight from your sister and instead be grateful for the gift she has given you. Without the backstory, it does not seem spiteful for her to have booked you the most affordable option at the time; it sounds like she did her best so that the four of you could be there for her wedding. You can bitch about it all you want here, but you should not expect her to go any further out of her way to accommodate you. Regardless of how much she's insisted on getting her own way in the past, in this instance, she has every right.
I mean that she should've been contributing what she could afford--if I was her sis I'd be pissed that she could pony up funds for her own convenience, but wasn't willing to pay any portion of the flight/hotel otherwise. If op has $50-$200 dollars that she can spend, she should be offering to contribute to the overall cost, not using it for the "better" flight, KWIM?
I agree with this. If $200 to get the flight she wants is no biggie, she could've said up front, "Wow! That is so generous that you want to pay for our flights. Although I can't afford much, I would like to contribute $200 toward the overall cost. Thank you. You are awesome." That's how that convo should have gone.
I didn't think about it from this angle.
OP, this is probably why your sister is upset and accused you of not wanting to come to her wedding. You told her you could not afford it and did not offer to pay any amount of your costs until what she chose for you did not meet your standards. Then, suddenly, you had enough money to offer to pay for a portion. If I were her, I'd be upset, too.
I realize a lot of the "omg my sister has pissed us off" is probably family dynamics you can't go through on a message board. Of course, not knowing those - you do come off sounding unreasonable.
The fact is, what's done is done. You wish she would have done a lot of things differently, including checking flights and times with you before booking and paying or just saying "no" to all of it for the entire family, but that can't be changed now. At this point she's probably wishing she had never offered, but the fact there is she did, she's paid, it's locked in.
The problem is: -NOW there are seats available on your preferred flight for just a bit more then she paid x weeks ago. Who knows what was going on x weeks ago that meant she didn't book these. Maybe they weren't there - a travel agent had them on hold. Maybe x weeks ago they were $1000 more and that wasn't affordable. Now the airline has excess supply and has cut prices to fill the plane. Or maybe you sister is just a bitch who purposely searched for another flight at a crappy time. Who knows. But the fact that now you can find seats doesn't mean much since you have seats on another plane.
-The seats you have are on a different airline so you can't just pay a change fee and the extra airfare. We're not talking $50-500, we're talking about 4 tickets to Hawaii wasted (or maybe in a flight credit if she's lucky", PLUS the cost to repurchase on the second airline. That's a lot of money. A lot more than just $50. You're asking for a really big thing here.
So your options are: 1. call a travel agent and see if they can some how get airline 1 to refund your sister and then purchase the tickets on your preferred airline. I see this as unlikely but I guess you never know. 2. accept that what's done is done, thank your sister for paying for you to come to her wedding and enjoy yourselves. Have fun at the wedding (the reason you're flying) and enjoy a few days in Hawaii that you wouldn't have had otherwise.
Quit focusing on "I shouldn't have said yes" or "she shouldn't have done whatever" - tell your husband to do the same. You CAN"T change those things so stop focusing on them.
Also, if you really think your sister is putting out this much money just because she's a terrible person who insists on having things her way.... well I guess she may be. But I'd try to be glad that her way is Hawaii vs freezing my ass off in a snowstorm. And that she's willing to spend thousands to get her own way. Sounds more stupid on her end but at least you get a family vacation which you all probably need.
Post by karmasabiotch on Jan 13, 2013 15:17:08 GMT -5
I'm jumping in on being ungrateful. You could have said no that it just really won't work out for you but that you'd be there in spirit and have a celebration lunch when she got home. Since you agreed to her paying for the tickets and hotel asking her to make any changes or offering up money to upgrade what she paid for seems in poor taste. If you have extra money you should be offering it to her to help her cover your costs.
I didn't read anything other than the original post.
If you could afford the $50 difference, you should've been offering to give it to your sister to help out with the cost of tickets, not getting pissy that she didn't get you on the same flight. You need to thank and apologize to your sister, and plaster a grin to your face the whole time you're in Hawaii on her dime.
I agree with this entirely. Whatever extra money you suddenly have should be going to pay her back for this incredibly generous trip, not to upgrade your flight.
Post by PinkSquirrel on Jan 13, 2013 17:30:56 GMT -5
Change fees are usually $100-$150 per ticket depending on the airline. If you add the other $50 per ticket for the price difference that means you're saying you'll cover $150-$200 per ticket for change fees. You can't see how calling your sister and saying you have at least $500 to blow on change fees might irk her when you couldn't pitch in for the tickets in the first place. It seems pretty likely that if you had offered to contribute $150-200 per ticket she would have booked you the better flights from the beginning.
ETA: Wait, it's a different airline? The OP has lost her damn mind
Soooo... since a whole bunch people said they wanted to me come back, here I am! I wasn't going to post, since this thread was already on the third page. I wasn't here yesterday because my parents were in town. Figured I may as well take the hits if I want to post here again in the future.
I spoke to my sister again, and explained that I wasn't trying to be ungrateful, I was just hoping there was a way to switch flights. She said she didn't mean what she had said, and that she really just wanted us to be there. She was apparently stressed out because our grandma (who is not invited to Hawaii) was calling and yelling at her for the millionth time about it. She also said that she didn't realize the price difference was so negligible between the two flights. Anyway, flights can't be switched, which I am actually fine with. The thing I was upset about (and the whole livid thing was about 90% hyperbole-don't tell me that never happens on here- and 10% in the moment anger) was that she lied and said the flight was full.
For everyone who said I just accept the flights and be grateful, I realize that's not how it was coming across. I do understand that it's a huge amount of money (and btw, she is only paying for the flights, we are paying for the hotel after all), and I am extremely happy and lucky to have a sister who is willing to pay for this.
Also, I did offer to pitch as much money in for the flights as I could, but we won't know how much until much closer to the trip, since we will be using our tax return for it. She knows this, and is fine with it.
Another note that you all probably aren't interested in is that I am hosting and planning her reception for after the wedding. This was agreed on after she said she would pay for the flights. It's not going to be anything big because she basically just wants a back yard BBQ.
Finally, everyone who said the price difference was ~$500, it wasn't. It was $50 total. I also didn't know that there might be extra money involved in cancelling. That's why I had called her to ask. It's not like I was saying "oh I magically have $500 to cover extra costs now". I was only asking her if they could be cancelled and bought elsewhere. I've only flown once, so I'm not very savvy with how airlines work. I think I've covered everything. Feel free to slam me more, but since I've explained everything to my sister and there are no hard feelings.....eh.
You know that sometimes seats open up later and that she might not have lied about it being full?
No I know that. She told me she did. She told me last night why, and I understand. Apparently my dad (who is scared of flying) told her he didn't want our kids on their flight in case it crashes. She couldn't change his mind and didn't want to hurt my feelings I guess. It's fine.
I'm wtf that you're assuming she lied right off the bat, instead of giving her the benefit of the doubt.
And I still want to know why you're still pissed about your own wedding.
See my last response about the lying thing.
And with my wedding... it was just a mess. We had planned since we were kids that we would be each other's MOH. When I was engaged, I asked her, and she said no. It really hurt my feelings, and she has only recently said that she refused because she didn't want people to pity her because her younger sister was getting married before she did. I was 23 and she was 24. I'm not, and never was, pissed about my wedding. I was hurt, and apparently still kind of am.
It's still not useful in my eyes. You're still being ungrateful and ridiculous... but whatever. Enjoy your FREE trip and judge your sister the entire time.
Your entire family sounds ridiculously full of drama. Your dad didn't want the kids flying with them in case the plane crashed? What?
Dad doesn't want the kids on his flight because it is a long ass flight with a layover and he knows jenmegs will expect him to spend the whole time taking care of two screaming toddlers. Of course he wants to be on a different flight. Hence the "plane crash" excuse.
apalettepassion.wordpress.com/ WHO IS BONQUIQUI!?!?!?!??!
"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
It's still not useful in my eyes. You're still being ungrateful and ridiculous... but whatever. Enjoy your FREE trip and judge your sister the entire time.
Wtf? I'm not being ungrateful. I can see how it came across that way, but if my sister doesn't think I am (and she would tell me) then I don't see what the problem is. And when did I say I was judging her? I have nothing to judge her for.
And with my wedding... it was just a mess. We had planned since we were kids that we would be each other's MOH. When I was engaged, I asked her, and she said no. It really hurt my feelings, and she has only recently said that she refused because she didn't want people to pity her because her younger sister was getting married before she did. I was 23 and she was 24. I'm not, and never was, pissed about my wedding. I was hurt, and apparently still kind of am.
I get what you're saying, but you're holding onto a lot of weird stuff here. Your post was ... pretty down on your sister, the whole way through. You assumed a lot and thought the worst of her, and it made you look horrible as a result with all the "she bought the cheapest possible tickets!" stuff.
Have a good time at the wedding, and go into it giving her the benefit of the doubt, okay? Let go of all this weird history you're stuck feeling resentful about. She's being nice, and she deserves to have someone think the best of her right off the bat instead of assume the worst.
No I agree with you. I was just coming off a stupid argument with my H, and so I was already stressed when I was posting the OP. I'm going to make sure she has a good wedding, and an awesome reception. I really did misunderstand some things with her, but the air has been cleared, and everything is good now.
Your entire family sounds ridiculously full of drama. Your dad didn't want the kids flying with them in case the plane crashed? What?
Dad doesn't want the kids on his flight because it is a long ass flight with a layover and he knows jenmegs will expect him to spend the whole time taking care of two screaming toddlers. Of course he wants to be on a different flight. Hence the "plane crash" excuse.
um.... right. Apparently anything I say now is wrong, so enjoy that! I don't ever expect my parents to take care of my kids, and they aren't particularly screamy children. But whatever. Anything else I say is just going to enforce your view of me.
I get what you're saying, but you're holding onto a lot of weird stuff here. Your post was ... pretty down on your sister, the whole way through. You assumed a lot and thought the worst of her, and it made you look horrible as a result with all the "she bought the cheapest possible tickets!" stuff.
Have a good time at the wedding, and go into it giving her the benefit of the doubt, okay? Let go of all this weird history you're stuck feeling resentful about. She's being nice, and she deserves to have someone think the best of her right off the bat instead of assume the worst.
No I agree with you. I was just coming off a stupid argument with my H, and so I was already stressed when I was posting the OP. I'm going to make sure she has a good wedding, and an awesome reception. I really did misunderstand some things with her, but the air has been cleared, and everything is good now.
No I agree with you. I was just coming off a stupid argument with my H, and so I was already stressed when I was posting the OP. I'm going to make sure she has a good wedding, and an awesome reception. I really did misunderstand some things with her, but the air has been cleared, and everything is good now.
How was it resolved?
I called her and apologized and said I didn't mean to come across as ungrateful. I didn't know when I first spoke to her that there was a reason she didn't put us on the other flight. She said that she understood that, and that she wanted us on the same flight as my parent but felt that her hands were tied because she didn't want to upset our dad. She isn't mad at me (and for the record, didn't think that I was coming across as being ungrateful), she was upset about several other things, which is why she blew up at me. I think we were both having shitty weekends. I told her I would run interference with our grandma so that she doesn't have to deal with it.
Oh and in case it's unclear, I never told her that I was mad about the flights. All the venting I did about it, I did here. The first conversation was literally me saying "Hey, is there any way we could cancel the Delta flights and get the one through WestJet instead? We will pay the $50 difference and the cancellation charges." Then she got mad. Then I told her I was sorry I bothered her, and I would talk to her later. That's it.
Finally, everyone who said the price difference was ~$500, it wasn't. It was $50 total. I also didn't know that there might be extra money involved in cancelling. That's why I had called her to ask. It's not like I was saying "oh I magically have $500 to cover extra costs now". I was only asking her if they could be cancelled and bought elsewhere. I've only flown once, so I'm not very savvy with how airlines work. I think I've covered everything. Feel free to slam me more, but since I've explained everything to my sister and there are no hard feelings.....eh.
The bold is important. If you aren't familiar with flying, be sure you understand all the crap you have to go through to fly these days. For instance, what you can carry on the plane (important with little ones, liquids are restricted), how heavy your bags can be, the documentation you need to take kids on a flight out of the country, and tips for keeping kiddos happy so they don't drive the rest of the passengers BSC. The travel board will be a good resource for some of this, and the airline website as well. Enjoy Hawaii, I loved it there and I can't wait to go back.
Thank you, it looks really nice there. I've never even been out of Canada, so it will be exciting. I've been looking up everything about baggage and whatnot, and I'm also having lunch with my aunt who travels all the time with her kids, so I'm hoping she can give me some pointers.
the dad story sounds fishy to me becase my dad, were he to think the same way, would put himself on the crap flight and me and my kid on the good flight. your dad is worried enough that you'll all die together, but doesn't mind making your travels hellacious?
the dad story sounds fishy to me becase my dad, were he to think the same way, would put himself on the crap flight and me and my kid on the good flight. your dad is worried enough that you'll all die together, but doesn't mind making your travels hellacious?
Eh. He's always kind of been that way. He has really bad anxiety, and I think if he were to have the layover that we are going to have, he honestly wouldn't get back on the plane. It's a huge step for him to be going in the first place, so now that I know the reason I don't really mind having the worse flight.