"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
there was a lot of love expressed through potato shopping last night and i appreciate it. the potato shaped like a heart was much easier to find than a head on a pike shaped like a heart.
Post by themoneytree on Mar 30, 2016 15:14:46 GMT -5
Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
It sounded like all 3 of you were the victims of the rumor situation, but it also sounded like this guy brought nothing to the table and took a lot.
Sounds like your H underestimated how much this would upset you or just plain didn't think it through. I think you should feel really good about how you handled things and his response was good. I hope for all your sakes that this is the end of it.
The thought of what that Church did to you guys is what makes my blood boil. I just wish you all some peace.... and good new friends! : )
I'm glad you're feeling better and that you stood up for yourself. I'm likely clinically insane, and am here for you. Now go practice that menacing stare in the mirror for next time!
I'm glad you're feeling better and that you stood up for yourself. I'm likely clinically insane, and am here for you. Now go practice that menacing stare in the mirror for next time!
It sounded like all 3 of you were the victims of the rumor situation, but it also sounded like this guy brought nothing to the table and took a lot.
Sounds like your H underestimated how much this would upset you or just plain didn't think it through. I think you should feel really good about how you handled things and his response was good. I hope for all your sakes that this is the end of it.
The thought of what that Church did to you guys is what makes my blood boil. I just wish you all some peace.... and good new friends! : )
this is so true, but he injected himself into our family so much that i wound up feeling obligated to him. i mean, just last week i told him AGAIN that i didnt' want to talk to him and he responded by sending me a birthday gift. on one hand, it's SO self-serving and manipulative, but on the other he truly believes his own story. he really believes that it was the three of us against the church, like the three of us were the family unit and that type of relationship would continue.
also, i think litebright's assessment of the situation is spot-on and i am trying to figure out a way to change it just enough to make it look like i thought of it myself before i send it to him
Post by amberlyrose on Mar 30, 2016 16:27:14 GMT -5
I wasn't here last night for the first 10 pages, but I'm glad you had a productive talk and he apologized. I hope he follows through and you guys can both be strong enough to avoid this man. Sending you guys some love.
part of my therapy is figuring out why i don't get appropriately angry. i get sad or guilty or afraid, but not angry.
Listen. I'mma help you out. Expect to see a "WWKD" bracelet in the mail. And when you should get angry, but you aren't, you can just look at that bracelet and say to yourself, "Self. What would KOKO do?"
Good update! I still think it might be good for your H to get some (non religious) counseling and maybe do a couple of sessions together to help you guys process everything together and strengthen your communication. Good job getting angry!
also, i think litebright 's assessment of the situation is spot-on and i am trying to figure out a way to change it just enough to make it look like i thought of it myself before i send it to him
Lol. I am always glad to hear when my wall-of-text tendencies are helpful.
I don't think Mr frkls is a bad guy, but he is used to being wrapped up in the weird pastor dichotomy of it's-not-about-him-as-a-person-it's-about-God but at the same time it's-all-about-him-as-a-person. I do think he's as deeply wounded as you are over the struggle of the last few years of his time in the ministry (including TN) and how it ended in the most recent spot, and his head is not on straight as a result, compounding the issues of having had a self-centric career for a very long time. For you, the worst of what you guys have been through has manifested as PTSD -- I don't know what it is for him, but it's there somewhere. And the impulse/calling of the ministry to help people who are needy doesn't just go away for someone who was called to it in the first place, so a dysfunctional person has a certain amount of attraction that he now needs to learn to avoid or navigate in a way that has a lot more boundaries and distance. He just pretty much picked the worst possible person to NOT have boundaries with, and that's on him. He needed to be called on it. You did, it sounds like he listened, and hopefully that's a good step on a long path.
I think it would do both of you, but him in particular, heaps and heaps of good to develop some friendships that demand nothing of you but the pleasure of your company.