Oh Rex I'm sorry. My last pregnancy was unplanned and it's such a rough place to be in. When I told my husband I just handed him the test and started sobbing. We are here for you.
Post by amberlyrose on May 16, 2016 11:04:13 GMT -5
This is such a mindfuck. Holy shit. I cannot imagine what you are feeling.
Just know that we are all here for you and your feelings are yours. You are a wonderful mother and your daughter knows how much she is loved. Take care of yourself. (hugs)
Post by katiescarlett on May 16, 2016 11:11:20 GMT -5
Hugs. It's normal to feel all sorts of ways about an unexpected pregnancy. You have plenty of time to accept it, get used to the idea, and even maybe have some excitement eventually, would that be your choice. Method or ease of conception means nothing for how much you love your kids.
L will never feel like an outsider because of the reasons pps mentioned. Also (and only read if you want to) I remembered reading about a study that showed pregnant women still impart genetics to children who have come to them through donor eggs. I was really interested in the subject because I also love learning about the chimera effect (where babies's cells stay in mum's body), which provides me a lot of comfort wrt V. I managed to dig up an article on the subject of MicroRNAs. L is part of you, and you are part of her.
"A new study from researchers at the Fundacion Instituto Valenciano de Infertilidad and Stanford University suggests infertile women who carry a child fertilized using a donor egg still impart an important genetic gift to their children. Molecules known as MicroRNAs that are secreted in the mother’s womb can change the genetic information of the child, the researchers say."
I know we have never actually met, but you know where I work. If you ever just need a good hug or an ear, just let me know. L will never feel like less than your daughter, because you went through so much to get her. She will always know how much you love her.
Huge hugs. I'm sorry you are facing so many conflicting emotions right now, but I am confident that, no matter what, L will always know how much she is loved and wanted.
I feel terrible even eliciting sympathy about this. Ridiculous. I'm surprised at how negative I feel, and the extreme guilt I have over this being a spontaneous, genetic pregnancy. I don't want Lydia to ever feel like an outsider.
I felt the same way after our surprise pregnancy with DD2. We always wanted 2 kids but the whole part of it not being planned really threw me for a loop. I have always felt that some of my PPD with DD2 stemmed from that. Just remember you don't have to decide anything today and make sure you take care of yourself.
I could've written this word for word. For me, 16 months later, I wouldn't have it any other way but it wasn't easy getting here. Nothing needs to be decided right away.
Post by revolution on May 16, 2016 12:23:23 GMT -5
I hope you know that your feelings aren't right or wrong, they just are. And I hope you are able to come to peace with how you feel.
FWIW, I have 2 bio brothers and my sister is adopted. She's not even the same race, but she is completely my sister. To my knowledge, she's never felt anything other than part of our family and I've never thought of her as anything other than my sister. She couldn't be more of a sister if she was a bio one.
Families are formed in so many ways, what matters is the love they have for each other.
Post by themysteriouswife on May 16, 2016 12:45:30 GMT -5
Add me to the list of an unplanned baby. Myles will be one next month. We were done. We went through so many emotions after finding out. I was so afraid (still) Allie was going to feel replaced and neglected. She could not be a better big sister. She is loving her new role.
Post by sapphireblue on May 16, 2016 12:54:46 GMT -5
Well I can only imagine how you are feeling. I have a son thanks to IVF and a donor egg.
I think I would similarly feel upset because I wouldn't want there to be anything making him feel "different".
However, I am adopted and when I was 9 1/2 months old my mother had my brother. He was a total surprise as they had been told they could probably not get pregnant and they had tried before adopting me. It's worked out just fine and I never felt like I was an outsider in the family, at all!