Post by themysteriouswife on Sept 8, 2016 22:54:53 GMT -5
Just sending my love. I wish we could make the moves for you. You have to step first, but it looks like you have a whole board ready for that next step. You can do this. You can help Lucy. You are amazingly wonderful mom.
what do you need to do this? seriously. give us an amount, give the locals an address to meet you at, times you need the kids watched to get things in order, anything and everything.
you're stuck. let us help you get moving.
this is not a fluff post. quote me back and tell us how we can help you. right now. tonight.
It's not that easy.I wish it were.
But I would do ANYTHING in the world to help her.
I know it's not easy, it's a process. One that she's been going through for a long time. And puddle, I have so much love for you. Like, SO MUCH love. I hope you know that I (and I'm sure the collective "we") are here for you as well.
I know. ☹️ it took my mom 15 years after I first started asking to leave my dad, and money wasn't her issue. I just don't want that for profart and L and D.
I know. ☹️ it took my mom 15 years after I first started asking to leave my dad, and money wasn't her issue. I just don't want that for profart and L and D.
or you, puddle.
I want to hug you guys.
And I just want to add that if you need help from the New England area, I am here.
Please know, Pro Fart, you have women all over the country that want to be there for you.
Because literally thousands of women recognize how awesome you are. FYI.
I know. ☹️ it took my mom 15 years after I first started asking to leave my dad, and money wasn't her issue. I just don't want that for profart and L and D.
Girl, I have been watching your story for a long time as a fellow prof. We may be in the same general area. And, each year we hire at least 3 people in your field. I have more balls than brains, and my DH is a mountain of a man--and he's the little guy among his feminist male friends. This seems like your moment. With both brain and brawn, how can we help you?
ETA: There is not a single thing that has happened yet that can't be un-done. At this point, one day, your daughter will be able to tell the story about that time when her mom stood up for her family in this amazing way. You have not fucked anything up. You are in the place where you have the power to set things right.
You don't have to tell him in person if you're scared. Go to your parents. Leave a note. Or do it over the phone with people around who will help you stay strong.
Post by happyholiday on Sept 9, 2016 0:22:53 GMT -5
Prof, you and Lucy are so strong, even if you feel you aren't. Please now that we are all supporting you. And I will be happy to contribute in any way. Huge hugs.
I love you, girl. You know that, so this isn't lip service. You ARE the best mom for your kids, right now, wherever you live or whoever you live with. That won't change.
I was your girl. I LOVED my Dad, he was my person, but even at a young age, I knew that all of our lives would be different without him and I longed for a different kind of family life. I didn't have the guts and self awareness that your kiddo has; I was smart and resourceful, but cocky as fuck and thought I could fix it, and I didn't trust the other adults around to do it. Lucy though, she actually trusts you. She put it in your hands and that's making me so sad and so proud of her and you at the same time. You have raised tiny but mighty girl who is already able to say 'fuck this shit, there has to be a better way' and she believes that you can make it happen. I don't know if that's a clean break from him, but it has to be SOMETHING. We don't listen to ourselves enough, but you're Lucy's person and she's speaking your voice back to you right now, she really is. Listen, my friend. Listen to this girl, because she's proof you DIDN'T FUCK IT UP. Trust it. Trust her.
Post by mountaingirl on Sept 9, 2016 0:39:52 GMT -5
I am sorry. I hope you can get out of this soon and be happy with your two great kids. What a dick, yelling at the baby. Or L. I'm so fucking angry that he pulls this shit on you. I don't post to you much about this as everyone always has said what I would say, but know this chick in NY is thinking of you guys and I hope you can be done with all of this and be in a safe place soon. I wish I could DO something for you but a virtual hug will have to do
Another child of abuse here and another offer of help. My mom and I have our issues but the best thing she ever did for me was leave my bio dad when I was in second grade. Lucy knows what's up. Do what you would tell her to do in 20 or 30 years if she was in the same position. You are worth it.
Post by creamsiclechica on Sept 9, 2016 2:50:31 GMT -5
I am not here often, but I want to tell you how incredibly strong you are and what an amazing mother you are to both your children. The difficulty you are facing resonates with so many women who have been in your shoes, and hate to see you suffer such hardship and persecution. You are not broken, in fact you're stronger and more able than you've ever been as you've traveled this road to awareness. You can take this step without fear of falling because you undoubtably have a tightly woven net of people who love you to catch you and guide you down a pathway to freedom and independence.
I am from the Philly area and still have many people and resources there that can help you if you should want them. And if you want to get as far away as you can, I live in Hawaii now and there's room for you and your children in paradise as long as you like. Sending love to you.
Also, I believe there are advocates/volunteer workers that offer their services to be present when abused (verbal or physical) spouses inform their partner that it's over. If you truly are worried about something bad or dangerous, the police or one of these advocates will be present when you need them. You should google them. Help is definitely available
We had our conversation at a couples' therapist, upon advice of my personal therapist. She offered a safe environment and helped him put things in perspective.
You have not fucked up! I can't imagine how hard this must be but you can do it. There are so many people on here alone ready to help! Sending love and prayers!
Post by nightandday on Sept 9, 2016 5:00:52 GMT -5
Please don't feel like you've messed up her life. If anything, this is a powerful lesson to her- It's not okay to be treated that way and to want better. She will look back on this and see you as a strong woman and a great role model. It will be hard, but you will be okay. You have so much support! (((hugs)))
What do you mean, "in a way" it gives you some clarity. There's no way you're being honest with yourself right now.
I guess clarity isn't the right word. I'm so scared to even begin the conversation. He's so angry all the time. I'm afraid something bad will happen
YOU DON'T OWE HIM AN EXPLANATION!!!! You can leave him because he is an abusive dickwad. You can leave him because you just dont want to be with him (even if he was the best guy in the world). You can leave him because you hate his shoes. You can leave for any reason you want. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO EXPLAIN/JUSTIFY YOUR REASONS -!!!
Have you visited a lawyer for a consultation?
If you haven't go do this.
Then pack yo shit, pack the kids belongings and gtfo.
Oh, and Lucy is a damn smart little kid. You should be proud that she is that smart and fearless. You should listen to her.
(p.s.: YOU are the one that raised her so she got that intelligence and fearlessness from you. It is there. Let it come out of you ProfessorArtNerd,)
I know that I am in another state, but if you and the kids need a place to rest we're here. My kids will entertain yours and you can rest or will drink on the couch.
Post by carrotsmakemefat on Sept 9, 2016 6:02:50 GMT -5
Good advice here. I'll just wish you the strength you need to do what is best for your children and yourself. They deserve better. You hold more control than you realize.
When Wee Jermys was 6, my father, whom I'd never actually met, called and berated my mother for being a piece of shit. Now, she wasn't any great shakes, but she was there and we sure weren't existing on child support, ifyaknowwhatImean.
Anyhoo, she was crying and he was yelling at her, and I reached over and pressed the hang up button. And she looked at me and whispered "What did you DO?" Like he was going to drag his ass from wherever the fuck he was to kick her ass. And I said "He doesn't get to scream at you. He doesn't live here and he doesn't help, so he doesn't get a vote." And when he called back, I answered and told him exactly that, because FUCK HIM.
What I'm saying is that I was smart, and Lucy is smart, and you should take her advice. Because FUCK HIM.
This is the best story ever. I think everyone need a wee Jermys.