ProfessorArtNerd, I hope you don't mind but I reached out to a woman on my team whose husband is in the PD here. She said that you should absolutely reach out to your police department and explain the situation if you feel you may be in danger. They will likely ask you how you think he may respond, if he has weapons, when you will speak to him, etc. They may not be able to come to the house but they can be on standby and be aware of your location and what is happening if you need to call 911.
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 9, 2016 12:24:13 GMT -5
I am more of a lurker, but I grew up with an alcoholic abisiveabusive father who worked nights. This story is familiar. I'm here to talk if you need it. Get out as son as you safely can. Our lives were so much better once my mom finally kicked my dad out. It wasn't easy, but her life is amazing now and I know yours will be too.
I was in an abusive relationship for years. We had two children together. I knew for a long time I needed out but getting out seemed impossible to me. It was like a distant thought that would never come to fruition. Until it did. Leaving was scary but it was the time leading up to it, the unknown, that was the worst. Once I was out of there and we were safe, it was like I could physically feel the weight off of my shoulders. You will get there and we will are here for you.
Post by lexxasaurus on Sept 9, 2016 13:22:43 GMT -5
I spent 15 years waiting for my mom to leave. Their relationship was terrible. I was feisty and got in the middle of fights to protect her from him. I knew it wasn't okay. But she had this mentality of "staying together for the kids" and when she wanted to leave? I was initially SO mad... so mad that she had waited that long.
Then it was like a weight lifted off my chest. Home could be a safe place to me and I didn't have to walk on eggshells all the time. Both you and Lucy will feel so, so much relief when this is all said and done. You deserve better and your kids deserve better and I know it's hard and scary but you have the sweetest little cheerleader behind you. You've got this.
Post by rightawaynow on Sept 9, 2016 13:29:24 GMT -5
Sometimes all it takes is a few moments of insane courage to change the course of your entire life. I know I've been then, walked away from everything to protect my child, I've never regretted it. You don't have to see the future yet, just start moving forward. You deserve better and your kids deserve better. You are teaching your daughter what is acceptable in relationships, walking away will show her in a big way that this is not ok?
It won't be easy, but it won't be as hard as staying.
Lurker here, I can't wait for the day that I log on and read that you left and started living the rest of your life the way you and your kids deserve. I think I may cry, you seem to be such a beautiful soul, you can do this?
Post by yourmother on Sept 9, 2016 14:08:34 GMT -5
Profart - Just want to offer you my support. You are a great mom and anything that you need (money, PM's, etc.), just let me know and I'll make it happen.
Lurker here, I can't wait for the day that I log on and read that you left and started living the rest of your life the way you and your kids deserve. I think I may cry, you seem to be such a beautiful soul, you can do this?
This is how I feel. ProfArt, you have been made to feel not good enough or strong enough, but you are. You have inside you every single thing you need to make a happy life for yourself and your kids. I will be so happy to watch you start that life, on your terms.
I was in an abusive relationship for years. We had two children together. I knew for a long time I needed out but getting out seemed impossible to me. It was like a distant thought that would never come to fruition. Until it did. Leaving was scary but it was the time leading up to it, the unknown, that was the worst. Once I was out of there and we were safe, it was like I could physically feel the weight off of my shoulders. You will get there and we will are here for you.
The weight that is lifted made me feel like I was 100 pounds lighter. Sure I had to figure out how to be a single mom but in fact I already was. I did everything for us so it wasnt as big of a leap as I thought it would be.
You cannot fix this. But you can change this and you should. I know you struggle to reconcile your faith and your real world. It is time to fish or cut bait.
I swear if you say the word, I will come up there. You have so many people who can help you. You're so close, and I know it's hard to imagine now, but making him leave will be such a relief. You can be HAPPY again. Your kids can be happy. It will be so much better. Please let us help you.
ProfArt, you deserve to be happy, and it absolutely enrages me that your H seems determined to tear your self esteem into tiny pieces out of pure spite. I know that leaving isn't as easy at it seems like it "should" be from the outside, but please let us know how we can help you. We've got your back 100%.
I haven't been there, but I have an amazing coworker who has told us the story of when she was little and her mother took her and her sisters in the middle of the night and left the state. It defined who she is. She speaks often of how incredibly strong her mother was and still is for leaving such a bad situation. She grew up knowing her mother is a hero and coworker is herself a strong leader and wonderful business woman who works to help others become great. She is Lucy in the future. Lucy is already strong and insightful, and you leaving will only make her stronger. While your son is too little to understand right now, he will also grow up knowing that his mom is strong, and that women are capable of so much.
Bravery isn't doing great things when it's easy. Bravery is doing the hard things when you are scared. Find your resources (there are so many right here in this thread) and do it. You will be so grateful you did, and it will do amazing things for your children for the rest of their lives.
I was in an abusive relationship for years. We had two children together. I knew for a long time I needed out but getting out seemed impossible to me. It was like a distant thought that would never come to fruition. Until it did. Leaving was scary but it was the time leading up to it, the unknown, that was the worst. Once I was out of there and we were safe, it was like I could physically feel the weight off of my shoulders. You will get there and we will are here for you.
The weight that is lifted made me feel like I was 100 pounds lighter. Sure I had to figure out how to be a single mom but in fact I already was. I did everything for us so it wasnt as big of a leap as I thought it would be.
This is such a good point. It will, in fact, be easier because you don't have that dead weight. I'm in a similar place, so I know how you feel. It sucks, there's no way around that, but you're going to feel better.