How many ways are there to destroy a portrait?

[isabel]

Well... It's better than I could have done.

I can't stop thinking of Gladys and Glennis.

[Deleted]

This would make an amazing screen name avatar, FYI.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost ALL of your belongings in a tragic car fire! Or was it a house fire?

[franklin]

Everyone else summed it up pretty well so I only have two things to say, 1) I'm sorry, and 2) I'm so glad my MIL would rather just buy something instead of being "creative".

[everyjuan]

Ohhh my.

This is kind of like that bad taxidermy that fuckstick likes. Just, like, the painting-of-a-young-child version.

[slcjess]

Jun 14, 2015 23:07:21 GMT -5 deej said:

Did she not like him as a child?

I think it's me she's out to get 

[everyjuan]

[slcjess]

Jun 14, 2015 23:21:36 GMT -5 everyjuan said:

Omg! I can't breathe! What the actual fuck is the other thing? Taxidermy? She would be so. Good. At that! 

[everyjuan]

Jun 14, 2015 23:23:10 GMT -5 slcjess said:

Jun 14, 2015 23:21:36 GMT -5 everyjuan said:

Omg! I can't breathe! What the actual fuck is the other thing? Taxidermy? She would be so. Good. At that! 

Hahahaha I *think* it was a bat at one point in its life.

[sewpinkgal]

Thank you so much for sharing this! I haven't laughed this hard in ages - not only from the picture, but the comments. Never change ML, never change!

[slcjess]

Jun 14, 2015 23:34:43 GMT -5 sewpinkgal said:

Thank you so much for sharing this! I haven't laughed this hard in ages - not only from the picture, but the comments. Never change ML, never change!

The comments have been life changing. Hahaha. 

The thing is, she's not actually a terrible artist like this picture may imply. The landscape she hung on my wall is actually quite lovely, though a bit alarming to come home from my honeymoon to. Lol. I just wonder if at some point she was painting this and thought 'hmmm. This isn't quite what I imagined, maybe portraits aren't my strong suit. Oh well, it will be entertaining to see Jess and Mr jess's reactions and see if they actually hang it!' 

I mean, that has to be what happened, right? 

[nursewife]

I think you should burn some sage around that or something. I wouldn't even try burning the actual painting. Something tells me that it would just keep reappearing like a bad, bad horror movie.

[lobstertail]

All that's left to do is hire the elderly lady who 'fixed' that mural of Jesus a few years ago.

[bigoleworm]

The hand that looks like it has an extra finger will haunt my dreams

[Deleted]

museumofbadart.org

It belongs here !

[lilafowler]

Oh

[curtains]

Lol! I keep thinking of the Seinfeld episode "man hands!".

[auntie]

How big is it. I would totally hang that. Probably over the toilet in the powder room so DH would have to face it everytime he took a wiz.

To give the devil her due, she did a pretty good job with the face. Any chance he is related to Tina Fey?

[chickadee77]

At first glance, I totally thought it was one of those photoshopped pictures of a baby head on an adult man.

Yikes.

You have my commisseration. I'm also about to be gifted a custom-made atrocity that I'm expected to hang somewhere.

[FrankieM20]

Jun 14, 2015 21:48:37 GMT -5 slcjess said:

Sorry I disappeared. I had to call my mom. She hadn't seen the pic I texted her yet and literally gasped and said 'oh. Ugh! Oh! Well. Huh'.
I don't know that h realizes how bad it is. When she unveiled it everyone was like oh cool! Looks great! I just said wow abut 13 times. My mom suggested hanging it on the back of a decoration I like and flipping it around when she comes.

I am dying at this - would react in a similar fashion.  It is a treasure to behold!

Not as bad, but my MIL painted a self-portrait in which she's pointing her finger with a stern look on her face.  She gave it to us and my H wanted to hang it in our bedroom.  Um, NO.  It's in our back bathroom.

These are family heirlooms!

[lilafowler]

Does your MIL take commissions?

[kirra]

That really is something.

The perspective really does look like she moved his left arm to the front, then everything else gets (somewhat) proportionally smaller as it goes into the background.

She had to have noticed.

[gibbinator]

It's actually pretty good if you break it down into little sections. But she really lost track of the proportions.

[charley]

I can't stop looking at him. Like, I'm surprised the view count is only 4k.

[Deleted]

DAT ARM DOE






I am legit dying. While snort-laughing.

[lilafowler]

I keep coming back in here and laughing all over again.

[lilafowler]

[BaliHai]

I love this thread. I am deeply sorry you have to figure out what to do with this atrocity now, slc. Godspeed. Don't look directly into its eyes.

[lilafowler]

Jun 15, 2015 8:43:32 GMT -5 BaliHai said:

I love this thread. I am deeply sorry you have to figure out what to do with this atrocity now, slc. Godspeed. Don't look directly into its eyes.

BUT HE WANTS TO HUG YOU WITH HIS GIANT ARM

[fryjack2]

Awwww, it looks like a baby Chris Farley.

[anyastroud]

LOL this is fantastic.
Just kidding have a bon fire