OP, I''m sad for you. You keep giving him more chances after you've said no more. He said he didn't realize it was wrong or rape, but it was pointed out to him. He gets it now. He KNOWS it's wrong. He said he won't do it again. But he did. I understand that you want to save your marriage, but at what cost? At what point will you see that he's not going to change? He'll go through the motions of therapy and make promises, but I think that deep down, he won't change. I hope you soon see that and realize you deserve better for yourself. I really wish you well.
Post by notmyrealusername on Aug 26, 2012 18:13:03 GMT -5
Thanks, carrots. I'm working on getting an appointment with another therapist, just for me sometime this week. I am still working on reigning in my anger, because I don't think it's good for me or for kiddo, regardless of what H deserves. I think that's going much better.
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I haven't read all of the comments but do pick up that people think you should leave. My feeling is that you should trust your therapist. My gut reaction is that you should leave, too, but this is also as someone who has never been in your shoes and as someone who isn't a therapist who is an expert on these issues. I don't think it would be a bad idea to get a second opinion from an individual therapist to help you decide if it is best for YOU to fight for the marriage and hope your husband can get better or to leave the marriage now.
I don't think there is a right or wrong and it's just a decision that you have to make regarding what is best for you. If you have carefully picked a therapist who is experienced and qualified, his opionion is worth more than all of our opinions put together.
Good luck. I hope you do update from time to time as there are a lot of people here who are rooting for you and care about your wellbeing, whoever you are.
Ditto frkls. I actually came back to add that you don't have to live in the same house as him to work together in therapy. Separating to keep you safe while he works on his issues and then the two of you work on your trust is the middle ground between staying when you aren't comfortable doing so and divorcing. Does he have any family or a good friend that he can stay with for a while?
Post by notmyrealusername on Aug 26, 2012 20:01:33 GMT -5
No, we live far from family and don't have any friends that we would feel comfortable about asking for that. We've discussed him renting a place for a while, but at this time, sleeping in another room provides me with enough comfort.