We had the hardest time. He's only been potty trained since February/March and he just turned 4 in June.
Literally the only thing that worked was telling him that they didn't let big boys who wear diapers into Disney World. That probably makes me a shit parent, but whatever, it worked!
Oh, and every once in a while he would have an accident when we KNEW he was potty trained and knew when he had to go. He was just too into playing/tv/whatever. So we told him that if he didn't stop what he was doing to use the potty when he needed to, that thing was going away. If it was a toy, we put it in the closet. The TV/iPad would be turned off. If he was outside, he'd have to come in. He learned pretty quickly that it's better to take a few minutes to pause and go to the bathroom than lose whatever privilege it was for much longer.
Our pedi suggested the potty watch and my DS was so excited. He was also 4! He knew what to do but refused to stop what he was doing to go. Other parents of kids in his class we're asking me about it. I saw a few other kids with them within a few weeks and teachers told me there were lots of success stories!
ETA: I was pretty frustrated because everyone was telling me that daycare trained their kid and my daycare was not helpful with this at all. There is also this assumption that black kids are potty trained earlier than other races and I felt like I was getting looks because DD was not potty trained.
OMG, I can't tell you how humiliating this is for me in my family and in my husband's family.
We recently went to a relative's birthday party, and everybody was shaming us. All the other kids around her age (and younger) had been potty-trained since age two.
And then these people were all snide like, "Heh, heh, heh, I guess you're only book-smart and can't handle shit, eh?"
OMG, STFU. It took a lot of restraint for me not to spit in their faces.
ETA: I was pretty frustrated because everyone was telling me that daycare trained their kid and my daycare was not helpful with this at all. There is also this assumption that black kids are potty trained earlier than other races and I felt like I was getting looks because DD was not potty trained.
OMG, I can't tell you how humiliating this is for me in my family and in my husband's family.
We recently went to a relative's birthday party, and everybody was shaming us. All the other kids around her age (and younger) had been potty-trained since age two.
And then these people were all snide like, "Heh, heh, heh, I guess you're only book-smart and can't handle shit, eh?"
OMG, STFU. It took a lot of restraint for me not to spit in their faces.
insufferable. my SIL potty trained both of her boys at 18 months old. I didn't have time for that nonsense. IF they cannot really tell me when they have to go, I am not going to do it. They gave us a hard time or at least seemed to judge us for not wanting to take that on, but i was quite happy letting our girls get there in their own time and honestly, when I was ready to tackle it.
I think you use the school angle to see if that motivates her. That is the secret, finding what will motivate her.
This is hard and I think it is really shitty when other people feel the need to shame you for how your child is progressing. just shut up!
ETA: I was pretty frustrated because everyone was telling me that daycare trained their kid and my daycare was not helpful with this at all. There is also this assumption that black kids are potty trained earlier than other races and I felt like I was getting looks because DD was not potty trained.
Say what, now? Honestly, if the parents are ok with it, people need to mind their own beeswax.
I also think babies and kids are like dogs (or pretty much most mammals). They pick up when you are getting stressed which only stresses or pisses them off.
Post by nicechicken on Aug 30, 2017 18:24:20 GMT -5
Late to the game, but my kid wouldn't go until he was 3 either. And this is the fucking thing that worked.
I was already offering treats, but THIS made all the difference. My neighbor swore by it, and I totally bushed it off. She got it for him for his 3rd birthday and it was like fucking magic. He was so excited to pull the arm. You can find them on Ebay now, I don't think they make them anymore.
Also, after a while, he didn't want to use the little potty, he wanted the insert in the toilet seat.
Does she love going to school? Tell her Everyone will be playing and having fun and she can't join. That might be it...threatening that she can't go if she doesn't use the potty. All the big kids go on the potty and they won't let you in if you don't go pee in there...
andwhat What a strange expectation! Why would anyone think one race potty trains faster than another race? So bizarre.
Even my pedi mentioned it. She said people believe this but overall the age is the same for all races. She told me not to stress about it. And then I wanted to go off on daycare like if you care so much freaking help the process. Now they use the potty watch to help.
miso rage at that response. What the hell does one have to do with the other?
One of my DD's daycare friends had a hard time potty training, his whole family literally lined up to use the bathroom like they do at daycare/school every time, then the LO had no choice but to go potty like everyone else.
Post by noodleskooze on Aug 30, 2017 21:50:49 GMT -5
We bribed with treats, ice cream, going to a "special" park...we even bribed with MLB tickets! Lol he didn't care about any of that stuff. One day he asked if he could honk the car horn and I told him it's for big people and once he started going potty like a big boy, he could. It worked! We were marching him out to the car once a night for a week if he did a good job trying all day.
Post by penguingrrl on Aug 30, 2017 22:44:07 GMT -5
So, the 3-day backfired like whoa with my middle kid (it was great for my other two). We tried it, and seemed fairly successful, at 2y 10m. Then within a week she felt out refused underwear or to go anywhere near a potty. She would start screaming and crying if I mentioned either. I finally stopped talking to her about it because it had become a battle of wills and something she could control.
What finally worked was when a friend from school innocently asked her why she wore a diaper like her baby brother. She came home that day, took off her pull up, put on underwear and never looked back. It was just shy of her 4th birthday, over a year from when I tried the 3 day and started a battle ofnwills. I fear age 13 with this one...
My daughter is almost the same age as yours and is exactly the same way. We started potty training with the 3 day method around her 2nd birthday and she had daycare peer pressure etc and I would only JUST now say she's actually potty trained as of the last 2 weeks. It has been absolutely maddening. She just did not care about having accidents and had major FOMO. i think she mostly just had to be the one to decide she was interested. And secondly, I just started taking her to the toilet kicking and screaming every hour and a half or so and *always* before getting in the car. If she didn't have to pee, then fine. At least she tried. I still do it because she will insist she doesn't have to pee when she really does. I don't know why me taking her on a schedule worked but it did. Took a long time though and maybe it just made her more aware of listening to her body. Good luck. Potty training is the suck.
miso do you have a big problem with keeping her in the not-potty trained classroom until she's PT? That's what the policy was at Noah's DC.
But then she won't learn anything.
And that's the whole point of going to school, or else I'd just keep her at home with the nannies full-time.
If a not-PTed classroom is an option, that may be the fastest way to get her trained. She'll see other kids trying to go (or going successfully) and that may be all she needs to make the switch. It's terrifying how early kids are affected by peer pressure & doing what everyone else is doing, but sometimes it's a good thing.
Is she typically pretty strong-willed? If so, things like 3 day method may not work because you are in control. That was the case for my youngest. It had to be on HIS terms. This is one thing they CAN control, and sometimes you have to just let them. As far as DS2 knew, I just suddenly stopped caring about PTing (after a long period of frustration, all kinds of rewards offered, wanting to pull out my hair, etc). He knew he couldn't go to school in diapers & he had to clean up his messes. He no longer got attention for "accidents", cleaning up was just done quietly & matter of fact "oh, that has to be cleaned up. Go get the cleaning stuff, please." I also changed my praise when he went successfully to put everything back on him & I didn't make a huge deal of it. "You must be so proud of yourself!" Then we went about our day...because he hadn't done anything that should have been out of the ordinary. He just did what we both knew he could do. As soon as he thought he was in control of everything, he was done. I think we have had one daytime and one nighttime accident since.
I highly recommend the "I no longer care if you go or don't" approach, even though on the inside you're still ridiculously frustrated!
I feel like there's no way Miso hasn't tried the 3-day method, you guys.
That's why I asked what they have done, just to get an understanding of what has been tried to better offer suggestions.
I do think it is about finding their motivation. Is it being compared to a baby? Is it being allowed in a cool pool? Going to school? etc. You need to find what will drive them. Maybe it is making them part of the clean up process that will make them no want to make the mess. I don't know.
My cousin had tried EVERYTHING on her son, almost 4, to get him potty trained with no luck. She finally did what all the books said not to do--she took away his two favorite toys and told him he couldn't have them back until he went on the potty, and accidents would get them taken away again. Done in two days.
Kids can be so stubborn. You say she has FOMO- so what if you took away all of the things? She can't have FOMO if she doesn't have anything to do or play with? It would be super frustrating and awkward to do, just sitting there staring at each other but dude, she is engaging in a war of stubborness here.
That's why I asked what they have done, just to get an understanding of what has been tried to better offer suggestions.
I do think it is about finding their motivation. Is it being compared to a baby? Is it being allowed in a cool pool? Going to school? etc. You need to find what will drive them. Maybe it is making them part of the clean up process that will make them no want to make the mess. I don't know.
My cousin had tried EVERYTHING on her son, almost 4, to get him potty trained with no luck. She finally did what all the books said not to do--she took away his two favorite toys and told him he couldn't have them back until he went on the potty, and accidents would get them taken away again. Done in two days.
Everyone has their currency. It might be play dates with friends, which let's face it , punish us as much as it does them. lol
My daughter was potty trained earlier, but the thing that helped her and she was fascinated by was an app that was recommended to me called See Me Go Potty. It's a little doll that you tell to go pee and poop. DD loved it and I hated it, but she could only watch it if she sat on the potty. Someone else recommended it to me who had a son who refused to potty train until he was just over 3.
miso do you have a big problem with keeping her in the not-potty trained classroom until she's PT? That's what the policy was at Noah's DC.
But then she won't learn anything.
And that's the whole point of going to school, or else I'd just keep her at home with the nannies full-time.
Are there a bunch of other kids moving up at the same time she would? Having her friends leave her behind and her having to stay with the "babies" might be the push she needs.
ETA: just saw this was covered, so never mind that suggestion.
Post by foundmylazybum on Aug 31, 2017 9:38:46 GMT -5
I don't have a child, but I know a bit about motivation.
I think you could use her FOMO as leverage. Either as a reward or punishment.
If she doesn't use the potty on schedule, well, isn't it just sooo sad that daddy and baby brother are going here and we aren't! Look what we are missing. Wanna try one more time?
Or, ohh..yeah, so it since you don't want to potty looks like we will have to put away the toys till you do. Sad face.
Or yay!!! You did so great going potty so now we can all keep playing!!
Idk. Just a thought.
Also. I thunk misotiny is great, we all learn things at different paces. She sounds like she's totally in the bell curve of normal human children learning to pee in a pot.
I agree with the others that what's so frustrating about PT is that every kid and their currency is so different. For us, L really wanted a gumball machine. She watches these dumb ass YouTube candy videos and, at the time, it was like her entire little life was hinged on whether or not we'd get her a gumball machine. She had been pee trained for over a year thanks to daycare peer pressure, but would.not.poop. on the potty, yet was fighting us cleaning her up after she pooped, and we were at the ends of our ropes. You bet we swooped in on her desire for this gumball machine and told her if she pooped in the potty for a week she'd get one, and that was what did it. We really, really tried not to threaten her or make it a negative experience, at the advice of our pediatrician, but when she started acting like she wasn't going to continue using the potty a few days after she got her toy, we told her that if she went back to diapers the gumball machine was going back to the store. We haven't had an issue since. Literally nothing else had worked to that point, it was just a matter of finding what would be the motivator. (ETA- this was in April, about two weeks before DD2 was born, so L was 3 years and 4 months old.)