You have come so far since you first started posting about this, and I am so freaking proud of how strong you are, and you should be so freaking proud of what a strong little girl you're raising in Lucy.
Like the others have said, please, please let us know what we can do to help facilitate your asking him to leave, when the time comes. We are all ready to First Wives Club this mf'er when you say the word.
You have so got this and, as always, we've got you.
I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen
YOU DON'T OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION!!!! You can leave him because he is an abusive dickwad. You can leave him because you just dont want to be with him (even if he was the best guy in the world). You can leave him because you hate his shoes. You can leave for any reason you want. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN/JUSTIFY YOUR REASONS -!!!
Have you visited a lawyer for a consultation?
If you haven't go do this.
Then pack yo shit, pack the kids belongings and gtfo.
Oh, and Lucy is a damn smart little kid. You should be proud that she is that smart and fearless. You should listen to her.
(p.s.: YOU are the one that raised her so she got that intelligence and fearlessness from you. It is there. Let it come out of you ProfessorArtNerd ,)
QFT. You've got this ProfessorArtNerd. You are strong and more than capable. You deserve so much more than how he is treating you all. (heart)
ProfessorArtNerd,I think it might help if you go through your old posts and see just how damn strong you are and how hard you work for your kids and your family. You are a badass. Seriously. That first step is the hardest. We are here to help in any way. Just say the word.
I know you are making your plans, maybe it is time to speed them up a bit or reassure her that you know things are not great, but you are working towards making it better.
You can do this and if you need someone with you while having that talk, ask. I can be up there in three hours.
Everything you own in a box to the left, mother fucker.
Your mini you is doing an excellent job of identifying the problem and expressing a resolution. You've done an outstanding job raising her. Take her seriously.
Post by somersault72 on Sept 9, 2016 7:07:56 GMT -5
Thinking of you and your sweet kiddos. I know this is all fucking terrifying, but once you leave you'll wonder why you stayed so long. Oh and be proud of that smart, sweet girl you're raising. Good job, mama!
What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.
I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen
Bring in reinforcements. Can't you call the cops and ask them to be in standby? Do you know any cops? Some big guys? Just people there to be able to diffuse the situation.
Post by cinderbella on Sept 9, 2016 7:26:48 GMT -5
So much love to you and D and that super sweet little Lucy girl. She has an amazing heart. I'm not local but I'm happy to help in any way I can.
And puddleofgrace - my offer from a few weeks ago stands.......any day/week/month/year. Or even if you wanted to get out for a playdate with your girls - my girlies would love to have some new friends.
I know I don't really post here often and you don't know me, but I understand exactly what you are going through. It took me a long time to leave my ex (who sounds very similar to yours). I was so scared (still am sometimes, he owns guns and can be unstable). But I did it and I am so thankful I did. I had no idea just how unhappy I had been. My kids were fine and yours will be too.
I'm in CT but I have this weekend off. I will drive down to Philly and help you move or help you move his stuff or just be there. I realize this is a weird offer from a stranger but if you need the help, between everyone here, we can get you help.
No-one deserves to live like this. You are a strong and wonderful person. You can do this. *hugs*
Prof, I'm about 30 minutes outside Philly. I want nothing more than to take the rest of the day off and come stand behind you while you do this. Please let us know if we can do anything to help.
If not us, then call your police department. Tell them you need to tell your husband to leave and you want an officer on hand because you're concerned for your safety.
I know. ☹️ it took my mom 15 years after I first started asking to leave my dad, and money wasn't her issue. I just don't want that for profart and L and D.
or you, puddle.
I want to hug you guys.
Ditto. My mom is STILL with him. I would beg her to leave him. But she felt bad for him, felt like deep down he was a good person, and he is. But you know what? It shouldn't have been us who had to be sacrificed to make him more comfortable. I know this is hard as fuck but you and your kids deserve so much more. My dad is actually now finally out of the house because he's in a nursing home and the relief I feel now, as a goddamned 38 year old who didn't even leave with him anymore, is fucking amazing. He can't hurt her anymore. That is the burden I have carried my whole life. I could never take a deep breath because I have been riddled with worry. And now it is amazing. Give this amazing gift to yourself and your kids NOW. You're strong. You will get through to the other side and when you do, you will feel incredible.
Second, you have not ruined her life. Kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for. My husband often tells me this when we talk about my sister and nephew.
It is hard, even if you have everything you need financially and support wise, my sister still hasn't left and she has nothing financially to worry about. You are not the fucked up one and you are not wrong, even though he has made you believe this.
You can do this and everyone has given you great advice. Good luck and if you want to drive across state, there are a few of us here that would love to help you.
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." - Unknown
Post by pistolshrimp on Sept 9, 2016 8:18:07 GMT -5
I'm crying reading this. The world needs more Lucys and more moms like you. You've done a damn good job raising a girl that is wise beyond her years. I don't think you'll ever have to worry about her putting up with anyone's shit. I think the natural reaction for most kids in this kind of situation is to be loyal to both their parents, I think the fact that she felt comfortable coming out and saying this so directly speaks volumes.
It sounds like you've got a lot of backup for when you decide to make your move, but I think now you've gotta make it.
I didn't want to read without responding, but everything has been said. You are amazing. And you'll be amazing even if you don't leave right this instance. It's ok to process for a bit. We are here in whatever capacity you need us.
Post by statlerwaldorf on Sept 9, 2016 8:32:45 GMT -5
It took me a long time to leave my xh. By the time I did, I had a kindergartner and a baby.
The lead up to it was actually harder than leaving. Once I did, I mostly felt relief.
Dd1 was exposed to more than I thought she noticed. And I felt like shit for that. But she's so much happier now. I put her in therapy and she met once a month with a school guidance counselor and that helped a lot.
Hugs, prof. I hope that when you're ready, you will lean on everyone here who has offered support and resources. We are all cheering for you and your children. It will be okay.
Prof you got this. YOu have a ton of bossy bitches behind you virtually and can even be there physically. We have $, resources and shoulders to cry on.
Lean on us. Lean on the people close to you and they can shout the orders of what you need.
You can do this. Let us know how we can help make this happen.
Post by newnamesameperson on Sept 9, 2016 8:49:40 GMT -5
I haven't had a chance to read all of the responses, but I did catch that you mentioned "something bad" could happen.
If you're referring to anything physical/emotional, you can call a local domestic shelter and they can give you advice on your next steps. I believe you can also get a police officer to be there, but I think you should verify this.
You should also tell someone exactly what is going on and what to do if they do not hear from you. Is your money separate? Can he freeze your accounts? Are you able to procure any cash or move monies in order to prevent him from blocking you from access?
Do you have animals? Can anyone take them in the mean time? Can you locate somewhere to stay? Even if you are not 100% ready to leave, I do not know your situation or the level of emotional/physical abuse you may have suffered it is worth considering at least temporarily moving to a safe place.
Also, have you detailed everything going on? You should note it somewhere where he cannot access it so you can reference it in case you need this information at a later point with a lawyer and for your own protection.
I really hope you will seek some type of family/friend/professional help. You do not have to do this alone. You do not deserve for anyone to berate you or your children. You do not deserve to be scared...you do not deserve this. You deserve better.
Post by deanlicker78 on Sept 9, 2016 8:51:30 GMT -5
There's nothing better to be said than what everyone has already said, but I'm thinking of you and your amazing kids. You have a lot of people thinking of you now, and willing to stand by you. Remember that!
Post by spitforspat on Sept 9, 2016 9:00:07 GMT -5
((Profart)) You are doing such an amazing job and Lucy is so lucky to have you as a mom. You taught her to be wise, to speak up and that you'll be there to listen to her.