I can't believe I'm doing this, but I'm at the end of my rope, cleaning pee puddles around the house.
Kid turned three at the end of January!
She needs to be fully potty-trained to return to school next week.
She does not respond to rewards (popcorn, chips, pop tarts, cookies, chocolate, pop tarts, stickers, barrettes, full-sized new toys).
She does not care about being in wet clothing.
SHE DOES NOT GIVE A FLYING FUCK.
If you had a child who was like this, what did you end up doing? When did he or she finally get it?
Please don't respond if your child was potty-trained before age three and/or if you were able to train in fewer than five days. Your advice is likely...not particularly useful at this point. LOL.
Is there something she wants to do? For instance, for C it was getting to swim in the big pool with her cousins (my sister's club has a strict no diapers in the big pool policy) and that was her driving force. We did the three day method.
With K, we started and it did not go well, so we put it on hold for a few months. I think with her there was also something that we said she cannot go to unless she is out of diapers.
Everyone has their price and motivation, so that is the trick. The prizes and what not are nice, but for my girls it was more about being able to go to certain place and participate that would only be allowed sans diapers.
Umm this is probably npt helpful, but i was late to the potty training party and when I was 4 my Dad just.. had enough and yelled at me lol.
For me, I knew what I was doing but just couldn't be bothered to stop whatever I was busy with. So it just took one stern talking to and that was that.
We told DD that she had to potty big girl if she wanted to go to school. We also told her that she can be a big girl like her sister/cousins/friends when she did.
It is frustrating. I hope she breaks through soon!
Post by AHappierHour on Aug 30, 2017 12:03:14 GMT -5
Cash didn't get it till he was over 3yrs, almost 3.5. I really didn't push him either. When it clicked for him I was training the dogs to start peeing in one area of our new grass and he thought it was funny and would want to pee with them. And I gave the dogs treats and praise after and he wanted a cookie too. I think he thought he was being funny. But some how it worked and started getting him going.
Then I just ditched the diapers and set a timer and made him go try every hour. It worked. I really had to tell him to go. He goes now on his own.
Post by shananagins on Aug 30, 2017 12:04:57 GMT -5
My twins weren't trained until well after 3. Cupcakes were the reward that finally did it. We were in the same boat as you. Tried M&M's, junky toys, cookies, nothing worked. But cupcakes with gross colored icing were 'fancy' enough that they actually wanted them. First I bought full dozen cheap cupcakes from the grocery store and they got a whole one when they used the toilet. After a weekend of that they got one if they used the toilet all day. Once the first dozen were gone I made tiny cupcakes from a box mix and bought a can of icing. WHen they used the toilet they got to put icing and sprinkles on one of the tiny cupcakes. That did it for us and they finally stopped peeing all over the house.
My kid just stopped going when we tried to potty train. Like, she would go 12+ hours without peeing and didn't poop for a week.
It's so frustrating because you can't make them go. I don't have great advice--what worked for us was chocolate and Doc McStuffins underwear. Plus a regular potty schedule for a long time, and lots of times when we didn't go to the playground until she peed.
Post by salsaverde on Aug 30, 2017 12:06:54 GMT -5
My son had a very hard time potty-training (I wont even get into #2, this is #1 ONLY), but we always joke that my 3 year old nephew potty-trained him. Kids have a way of learning form each other. Spending a week and following my nephew into the bathroom worked well for him. After this week he would just go on his own. Not sure if this is something that would work for your little one. My kid is also on the spectrum and communication was so difficult at this age, rewards also meant nothing to him, our words went over his head. Copying and going with his cousin is the only thing that worked. I know for boys is different as they can "share" a toilet. Now I think this is silly... sorry
Post by liverandonions on Aug 30, 2017 12:07:18 GMT -5
Is there one BIG thing she wants? I guess my sister wanted a Cabbage Patch Kid, and my mom told her she couldn't have it until she potty trained. It was the big motivator she needed and she earned it not long later.
DS didn't potty train until he was 3.5. He was the same way - gave no fucks and nothing would motivate him.
I finally did a version of the 3 day method - no diapers or underwear around the house (we stayed home mostly and I took a couple PTO days from work), potty seat in the living room, lots of praise and treats when he was successful and minor scolding when he had an accident. I cleaned up a lot of pee and poop from the house.
I think the first day he did not go in the potty at all. The second day he only went once or twice. It was probably 4 days before he was mostly getting it. Once he got it, he got it and rarely had accidents, even overnight.
ETA: Oh! And I got a star chart where he got a star for using the potty, flushing, washing hands, etc. That actual helped motivate him more than other rewards.
Mine did train quickly, but he was just over 3. The key for us was going bottomless. Peeing or pooping into a pull up or even underwear didn't feel "wrong" but for him doing it on the floor clearly did and at 3 he had the ability to verbalize and act on it. You run a risk obviously lol but my son literally never had an accident then or after (except at night)
I am sorry... here mostly to commiserate and tell you that you aren't the only one!
My almost 4.5 yr old just potty trained a few weeks ago. I can totally relate to the concept of NO BRIBERY working. I would literally tell him that I would take him to the store and buy HIM ANYTHING HE WANTED!!!!
He loved his diapers/pull ups so much. He would tell me that he was going to wear them forever. No joke. The concept of potty training gave him major anxiety. I honestly think he was legit terrified of the potty, like he could fall in or something? We were at a point where we were about to call a child psychologist (recommended by his doctor since even he was at a loss for what to do).
So this is not going to help you at all, but the only thing that eventually got him potty trained.... his little brother. He sure as heck did not want his little brother wearing underwear and using the potty before him. One weekend we started potty training my 2 year old and by the third day they were both trained (minus poop, because ahhhh poop is so much more difficult)
I wish you luck in finding what works for you to get her trained. From my experience though I can clearly see that every kid is SO different when it comes to potty training.
It sounds like it's all about finding the reward that works. DD was just over three. I had been able to use Pull-Ups until they kept them dry with my older two, but that was going nowhere with her. I finally just put her in underpants and resigned myself to cleaning up a few messes. I was really firm and said that was it; we were done with diapers; no more. I think she had to know that I really meant it. She had 3-4 accidents each of the first few days but then she got it. Except poop. That took longer but finally it worked out. Actually I think what helped is that she had diarrhea (TMI) and couldn't help but let it out in the potty and that got her over whatever weird fear she had about pooping on the potty.
And, I got the princess potty book with the pop out tiara and I have no idea why, but that is the only potty book she seemed to respond to at all. We did other prizes but she only seemed to care about putting stickers on the tiara.
ALSO, we were going on vacation soon after and I told her that she wouldn't want to wear "stinky diapers" in hot Florida and that she couldnt' go in the swimming pool with diapers on. Also, her big sister really helped I think apply some peer pressure. She was like, "little sis, you have to start going on the potty. Diapers are gross. You are too big!"
Unfortunately I don't think there is any magic solution. BUT, it WILL somehow eventually happen. Good luck.
No advice just commiseration. Potty training is one the main reasons I refused to have a third. The idea of having to do it again - just no.
DS was exactly like your DD - we even bought bribe toys and put them on a shelf and he looked at them for about a year and just didn't care. One day it just clicked for him.
I used to joke that my kid was like the Astronaut Diaper Woman (who wore space diapers to drive 1,000 miles straight to confront a cheating lover); she just has constant FOMO and doesn't want to stop whatever she's doing to use a toilet.
The three day method is a miracle worker. Seriously. You'll go from tons of accidents on day 1 to completely dry on day 3. You just have to basically be exclusively focused on it for the first two days, though.
I think I have your email--I'll shoot it over. It worked great for both girls. Each had probably 15+ accidents on day 1, a few on day 2 and basically none from that point forward (outside of naps or overnight).
That is the method we used and it was great. You really have to be on lock down for the weekend and just be ready to constantly escort your child to the bathroom even when they have no desire. lol
I used to joke that my kid was like the Astronaut Diaper Woman (who wore space diapers to drive 1,000 miles straight to confront a cheating lover); she just has constant FOMO and doesn't want to stop whatever she's doing to use a toilet.
It's getting less funny the older she gets.
My girls still had accidents once they were potty trained because they would simply get wrapped up in whatever they were doing. But, it would be a little and sporadic. If anyone ever needs an example of FOMO, look at any toddler around you.
I don't have a magical tip but I know how frustrating it is, so hang in there. We tried the three-day method three times with no luck. We tried charts and bribes and special undies and big boy propaganda pretty much everything else. One day when he was about 3.5, it just clicked. He's almost 6.5 now and he still wears a pull up at night.
Post by hopecounts on Aug 30, 2017 12:16:50 GMT -5
3 day boot camp method. It was recommended by our ABA who has been potty training autistic non-compliant kids for a decade. It worked, it was exhausting but it worked. Supplies: Highly preferred beverage (pure juice/lemonade/soda if necessary) Timer Cleaning supplies Lots of panties
Plan: Start the day with a doll that pees and offering lots of beverage. Set timer for 15 minutes
Have her give the doll it's bottle then take it to the potty and have it pee.
Keep pushing fluids
When the timer ding she sits on the potty for 2 minutes if she goes praise and something to mark the success. If she doesn't panties up and return to an activity.
Set timer for 15 minutes again.
Staying beside her read stories/play if she starts to go run to the potty of not do potty break as above.
Accidents will happen she is responsible for cleaning them up (go behind her after she does it) She has to spray and wipe it up and go to the bathroom to get cleaned up. It's not punishment it's just the consequence of not using the potty. This should not be fun, she needs to decide using the potty is better then the alternative. Diapers are easy and allow her to keep playing or doing what she wants.
Midday extend the timer to 30 minutes and keep up the routine.
Naps are tricky but use a pull up of needed.
Keep up the fluids and timer until bedtime.
Day 2: Start the timer at 45 minutes and go back to normal drinking.
Repeat the rest as the day before
Midday go to 1 hr for the timer
Continue the same process for accidents and successes and potty breaks
Day 3 start the timer at 1:15 continue with the rest. For us by midday day 3 she was trained and would request/let us know when she needed to go
I have a tv/ipad watcher who I would put on the potty with the ipad to watch a show. She sat there until she told me she went potty and wanted to go off and play instead of staying there. It was the only way to help with her FOMO, to give her something to do while going potty. This especially worked when we poop trained.
I do not have any direct experience here, but everyone I know who went through this was despairing and frustrated beyond all measure and wanted to die/kill. So if you feel that way, you're definitely not alone.
DB is the same age. After months of failure, in july I rented every potty video the library had and bought some others. Screen time / car time = potty training time. After a week of that something clicked and we had three glorious dry weeks. I return the videos and a week later the accidents started again.
I can't claim success, but perhaps a potty tv blitz could help you where I failed?
Post by themysteriouswife on Aug 30, 2017 12:26:25 GMT -5
I wrote this post 6 years ago. I was ready to give up and send her away. She would beg for a diaper before she would sit on the potty to poop. Pee she didn't give one fuck about. Pee on the floor, sure. Pee on a toy, why not. I finally started throwing away what she peed on instead of cleaning it. I bought her the underwear she wanted. It was a carton character. If she peed in them I made her toss them in the trash. I made her help clean the mess too. After a few times it clicked. Luickly it was two weeks before pre-k and her 4th birthday.
Post by Leeham Rimes on Aug 30, 2017 12:28:47 GMT -5
I just made Wesley miserable. He had FOMO too and I made it a point to tell him he missed more if I had to take him to the potty every 15 minutes than if he just fucking went on his own.
It was absolutely miserable and I hated it but it worked. He still had accidents for the first six months (more than x ever did) but it wasn't excessive enough for school to complain.
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3 day boot camp method. It was recommended by our ABA who has been potty training autistic non-compliant kids for a decade. It worked, it was exhausting but it worked. Supplies: Highly preferred beverage (pure juice/lemonade/soda if necessary) Timer Cleaning supplies Lots of panties
Plan: Start the day with a doll that pees and offering lots of beverage. Set timer for 15 minutes
Have her give the doll it's bottle then take it to the potty and have it pee.
Keep pushing fluids
When the timer ding she sits on the potty for 2 minutes if she goes praise and something to mark the success. If she doesn't panties up and return to an activity.
Set timer for 15 minutes again.
Staying beside her read stories/play if she starts to go run to the potty of not do potty break as above.
Accidents will happen she is responsible for cleaning them up (go behind her after she does it) She has to spray and wipe it up and go to the bathroom to get cleaned up. It's not punishment it's just the consequence of not using the potty. This should not be fun, she needs to decide using the potty is better then the alternative. Diapers are easy and allow her to keep playing or doing what she wants.
Midday extend the timer to 30 minutes and keep up the routine.
Naps are tricky but use a pull up of needed.
Keep up the fluids and timer until bedtime.
Day 2: Start the timer at 45 minutes and go back to normal drinking.
Repeat the rest as the day before
Midday go to 1 hr for the timer
Continue the same process for accidents and successes and potty breaks
Day 3 start the timer at 1:15 continue with the rest. For us by midday day 3 she was trained and would request/let us know when she needed to go
This is similar to what I would do in the classroom. Good plan!!
Post by gretchenindisguise on Aug 30, 2017 12:37:34 GMT -5
Is she competitive with you at all? I've read that some kids respond to you rewarding yourself when you go to the bathroom. They get jealous and want in on the reward that they previously didn't give a shit about.
Post by iheartbanjos on Aug 30, 2017 12:39:19 GMT -5
Another vote for the 3 day method. I did this with DD2. H took DD1 on a backpacking trip for the weekend and DD2 and I did not leave the house. We had a 0% success rate for day 1 and day 2, then a 100% success rate for day 3, and probably had less than 5 accidents at daycare after that.
You said she has FOMO. What about telling her that kids that can't use the toilet can't go to school? My parents said that tactic worked for me because I was really excited to go to preschool.