How many ways are there to destroy a portrait?

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 8:18:17 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

Does your MIL take commissions?

Oh, she's asked me 3 times for a baby picture of me to paint. 
The problem is, I was a beautiful baby, and I have done nothing to deserve having that done to my baby picture. Lol. 

I'm going to have a whole horrifying family museum, aren't I? She's gonna want to do this to all of my children, too. 

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 9:01:11 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Jun 15, 2015 8:57:32 GMT -5 slcjess said:

Oh, she's asked me 3 times for a baby picture of me to paint. 
The problem is, I was a beautiful baby, and I have done nothing to deserve having that done to my baby picture. Lol. 

I'm going to have a whole horrifying family museum, aren't I? She's gonna want to do this to all of my children, too. 

YOU GIVE THAT WOMAN A BABY PICTURE AND YOU GIVE IT TO HER RIGHT NOW.

I can't wait to see the finished portrait of you.

I'm seriously considering telling her my mom threw away all of the pictures when she got married and moved. Because she has no soul. 
Not unlike DemonBaby up there. 

[charley]

Jun 15, 2015 8:57:32 GMT -5 slcjess said:

Jun 15, 2015 8:18:17 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

Does your MIL take commissions?

Oh, she's asked me 3 times for a baby picture of me to paint. 
The problem is, I was a beautiful baby, and I have done nothing to deserve having that done to my baby picture. Lol. 

I'm going to have a whole horrifying family museum, aren't I? She's gonna want to do this to all of my children, too. 

I want her to do mine. Time-out hasn't been very effective with my youngest.

[nahoku]

It really is breathtaking.

[lg28]

OMG. That is something my FIL would do. I don't even know what to say, that is so so so bad!!!

[Deleted]

Jun 14, 2015 22:02:44 GMT -5 rosiebear said:

OMG I cannot stop laughing. This is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

My mom tried her hand at this, too. My sister had two boys: one portrait turned out cute and looking like him, the other looked like Herman Munster. When mom painted these, I had no kids, so I got a portrait of my cat.

No pun intended or totally intended lol

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 9:06:20 GMT -5 charley said:

Jun 15, 2015 8:57:32 GMT -5 slcjess said:

Oh, she's asked me 3 times for a baby picture of me to paint. 
The problem is, I was a beautiful baby, and I have done nothing to deserve having that done to my baby picture. Lol. 

I'm going to have a whole horrifying family museum, aren't I? She's gonna want to do this to all of my children, too. 

I want her to do mine. Time-out hasn't been very effective with my youngest.

I'm happy to send you this one, if you'd like. If those teeth don't scare your kids straight, I just don't know what will. 

[everyjuan]

He kinda looks like he might breathe fire, too.

[spindle92]

My bff's husband gave her a custom portrait of her and her 2 daughters standing in a field for their 10th anniversary. It is huge...like almost life size. He kept bragging for months ahead if time how awesome this gift is going to be.

It does not even look like any of them. It us currently sitting in the kids playroom behind the kitchen set, out of sight.

[silva]

    It's Stillwelll Angel!

[anlo]

This is the best. Thank you so much for this! I'm dying at his beefy arm.

[panbitch]

Best MONDAY EVER!

[qcinoct]

this really is the best gift ever. For us.

[jane6672]

Jun 15, 2015 8:31:51 GMT -5 charley said:

I can't stop looking at him. Like, I'm surprised the view count is only 4k.

Every time I come in here to read new posts, I go back to page 1 to look at it again.

[lilafowler]

Jun 15, 2015 10:13:29 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

Jun 15, 2015 8:31:51 GMT -5 charley said:

I can't stop looking at him. Like, I'm surprised the view count is only 4k.

Every time I come in here to read new posts, I go back to page 1 to look at it again.

I had to show H because he kept asking what was so funny and he looked and said "Oh. Oh no. That's scary. You didn't buy that, right?"

[Alyssa]

Oh bless her heart, she probably was so excited to give it to him.  That painting is the best gift ever.  You can be having a horrible day and that painting will turn any frown upside down.  What I would give to have a portrait like that of my husband as a baby.  Oh he would never hear the end of it.

[loira]

That portrait is the gift that keeps on giving. I can't tell if it's framed or not. Could you tell her you sent it out to be framed and it met an untimely end there?

[tacokick]

Oh, imagine the gallery you could open if she made them of the whole family! It would be the perfect exhibit for the outsider art museum we have here.

[anlo]

You need to give it a name.

[elleblue]

Wow, that's really something.

[moolarkey]

OFFICE - the person that suggested it is on to something.

I forgot - when we bought this house H decided to buy some artwork without my approval or even having seen it. It is gawd awful.

He was seriously PO'd when I told him it was not hanging in public areas of our house. He can still get his panties in a knot if something comes up about them and it's been years. 2 are currently hanging in our home office. One is behind the door. The other is on the wall where the door is but I don't see it often. If it were on the wall facing the door or the sidewalls then I'd have to see it. THE OTHERS, he bought a lot at an auction (!), are stacked in our finished basement that we never use. I told him if he really wanted them hung he could hang them down there. He was PO'd that I didn't want them upstairs and in a pout(that is still going on) refuses to hang them down there. Fine with me, stacked in a corner is a great place for them.

[captainobvious]

kevin arnold just killed me. I'm dead.

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 11:19:20 GMT -5 kevin arnold said:

slcjess, if you want to send me a photo of your H posing in abject horror at something coming at him from above, I can add that to the Godzilla baby scene. That would be fun.

Can it be me posing? I feel like that is more appropriate. Lol. 

ETA- oh wait, is it appropriate for me to pose for a picture if I'm still a hot minute pregnant? Hmmm. Maybe it better be him after all...

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 11:15:31 GMT -5 loira said:

That portrait is the gift that keeps on giving. I can't tell if it's framed or not. Could you tell her you sent it out to be framed and it met an untimely end there?

Oh, she framed it alright. 

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 10:39:35 GMT -5 lilafowler said:

Jun 15, 2015 10:13:29 GMT -5 jane6672 said:

Every time I come in here to read new posts, I go back to page 1 to look at it again.

I had to show H because he kept asking what was so funny and he looked and said "Oh. Oh no. That's scary. You didn't buy that, right?"

I mean, we could work something out if you WANT to buy it. And when I say buy it, I mean how much would it take to pay you to get it off my hands? 

[sparkythelawyer]

Jun 15, 2015 11:12:47 GMT -5 Alyssa said:

Oh bless her heart, she probably was so excited to give it to him.  That painting is the best gift ever.  You can be having a horrible day and that painting will turn any frown upside down.  What I would give to have a portrait like that of my husband as a baby.  Oh he would never hear the end of it.

You just might be the nicest person on planet fucking earth with that response :-)

OP, I'd cut the eyes out of the picture, and put creepy green lights in it, and use it for a Halloween decoration. 

[Deleted]

Jun 14, 2015 21:48:37 GMT -5 slcjess said:

Sorry I disappeared. I had to call my mom. She hadn't seen the pic I texted her yet and literally gasped and said 'oh. Ugh! Oh! Well. Huh'.
I don't know that h realizes how bad it is. When she unveiled it everyone was like oh cool! Looks great! I just said wow abut 13 times. My mom suggested hanging it on the back of a decoration I like and flipping it around when she comes.

Your mom is an absolute genius.

[everyjuan]

LOL omg

I am cry-laughing at my desk, you bastards.

[cleo29]

I think your H needs to find the right place, what about hanging above the toilet??

[slcjess]

Jun 15, 2015 13:27:04 GMT -5 everyjuan said:

LOL omg

I am cry-laughing at my desk, you bastards.

Seriously. I haven't gotten anything done at work all day, because I keep coming in here.