I don't know if you remember, but I'm also surprise pregnant (8.5 weeks). If you need someone who's going through it, feel free to PM me. I'm definitely more at peace with it a month later but understand it's different for each person.
Post by sweetbrier on May 16, 2016 13:24:06 GMT -5
My older daughter isn't my biological child, my husband had her before we met. Her mom hasn't been in the picture since she was two, is across the country, and has chosen to have no contact with us. We have a biological daughter together now and I really struggled with how my older daughter would feel. She knows I'm her mom and that I love her more than anything. There's been the usual "you like dd2 more because I'm in trouble" drama but that's normal sibling things. It hits me harder because I work so hard to make sure I know I love them equal, but at the end of the day I have two little girls who have parents who are there for them and love them and would do anything for them. I have written her letters about my feelings and I will give her some of them as she gets older, or just keep talking to her. We have a lot of heart to hearts as she gets older and struggles with self esteem and being abandoned by her bio mom, but every child has their struggles. Siblings will have their own issues, and I try to just focus on the positives and know that it's not because one is my bio child and one isn't, it's just because kids are inherently focused on any tiny difference, which exists between all siblings.
Since it's a surprise pregnancy, all of the emotions hit you like a ton of bricks. I struggled even having a few months of trying to get pregnant and hoping for it, because Oh shit, it actually worked and is my older one going to feel less like mine? All of your emotions are valid. At the end of the day, all you can do is love them and even though you don't know what the reactions will be down the road, they know that they have a mom who cares enough to worry this much about their feelings.
I'm as sure as I could be (considering you're an Internet stranger) that your daughter will never feel any less loved or struggle with her place in your family.
So many hugs to you Rex! And to echo so many others, there is no way L will ever know anything other than the fact that she is so so loved by you and your H every.single.day! It's evident in how you talk about her and what a happy sweet little girl she is in real life too. To echo pugz, please let me know if I can do anything for you. Take care of yourself while you process all of this, it's a lot to deal with.
i can't believe it. I am still in shock for you. I can only imagine how you're feeling. I've thought of you all day long. How's your h doing?
Anyway, I think we're basically on the same page, whatever that may be.
And it's okay, whatever that page is. You don't have to be set firm on what to do or how to feel or how to handle this or anything. This is a huge surprise and I'm glad you feel like he's a teammate in this. So many hugs to you.
Post by cinderbella on May 16, 2016 17:43:53 GMT -5
Probably a useless anecdote and not exactly identical to your situation - but my dad that I grew up with isn't my bio dad. (he skipped town as soon as my mom told him she was pregnant)
My mom and dad got married when I was 3 and I have two brothers from their marriage. I have never ever felt slighted or different and to be honest, I'm not even 100% sure my brothers know the full situation - it just hasn't ever come up or been important.
Post by bugandbibs on May 16, 2016 18:57:28 GMT -5
I'm sorry you are struggling.
DD1 is adopted. DD2 and DS are our biological children. There is no difference in their places in our families. They don't ever think of themselves or each as anything but full members of this family. DD1 is 13 and never once (not even in a fit of hormonal, puberty hell) has expressed feeling like an outsider or different in any way. She's our kid and we are mom/dad. Period. End of story.
share.memebox.com/x/uKhKaZmemebox referal code for 20% off! DD1 "J" born 3/2003 DD2 "G" born 4/2011 DS is here! "H" born 2/2014 m/c#3 1-13-13 @ 9 weeks m/c#2 11-11-12 @ 5w2d I am an extended breastfeeding, cloth diapering, baby wearing, pro marriage equality, birth control lovin', Catholic mama.
My MIL comes from a family with 6 kids, mil and her older sister are from one dad and the younger 4 are from the dad mil grew up with. Unless they told you, you would never know the difference.
You know it's funny- I come from a family with different dads too. Lol. I don't even think about it.
That's awesome that you didn't even think of it. One of my nephews has a different bio mom than his 3 siblings. I did not know for several years because it's just so normal to them it's not even an issue they would think to tell people about when they meet them.
Whatever you're feeling is valid. Give yourself some time.
My DS was a complete accident. We weren't planning on having any kids and I messed up on counting my cycle and safe days right before DH scheduled his vasectomy. It was shocking to say the least. It's OK to be confused and unsure at first, eventually it will all work out!
Post by walterismydog on May 16, 2016 19:40:21 GMT -5
Oh, Rex! I just saw this. It's crazy and awesome and scary and cool! I can't imagine the range of emotions you are feeling right now. I wish you clarity as you go through everything you are feeling. Big hugs.