Lucy wants me to kick H out.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Oh my god. You guys.

Well, actually, she wants us to move in with my parents. Heh. No.

You'd think this would give me some clarity. In a way it does, but I also feel like utter garbage right now. I've fucked up both our lives. And she told me that he yells at the baby, too. Awesome. Fuck.

[papie]

I'm so sorry honey. But YOU haven't done anything wrong. He is the one doing all the harm not you.

[elleblue]

You haven't ducked up her life. Nothing is beyond repair, certainly not your life or hers. You can do this, for you and your children.

[cuddlyevil]

You haven't messed up their lives. He did.

You will be her hero when you do decide to leave him.

[underwaterrhymes]

Listen to me.

You haven't fucked up her life. But she sees who he is and how he treats you more clearly than you realize.

And by staying with him you are showing her that this is okay.

It's hard. I know it's hard.

[verypunny]

You have done nothing but be a great mother to your sweet kids.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Geez Prof. I say this with kindness.

It's time to go, or make him go. Dealer's choice.

[Nonny]

[cbwm1]

This is not your fault.

This is not your fault.

This is not your fault.


(((((prof)))))

[residentdj]

You've done nothing to fuck up her life. That is your H's doing and she sees him for who he is. I hope you find the strength to leave for your sake and your children. Actually no. Your H is the one who needs to leave.

[05heel]

What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.

[Deleted]

Prof. You haven't fucked up her life. Listen, you're raising a girl who is SO intelligent and obviously knows her worth and how she should be valued and loved. She got that because of how you love her.

I know it's hard, but you need to show her that she's right. She sees him for who he is.

He needs to go.

[atexan]

You are going to kick him out. You're headed in that direction already. Your daughter is letting you know it's OK. She's helping you move that much closer. It's a big step, but your posts clearly show that you are going to take that step.

[ProfessorArtNerd]

Sept 8, 2016 21:32:35 GMT -5 05heel said:

What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.

I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen

[runforrest]

I'm so sorry. You haven't done anything wrong or fucked up your lives. So many hugs.

[nicbreeful]

NO.

He is the asshole here. Not you. Do you think he's sitting around, wringing his hands and worrying about his kids and the way he's treating them? NO. YOU ARE. Which, frankly, makes you the good guy.

I mean, obviously you're the good guy. You're the one doing EVERYTHING for your family. All he's doing is bringing it down.

Trust, Lucy is not blaming you. She's just perceptive. She sees that he's not the good guy and that's why she doesn't want him around. She wants to be with the people that love and take care of her. And she sees exactly who those people are.

[lilibet]

You have not fucked up anything. The fact that Lucy told you this is huge. I know it's scary but you need to do this for all of you.

[runforrest]

Sept 8, 2016 21:34:27 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Sept 8, 2016 21:32:35 GMT -5 05heel said:

What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.

I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen

Do you have someone that can be with you when the time comes? Hugs.

[hopecounts]

You haven't fucked up her life.
He has hurt her and she is able to tell you what she needs (to be away from him) that's a good thing.
Be her hero and get him out ASAP from there keep up the therapy for you both and it'll sort itself out.

[05heel]

Sept 8, 2016 21:34:27 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Sept 8, 2016 21:32:35 GMT -5 05heel said:

What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.

I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen

I'm sorry. He's heinous, but you definitely have full clarity and insight into the situation. At least give yourself that credit, because I think you've earned it. You're working to make things right, and I know it isn't easy.

[Deleted]

I want to hug you and shake you at the same time.

If what you fear is a violent reaction, please have someone there. Or just leave, I will gladly pay for a hotel room.

Are you still going to the counselor? You need to lay this all out immediately with her.

[Jermys]

When Wee Jermys was 6, my father, whom I'd never actually met, called and berated my mother for being a piece of shit. Now, she wasn't any great shakes, but she was there and we sure weren't existing on child support, ifyaknowwhatImean.

Anyhoo, she was crying and he was yelling at her, and I reached over and pressed the hang up button. And she looked at me and whispered "What did you DO?" Like he was going to drag his ass from wherever the fuck he was to kick her ass. And I said "He doesn't get to scream at you. He doesn't live here and he doesn't help, so he doesn't get a vote." And when he called back, I answered and told him exactly that, because FUCK HIM.

What I'm saying is that I was smart, and Lucy is smart, and you should take her advice. Because FUCK HIM.

[pegasuskat]

You are raising a very smart girl, listen to her.

[cville]

Sept 8, 2016 21:34:27 GMT -5 ProfessorArtNerd said:

Sept 8, 2016 21:32:35 GMT -5 05heel said:

What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.

I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen

Figure out what measures you can put in place that will make you feel more safe. We'll help if we can.

When you're ready, we're here. She knows, you know, even he knows. You and your children are better than this situation.

[Jermys]

Also, I will fly right the hell up there and stand right beside you if you want. You are worth so much and you deserve so much better.

[nicbreeful]

Sept 8, 2016 21:42:57 GMT -5 Jermys said:

When Wee Jermys was 6, my father, whom I'd never actually met, called and berated my mother for being a piece of shit. Now, she wasn't any great shakes, but she was there and we sure weren't existing on child support, ifyaknowwhatImean.

Anyhoo, she was crying and he was yelling at her, and I reached over and pressed the hang up button. And she looked at me and whispered "What did you DO?" Like he was going to drag his ass from wherever the fuck he was to kick her ass. And I said "He doesn't get to scream at you. He doesn't live here and he doesn't help, so he doesn't get a vote." And when he called back, I answered and told him exactly that, because FUCK HIM.

What I'm saying is that I was smart, and Lucy is smart, and you should take her advice. Because FUCK HIM.

I love that you were a badass at 6 years old.

[Jermys]

Sept 8, 2016 21:46:36 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Sept 8, 2016 21:42:57 GMT -5 Jermys said:

When Wee Jermys was 6, my father, whom I'd never actually met, called and berated my mother for being a piece of shit. Now, she wasn't any great shakes, but she was there and we sure weren't existing on child support, ifyaknowwhatImean.

Anyhoo, she was crying and he was yelling at her, and I reached over and pressed the hang up button. And she looked at me and whispered "What did you DO?" Like he was going to drag his ass from wherever the fuck he was to kick her ass. And I said "He doesn't get to scream at you. He doesn't live here and he doesn't help, so he doesn't get a vote." And when he called back, I answered and told him exactly that, because FUCK HIM.

What I'm saying is that I was smart, and Lucy is smart, and you should take her advice. Because FUCK HIM.

I love that you were a badass at 6 years old.

I was born a salty adult.

[Deleted]

Sept 8, 2016 21:46:19 GMT -5 Jermys said:

Also, I will fly right the hell up there and stand right beside you if you want. You are worth so much and you deserve so much better.

Seconded.

[Mrs.Rad888]

At this point, he has to know that this is no longer a marriage. It sounds to me like he doesn't want to be "the bad guy", so he's making everyone's life miserable so you are the one to pull the plug. That sounds like the kind of chicken-shit he would pull. I don't imagine he'll be very surprised when he's told to GET THE FUCK OUT, even though he might be mad that you were the one to make the final decision. It's like he's challenging you. He needs to be called the fuck out.

[demofea01]

She is a smart girl and she is supporting you the best she knows how. She knows that all three of you deserve better and YOU DO. Tell him in a public place if you need to. You can do this.