But then you responded to his text, and now your H had lunch and a movie with him??
responding to his text was absolutely a mistake and it's not happening again. h having lunch and movie with him is on him. he says that he wants to hang out with him again.
I feel like this guy has some weird creepy infatuation with you. Like even if this wasn't about the church thing, his behavior after trying to cut contact the first million times would make me NEVER want to be friends with him again!
ETA he sounds REALLY co dependant... why is he so attached to you...
responding to his text was absolutely a mistake and it's not happening again. h having lunch and movie with him is on him. h says that he wants to hang out with him again.
So, your H WANTS to hang out with the man who you are frightened to have show up at your house? The same man who was part of the church thing that you are trying to move past? I am feeling crazy here, frkls. I just don't understand.
YES!!!
before he left, i asked him if he WANTED to hang out with him or if he is feelign guilty about cutting him off or what. he says he wants to hang out with him. i have no idea what happened between dh being pissed off and tonight
we didn't get a chance to talk about it because he came home from work, told me about his plans, ate dinner with us and then left. we'll certainly talk about it when he gets home.
And really. The fucking movies? Your grown behind can watch a movie at home. It's not like you can have any meaningful conversation at the movies, so your H is just being extra stupid with this mess. Just showing his entire fool behind for no good reason. Grow up, dude.
Omfg, I swear, if my H kept insisting on maintaining a friendship with someone he knew caused me this much anguish ... fuck man. I don't say this lightly: there's an excellent chance I'd be questioning if I wanted to stay married to him.
Omfg, I swear, if my H kept insisting on maintaining a friendship with someone he knew caused me this much anguish ... fuck man. I don't say this lightly: there's an excellent chance I'd be questioning if I wanted to stay married to him.
Also this!
omg... I am way too invested in this right now. I am pissed off and my anxiety is through the ROOF!!!!
This is a major H issue! The crazy factor of the former friend has been established. That's not the problem here. He's not doing anything out of his norm.
I don't have words for how I would react if my H met with someone who was the source of so much grief in my life. I'd be flabbergasted that he even spent more than the 2 seconds with him that was required for the handover of an air mattress (though it would have been worth the $30 to send a new one via Amazon). Does he do trivia with this guy every week? No. Just no. I don't control who my H hangs out with often, but if it is someone who has caused that many issues in my life, that is where I'd draw the line. Find a different Trivia team. Do NOT hang out with this person. And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T TALK ABOUT ME...MUCH LESS MY PRIVATE THERAPY APPOINTMENTS WITH HIM!!!!
This is a major H issue! The crazy factor of the former friend has been established. That's not the problem here. He's not doing anything out of his norm.
I don't have words for how I would react if my H met with someone who was the source of so much grief in my life. I'd be flabbergasted that he even spent more than the 2 seconds with him that was required for the handover of an air mattress (though it would have been worth the $30 to send a new one via Amazon). Does he do trivia with this guy every week? No. Just no. I don't control who my H hangs out with often, but if it is someone who has caused that many issues in my life, that is where I'd draw the line. Find a different Trivia team. Do NOT hang out with this person. And FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T TALK ABOUT ME...MUCH LESS MY PRIVATE THERAPY APPOINTMENTS WITH HIM!!!!
I am SO pissed for you.
no. we used to all be on the same team, but neither of us have been since november. h texted me that he wanted to go back to trivia tonight. i dotn't know how it changed into one-on-one movie time.
It's not all on the husband here, although he's currently wearing the dunce cap. There is a lot of bad judgment and stupidity on all fronts.
well sure, but the movies angle in particular is sending me over the edge. It's just so damn dumb that I'm having a hard time focusing on anything else. Mini golf would have been preferable. Or one of those wine and pottery making deals.
I'm still having a hard time wrapping me head around the fact that your husband wants to hang out and be friends with a psycho that mentally torments you.
Like, of all the people on the earth. That is who your husband just has to have a relationship with. Not only that, divulges personal information about you to said psycho.
Fuck. Ditch them both at this point. What the fuck.
I have no more words that don't include fuck.
tell me how to say this to him in a PRODUCTIVE way when he gets home. i don't want any "i'd scorch the earth!! bye felicia! dtmf!" answers. i need help with a way to say this in a way that makes him understand but leads to a conversation about it instead of slamming doors and yelling about me controlling who his friends are.
I'm still having a hard time wrapping me head around the fact that your husband wants to hang out and be friends with a psycho that mentally torments you.
Like, of all the people on the earth. That is who your husband just has to have a relationship with. Not only that, divulges personal information about you to said psycho.
Fuck. Ditch them both at this point. What the fuck.
I have no more words that don't include fuck.
tell me how to say this to him in a PRODUCTIVE way when he gets home. Â i don't want any "i'd scorch the earth!! bye felicia! dtmf!" answers. Â i need help with a way to say this in a way that makes him understand but leads to a conversation about it instead of slamming doors and yelling about me controlling who his friends are.
Lol forever. I can't even get on a rational level with this bullshit.
tell me how to say this to him in a PRODUCTIVE way when he gets home. i don't want any "i'd scorch the earth!! bye felicia! dtmf!" answers. i need help with a way to say this in a way that makes him understand but leads to a conversation about it instead of slamming doors and yelling about me controlling who his friends are.
Lol forever. I can't even get on a rational level with this bullshit.
for the love of christ, you have made your opinion on this matter crystal clear.
I'm still having a hard time wrapping me head around the fact that your husband wants to hang out and be friends with a psycho that mentally torments you.
Like, of all the people on the earth. That is who your husband just has to have a relationship with. Not only that, divulges personal information about you to said psycho.
Fuck. Ditch them both at this point. What the fuck.
I have no more words that don't include fuck.
tell me how to say this to him in a PRODUCTIVE way when he gets home. i don't want any "i'd scorch the earth!! bye felicia! dtmf!" answers. i need help with a way to say this in a way that makes him understand but leads to a conversation about it instead of slamming doors and yelling about me controlling who his friends are.
"H, this man is causing me pain. He is bad for my mental health. Either one of us having any connection to him is hurtful to me. Your wife. Therefore, I would like you to prioritize my well-being, feelings, and mental health and pick one of the 8 bajillion other people in the world to be friends with."
tell me how to say this to him in a PRODUCTIVE way when he gets home. i don't want any "i'd scorch the earth!! bye felicia! dtmf!" answers. i need help with a way to say this in a way that makes him understand but leads to a conversation about it instead of slamming doors and yelling about me controlling who his friends are.
Ok.
"H, I need to talk to you about Damian. this person has caused a lot of troubles in our lives. So much trouble that I am in therapy with diagnosed PTSD (right? I think I remember you saying that) due to all the damage he has done.
It hurts me to my core to see you do anything with him. Talking, hanging out, anything. This person has harmed me to the point where I need (or needed) medical help to deal with the fallout. He is a cancer to my life. To our life. And we need to cut the cancer out in order to have a nice and happy life.
I really need this from you. I NEED you to be with me on this. A united front. A team."
And maybe offer to talk to him and your therapist about all this bc sometimes we can't see what the other person is saying without a translator, so to speak.
and I apologize if I missed the mark on some of this bc somehow I missed some parts of the early issues as to what caused this from the beginning.
thanks! you're right about all of it. the ptsd, the medical stuff, the therapist, the fallout. i will tlak to him tonight
So, your H WANTS to hang out with the man who you are frightened to have show up at your house? The same man who was part of the church thing that you are trying to move past? I am feeling crazy here, frkls. I just don't understand.
YES!!!
before he left, i asked him if he WANTED to hang out with him or if he is feelign guilty about cutting him off or what. he says he wants to hang out with him. i have no idea what happened between dh being pissed off and tonight
He was manipulated by this creep. That's what happened between last night and tonight.
Omfg, I swear, if my H kept insisting on maintaining a friendship with someone he knew caused me this much anguish ... fuck man. I don't say this lightly: there's an excellent chance I'd be questioning if I wanted to stay married to him.
Also this!
omg... I am way too invested in this right now. I am pissed off and my anxiety is through the ROOF!!!!