Sd saga continues

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2013 12:27:35 GMT -5 lime said:

Mar 31, 2013 12:24:00 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

I am asking how to deal with my own feelings and what if anything I say when she gets home.

Everyone here is telling you to not say anything or say something nice to her when she gets home and to suck it up and deal with it, as an adult. I'm not sure why you won't hear this. 

Because we're not Catholic so we couldn't possibly understand.

[cheeseandcrackers]

I am sorry, but this whole thread annoys me, especially the OP.

I would offer some advice, but I am not Catholic so therefore it doesn't matter.

[Robot Jen]

It sounds like there's more than one 13 year old in that house.

I'm sure being the step-parent to a 13 year old is incredibly hard, but I can't understand why you seem to follow her around wringing your hands over everything she does.

When I was 13, I was reading the Satanic Bible and smoking cigarettes to piss my parents off. Count yourself lucky.

[goaskalice]

Mar 31, 2013 12:24:00 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

I am asking how to deal with my own feelings and what if anything I say when she gets home.

I am asking what I can do to help my husband deal with this so there are no fireworks when she comes home tonight. She and I don't have fireworks.

I think I will just follow her lead and only talk about it if she brings it up. I guess then, if she asks for my opinion I will give it. It won't kill her to know that I don't agree with what she did.

Since this is really bothering you both so much, it's good you're talking it out now before she gets home. I'm on the side of say nothing or say something nice. Nice doesn't mean you have to agree with her decision, but just show her you love her so much that you're interested in her choices. You got a great script from Monterey, I'd use it. 

I wish you luck. 

[simplyinpenguin]

What WAS your H's reaction when he found out? Did he yell, wring his hands, or did he just look defeated? Is he still acting in this manner? Perhaps talking your H down before SD arrives will calm him down and rational discussion can commence without him retaining any anger or disappointment he has that can jeopardize a serious discussion.

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 12:40:15 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

What WAS your H's reaction when he found out? Did he yell, wring his hands, or did he just look defeated? Is he still acting in this manner? Perhaps talking your H down before SD arrives will calm him down and rational discussion can commence without him retaining any anger or disappointment he has that can jeopardize a serious discussion.

Defeated and he has been moping around all day.  

[MWOS]

omg, *I* want to rebel against you guys and I'm 29 and not related to you two

[Deleted]

The divorce decree gives your DH rights over her mother to determine religion, it doesn't give either of you rights over your daughter to choose her religion. She isn't doing this with her mom, it sounds like she is doing it in spite of her mom. It's not like you guys have a greater right to control your SD's religion than you would if she were your biological child and there was no divorce involved, which is what you seem to be suggesting.

She's been baptized. Maybe she got sick of feeling like she had to jump though hoops and was inferior in the eyes of the church. Maybe this is her rejection of the church rejecting her. It doesn't matter. Stella's gave you good advice. The baptism "counts." Go out, buy her a pretty cross from Tiffany or wherever you would have bought it if she'd been baptized with you, and celebrate that she has chosen a faith you can a least deal with on Easter. Look, she could have decided to be a devil worshiper today. Choosing a different form of Christianity doesn't change anything.

[montereybride]

Mar 31, 2013 12:44:51 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Mar 31, 2013 12:40:15 GMT -5 simplyinpenguin said:

What WAS your H's reaction when he found out? Did he yell, wring his hands, or did he just look defeated? Is he still acting in this manner? Perhaps talking your H down before SD arrives will calm him down and rational discussion can commence without him retaining any anger or disappointment he has that can jeopardize a serious discussion.

Defeated and he has been moping around all day.  

He needs to get that shit out of his system before she gets home. If this is indeed a power play for her, she will effectively 'win' if she sees that he is defeated.

He doesn't have to pretend he's not disappointed but he does have to move past that and see that this is really ok in the greater scheme of things. You are raising her to be a self-sufficient, thinking, and growing member of society. You are not raising a child. You are raising an adult. That is the end goal. Having power over her own faith is an acceptable part of her becoming an autonomous adult.

[StormyDixon]

And when I said non Catholics wouldn't understand, I didn't mean it to be disrespectful or discount your advice. I was referring the catholic guilt.

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 12:50:06 GMT -5 montereybride said:

Mar 31, 2013 12:44:51 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Defeated and he has been moping around all day.  

He needs to get that shit out of his system before she gets home. If this is indeed a power play for her, she will effectively 'win' if she sees that he is defeated.

He doesn't have to pretend he's not disappointed but he does have to move past that and see that this is really ok in the greater scheme of things. You are raising her to be a self-sufficient, thinking, and growing member of society. You are not raising a child. You are raising an adult. That is the end goal. Having power over her own faith is an acceptable part of her becoming an autonomous adult.


i agree 100%

[cheeseandcrackers]

give me a break teamwillians, you should be happy she actually went and got baptized, whether its the circumstances you wanted or not.

[Deleted]

Mar 31, 2013 12:50:33 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

And when I said non Catholics wouldn't understand, I didn't mean it to be disrespectful or discount your advice. I was referring the catholic guilt.

Yeah, I'm Catholic and I think your reactions are over the top. I would truly consider meeting with your priest, just you and your husband, to discuss your feelings about this. I just wonder if you don't fully understand what the different sacraments or your vows mean. 

And ditto to the others about being supportive of your step daughter. I feel for the poor girl.

[lime]

Mar 31, 2013 12:50:33 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

And when I said non Catholics wouldn't understand, I didn't mean it to be disrespectful or discount your advice. I was referring the catholic guilt.

I think you're backpedaling, here. 

[Deleted]

You can be hurt all you want but it's not going to change the decision that she has made. Just embrace it and don't let it get either of you down. Teenagers rebel it's part of life. She wants the reaction from you guys. At that age while I loved my stepmom if she had tried to push her and my fathers religion on me I would have done the same thing.

[5hole]

Can't believe I'm coming out of lurkdom for this one.

Her 13 year old act of rebellion was to stand up in front of a church and declare her love for God?

Perspective, FFS. Tell your DH to give her a hug. End of story.

[Deleted]

I can't imagine why she doesn't talk to anyone. If getting baptized in the Christian faith upsets you guys so much...how do you react to other situations?

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 13:03:20 GMT -5 papiercherri said:

I can't imagine why she doesn't talk to anyone. If getting baptized in the Christian faith upsets you guys so much...how do you react to other situations?

She talks to me, it is her mother and father she won't talk to

[ggirl]

Coming out of lurking here. Seriously? You're upset because she chose to explore a different religion as an act of rebellion? Who cares if its not Catholicism, it's not a satanic cult is it? If you truly feel she is doing it as an act of rebellion, then turn the tables on her. Tell her you're proud of her for exploring her religion and are happy that she found a place she can talk to God. Voila, rebellion turned into an act of support from the parents.

[speckledfrog]

I am having trouble believing you've already raised teenagers with the way you are reacting to this child. Were your older children angels? This sounds like run of the mill teenage behavior.

[noodleskooze]

Mar 31, 2013 12:25:21 GMT -5 montereybride said:

As long as she believes Jesus died for her sins, the big JC doesn't care who baptized her or which version of the bible she reads or where she goes to church.

Yeah.

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 13:05:24 GMT -5 ggirl said:

Coming out of lurking here. Seriously? You're upset because she chose to explore a different religion as an act of rebellion? Who cares if its not Catholicism, it's not a satanic cult is it? If you truly feel she is doing it as an act of rebellion, then turn the tables on her. Tell her you're proud of her for exploring her religion and are happy that she found a place she can talk to God. Voila, rebellion turned into an act of support from the parents.

I am really not sure what kind of church it is.  All I know is that grandmother joined it after her divorce and her children were very unhappy about it.  And even to this day none of them will go with her.  I also know they "discourage" black people from joining and frown on interracial marriages.  Which is one of the reasons sd biomom is against it, her sister has a biracial child

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 13:05:24 GMT -5 ggirl said:

Coming out of lurking here. Seriously? You're upset because she chose to explore a different religion as an act of rebellion? Who cares if its not Catholicism, it's not a satanic cult is it? If you truly feel she is doing it as an act of rebellion, then turn the tables on her. Tell her you're proud of her for exploring her religion and are happy that she found a place she can talk to God. Voila, rebellion turned into an act of support from the parents.

I do like the idea of taking the wind out of her rebellious sails and saying Good for You!  I even told dh that

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 13:09:13 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

I am having trouble believing you've already raised teenagers with the way you are reacting to this child. Were your older children angels? This sounds like run of the mill teenage behavior.

My older children were very easy, but their dad and I have a great co parent relationship and I am sure that had a lot to do with it.  

[ggirl]

Mar 31, 2013 13:13:20 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Mar 31, 2013 13:05:24 GMT -5 ggirl said:

Coming out of lurking here. Seriously? You're upset because she chose to explore a different religion as an act of rebellion? Who cares if its not Catholicism, it's not a satanic cult is it? If you truly feel she is doing it as an act of rebellion, then turn the tables on her. Tell her you're proud of her for exploring her religion and are happy that she found a place she can talk to God. Voila, rebellion turned into an act of support from the parents.

I am really not sure what kind of church it is.  All I know is that grandmother joined it after her divorce and her children were very unhappy about it.  And even to this day none of them will go with her.  I also know they "discourage" black people from joining and frown on interracial marriages.  Which is one of the reasons sd biomom is against it, her sister has a biracial child


Well, your SD will figure it out. Right now she's 13 and just wants to explore things. Let her. In terms of rebellion this is easy to deal with. She's not out doing drugs, skipping school, having unprotected sex. She's joining a church. If the kids I saw decided to join a church against their parents wishes, the parents would probably die of happiness. 

[pantsparty]

Virtually everything you've posted is not a "saga," it's just a teenage girl reacting to her environment and trying to push the buttons of her parents. All teenagers do this. Stop taking it so personally.

My older brother was baptized in a different church when he was a teenager. My mom saw it as a good thing - he was attending youth group, making good friends, and interested in going to church. You might try to look at it the same way.

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 13:26:21 GMT -5 @scottydeux said:

This whole teams/taking sides them against her thing IS going to blow up in their face.

Them against her?  Please elaborate.  I am trying so hard to keep communication between her and her dad, any insight is helpful

[emsumm]

I would plotz if my girls ran off and got baptized

Anyway. I think her dad giving her a pretty cross and a hug sounds like a great idea.

[psychmom]

Mar 31, 2013 11:34:25 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Mar 31, 2013 11:32:19 GMT -5 MWOS said:

Raised Catholic, named MARY FRANCES, FOR FUCK'S SAKE

and at 13 is when I checked out of the religion. I mean, she's using Faith as a weapon, which is wrong, but it's also par for the course. But you cannot force her to be Catholic and follow the beliefs of the Church. This is what happens when children grow up and have to think on their own and make their own decisions.

I agree with all of this, especially "She's using faith as a weapon". Which to means her baptism means nothing.  I am just sad that if or when she comes around she doesn't get a do aver
pp.s.  have you read any of my other posts?

Honest question: what do you mean you don't get a do over? Are you not allowed to be baptized Catholic once you've been baptized elsewhere? I'm not Catholic but have been planning on eventually converting for dh.

[StormyDixon]

Mar 31, 2013 13:33:30 GMT -5 @scottydeux said:

Mar 31, 2013 13:30:17 GMT -5 StormyDixon said:

Them against her?  Please elaborate.  I am trying so hard to keep communication between her and her dad, any insight is helpful

Are you?  You seem kind of petty.

Why do you say that?